All Patched Up

I have been making a change to the way I do things over the past few days. It's small, but I feel that it is a significant one.

I cleaned the bathroom several days ago, I made it a kind of peripheral project... and it's still clean! I picked up the clutter, and the next day, I came back to it and wiped down the counters and washed the mirror. I've been doing general maintenance since then.

I'm working very diligently on getting through the laundry, since I almost consider that as part of the bathroom.

I almost started patching my pants yesterday when I was folding clothes, but I stopped myself, because I knew I wouldn't finish patching them, and then I'd have two half-finished projects, which would mean I'd have made more of a mess than I started with.

I patched my favorite jeans today! I started it, and I made sure that I had the determination to finish, because I started patching a pair of pants before, and still haven't finished them. If I knew where they were, they'd be in my "next" pile, and I would finish patching them as well.  Now, I do have to admit, there is one more, small, hole in the pants I just patched that I have to cover. It's just that I put the pants on to finish patching them, and I really need a break (I'm hungry) before I start another sewing project.

I've always gotten depressed when I think about the things I've wanted to do, started, and never finished. Master has said it before, that I don't finish things. He probably doesn't even remember saying it, it's been over a year, but I do, and it really hurt me. I've carried that with me since He said it, because He said it about a project I hadn't given up on yet, and He was right. I never did finish the project He was referring to. I think about that comment often, and I get discouraged, because it makes me feel like a failure. ---I want to interject here, Master did not influence my behavior, He simply noticed and pointed it out to me. I was never good at finishing the projects I started--- I think about all the things I've left unfinished, and it is overwhelming. Just to name one big thing, my writing. I don't think I have a single story that has a definite ending. (not counting short stories, of course -but even then, they're usually cliffhangers!)

I've been thinking about this a lot over the past few weeks.

• A friend online asked me for a story I've written so he could get a handle on my style...and I couldn't give him anything I'd finished, because I didn't have anything! 
•  The model car in our formal living room that I haven't started yet, because I'm afraid I'll forget it, and not finish it. 
• I talked with major's mom about cleaning (yeah sounds boring, but she usually says something that opens my eyes to something I didn't see before. She isn't judgmental, she's helpful, and gives good constructive criticism.)  and she said her (spotless) house needed to be cleaned. I about fell in the floor and told her that her house looked amazing ("but just get down close to that floor and look at all the cat hair!") and that I never seem to finish cleaning, no matter how long I work on it (and that's all I do, I don't even have a job like you do!). She said she had a friend like that, who gets caught up in some big project and then gets distracted, with the end result being that nothing gets done. Her cleaning style, by the way, is that she cleans one room at a time, and doesn't move to the next one (except for laundry) until the room she started is finished. 

Anyway, I have determined that I will finish what I start. I always let it defeat me before, but somehow I got the strength to step up to the task, and say "Yes I will"


Thanks for listening. Time to go eat.