I took a bottle of chocolate syrup with me to the bathroom, hiding it under my baggy shirt so that Master wouldn't see. I've wanted to do this for so long, and I just couldn't resist it today for some reason No, there was no fight, I wasn't bitchy, or on my period. I was horny and felt sexy today and wanted to do something sensual that would satisfy me without sex. I turned on the water in the shower and made sure it was nice and hot as I undressed. I stood in front of the mirror to undress, taking my time. I pulled off my shirt first, admiring my cleavage as I unhooked the bra and made sure to pull it off quickly, so that my breasts bounced visibly. I squeezed them and twisted my nipples, this time my eyes on my face, moaning with pleasure. I've always loved the way a woman looks when she's topless and wearing jeans, and I felt sexier than ever when I could see myself this way. I turned my back to the mirror, and pulled my jeans down, bending so that my ass was tight against the jeans as they went over my ass. My dark colored thong boosted my confidence even further. I slid it down and slung it into the dirty laundry with my toes. I stepped into the shower, the hot water relaxing my tired but sensuous body.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
used and loving it.
The night before last, after the MnG,t BnN, we went to matt's house. We were all in a playful mood, I guess, because I ended up in only my thong, lying bent over the pool table while both of them wrote on me with sharpies. It was amazing, a wonderful rush, especially when Master bent me over the pool table and told me to hush, and then stay. They played tic tac toe and other 2 player games on my back, and I was nothing more than a piece of furniture for them, no more than a sketch pad, to be used and told to go away or left there when they were done. It was so much fun! A bit boring, lol, but I love being Master's fuck-toy, or just something for him to play with, like an object. They wrote insults all over me, drew on me, Master slapped me every now and then when I moved too much (IT TICKLED SO BADLY) which was often. I was embarrassed some, because the last time I took a shower, Master got in and punished me, so I never got a chance to shave or wash my hair or anything, so I was prickly, and stubbly and I felt kind of gross, but they were having so much fun I knew they didn't think I was, even though they wrote it on me.
Oh yeah, that punishment. I was acting like a bitch, and I knew it. Master tried to punish me before I went to take a shower, because I wasn't watching my mouth, and I was trying to hurt Him.. and I rejected his punishment. I sat and stared, angry. He told me that if I wasn't going to do what He said, to take off my collar, because I didn't deserve to be able to keep it on if I wouldn't listen. I took it off and went to the bathroom, undressing on the way "I'm taking a shower." I got a towel and saw His ring on the counter. He must have taken it off when He was washing His hands. I was pissed and (this is stupid) told myself I wouldn't respect Him as my husband if He wasn't wearing the ring. And then I hid it. I wanted Him to feel the panic of being pissed off at your SO and then suddenly realizing that you aren't wearing the symbol of your love for them, and don't know where you left it. I got in the shower, feeling vindictive and a bit happier, and then He came in. He got another towel so He would have one too, and used the bathroom, talking to me. I forget what he said, or what we argued/talked about or if I even gave him a response. He put me in Position 1 and sprayed the water in my face. I was so fucking pissed, but I was afraid, too. I was afraid that he would make me stand in cold water and not let me move. It was a little hard to breathe and I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't hear because of the spray I had no clue what He was going to do next, and I moved my head out of the water so I could open my eyes and look. He was still right beside the shower watching me, and when I moved, He slapped me and told me to go back to position. I stared a few more seconds, took a deep breath, and forced myself to comply. Hard to breathe again. After a minute or so, he let me move backward, and but I still had to stay in Position 1. He asked me what kind of soap I was going to use to wash my hair. I knew immediately that He was going to wash my mouth out, or try to, and I didn't plan for that to happen. I was so pissed off and angry. I didn't answer, and he asked again. I just stared. He slapped me, and kept asking, slapped me several times. Finally, He said that if I didn't choose, He would choose for me. He got into the shower, and picked up a bottle of shampoo. He slapped me again and shoved the shampoo against my face. This one? No? He put it down and picked up a bottle of body wash. What about this one? Were you going to use this one today? OK, then we'll have to try a few and find out. Open your mouth. I didn't move. He slapped me again. I opened my mouth and then closed it before He could put soap in my mouth. He grabbed my mouth and forced it open, hurting me to make me comply. He pushed his fingers into my mouth and rubbed the soap over my tongue. Then He pushed me under the water again and told me to rinse out my mouth, but wouldn't let me put my hands up to wash it out, and kept holding my hair, moving my head around. Water went up my nose and I choked, couldn't breathe. I tried to duck down and He let go of my hair long enough to let me catch my breath again, and while I was trying to breathe, He picked up the other type of soap and poured it onto his hand. Then He grabbed me again and said "ok what about this one?" And shoved his hand back in my mouth, I struggled a lot more this time... and I paid for it, He slapped my ass and face a couple times each I think. Then he put me back under the water and held me so that the water was running up my nose and I couldn't breathe, and I fought to get out of it, because of the choking and everything. Finally He let me rest and I was crying and he tried to make me kiss him and I was pissed off and wouldn't. I was a complete and total brat the whole time and I feel as if I deserved it. If I hadn't been crying, i think he would have continued, but He realized I was starting to get hysterical and this time when He pulled me close I hugged Him in return. He had said something that just hit me the wrong way and I dissolved into tears and was incoherent for a bit. I think I washed my hair before i got out of the shower. I still felt like a cunt afterward though and I think I was further punished for it.
Last night I was also being a bitch (quite common lately, I haven't felt happy and loving in a while) and Master put me on my knees (susy) and made me suck on His penis. I switched and Emily came out and He made her gag on it, calling her a stupid bitch, and said she was terrible at giving blowjobs. I kept drooling and gagging over and over. I almost threw up once and then He laughed at me, scoffed and made me go down on Him again. Come on bitch, suck on it, is that the best you can do? Then He said He was about to cum, and to get ready to catch it. Susy came back out and picked up the cloth He had made her wipe up the drool with and held it out in front of her, as if to "catch" His cum. Then He dragged me to my feet by my hair, and said Come on Bitch, get, this way... And shoved me out of the kitchen. Go to the Bedroom, and don't you dare be wearing anything when I come in. I ran into the bedroom and took off all my clothes, and then pushed all the blankets off the bed and put the pillows in the middle the way He likes them. I stood at the foot of the bed, head down, hands behind my back, and waited. He came in and said , "Get on the bed, Bitch. On your back, the way you know I like it. Now. That's right spread your legs, don't get in the way of My cunt." He grabbed a condom and said I'm only good at two things, being a cumholder, and then He said I wasn't even good enough to be a cum holder... this condom is My cumholder. And so my Master fucked his toy and enjoyed himself and had an altogether amazing time of my body. "you little slut, you're soaked. Why are you so fucking wet, bitch?" "Because I like it, Master." "That just tells me how stupid you are, that you like being humiliated, and get off on being used, you stupid whore." He finished quickly, and I loved every second, especially knowing that He used me to please Himself, and didn't worry Himself with getting me off or anything.
"What 2 things am I good at, Master?"
"Sex... and everything else. "
Last night I kept dropping everything and was altogether frustrated, and Master put me in Position 5 in the corner until I could behave.
Candy was out a lot and even she started to be a bit snappy. She watched the first part of the firstResident Evil movie.
Oh yeah, that punishment. I was acting like a bitch, and I knew it. Master tried to punish me before I went to take a shower, because I wasn't watching my mouth, and I was trying to hurt Him.. and I rejected his punishment. I sat and stared, angry. He told me that if I wasn't going to do what He said, to take off my collar, because I didn't deserve to be able to keep it on if I wouldn't listen. I took it off and went to the bathroom, undressing on the way "I'm taking a shower." I got a towel and saw His ring on the counter. He must have taken it off when He was washing His hands. I was pissed and (this is stupid) told myself I wouldn't respect Him as my husband if He wasn't wearing the ring. And then I hid it. I wanted Him to feel the panic of being pissed off at your SO and then suddenly realizing that you aren't wearing the symbol of your love for them, and don't know where you left it. I got in the shower, feeling vindictive and a bit happier, and then He came in. He got another towel so He would have one too, and used the bathroom, talking to me. I forget what he said, or what we argued/talked about or if I even gave him a response. He put me in Position 1 and sprayed the water in my face. I was so fucking pissed, but I was afraid, too. I was afraid that he would make me stand in cold water and not let me move. It was a little hard to breathe and I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't hear because of the spray I had no clue what He was going to do next, and I moved my head out of the water so I could open my eyes and look. He was still right beside the shower watching me, and when I moved, He slapped me and told me to go back to position. I stared a few more seconds, took a deep breath, and forced myself to comply. Hard to breathe again. After a minute or so, he let me move backward, and but I still had to stay in Position 1. He asked me what kind of soap I was going to use to wash my hair. I knew immediately that He was going to wash my mouth out, or try to, and I didn't plan for that to happen. I was so pissed off and angry. I didn't answer, and he asked again. I just stared. He slapped me, and kept asking, slapped me several times. Finally, He said that if I didn't choose, He would choose for me. He got into the shower, and picked up a bottle of shampoo. He slapped me again and shoved the shampoo against my face. This one? No? He put it down and picked up a bottle of body wash. What about this one? Were you going to use this one today? OK, then we'll have to try a few and find out. Open your mouth. I didn't move. He slapped me again. I opened my mouth and then closed it before He could put soap in my mouth. He grabbed my mouth and forced it open, hurting me to make me comply. He pushed his fingers into my mouth and rubbed the soap over my tongue. Then He pushed me under the water again and told me to rinse out my mouth, but wouldn't let me put my hands up to wash it out, and kept holding my hair, moving my head around. Water went up my nose and I choked, couldn't breathe. I tried to duck down and He let go of my hair long enough to let me catch my breath again, and while I was trying to breathe, He picked up the other type of soap and poured it onto his hand. Then He grabbed me again and said "ok what about this one?" And shoved his hand back in my mouth, I struggled a lot more this time... and I paid for it, He slapped my ass and face a couple times each I think. Then he put me back under the water and held me so that the water was running up my nose and I couldn't breathe, and I fought to get out of it, because of the choking and everything. Finally He let me rest and I was crying and he tried to make me kiss him and I was pissed off and wouldn't. I was a complete and total brat the whole time and I feel as if I deserved it. If I hadn't been crying, i think he would have continued, but He realized I was starting to get hysterical and this time when He pulled me close I hugged Him in return. He had said something that just hit me the wrong way and I dissolved into tears and was incoherent for a bit. I think I washed my hair before i got out of the shower. I still felt like a cunt afterward though and I think I was further punished for it.
