Moody

I have been having the worst mood swings I've had since I was 16 for the past two cycles. It was worse this time than last (The pain wasn't as bad as last time, though). I've felt so violent. I broke a glass - threw it into the floor, ran until I hurt myself - and didn't go to Position Five as instructed, three separate times during an argumentI was punished for it, not so badly, but I cleaned up my mess and did what had to eb done, to take care of it. I've wanted to cut so badly, I've wanted pain, humiliation, degradation, to break things, to kick or hit things or people, to say things that I could never ever take back.

I feel like I must be pregnant, or I need birth control badly. I'm on my period, so I don't see how I could bbe pregnant, but I'd hate to take that risk, just in case.

I've also been having back pain, and cramps that pills don't help for the past two cycles.

I want pain. Extreme pain. I want bondage. I want to cry until I can't cry anymore, I don't want to stop crying and hide or stop it for someone else.

I can't sleep. I can't masturbate. i can't cuddle, it makes me feel cold and alone - I don't want to wake Master, He needs the sleep, and I won't ask major, it would be a violation of trust w/ Master, especially since I'm so needy and vulnerable right now, I'd say things I shouldn't, also I want only my Master to comfort me.


I want punishment, because
punishment isn't on my terms.

It would be uncontrollable pain, and
if nothing else, even writing lines is
better than surfing these emotions.