I want (pain)

I want to drown, burn, break, and suffer.
I want fear, panic, despair, internalized haate and anguish.
I want to cut myself. I want to bleed.
I want pain, love, anger, punishment and consequence.
I want cold hands pushing me into hot water.
I want to open my eyes underwater and watch the bubbles flow up and far away from me.
I want to know why Jessi really wants to leave service.
I want to eat ice cream until I puke, and cookies.
I want roped wrists. behind me, legs tied spread on the bed.
I want everything except this stupid headache.
I want Master, Sir, Daddy, Baby, Kyle Bear, Mikkal, Andy, Timmy, and Luke to dominate, correct, baby, hold, snuggle, tightly, gently, and playfully and talk to me on my level.
I want real.
I want fake.   I want to wake up from this dream. 
I want to be behind bars in a cage, alone.
I want to be raped, tormented, and left for trash.
I want sleep.
I want to quit controlling my temper for one day.
I want to scene until I pass out.
I want to stop breathing until I pass out.
I want to play, wrestle, resist, fail, and lose everything.
I want to bet you I could.