Last night I was also being a bitch (quite common lately, I haven't felt happy and loving in a while) and Master put me on my knees (susy) and made me suck on His penis. I switched and Emily came out and He made her gag on it, calling her a stupid bitch, and said she was terrible at giving blowjobs. I kept drooling and gagging over and over. I almost threw up once and then He laughed at me, scoffed and made me go down on Him again. Come on bitch, suck on it, is that the best you can do? Then He said He was about to cum, and to get ready to catch it. Susy came back out and picked up the cloth He had made her wipe up the drool with and held it out in front of her, as if to "catch" His cum. Then He dragged me to my feet by my hair, and said Come on Bitch, get, this way... And shoved me out of the kitchen. Go to the Bedroom, and don't you dare be wearing anything when I come in. I ran into the bedroom and took off all my clothes, and then pushed all the blankets off the bed and put the pillows in the middle the way He likes them. I stood at the foot of the bed, head down, hands behind my back, and waited. He came in and said , "Get on the bed, Bitch. On your back, the way you know I like it. Now. That's right spread your legs, don't get in the way of My cunt." He grabbed a condom and said I'm only good at two things, being a cumholder, and then He said I wasn't even good enough to be a cum holder... this condom is My cumholder. And so my Master fucked his toy and enjoyed himself and had an altogether amazing time of my body. "you little slut, you're soaked. Why are you so fucking wet, bitch?" "Because I like it, Master." "That just tells me how stupid you are, that you like being humiliated, and get off on being used, you stupid whore." He finished quickly, and I loved every second, especially knowing that He used me to please Himself, and didn't worry Himself with getting me off or anything.
"What 2 things am I good at, Master?"
"Sex... and everything else. "
Last night I kept dropping everything and was altogether frustrated, and Master put me in Position 5 in the corner until I could behave.
Candy was out a lot and even she started to be a bit snappy. She watched the first part of the first
Friday, March 25, 2011
Essay Final
In the BDSM lifestyle, submission is considered a valuable gift that can be given to the person one most wishes to please above all others. It is a way of communicating that they are the most trusted and admired person in the one’s life. Giving the gift of submission is not a decision to be taken lightly, as becoming a submissive will change one's way of living drastically. Decisions are no longer to be made by the submissive unless the Master allows. The submissive is to seek only to please their Master, and must trust that their Master will fulfill her own desires and needs as well. This is not a change that will occur overnight. The submissive must learn what pleases her Master, and train herself to do these things instead of what she would normally do for herself. To be considered a good submissive, she must attempt to please her Master by following the rules that have been laid down for her, as well as obeying orders when they are given. After all of this is considered, there are several qualities which are inherent in the nature of a successful submissive, while other qualities must be cultivated. The good submissive must trust in, be obedient to, and have an overwhelming desire to please her Master by any means necessary.
A submissive must trust her Master. She must know that her Master loves her and will do everything in his power to make sure that her needs and desires are met, that she is not overused, and that she will not be endangered in any way. She must know that her Master will never lose interest or burn out from the effort of training her. This trust must be well-placed, otherwise a submissive could easily end up burning herself out trying to please someone who does not care for her needs. By placing this trust in her Master, the submissive will be able to disregard her own self-preservation instincts, and enjoy serving her Master without worry over her own safety, reputation, or desires. A trusting submissive will be more likely to entrust herself to her Master's care in any situation, no matter how frightening, whether it be punishment or overcoming personal fears and obstacles.
A good submissive is obedient to her Master without question, regardless of how ridiculous the command, how little she desires to obey, or even if she believes she knows a better way to do what is desired of her. This applies to every command, and to disobey or question a command is the ultimate in disrespect. When the submissive obeys her Master and she doesn't feel like it, he notices. This shows that she has respect for him. If a submissive wishes to question her Master regarding a command, she should do so after obeying. Obedience is how a submissive says "I love and respect you" to her Master, and should never be taken lightly.
A good submissive puts her desire to please her Master above all else. Without this passion, the submissive will follow rules and commands, but go no further. This will cause the relationship between submissive and Master to become stagnant, and neither party will be taken care of. When a submissive has a strong desire to please, she opens herself up to explore new opportunities with her Master, as well as learn more about herself and her Master. She accepts criticism and teaching respectfully, studying herself to try and make herself more desirable for her Master, which in turn will lead her Master to praise her, strengthening her passion to please. This will create a cycle that will meet the needs and desires of Master and submissive.
These qualities are the core values that help a person become a good submissive. If these do not exist, then the relationship between Master and submissive can not succeed. If these qualities are apparent, they will tend to encourage other admirable qualities in the submissive. The Dominant/submissive lifestyle is a symbiotic relationship in which the Master and submissive both meet the opposite and complementing needs of the other. This is why the qualities needed to be a good submissive in many cases rely on the quality and good intentions of the Master as well. She must trust that her Master will treat her fairly, obey without question the commands of her Master, and wish to please Him. If He does not act fairly in response to one of these things, then the whole relationship could fail. This is why D/s is considered more of an open relationship than a traditional relationship, as more depends upon trust. It is very important that a submissive understand what she is giving her Master before she commits to submission.
A submissive must trust her Master. She must know that her Master loves her and will do everything in his power to make sure that her needs and desires are met, that she is not overused, and that she will not be endangered in any way. She must know that her Master will never lose interest or burn out from the effort of training her. This trust must be well-placed, otherwise a submissive could easily end up burning herself out trying to please someone who does not care for her needs. By placing this trust in her Master, the submissive will be able to disregard her own self-preservation instincts, and enjoy serving her Master without worry over her own safety, reputation, or desires. A trusting submissive will be more likely to entrust herself to her Master's care in any situation, no matter how frightening, whether it be punishment or overcoming personal fears and obstacles.
A good submissive is obedient to her Master without question, regardless of how ridiculous the command, how little she desires to obey, or even if she believes she knows a better way to do what is desired of her. This applies to every command, and to disobey or question a command is the ultimate in disrespect. When the submissive obeys her Master and she doesn't feel like it, he notices. This shows that she has respect for him. If a submissive wishes to question her Master regarding a command, she should do so after obeying. Obedience is how a submissive says "I love and respect you" to her Master, and should never be taken lightly.
A good submissive puts her desire to please her Master above all else. Without this passion, the submissive will follow rules and commands, but go no further. This will cause the relationship between submissive and Master to become stagnant, and neither party will be taken care of. When a submissive has a strong desire to please, she opens herself up to explore new opportunities with her Master, as well as learn more about herself and her Master. She accepts criticism and teaching respectfully, studying herself to try and make herself more desirable for her Master, which in turn will lead her Master to praise her, strengthening her passion to please. This will create a cycle that will meet the needs and desires of Master and submissive.
These qualities are the core values that help a person become a good submissive. If these do not exist, then the relationship between Master and submissive can not succeed. If these qualities are apparent, they will tend to encourage other admirable qualities in the submissive. The Dominant/submissive lifestyle is a symbiotic relationship in which the Master and submissive both meet the opposite and complementing needs of the other. This is why the qualities needed to be a good submissive in many cases rely on the quality and good intentions of the Master as well. She must trust that her Master will treat her fairly, obey without question the commands of her Master, and wish to please Him. If He does not act fairly in response to one of these things, then the whole relationship could fail. This is why D/s is considered more of an open relationship than a traditional relationship, as more depends upon trust. It is very important that a submissive understand what she is giving her Master before she commits to submission.
To b a gud submissive -Susy
A submissive must have readiness and adaptability. It is very important for a submissive to be able to go whatever direction her Master leads her. If the day is going in one direction, and something changes suddenly, the submissive must be able to handle this change gracefully and continue in the direction her Master leads her. If the submissive is unable to do this, it will cause problems in addition to the ones that have already arisen. This will cause displeasure to the Master who relies on his submissive to be like an ocean to his boat. (He leads, and the submissive takes him where he wishes to go.
still need to work on this. (RECAP)
Tuesday March 22
matt's house
home late
good sex, can't remember much about it lol
rape fantasy
shower then sex, last condom, master raped me :D
I wrote a rape fantasy on fetlife to help out a friend who is new to rape play last night, shared it with Master today. Told him on the way home that I wanted to play and do a rape scene, but then i could never make up my mind. after our shower, he took me by my hair and dragged me into the bedroom. He fingered me, and then made me lick my fingers clean. over and over. then he stuck his dick in me and made me suck it clean. he did this at least twice and I was in heaven by the time he finally put a condom on and fucked me.
Wednesday March 23
mall shopping
car rubbed legs
Anal, Lauren amazing... sleep susy emily danny
he pulled Danny and the talked about fucking different people I think, and he wanted Lauren, so he got Emily to take it going in at first, gave some stimulation to the tits, and then called Lauren, who orgasmed multiple times and really loved it even though it was painful to Emily. she was flying and didn't even have to masturbate to get to sleep. she kept begging him not to cum, and finally he had to, and he cummed a huge amount. it was really really good. i think there was a shower after, but Lauren was pretty much high, so I don't really remember.
Thursday March 24
walmart card back -- We went to the C-local WalMart to put money in the bank to pay the bill, and while there, I talked to a lady to ask if they had found a walmart gift card since i lost it ($82) (he lost it, not me, but I told them I did because I didn't want to blame it on my husband) . after about an hour of back and forth on the phone with the T-local walmart, they were able to get the number and give us a gift card and cancel the other one.
flea market ---Then we went to the flea market. We bought a cup of coffee, a bag of peanuts, some sunflower seeds, some gum, 3 churritos, a bag of onions, 3 bell peppers, 3 pints of strawberries, and $3 of energy/protein bars for me. to snack on. we argued with some people about video game prices.
matt's house --- we went, we stayed from 2pm to 10:30. By the time we left I was in a very bad mood, felt ignored and unloved and let him know it.
