I feel un-appreciated, and I'm worried about this party, and I'm putting it all on major. At least, I'm upset with major right now, and I guess it's because I've got a lot riding on me to make sure that this party is a success. I feel like I've done all the work to put this party together, and everyone else is going to swoop in and take the credit for that. Also, I know that I'm going to end up doing the sign-in and money collecting, which makes me really uncomfortable. I hate asking people for money. Or whatever. What if they're all like -well you didn't tell me blah blah I'm not paying and I'm not leaving etc... I can't handle that kind of stuff, and I don't know what to do about it. I just want to enjoy the party like everyone else. But I'll be the resident submissive for the party, and the gopher and whatever people need... And I've worked so hard to make this work, and sent out so many messages and verything.. and ... and I just wish I could look forward to being scened with or something... but I know I won't be. And I want to play, and rough. But I don't knwo what I can take, because the last time I tried.. I ended up crying and I dont want to embarass myself or anyone else, and I don't want to play ith major because I'm pissed off at him and I just.... overwhelmed.
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