I don't want my Daddy to be disappointed in me. I want to do this. but I'm so scared.  I wanted to do my speech and make Him proud of me. But I feel like it sounds stupid. I feel stupid. and fake. and ... I don't want to pretend to do my speech or do my speech. I don't ever read my poetry aloud for a reason. ------ I don't know if I'm on the couch and then in five after. He didn't tell me recover, He told me get the fuck up, and sit. I'm afraid that if I ty to leave, He'll just tell me I'm supposed to be in five if I try to leave to go anywhere else. . -----------  It's not fair that He thinks it should be easy for me to read it to Him because I'm "just reading" . I'm not "just reading". This essay puts me in the mind-frame of doing the speech, no matter who it's in front of. I hear every stutter and mumble or mess-up and think about how  bad I'm going to sound and how I'm going to embarrass myself fin front of all these people.