He hushed me. I didn't want to talk to him anyway, but I was soo mad. I didn't feel like I deserved to get hushed after I'd put up with being ignored for 8 hours. Oh yeah, because I was a douche, matt was supposed to be allowed to spank me, and he never took Master up on the offer, so I had been dreading it the whole time and was pissed off that he led me on and didn't deliver. I basically ignored both of them the last hour we were at his house. I wanted to be played with and etc and I was completely ignored and bored.
walmart /fight --- Instead of driving us home, Master went to walmart. I was pissed off but not surprised. He wanted to buy crap, I figured condoms or something, and went in with him, but separate from him. He found me after a few minutes and asked me to basically do his shopping for him because he couldn't remember what we needed for spaghetti sauce. I told him it was his own damn fault for forgetting and that I would wait in the car. He said something nasty to me, and I took off my ankle bracelet, that I had told him many times while at matt's house had been hurting my ankle all day. (he says i only told him once, i still say i told him 3 times minimum just while at matt's) I threw it on the ground in front of him and turned to walk to the car. he followed me and told me to go back and get it, that he wasn't going to get it. that i'd regret it. He called me a spoiled brat in walmart, yelled it across the store. I was so angry, humiliated and pissed off. we argued in the car and I threw his hat out the window twice, it got ran over the second time and he kept grabbing me by my hair cuz he thought i was trying to get out of the car. then I got out when he stopped to get his hat the 2nd time and I went in to walmart. he told me to call when I wanted him to come get me. I wandered around walmart for a really long time. I finally decided to go home. I went outside and he was asleep in the car, waiting on me. I woke him up, made him give me the gift card and went inside and bought myself a pair of panties, and candy bought her daddy a cookies and cream candy bar. he drove me home, and we half argued half talked hte whole way.
home / argue it out etc -- we talked about what we'd do when we got home and stuff on the way, and decided we'd go to bed pissed and still sleep in the same bed.
Raped my husband
anal sex /punishment
shower
bible study
sleep
Today, Friday March 25
I had some weird dreams, but a really good one that made me crave chocolate covered marshmallows for a while. We're just husband and wife today, the stress of everything that happened last night is just too much to add in that extra dynamic, at least right now. He's at work, but we went shopping together and got along great! I think we're both just so relieved that the arguing is over that we just had to sigh and smile.
It's weird, I didn't really feel clingy before, but I wish He was here now so that I could snuggle, or even just hold his hand. It was like everything was normal for a while, but thinking back I just want to cling to my husband, I love him so much!
I had a bad dream last night, and he rolled over and held me, and I fell back asleep almost instantly, and then had a dream with amazing potential! I was at McD's and was ordering the best ever ice cream McFlurry thing but more like a blizzard with choc chips, brownie pieces fudge bits, choc covered marshmallows and other things i cant remember in choc ice cream, and just as I was about to eat it!!!!!!! i woke up.
we bought $80 of stuff at walmart, used the long lost gift card that was replaced yesterday, and ...blah blah blah... groceries, grilled cheese sandwiches, and, condoms.
matt's house
home late
good sex, can't remember much about it lol
rape fantasy
shower then sex, last condom, master raped me :D
I wrote a rape fantasy on fetlife to help out a friend who is new to rape play last night, shared it with Master today. Told him on the way home that I wanted to play and do a rape scene, but then i could never make up my mind. after our shower, he took me by my hair and dragged me into the bedroom. He fingered me, and then made me lick my fingers clean. over and over. then he stuck his dick in me and made me suck it clean. he did this at least twice and I was in heaven by the time he finally put a condom on and fucked me.
Wednesday March 23
mall shopping
car rubbed legs
Anal, Lauren amazing... sleep susy emily danny
he pulled Danny and the talked about fucking different people I think, and he wanted Lauren, so he got Emily to take it going in at first, gave some stimulation to the tits, and then called Lauren, who orgasmed multiple times and really loved it even though it was painful to Emily. she was flying and didn't even have to masturbate to get to sleep. she kept begging him not to cum, and finally he had to, and he cummed a huge amount. it was really really good. i think there was a shower after, but Lauren was pretty much high, so I don't really remember.
Thursday March 24
walmart card back -- We went to the C-local WalMart to put money in the bank to pay the bill, and while there, I talked to a lady to ask if they had found a walmart gift card since i lost it ($82) (he lost it, not me, but I told them I did because I didn't want to blame it on my husband) . after about an hour of back and forth on the phone with the T-local walmart, they were able to get the number and give us a gift card and cancel the other one.
flea market ---Then we went to the flea market. We bought a cup of coffee, a bag of peanuts, some sunflower seeds, some gum, 3 churritos, a bag of onions, 3 bell peppers, 3 pints of strawberries, and $3 of energy/protein bars for me. to snack on. we argued with some people about video game prices.
matt's house --- we went, we stayed from 2pm to 10:30. By the time we left I was in a very bad mood, felt ignored and unloved and let him know it.
He hushed me. I didn't want to talk to him anyway, but I was soo mad. I didn't feel like I deserved to get hushed after I'd put up with being ignored for 8 hours. Oh yeah, because I was a douche, matt was supposed to be allowed to spank me, and he never took Master up on the offer, so I had been dreading it the whole time and was pissed off that he led me on and didn't deliver. I basically ignored both of them the last hour we were at his house. I wanted to be played with and etc and I was completely ignored and bored.
walmart /fight --- Instead of driving us home, Master went to walmart. I was pissed off but not surprised. He wanted to buy crap, I figured condoms or something, and went in with him, but separate from him. He found me after a few minutes and asked me to basically do his shopping for him because he couldn't remember what we needed for spaghetti sauce. I told him it was his own damn fault for forgetting and that I would wait in the car. He said something nasty to me, and I took off my ankle bracelet, that I had told him many times while at matt's house had been hurting my ankle all day. (he says i only told him once, i still say i told him 3 times minimum just while at matt's) I threw it on the ground in front of him and turned to walk to the car. he followed me and told me to go back and get it, that he wasn't going to get it. that i'd regret it. He called me a spoiled brat in walmart, yelled it across the store. I was so angry, humiliated and pissed off. we argued in the car and I threw his hat out the window twice, it got ran over the second time and he kept grabbing me by my hair cuz he thought i was trying to get out of the car. then I got out when he stopped to get his hat the 2nd time and I went in to walmart. he told me to call when I wanted him to come get me. I wandered around walmart for a really long time. I finally decided to go home. I went outside and he was asleep in the car, waiting on me. I woke him up, made him give me the gift card and went inside and bought myself a pair of panties, and candy bought her daddy a cookies and cream candy bar. he drove me home, and we half argued half talked hte whole way.
home / argue it out etc -- we talked about what we'd do when we got home and stuff on the way, and decided we'd go to bed pissed and still sleep in the same bed.
Raped my husband
anal sex /punishment
shower
bible study
sleep
Today, Friday March 25
I had some weird dreams, but a really good one that made me crave chocolate covered marshmallows for a while. We're just husband and wife today, the stress of everything that happened last night is just too much to add in that extra dynamic, at least right now. He's at work, but we went shopping together and got along great! I think we're both just so relieved that the arguing is over that we just had to sigh and smile.
It's weird, I didn't really feel clingy before, but I wish He was here now so that I could snuggle, or even just hold his hand. It was like everything was normal for a while, but thinking back I just want to cling to my husband, I love him so much!
I had a bad dream last night, and he rolled over and held me, and I fell back asleep almost instantly, and then had a dream with amazing potential! I was at McD's and was ordering the best ever ice cream McFlurry thing but more like a blizzard with choc chips, brownie pieces fudge bits, choc covered marshmallows and other things i cant remember in choc ice cream, and just as I was about to eat it!!!!!!! i woke up.
we bought $80 of stuff at walmart, used the long lost gift card that was replaced yesterday, and ...blah blah blah... groceries, grilled cheese sandwiches, and, condoms.
todays To Do
Wash Dishes (cups esp)
Laundry (socks, boxers, panties bra's)
Make to do list for april party
make to buy for april party
sweep LR, Kitchen, the dogs made a huge chewed up mess
mop kitchen and LR
E-mail people about NMmeetngreet
Essay final draft
blog the past few days happenings, w/ details.
update dry erase calendar
write choco syrup erotica
shower wash/condition hair.
prioritize this list.
brownies
slice banana/strawberries, refrigerate
puppies inside
shower
brownies
heat up soup in pot on stove with simmer lid
put sandwiches together, heat pan
put movie in, don't start.
Laundry (socks, boxers, panties bra's)
Make to do list for april party
make to buy for april party
sweep
mop kitchen and LR
Essay final draft
write choco syrup erotica
shower wash/condition hair.
prioritize this list.
brownies
slice banana/strawberries, refrigerate
puppies inside
shower
brownies
heat up soup in pot on stove with simmer lid
put sandwiches together, heat pan
put movie in, don't start.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
my sex ticket for tonight
It's 9 pm, and we still haven't left.
I am really horny after writing my rape fantasy.
Part of me really wants to be raped, but I don't want it to be complete and totally painful, I want to be played with, too. Gagged, smothered with a pillow, spanked, talked dirty to, fingered or stretched some, and raped. But I don't know if I want another Danny-type session right now, as it's all pain, then. -Emily
I know my arm is bruised and hurts though, so I'm afraid of anything involving me being grabbed and held down because of how much it will hurt.
out of time... leaving
I am really horny after writing my rape fantasy.
Part of me really wants to be raped, but I don't want it to be complete and totally painful, I want to be played with, too. Gagged, smothered with a pillow, spanked, talked dirty to, fingered or stretched some, and raped. But I don't know if I want another Danny-type session right now, as it's all pain, then. -Emily
I know my arm is bruised and hurts though, so I'm afraid of anything involving me being grabbed and held down because of how much it will hurt.
out of time... leaving
Sex Card One this week.
@ major's house. I have a huge bruise on my left arm from getting into some horse-play with Master. I've been perving fetlife almost the whole time, and playing the sugar game that I linked in my last post. we haven't been home to the dogs yet, and we've been gone since late last night. I am worried about them, and about how much of a mess there will be, as well as the fact that they haven't been fed since yesterday morning.
we had chicken, and grapes today, spent about $20.
still no sign of the walmart gift card... i'd hoped it would turn up somewhere.
sigh.
I want to be raped tonight. No, not anal! :) I've had enough of that for a day or two at least. Just had anal yesterday.
I don't think we wrote about it. I didn't because it was Mikkal, Danny and Melissa, and I (emily) didn't remember it at all.
Mikkal fucked her, and again, no stimulation to make the pain less, because it was for Mikkal and Danny's pleasure, not for Melissa's. It was her opportunity to please. She really enjoyed herself. It hurt a lot at first and she felt awkward with both of them watching her, but she reminded herself that her desire was to please Mikkal, and then she was able to take it. He even gave her an out, told her if she didn't want to do it, He would stop as soon as she asked. When He said that, it only added to her determination to last through it.
The girl that doesn't have a name came out when we got in the shower. She didn't stay very long, as far as I know. I keep thinking she was supposed to come back, but I don't know when. I know candy said that Andrew/Timmy said the girl who was out before her had a really pretty name, but he couldn't remember what it was, and asked if she knew it. she was trying to find out when they called me out again (emily) and it was lost, because I actually thought I'd just woken up.
