done . relieved and sore.

It's finally over. Master took care of me and kept me from having to be scared the whole time I was here at matt's house by getting it over with early this morning.

It didn't last as long as I thought (thank God!), but it hurt really bad. I didn't scream or yell or struggle to get away like I thought I would, He knew I was sorry and didn't have a reason to break me down. If I don't acknowledge my wrong the next time I'm going to be punished, it might be a different story. As Master said though, if I wasn't broken already, He wouldn't use a whip to punish me. I can take a very long time to break, and if the pain was just too much, I might say sorry, but not really be sorry, which would defeat the purpose of punishment: to learn from my mistakes and prevent them in the future.  anyway, He snapped the whip on me, just on my back. it hit my ass twice, but both times it still hit my back, and pretty hard. matt tied my hands together and strung them up over a door so that I would be able to stay still. I was topless, and my pants were pulled down around my ankles, so I was really only wearing a thong. He started off easy, to get His aim on line, and then started hitting harder, but still at a normal timing... then as I was being able to process the pain, but it was getting worse, I was getting hit in pretty much the same spot over and over, He started hitting me faster, without giving time for each strike to settle. It hurt so bad, and I started to cry just as He stopped. I was biting my lip pretty hard, too. After checking on me, He allowed me to stay in that position for a few minutes, so that I could process the pain and think about what I had done wrong and why I had been punished. While I was getting hit, I kept telling myself that I deserved it. I had to, otherwise I don't think I could have taken it. and after what I said to Master, I agree with myself. I did deserve it. I needed it, and I .. I hope that every time I open my mouth to argue, to react instead of act, that I feel the pain I feel right now, and felt then... and stop and think for a minute before I fuck up again. Every time I lean against something it hurts. but I don't harbor any hard feelings, I only have regret that it had to happen in the first place.

On the other hand... this is the first (in my mind) of many learning experiences for me. With my Master's guidance and continued support (yes I'm calling corrective punishment "support") I believe I will soon learn a lot more self control.

Master said about a week ago that He would like to go over my rules with me, and maybe add or revise a few of them. I'm very excited about this as well.


Thank You Master for punishing me. i needed it, and i promise to do my best to learn and use this opportunity You've given me to be a better person, and a better slave for You. I love You and i hope You know how much You are loved, depended on, and needed.

Thank You
for training me
for loving me
for punishing me
for taking the time to get to know me
for holding me at night when i get scared
for tucking me in
for always being there when i need You
for everything, Sir.

Thank You, Master
I love You forever.