she cut last night. she didn't tell us, she tried to hide it. I found out on the way home from major's house (Master took me to work ith Hi and she came and picked me up) and made her drive back to His work (His phone was dead and I wasn't going to just blog that she'd done this. It's not fair to Him to have to read it on a blog.). He took the day off from work, and said He'd make up the hours on Wednesday. There was a huge argument, she took off her collar after cutting last night, and never put it back on. I was pretty pissed off, but I let Him talk because I wouldn't have been rational. Also, she didn't feed the dogs the whole time we were gone, and she'd said she would go to wal-mart and buy food for them - she forgot because she was too busy cutting herself.
He told her that she can't stay in the house unless she can follow house rules, which includes not cutting. We want her here for the rest of the week, but He won't have her cutting around me. I can't handle it. Finding out that she'd cut pushed me pretty hard, and I'd been feeling stable again after my period and all the mood swings.
susy was in the close background the whole argument. she was so upset (i can handle my stupid girly shit most of the time) and of course i started crying like an idiot. she doesn't want to lose "her jessi". I don't either. It's going to hurt to have her leave, but after the argument we all made it clear to each other that we do love her and she loves us, and we're not leaving this D/s relationship on bad terms, even with everything that's happened the past several weeks.
She made it almost 4 months without cutting, and I was so proud of her. I can't believe she did it, she was so close, and we were going to be home soon.
She stopped being collared before she cut, even if she was wearing her collar. From the moment she gave her notice, she stopped obeying rules, protocols and standing orders, and did basically whatever she wanted with no regard for her family.
I just hope that she keeps what she's learned from us. She is a strong person, she has the ability to not cut (she could have made it, I know she had it in her, which is why I was so upset), she has a better self-image, she has the self-control to eat things that are better for her (drink less soda, drink more water, too), she has the confidence to stand up for herself, she's learned that if she's going to do something, she may as well do it right or not at all, and hopefully, she's learned to be a little more careful about people in the lifestyle, check references, don't go alone to meet people, etc. If she learns anything from us, I hope she's learned these things.
I wish her all the luck in the world, and if she's determined enough, she won't need luck.
I'm really going to miss her. I won't, however, miss that stinking turtle.
she's officially uncollared now, and will be leaving sometime this week. she has to sign up for classes in asheville, and she's already un-enrolled in classes here.
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