I think I am horny. and want sex. :D
we had chicken, and grapes today, spent about $20.
still no sign of the walmart gift card... i'd hoped it would turn up somewhere.
sigh.
I want to be raped tonight. No, not anal! :) I've had enough of that for a day or two at least. Just had anal yesterday.
I don't think we wrote about it. I didn't because it was Mikkal, Danny and Melissa, and I (emily) didn't remember it at all.
Mikkal fucked her, and again, no stimulation to make the pain less, because it was for Mikkal and Danny's pleasure, not for Melissa's. It was her opportunity to please. She really enjoyed herself. It hurt a lot at first and she felt awkward with both of them watching her, but she reminded herself that her desire was to please Mikkal, and then she was able to take it. He even gave her an out, told her if she didn't want to do it, He would stop as soon as she asked. When He said that, it only added to her determination to last through it.
The girl that doesn't have a name came out when we got in the shower. She didn't stay very long, as far as I know. I keep thinking she was supposed to come back, but I don't know when. I know candy said that Andrew/Timmy said the girl who was out before her had a really pretty name, but he couldn't remember what it was, and asked if she knew it. she was trying to find out when they called me out again (emily) and it was lost, because I actually thought I'd just woken up.
I think I am horny. and want sex. :D
links.
http://fetlife.com/groups/13572/group_posts/1278541
a good wording on how punishment allows the submissive to let go of unneeded guilt.
http://fetlife.com/groups/916/group_posts/1023245
Made me feel like it's a good explanation of days I just feel like a bad girl.
http://fetlife.com/groups/916/group_posts/1249591
Made me horny
a good wording on how punishment allows the submissive to let go of unneeded guilt.
http://fetlife.com/groups/916/group_posts/1023245
Made me feel like it's a good explanation of days I just feel like a bad girl.
http://fetlife.com/groups/916/group_posts/1249591
Made me horny
erotica and sugar sugar
He asks me to pick something up or get something for him from a low cabinet, and when I bend down, he grabs me by my hair and shoves me down to my knees. "Ouch, what do you think you're doing?" Hair pulled harder. "Shut up!" I try to wiggle free and he pulls harder, and pushes my face to the floor. We struggle until he has established dominance over me and I've shut up. He drags me to the bed, or wherever he wants to fuck, and he lifts up me and throws me down onto it, face first. He reaches around me and starts unbuttoning my pants with one hand, while his other hand is in my hair, pushing my face down into the mattress. I twist and struggle free, trying to zip my jeans back up. I back up against the back of the bed, and then make a rush for the door. He pushes it shut and locks it as I try to get out, and I start to beg, "Please, let me go..." He laughs and pushes me back onto the bed. "Shut up, bitch." He makes another grab for my jeans, and this time succeeds in pulling them off of me. He grabs my throat and gets my panties off, too. I wink when he's looking my way, and then plead again, whimpering "No..." He backs away from the bed a little, and takes his own pants off. "Take off your shirt." I don't listen, and he slaps me. "Do it. Now." He grabs my legs and forces them down to the bed, and (after a short pause in the play to put on a condom) begins to put himself inside me. I struggle again and he forces me to hold still, inflicting pain as well as putting me into a position where I can't avoid the inevitable. "ask me to fuck you." I give him a terrified 'are you crazy?!' stare, and he demands, "ask me to fuck you, or I'll put it in your ass." I try to resist, but he starts to reposition himself to fuck me in the ass, and I beg again, "please don't do this, don't make me do this" and he demands again, still pushing, "say it" and I do. "fuck me." He isn't satisfied. Is that how you ask your master to fuck you? "Please fuck me... master." "That's a good girl. Of course I will" and he shoves his cock inside me, thrusting hard. I'm scared, but excited and ready for him, enjoying every second of it. Of course I yell and squeal, it was abrupt and hurt a bit after all, but most of it is acting, and we both know and enjoy it. He pushes a kiss on me, and I bite down on his tongue. He inflicts pain, pulling on my tits till I think they'll rip off and I let go of his tongue. "Kiss me...: he practically growls at me, and this time I obey and the kiss is so passionate it's like fireworks. By the time he's ready to cum I've already done it myself several times, and I'm sore and tired but enjoying myself, still begging for mercy. He makes me beg him to hurt me, and the first time he says no, and I'm forced to keep begging until he does, because as he says and has shown me, "It will be worse on you if you don't do as I say". Then as I beg for mercy he says he'll give it to me, but I have to beg him to cum. I beg for him to cum with everything I've got, and say "I don't know if I can last that long or take that much, please hurry". When he cums I get my master back, the tender loving man I had before and I hold him close to me and tell him I love him, because that's what he needs, and after all, the sex was amazing!
quote out of context
"I never could harm something I wasnt going to eat."
-Thatguywiththeface
so after I beat her, I ate her out
-Thatguywiththeface
so after I beat her, I ate her out
Monday, March 21, 2011
Messenger is DOWN
Master,
Both yahoo and windows live messenger have gone down but I still have internet. I love You and hope to see You soon. I have no clue when to expect You, or if You've even left yet. I miss You so much.
I'm trying to get messenger back up and running asap but I don't know what's wrong with it.
I'm ok, so don't worry about me, messenger just won't come on.
Both yahoo and windows live messenger have gone down but I still have internet. I love You and hope to see You soon. I have no clue when to expect You, or if You've even left yet. I miss You so much.
I'm trying to get messenger back up and running asap but I don't know what's wrong with it.
I'm ok, so don't worry about me, messenger just won't come on.
He caught one
Master caught another shoplifter today! I'm so proud of Him, He's my absolute best Hero ever.
He's going to be late getting home, but that's definitely worth it because He caught one, and that's definitely good and awesome and great and nice and cool and special and sweet and superuberpwning!
I've packed
Masters:
2 pairs of socks,
2 pairs of boxers
1 pair of jeans
2shirts, one long sleeve, one short sleeve
2 white shirts
antiwhatever meds
mine:
1 pair of socks
2 pairs of jeans
lots of panties
2 bras
long sleeved shirt
short sleeved shirt
allergy meds
book
laptop
need
pjs
notebook
pen/pencil
snacks?
laptop
He's going to be late getting home, but that's definitely worth it because He caught one, and that's definitely good and awesome and great and nice and cool and special and sweet and superuberpwning!
I've packed
Masters:
2 pairs of socks,
2 pairs of boxers
1 pair of jeans
2shirts, one long sleeve, one short sleeve
2 white shirts
antiwhatever meds
mine:
1 pair of socks
2 pairs of jeans
lots of panties
2 bras
long sleeved shirt
short sleeved shirt
allergy meds
book
laptop
need
pjs
notebook
pen/pencil
snacks?
laptop
orders
We're going to major's house tonight.
Master:
I love you. Do what you have to do to get the house clean b4 I get home but be done by 10:30. We're going to Majors house tonight.
have your laptop/notebooks/extra clothes/stuff packed also
good. Go to the bathroom, wash your face off. and then get started on what I told you to.
Master:
I love you. Do what you have to do to get the house clean b4 I get home but be done by 10:30. We're going to Majors house tonight.
have your laptop/notebooks/extra clothes/stuff packed also
good. Go to the bathroom, wash your face off. and then get started on what I told you to.
Deja vu only worse
So we found the money. now we can't find the $85 wal-mart gift card. If we don't find that, we're guaranteed to bounce a check and have to pay an extra $35 this month, plus we'll be out $85 which is a lot of money to just lose. Overall we'll be out $120 if we don't find it.
He told me to trust Him and not worry about it. I responded that it was His responsibilty to keep track of it in the first place so I didn't see how trusting Him would get us out of this mess when trusting Him was what got us into this mess. He ordered me into the house, and then left for work.
Yes, I was a bitch. I feel like He deserves it. It isn't fair that He can't keep track of His responsibilities, so I have to handle both of ours.
HELL, it's fine with me if I have to handle keeping track of the money, but at least admit it, and let me hold onto it so this doesn't happen every time we need to access our funds!
I'm still pissed. I've been eating since He left, and I'm hungry, but I feel like I'm also eating passive aggressively because I'm craving a bunch of junk food. I haven't cleaned anything, and I want to go masturbate and just leave the house the way it was. I know that's not the right thing to do. I KNOW IT. but I'm so angry.and frustrated and let down and disappointed. We could have went ahead and bought groceries, and now we definitely don't have the money to do that.
He told me to trust Him and not worry about it. I responded that it was His responsibilty to keep track of it in the first place so I didn't see how trusting Him would get us out of this mess when trusting Him was what got us into this mess. He ordered me into the house, and then left for work.
Yes, I was a bitch. I feel like He deserves it. It isn't fair that He can't keep track of His responsibilities, so I have to handle both of ours.
HELL, it's fine with me if I have to handle keeping track of the money, but at least admit it, and let me hold onto it so this doesn't happen every time we need to access our funds!
I'm still pissed. I've been eating since He left, and I'm hungry, but I feel like I'm also eating passive aggressively because I'm craving a bunch of junk food. I haven't cleaned anything, and I want to go masturbate and just leave the house the way it was. I know that's not the right thing to do. I KNOW IT. but I'm so angry.and frustrated and let down and disappointed. We could have went ahead and bought groceries, and now we definitely don't have the money to do that.
Last Night's Punishment
I knew yesterday was a bad day from the start. I couldn't seem to get a grip on myself, and kept losing my temper over everything. I thought I'd gotten a mark three times yesterday for speaking out.
Then it happened. Master and I were talking about money, and I mentioned cash that he had, and was adding things together and His face went blank in a bad way, and come to find out He didn't have x cash in His wallet that He should have. We searched the house, and I had close to a breakdown, cursed and slammed doors, (didn't curse at Him, I knew I was angry and was trying to control myself but failed) and when we found the money, it was my fault. I had seen the money lying out somewhere and put it in a specific place so that it wouldn't be found by anyone else or eaten by our dogs.
He told me to apologize, and I did (after a few minutes, I needed to let the adrenaline slow down from the panic). Soon afterward I was sent to clean up after the dogs (we'd been gone all day at church and my parents' house) and I lost my temper and yelled that it wasn't fair, I'd asked forgiveness and He'd forgiven me, why should I be sent to do it as punishment? I asked this as I was cleaning it up and washing my hands. He came into the bathroom and grabbed me by my hair and put me on my knees. Once I was looking up at Him, He said, "I told you to clean it up, not because I was punishing you, but because I am your Master and I didn't want to clean it up, so I told you to do it, since that's your job. Do you understand Me?" I nodded yes and He marked my hand, and then walked off and as He went out, told me to stay until I was ready. Just as I was about to get up, and had stopped crying, He came in and told me that was long enough, to follow Him.
I was put in five in the dark in a corner of the formal living room right beside a real live honest to goodness spider for what felt like several minutes. It was hard to stay in that position, the hardwood hurt my knees, and my legs were already sore from position 2 in the bathroom.
I was so pissed at myself, because I knew it had been coming all day, and I just couldn't hold my tongue and be good.
When it was over, he came in, turned on the light, and allowed me to recover. He held me and told me it was over and that He loved me, and that it was ok now.
We watched a movie and then went to bed
Then it happened. Master and I were talking about money, and I mentioned cash that he had, and was adding things together and His face went blank in a bad way, and come to find out He didn't have x cash in His wallet that He should have. We searched the house, and I had close to a breakdown, cursed and slammed doors, (didn't curse at Him, I knew I was angry and was trying to control myself but failed) and when we found the money, it was my fault. I had seen the money lying out somewhere and put it in a specific place so that it wouldn't be found by anyone else or eaten by our dogs.
He told me to apologize, and I did (after a few minutes, I needed to let the adrenaline slow down from the panic). Soon afterward I was sent to clean up after the dogs (we'd been gone all day at church and my parents' house) and I lost my temper and yelled that it wasn't fair, I'd asked forgiveness and He'd forgiven me, why should I be sent to do it as punishment? I asked this as I was cleaning it up and washing my hands. He came into the bathroom and grabbed me by my hair and put me on my knees. Once I was looking up at Him, He said, "I told you to clean it up, not because I was punishing you, but because I am your Master and I didn't want to clean it up, so I told you to do it, since that's your job. Do you understand Me?" I nodded yes and He marked my hand, and then walked off and as He went out, told me to stay until I was ready. Just as I was about to get up, and had stopped crying, He came in and told me that was long enough, to follow Him.
I was put in five in the dark in a corner of the formal living room right beside a real live honest to goodness spider for what felt like several minutes. It was hard to stay in that position, the hardwood hurt my knees, and my legs were already sore from position 2 in the bathroom.
I was so pissed at myself, because I knew it had been coming all day, and I just couldn't hold my tongue and be good.
When it was over, he came in, turned on the light, and allowed me to recover. He held me and told me it was over and that He loved me, and that it was ok now.
We watched a movie and then went to bed
Saturday, March 19, 2011
blogging rule
Yesterday I did not blog.
I don't think there was anything that stopped me from blogging, I just couldn't think of anything that really needed to be blogged.
I made cheesecake the day before yesterday :)
But other than that, Yesterday I worked hard to clean the house, rearranged the furniture, and forgot to take a shower. The house looks nice, but really there isn't much to report.
I plan on working on my essay today, Master didn't mention it, but I want to work on it without being told so that He'll be very proud of me.
Mail from the VA yesterday, saying that Master's cholesterol was blech and He needs to be put on a diet. Basically He has to avoid food for six months, and then His cholesterol will be much better. Except fruit and veggies. :) I <3 fruit and veggies.
:( Master doesn't.
I think that an addendum should be added to my rule about blogging saying that if
a)I ask permission not to
AND
b) I don't have the opportunity
then not blogging is ok.
But if I don't have the opportunity and I forget to ask, it should be punishable. This way Master knows I'm still thinking about it.
Master has had grits for breakfast every day for the past 3 days (He's been working 1-6pm all those days) and I'm worried that we're going to run out.
We're having issues because the power co sent us two bills at once instead of 1. So no $ for groceries, and we're going to bounce at least 1 this month. We bounced 4+ last month, a huge waste of money.
I read an article about a girl who is only allowed to refer to herself in 3rd person as punishment for a week. It looked like it would be a bitch, especially if she has to do it at work, around family/vanillas, etc. I mean she would have to make up some excuse or get really good at it.
I'd probably just stop saying I and shorten all my sentences to avoid self-reference. It would be easier than trying to change all my I's My's and Me's to "this one," "this girl," "she" thinks, "her", etc.
Although having to say "this bitch loves Your cock, Master" is a highly erotic thought.
--
At Master's request, I am going to paint Him a picture.
(Have to walk the puppies first, though)
I don't think there was anything that stopped me from blogging, I just couldn't think of anything that really needed to be blogged.
I made cheesecake the day before yesterday :)
But other than that, Yesterday I worked hard to clean the house, rearranged the furniture, and forgot to take a shower. The house looks nice, but really there isn't much to report.
I plan on working on my essay today, Master didn't mention it, but I want to work on it without being told so that He'll be very proud of me.
Mail from the VA yesterday, saying that Master's cholesterol was blech and He needs to be put on a diet. Basically He has to avoid food for six months, and then His cholesterol will be much better. Except fruit and veggies. :) I <3 fruit and veggies.
:( Master doesn't.
I think that an addendum should be added to my rule about blogging saying that if
a)I ask permission not to
AND
b) I don't have the opportunity
then not blogging is ok.
But if I don't have the opportunity and I forget to ask, it should be punishable. This way Master knows I'm still thinking about it.
Master has had grits for breakfast every day for the past 3 days (He's been working 1-6pm all those days) and I'm worried that we're going to run out.
We're having issues because the power co sent us two bills at once instead of 1. So no $ for groceries, and we're going to bounce at least 1 this month. We bounced 4+ last month, a huge waste of money.
I read an article about a girl who is only allowed to refer to herself in 3rd person as punishment for a week. It looked like it would be a bitch, especially if she has to do it at work, around family/vanillas, etc. I mean she would have to make up some excuse or get really good at it.
I'd probably just stop saying I and shorten all my sentences to avoid self-reference. It would be easier than trying to change all my I's My's and Me's to "this one," "this girl," "she" thinks, "her", etc.
Although having to say "this bitch loves Your cock, Master" is a highly erotic thought.
--
At Master's request, I am going to paint Him a picture.
(Have to walk the puppies first, though)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
diference between a sub and a slave
A submissive gives up control, but has more of a say in when she does. She has more of a voice in the relationship. When the dominant tells her to do something and she isn't comfortable, she has the choice to opt out.
A slave has no control. A slave is owned property who obeys...period. She may respectfully discuss and share her feelings with her Master, but he makes the final decision, and she must abide by it. If she doesn't , then she is dealt with harshly.
found this at the attached website. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/535627/6_questions_every_submissive_needs_pg3.html?cat=41
liked the way it was written, i suppose, wanted to add it.
A slave has no control. A slave is owned property who obeys...period. She may respectfully discuss and share her feelings with her Master, but he makes the final decision, and she must abide by it. If she doesn't , then she is dealt with harshly.
found this at the attached website. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/535627/6_questions_every_submissive_needs_pg3.html?cat=41
liked the way it was written, i suppose, wanted to add it.
essay -rough draft due today-
faith in Master
obedience
desire to please via submissive means /willingness
In the BDSM lifestyle, submission is considered a most valuable gift that can be given to the person one most wishes to please above all others. It is a way of communicating to this other person that they are trusted and admired above all others. Giving the gift of submission is not a decision to be taken lightly, as becoming a submissive will change one's way of living drastically. Decisions are no longer to be made without the Master, unless the Master allows otherwise. The submissive is to seek only to please their Master, and must trust that their Master will fulfill her own desires and needs as well. This is not a change that will occur overnight. The submissive must learn what pleases her Master, and train herself to do these things instead of what she would normally do for herself. To be considered a good submissive, she must attempt to please her Master by following the rules that have been laid down for her, as well as obeying orders when they are given. All this considered, there are several qualities which are inherent in the nature of a successful submissive, while other qualities may be cultivated.
These are trust in her Master, obedience to her Master, and an overwhelming desire to please her Master by any means necessary.
A good submissive will be obedient to her Master without question, regardless of how ridiculous the command, how little she desires to obey, or even if she believes she knows a better way to do what is desired of her. This applies to every command, and to disobey or question a command is the ultimate in disrespect. When the submissive obeys her Master when she doesn't feel like it, he notices, and is able to see that she has much respect for him if she is able to make herself do something she does not want to do. If a submissive wishes to question her Master regarding a command, she should do so after obeying, in order also to show respect to her Master. Obedience is how a submissive says "I love and respect you" to her Master, and should never be taken lightly.
A good submissive puts her desire to please her Master above all else. Without this passion, the submissive will follow rules and commands, but go no further (farther?). The relationship between the submissive and the Master will quickly become stagnant, and neither party will be pleased/taken care of. When submissive has a strong desire to please, she opens herself up to explore new opportunities with her Master, as well as learn more about both herself and her Master. She accepts criticism and teaching respectfully, studying herself to try and make herself more desirable for her Master, which in turn will lead her Master to praise her, which will strengthen her passion to please, creating a cycle that will meet the needs and desires of Master and submissive.
These qualities are the core values that help a person become a good submissive. If these do not exist, then the relationship between Master and submissive can not flourish/grow. If these qualities are apparent, they will tend to encourage other admirable qualities in the submissive. It is very important that a submissive understand what she is giving her Master before she commits to submission.
pink = phrases/words that need attention
blue = i like this, maybe I should use something like this more often
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2379590/domination_and_submission_christmas_pg2.html?cat=74
obedience
desire to please via submissive means /willingness
In the BDSM lifestyle, submission is considered a most valuable gift that can be given to the person one most wishes to please above all others. It is a way of communicating to this other person that they are trusted and admired above all others. Giving the gift of submission is not a decision to be taken lightly, as becoming a submissive will change one's way of living drastically. Decisions are no longer to be made without the Master, unless the Master allows otherwise. The submissive is to seek only to please their Master, and must trust that their Master will fulfill her own desires and needs as well. This is not a change that will occur overnight. The submissive must learn what pleases her Master, and train herself to do these things instead of what she would normally do for herself. To be considered a good submissive, she must attempt to please her Master by following the rules that have been laid down for her, as well as obeying orders when they are given. All this considered, there are several qualities which are inherent in the nature of a successful submissive, while other qualities may be cultivated.
These are trust in her Master, obedience to her Master, and an overwhelming desire to please her Master by any means necessary.
Readiness, and adaptablity. It is very important for a submissive to be able to go whatever direction her Master leads her. If the day is going in one direction, and something changes suddenly, the submissive must be able to handle this change gracefully and continue in the direction her master leads her. If the submissive is unable to do this, it will cause problems in addition to the ones that have already arisen. This will cause displeasure to the Master who relies on his submissive to be like an ocean to his boat.
The submissive must [have faith in]/[trust] her Master. She must know that her Master loves her and will do everything in his power to make sure that her needs are met, her desires are met, and that she is not overused or mistreated in any way. She must know that her Master will never lose interest or burn out from the effort of training her. She must trust that her Master will never endanger her in any way, and this trust must be well-placed. By placing this trust in her Master, the submissive will be able to disregard her own self-preservation instincts, and enjoy serving her Master in every way, without worry over her own safety, reputation, or desires. A trusting submissive will be more likely to entrust herself to her Master's care in any situation, no matter how frightening, whether it be punishment or overcoming personal fears and obstacles.
A good submissive will be obedient to her Master without question, regardless of how ridiculous the command, how little she desires to obey, or even if she believes she knows a better way to do what is desired of her. This applies to every command, and to disobey or question a command is the ultimate in disrespect. When the submissive obeys her Master when she doesn't feel like it, he notices, and is able to see that she has much respect for him if she is able to make herself do something she does not want to do. If a submissive wishes to question her Master regarding a command, she should do so after obeying, in order also to show respect to her Master. Obedience is how a submissive says "I love and respect you" to her Master, and should never be taken lightly.
A good submissive puts her desire to please her Master above all else. Without this passion, the submissive will follow rules and commands, but go no further (farther?). The relationship between the submissive and the Master will quickly become stagnant, and neither party will be pleased/taken care of. When submissive has a strong desire to please, she opens herself up to explore new opportunities with her Master, as well as learn more about both herself and her Master. She accepts criticism and teaching respectfully, studying herself to try and make herself more desirable for her Master, which in turn will lead her Master to praise her, which will strengthen her passion to please, creating a cycle that will meet the needs and desires of Master and submissive.
These qualities are the core values that help a person become a good submissive. If these do not exist, then the relationship between Master and submissive can not flourish/grow. If these qualities are apparent, they will tend to encourage other admirable qualities in the submissive. It is very important that a submissive understand what she is giving her Master before she commits to submission.
pink = phrases/words that need attention
blue = i like this, maybe I should use something like this more often
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2379590/domination_and_submission_christmas_pg2.html?cat=74
prewriting from a few days ago
It takes pretty much the same things to be a good submissive as it does to be a Christian. It takes faith in the person being obeyed, obedience to everything commanded whether understood or not, and the desire to please this person above all else.
I've been thinking this through for a long time, because it's been tugging at my mind. As a wife, scripture teaches that I should be submissive to my husband, but dominant in my everyday life. A good wife does not second guess her husband, but she is in charge of her house and household, like an alpha submissive. She gets up early in the morning to survey the land, keeps track of money, and purchases what she needs to, but she also sews clothes for her house, making certain that her family stays warm.
If the person being obeyed is not trustworthy, then unless the submissive understands every command, there will be doubt in everything commanded. The submissive has to know that the Master has put them first, and trust this. Otherwise, the self-preservation instinct in the submissive will take over, and it will be much more difficult for the submissive to obey without questioning.
Jobs of a submissiveObey the Master without question.
Fill the needs of the Master
Fulfill duties laid down
Love the Master
Make Master happy
I've been thinking this through for a long time, because it's been tugging at my mind. As a wife, scripture teaches that I should be submissive to my husband, but dominant in my everyday life. A good wife does not second guess her husband, but she is in charge of her house and household, like an alpha submissive. She gets up early in the morning to survey the land, keeps track of money, and purchases what she needs to, but she also sews clothes for her house, making certain that her family stays warm.
If the person being obeyed is not trustworthy, then unless the submissive understands every command, there will be doubt in everything commanded. The submissive has to know that the Master has put them first, and trust this. Otherwise, the self-preservation instinct in the submissive will take over, and it will be much more difficult for the submissive to obey without questioning.
Jobs of a submissiveObey the Master without question.
Fill the needs of the Master
Fulfill duties laid down
Love the Master
Make Master happy
The life of a dog
The Great Challenge of The No Bucket
My human and I play a great game. It's called "The No Bucket". My human places one of these buckets in every room, varying in shape and size. Some of these are just the right height that I can stick my head in without knocking it over, and others are a real challenge. Then they place bits of food and other delicious things in the No Bucket. Mostly these things are food that they are just to full to finish or containers that have bits of food stuck to the bottom that they just couldn't reach with their tender paws and short tongues, or fun things that can shred to very tiny pieces, and sometimes they put in useless bits of things that no one would want, just to make it interesting. The challenge is to get as many things out of the No Bucket as I can, and eat them or tear them up before my human catches me. Sometimes I can get the food out and eat it without my human ever knowing, especially from the short No Buckets, but the tall, light ones are a real challenge, and normally fall over, making a loud sound, and then I get caught. If my human catches me, she quickly chases me away from the No Bucket and takes every hard-earned prize off the floor and puts it back in the No Bucket while pretending to be angry and saying things like "No!" and "Bad Dog!" I know my human is only pretending to be angry, though or else she would never put all those yummy things in the No Bucket in the first place. I love my human, she thinks up the best games ever.
My human and I play a great game. It's called "The No Bucket". My human places one of these buckets in every room, varying in shape and size. Some of these are just the right height that I can stick my head in without knocking it over, and others are a real challenge. Then they place bits of food and other delicious things in the No Bucket. Mostly these things are food that they are just to full to finish or containers that have bits of food stuck to the bottom that they just couldn't reach with their tender paws and short tongues, or fun things that can shred to very tiny pieces, and sometimes they put in useless bits of things that no one would want, just to make it interesting. The challenge is to get as many things out of the No Bucket as I can, and eat them or tear them up before my human catches me. Sometimes I can get the food out and eat it without my human ever knowing, especially from the short No Buckets, but the tall, light ones are a real challenge, and normally fall over, making a loud sound, and then I get caught. If my human catches me, she quickly chases me away from the No Bucket and takes every hard-earned prize off the floor and puts it back in the No Bucket while pretending to be angry and saying things like "No!" and "Bad Dog!" I know my human is only pretending to be angry, though or else she would never put all those yummy things in the No Bucket in the first place. I love my human, she thinks up the best games ever.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
quick summary (add pics later) (LOL what a joke for a title)
March 11 10:40 PM, Master arrives at home and finds me in the bedroom, on my hands an knees, naked, with the glass plug in my ass and a bit gag in my mouth. I had on color-stay lipstick, dark, and pale lipstick, ith blush high on my cheeks, so that it looked very nice with the bit gag. I had the webcam on us. He didn't want any pictures with Him in it, so I didn't take any. When looking at the pics, He called me a camera whore, but I replied that I only take the pictures because I know they please Him.
ADD (MODEST) PICTURE (update: there wasn't one.)
After the sex, we both felt amazing. I really enjoyed it, even more than I thought i would. It didn't even hurt when he shoved his cock into my ass.
Afterward, I mentioned that there was still time to go over to major's house to spend the night if he really wanted to. He agreed, and so we called major, got into the shower, and headed over there. I felt amazing the whole night. I was a little out of it, but I remember really enjoying myself. I blame it on the orgasm, not that I took painkiller before we had sex.
March 12, saturday
We went to the flea market with major, and bought a guitar ($75 plus $10 stand). We also bought 6 oranges ($1), 30 beef jerky sticks ($5) 3 bags of sunflower seeds ($1), 3 bags of pretzels and a chocolate bar ($1), 2 king size kit kat bars and a tin of breath mints (later to be discovered nasty halls throat drops) ($1), a papaya ($2), 2 pints of strawberries ($3) and 2 medium drinks (around $3). It was a lot of fun. Oh yeah and we bought a book ADD PICTURE
We went back to major's house for a short while, his parents invited us to dinner (they were grilling out) and we declined, as Master had to work later that afternoon.
We went home, so that Master could get ready for work (5-10pm) and we could do our bible study before He had to go. I tried the papaya (not nearly as good as the one at the flea market), He played the guitar, and we read the Bible (i forget what chapter) and then he laid down to rest for 30 minutes before work.
The the seizures started. they lasted for about an hour, a bunch of small ones, and he had a bad headache. I think He may have had more of a headache then seizures, as He kept going unconscious, and then startling awake, after which he would almost begin to cry because His head hurt so bad, and before I could bring Him pills He would be unconscious again. I finally got Him to take His pills and during the time he was lucid (conscious) would question Him about work. (It was almost time for Him to leave, around 4PM) He would say he had to go to work, and then pass out again. I finally convinced him that I would talk to his boss, and tell him that he had a seizure and wasn't able to drive to work. (If he tried to drive to work when he wasn't able to stay conscious for more than 2 minutes at a time, he would have had a wreck and still not made it in to work)
After sending the message, I asked him to let me try making him aroused to help the seizures. It had worked before, and normally he told me no, because he was hurting too badly. I begged and He allowed me to try. I succeeded, and His headache went from high on the pain scale to a manageable 2. After this we had sex. Anal again. We moved from the formal living room to the bedroom. After the sex, we discussed what to do, as He was already late for work, and had called in sick.
We went to major's house for dinner, taking Julie puppy with us. The food was amazing, and they want to borrow the puppy now. Well, we told them we're trying to find a home for her, and they would like to take her for a few weeks to see if they will be able to keep her.
We went home saturday night at midnight, so that i could go to church with my dad and little brother on sunday. Master had work scheduled for 9am-2pm on sunday and was going to drop me off at their house so that I could go even though we couldn't go together.
We decided to give up eating out for lent, so that when we thought about it, we would think about God and our love for Him and His love for us. Master doesn't strictly believe in let, so He's doing it to help me. I guess I don't know the entire reasoning behind it, so I'd like to ask Him to explain about it a little bit when He has the time to do so.
March 13, Sunday
we woke up late, and I was in a bad mood and acted badly. I finally got out of bed and began getting ready as Master instructed. When I went into the bathroom, I found my silver anklet on the counter and put it on, and Master immediately noticed the improvement in my behavior. When I put it on, I set my mind to obey and be good, because that is my duty to my Master. We left at 8:20, later than we had intended, and arrived at my parents house at 8:40, on time for Master to get to work. as we were leaving the driveway from our house, Master said "God don't let us get behind anyone slow, we've got to go go go" and I laughed and pointed it out to Him that no one had gotten in front of us the whole way from our house to my parents.
10 minutes after He left. He called and asked what time church would be over. 10:30. His work schedule had been changed so that he was to work from 12-5pm that day. He came back and went to church with us. Both of us disagreed somewhat with what the preacher said, but I pointed out that if we totally agreed with it, we wouldn't be discussing or learning anything from it.
I stayed at my parents until He came home from work. I played with Sam, we did a collage and stuff, and went to big lots so that dad could measure a piece of furniture that he wanted to try to make, and we took lunch to mom at work. This was the 2nd time already that I was tempted to go out to eat, since we stopped at McDonald's to get her food. The first time was when we were running late and I wanted to go buy Bojangles and grab a chicken sandwich for breakfast. I forget what we had instead.
I made grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, for Master, Nana, dad, Sam and myself. They were way better than I remember ever making before, and I was proud of myself. I used 3 different kinds of cheese, sliced American, sliced cheddar, and nacho cheese from a can that dad buys in bulk (its cheaper that way and they go through one can in a month so it doesn't take too long to use it all). I think this was the first time I ever made grilled cheese without burning it. even Nana liked it, and she normally would have said it was too greasy and she didn't want it.
Sam really wanted chicken pot pie, and originally said he wasn't hungry and didn't want any, but I convinced him to eat half of a sandwich (to tell me if it was good or not). Then he came back and said he guessed he would eat the other half of his sandwich... and again "I guess I could eat a second sandwich." It made me really happy.
Nana gave me some tights that are a bit see-through on a strip up the legs, and I wore them later that night for Master. (we ate strawberries) He played the guitar for me while I was in the shower, and then tucked me in to bed (after we sat around and sang and played together about 30 minutes).
He said to me that I wear three collars for Him:
My collar symbolizes that He owns my body.
My anklet symbolizes that He owns my will and spirit, because I willingly wear the anlet to show my submission to Him.
My wedding band symbolizes that He owns my love, I gave it to Him freely when we were married.
The only part of me He doesn't own is my soul. He won't take that because it belongs to God, not that He wouldn't take that too if He could, He said and laughed as He walked out.
I wanted to share this because it touched me deeply, and I love being His. every day we learn more about each other and grow more in our faith and grow closer together. even when I get mad at Him for something stupid.
I slept ok that night, even though He didn't sleep with me. (He wanted to stay up late, so He called his card and slept on the couch, watching tv.)
March 14, Monday
I only woke up 2 times in the night. Once I heard the TV and it was late so I checked on Him, went to the bathroom and went back to bed. The next time, jake came home and talked for a bit loudly with Master before going to bed.
we had planned to go to thrift stores and maybe spend a bit of money, after calling the energy company and explaining that they had made a mistake in their bill sending. Master was feeling a bit submissive, so Vicki took over all morning. It was good, spending time with Timmy and Kyle, seeing them anxious to please me. I gave them things to do and lots of praise. We walked the dogs together, and Penny (the stupid dog) learned how to sit finally. On the way to go pay the bills, we found the previous bill and realized that something was wrong. After speaking with the very rude woman at the power company, we began to realize that maybe it wasn't really a mistake in the power company's billing process. A bill had been sent, but we had not received it, and now we owe two power bills at once to keep our power from getting cut off. We had the money to pay one power bill, but two is too much. I left (vicki) and Emily came out.
I was very upset. I don't want to borrow money from anyone to pay anything but I really don't think we'll have any other choice in the end. We've told Jake what is going on as well and He said he'll see what he can do. I ended up crying and Kyle took over again. We spent the rest of the afternoon taking some things we had been planning on returning at some point back to the stores we'd bought them from. None of the stores gave us cash, but most of the money was credited back to our bank, so in a few days we'll find out how much money we still need to pay the bill (due March 24).
After this, we still had 30 minutes before the thrift stores i wanted to visit closed, so we visited the salvation army and the goodwill store nearest our location. We were near majors house, so we went ahead and came over to visit. I was in a bitchy mood all afternoon, I wanted to hurt and was very numb and sick with the burden of worry. Susy was OK when she came out, because I didn't let her know what was going on, she wouldn't be able to handle it, and it's not something she needs to know about. Master ran her a few times, playing pony with her, and she really enjoyed it. I did I did, i want to be Daddy's pony, and make Him proud adn walk proudly. i cried at first because I thought Daddy would laugh at me, but I really do want to do the high step standing, I just ... I got nervous. Maybe if daddy would ease me into it a little bit and brush my hair and talk to me about being a pony I would be better at it :) I love my daddy very much, he is so good to me and rubbed my pussy after we played for about five minutes. he was worried someone would see us playing.
He wanted to spend the night and I very much did not. He called jake to get him to walked the dogs, and about an hour later I found out that jake wasn't planning no coming home that night either. The dogs would have no one to walk them for 21+ hours. Master used the excuse that he wouldn't have been able to drive home that night anyway. I felt betrayed and lied to. I felt unable to say anything because major was there, and I did not want to question my Master with him around.I was livid, and tried to speak to Him about it when major left to go smoke or something but he was only gone a few minutes and so I only succeeded in letting Master know I was angry. I was extremely upset because He said that he couldn't make it home (midnight) but continued playing borderlands with major until after 4am. Also, before all of this, I had called my sex card for that day, as well as reminded Master that He promised not to stay up late two nights in a row just the night before.
I rolled over and slept (badly) on the couch for a few hours while they played, and when I woke up to something (i forget what) that I replied to with "don't you complain about not getting played with enough" and after getting touched and loved on a bit by my Master, i felt somewhat better and much hornier. I lost my anger and again felt mostly just burdened with the worry about money, and was horny.
I talked to Master about what I had studied in the Bible while they were playing as he fell asleep and after saying our prayer (during which time I began to sob uncontrollably and woke him up because he twitched in his sleep and I thought he was having a seizure) I think God talked to me a little. It was as if He was saying that He was taking away my right to worry about this as if it was a privilege. Master had just told em not to worry and that was what set my mind on this path. God said, your Master takes away your right to speak when you talk badly to Him, doesn't He? Well I have commanded you to give me your burdens, and you aren't so I am removing your privilege of worrying about this. I was able to stop crying, and worrying, and I fell asleep in my Master's arms. I slept soundly until sometime later and then I went to my own bed on the couch and slept there until the next morning.
Today, March 15, Tuesday
We left Major's in time to get home by 12, since that's when jake said that he would be home, and he had arranged today as the day we would hang out together. he never showed up.
On the way home, Vicki came out and spoke with Timmy. He was so excited when I talked to him, he and Kyle switched a few times trying to be out. I told them what I wanted to do to them when we got home, if jake wasn't there waiting. We fulfilled our duties when we got home, cleaned up, started some laundry and got into the shower so that if I wanted to suck on his cock, I would be able to. We began playing in the shower, (Timmy) and he did a very good job turning me on as well. He played with the orange plug in the shower and I fingered him as well. after moving to the bed, he ate me out very thoroughly to my complete satisfaction, and then I allowed him to lick my ass as well while I fucked him with the orange toy.(Kyle) Then we changed positions and I fucked him with the strap-on. When he asked to cum, I made him wait three more minutes before allowing him his release. I kept jacking him off, and fucking him as well, with the vibration turned on. When I allowed him to cum, he came a lot, much more than is typical and it went all over. I was very proud of him, am very proud of him. I don't however, like cum, and went out of the room to get a condom and a warm washcloth for him to clean up with before he fucks me, as I commanded. Timmy started and then it switched to Kyle, and after a few minutes, I asked for Mikkal. I never really got to know Mikkal, as I didn't believe our views would be compatible. The sex was absolutely mind-blowing and afterward he played with my clitoris (It's a dinosaur!) until I was calmer. We fell asleep with his head on my chest and absolutely no blankets on us. I woke up with him trying to move me so that he could get to a pillow, and we rearranged so that we all had blankets, and I had a pillow as well. After he had settled down and closed his eyes, i wiped the drool off of my chest before going to sleep as well.
I woke up at 4pm and walked the dogs and took care of stuff. I wanted to go to a gardening class, but we ended up being too late, Master needed shoes (the dogs ate them while we were asleep) (we got the ugly but comfy ones) and we were hungry I made Timmy a bowl of ice cream, but my little boy was still hungry, so we bought some chicken as well before leaving wal-mart. In the end we went to the library anyway, and I got 5 interesting books and renewed my library card. After, since we don't really have anything else to do until tomorrow morning at 10 AM (Master has a doctor's appt) we came to major's house and ate some really delicious soup that his mother cooked. and then I blogged and Master said that I could play borderlands too a little later! :D
my essay has been delayed two days since I haven't even had a chance to blog for a week, so I guess it will be due tomorrow night. I think I'm going to get a strike because I've pretty much forgotten all my points and arguments since then :( but I will try my best to get it done on time and please my Master. I love Him, after all.
Time to go give Him a big sloppy kiss and let Him know I left up my blog as per my rule 11 for Him to read.
ADD (MODEST) PICTURE (update: there wasn't one.)
After the sex, we both felt amazing. I really enjoyed it, even more than I thought i would. It didn't even hurt when he shoved his cock into my ass.
Afterward, I mentioned that there was still time to go over to major's house to spend the night if he really wanted to. He agreed, and so we called major, got into the shower, and headed over there. I felt amazing the whole night. I was a little out of it, but I remember really enjoying myself. I blame it on the orgasm, not that I took painkiller before we had sex.
March 12, saturday
We went to the flea market with major, and bought a guitar ($75 plus $10 stand). We also bought 6 oranges ($1), 30 beef jerky sticks ($5) 3 bags of sunflower seeds ($1), 3 bags of pretzels and a chocolate bar ($1), 2 king size kit kat bars and a tin of breath mints (later to be discovered nasty halls throat drops) ($1), a papaya ($2), 2 pints of strawberries ($3) and 2 medium drinks (around $3). It was a lot of fun. Oh yeah and we bought a book ADD PICTURE
We went back to major's house for a short while, his parents invited us to dinner (they were grilling out) and we declined, as Master had to work later that afternoon.
We went home, so that Master could get ready for work (5-10pm) and we could do our bible study before He had to go. I tried the papaya (not nearly as good as the one at the flea market), He played the guitar, and we read the Bible (i forget what chapter) and then he laid down to rest for 30 minutes before work.
The the seizures started. they lasted for about an hour, a bunch of small ones, and he had a bad headache. I think He may have had more of a headache then seizures, as He kept going unconscious, and then startling awake, after which he would almost begin to cry because His head hurt so bad, and before I could bring Him pills He would be unconscious again. I finally got Him to take His pills and during the time he was lucid (conscious) would question Him about work. (It was almost time for Him to leave, around 4PM) He would say he had to go to work, and then pass out again. I finally convinced him that I would talk to his boss, and tell him that he had a seizure and wasn't able to drive to work. (If he tried to drive to work when he wasn't able to stay conscious for more than 2 minutes at a time, he would have had a wreck and still not made it in to work)
After sending the message, I asked him to let me try making him aroused to help the seizures. It had worked before, and normally he told me no, because he was hurting too badly. I begged and He allowed me to try. I succeeded, and His headache went from high on the pain scale to a manageable 2. After this we had sex. Anal again. We moved from the formal living room to the bedroom. After the sex, we discussed what to do, as He was already late for work, and had called in sick.
We went to major's house for dinner, taking Julie puppy with us. The food was amazing, and they want to borrow the puppy now. Well, we told them we're trying to find a home for her, and they would like to take her for a few weeks to see if they will be able to keep her.
We went home saturday night at midnight, so that i could go to church with my dad and little brother on sunday. Master had work scheduled for 9am-2pm on sunday and was going to drop me off at their house so that I could go even though we couldn't go together.
We decided to give up eating out for lent, so that when we thought about it, we would think about God and our love for Him and His love for us. Master doesn't strictly believe in let, so He's doing it to help me. I guess I don't know the entire reasoning behind it, so I'd like to ask Him to explain about it a little bit when He has the time to do so.
March 13, Sunday
we woke up late, and I was in a bad mood and acted badly. I finally got out of bed and began getting ready as Master instructed. When I went into the bathroom, I found my silver anklet on the counter and put it on, and Master immediately noticed the improvement in my behavior. When I put it on, I set my mind to obey and be good, because that is my duty to my Master. We left at 8:20, later than we had intended, and arrived at my parents house at 8:40, on time for Master to get to work. as we were leaving the driveway from our house, Master said "God don't let us get behind anyone slow, we've got to go go go" and I laughed and pointed it out to Him that no one had gotten in front of us the whole way from our house to my parents.
10 minutes after He left. He called and asked what time church would be over. 10:30. His work schedule had been changed so that he was to work from 12-5pm that day. He came back and went to church with us. Both of us disagreed somewhat with what the preacher said, but I pointed out that if we totally agreed with it, we wouldn't be discussing or learning anything from it.
I stayed at my parents until He came home from work. I played with Sam, we did a collage and stuff, and went to big lots so that dad could measure a piece of furniture that he wanted to try to make, and we took lunch to mom at work. This was the 2nd time already that I was tempted to go out to eat, since we stopped at McDonald's to get her food. The first time was when we were running late and I wanted to go buy Bojangles and grab a chicken sandwich for breakfast. I forget what we had instead.
I made grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, for Master, Nana, dad, Sam and myself. They were way better than I remember ever making before, and I was proud of myself. I used 3 different kinds of cheese, sliced American, sliced cheddar, and nacho cheese from a can that dad buys in bulk (its cheaper that way and they go through one can in a month so it doesn't take too long to use it all). I think this was the first time I ever made grilled cheese without burning it. even Nana liked it, and she normally would have said it was too greasy and she didn't want it.
Sam really wanted chicken pot pie, and originally said he wasn't hungry and didn't want any, but I convinced him to eat half of a sandwich (to tell me if it was good or not). Then he came back and said he guessed he would eat the other half of his sandwich... and again "I guess I could eat a second sandwich." It made me really happy.
Nana gave me some tights that are a bit see-through on a strip up the legs, and I wore them later that night for Master. (we ate strawberries) He played the guitar for me while I was in the shower, and then tucked me in to bed (after we sat around and sang and played together about 30 minutes).
He said to me that I wear three collars for Him:
My collar symbolizes that He owns my body.
My anklet symbolizes that He owns my will and spirit, because I willingly wear the anlet to show my submission to Him.
My wedding band symbolizes that He owns my love, I gave it to Him freely when we were married.
The only part of me He doesn't own is my soul. He won't take that because it belongs to God, not that He wouldn't take that too if He could, He said and laughed as He walked out.
I wanted to share this because it touched me deeply, and I love being His. every day we learn more about each other and grow more in our faith and grow closer together. even when I get mad at Him for something stupid.
I slept ok that night, even though He didn't sleep with me. (He wanted to stay up late, so He called his card and slept on the couch, watching tv.)
March 14, Monday
I only woke up 2 times in the night. Once I heard the TV and it was late so I checked on Him, went to the bathroom and went back to bed. The next time, jake came home and talked for a bit loudly with Master before going to bed.
we had planned to go to thrift stores and maybe spend a bit of money, after calling the energy company and explaining that they had made a mistake in their bill sending. Master was feeling a bit submissive, so Vicki took over all morning. It was good, spending time with Timmy and Kyle, seeing them anxious to please me. I gave them things to do and lots of praise. We walked the dogs together, and Penny (the stupid dog) learned how to sit finally. On the way to go pay the bills, we found the previous bill and realized that something was wrong. After speaking with the very rude woman at the power company, we began to realize that maybe it wasn't really a mistake in the power company's billing process. A bill had been sent, but we had not received it, and now we owe two power bills at once to keep our power from getting cut off. We had the money to pay one power bill, but two is too much. I left (vicki) and Emily came out.
I was very upset. I don't want to borrow money from anyone to pay anything but I really don't think we'll have any other choice in the end. We've told Jake what is going on as well and He said he'll see what he can do. I ended up crying and Kyle took over again. We spent the rest of the afternoon taking some things we had been planning on returning at some point back to the stores we'd bought them from. None of the stores gave us cash, but most of the money was credited back to our bank, so in a few days we'll find out how much money we still need to pay the bill (due March 24).
After this, we still had 30 minutes before the thrift stores i wanted to visit closed, so we visited the salvation army and the goodwill store nearest our location. We were near majors house, so we went ahead and came over to visit. I was in a bitchy mood all afternoon, I wanted to hurt and was very numb and sick with the burden of worry. Susy was OK when she came out, because I didn't let her know what was going on, she wouldn't be able to handle it, and it's not something she needs to know about. Master ran her a few times, playing pony with her, and she really enjoyed it. I did I did, i want to be Daddy's pony, and make Him proud adn walk proudly. i cried at first because I thought Daddy would laugh at me, but I really do want to do the high step standing, I just ... I got nervous. Maybe if daddy would ease me into it a little bit and brush my hair and talk to me about being a pony I would be better at it :) I love my daddy very much, he is so good to me and rubbed my pussy after we played for about five minutes. he was worried someone would see us playing.
He wanted to spend the night and I very much did not. He called jake to get him to walked the dogs, and about an hour later I found out that jake wasn't planning no coming home that night either. The dogs would have no one to walk them for 21+ hours. Master used the excuse that he wouldn't have been able to drive home that night anyway. I felt betrayed and lied to. I felt unable to say anything because major was there, and I did not want to question my Master with him around.I was livid, and tried to speak to Him about it when major left to go smoke or something but he was only gone a few minutes and so I only succeeded in letting Master know I was angry. I was extremely upset because He said that he couldn't make it home (midnight) but continued playing borderlands with major until after 4am. Also, before all of this, I had called my sex card for that day, as well as reminded Master that He promised not to stay up late two nights in a row just the night before.
I rolled over and slept (badly) on the couch for a few hours while they played, and when I woke up to something (i forget what) that I replied to with "don't you complain about not getting played with enough" and after getting touched and loved on a bit by my Master, i felt somewhat better and much hornier. I lost my anger and again felt mostly just burdened with the worry about money, and was horny.
I talked to Master about what I had studied in the Bible while they were playing as he fell asleep and after saying our prayer (during which time I began to sob uncontrollably and woke him up because he twitched in his sleep and I thought he was having a seizure) I think God talked to me a little. It was as if He was saying that He was taking away my right to worry about this as if it was a privilege. Master had just told em not to worry and that was what set my mind on this path. God said, your Master takes away your right to speak when you talk badly to Him, doesn't He? Well I have commanded you to give me your burdens, and you aren't so I am removing your privilege of worrying about this. I was able to stop crying, and worrying, and I fell asleep in my Master's arms. I slept soundly until sometime later and then I went to my own bed on the couch and slept there until the next morning.
Today, March 15, Tuesday
We left Major's in time to get home by 12, since that's when jake said that he would be home, and he had arranged today as the day we would hang out together. he never showed up.
On the way home, Vicki came out and spoke with Timmy. He was so excited when I talked to him, he and Kyle switched a few times trying to be out. I told them what I wanted to do to them when we got home, if jake wasn't there waiting. We fulfilled our duties when we got home, cleaned up, started some laundry and got into the shower so that if I wanted to suck on his cock, I would be able to. We began playing in the shower, (Timmy) and he did a very good job turning me on as well. He played with the orange plug in the shower and I fingered him as well. after moving to the bed, he ate me out very thoroughly to my complete satisfaction, and then I allowed him to lick my ass as well while I fucked him with the orange toy.(Kyle) Then we changed positions and I fucked him with the strap-on. When he asked to cum, I made him wait three more minutes before allowing him his release. I kept jacking him off, and fucking him as well, with the vibration turned on. When I allowed him to cum, he came a lot, much more than is typical and it went all over. I was very proud of him, am very proud of him. I don't however, like cum, and went out of the room to get a condom and a warm washcloth for him to clean up with before he fucks me, as I commanded. Timmy started and then it switched to Kyle, and after a few minutes, I asked for Mikkal. I never really got to know Mikkal, as I didn't believe our views would be compatible. The sex was absolutely mind-blowing and afterward he played with my clitoris (It's a dinosaur!) until I was calmer. We fell asleep with his head on my chest and absolutely no blankets on us. I woke up with him trying to move me so that he could get to a pillow, and we rearranged so that we all had blankets, and I had a pillow as well. After he had settled down and closed his eyes, i wiped the drool off of my chest before going to sleep as well.
I woke up at 4pm and walked the dogs and took care of stuff. I wanted to go to a gardening class, but we ended up being too late, Master needed shoes (the dogs ate them while we were asleep) (we got the ugly but comfy ones) and we were hungry I made Timmy a bowl of ice cream, but my little boy was still hungry, so we bought some chicken as well before leaving wal-mart. In the end we went to the library anyway, and I got 5 interesting books and renewed my library card. After, since we don't really have anything else to do until tomorrow morning at 10 AM (Master has a doctor's appt) we came to major's house and ate some really delicious soup that his mother cooked. and then I blogged and Master said that I could play borderlands too a little later! :D
my essay has been delayed two days since I haven't even had a chance to blog for a week, so I guess it will be due tomorrow night. I think I'm going to get a strike because I've pretty much forgotten all my points and arguments since then :( but I will try my best to get it done on time and please my Master. I love Him, after all.
Time to go give Him a big sloppy kiss and let Him know I left up my blog as per my rule 11 for Him to read.
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