12-30-11
She's going about her normal business around the house, and the black leather gloves just come out of nowhere, and clamp over her mouth and around her neck. A black leather hood is pulled over her head, the gloved hand still over her mouth, keeping her silent. She is stripped naked, and her panties are stuffed into her mouth, before being quickly taped over with duct tape. She is half-dragged, half-carried to the bed, and tied spread to the bedposts. She is tied tightly enough that she can't move or struggle enough to get loose.
A Hitachi is taped to her cunt and secured so that it can't be moved. It's turned on high. The door closes and footsteps echo as they move down the hallway. An hour goes by; the bed has become a lake, and it has become nothing more than a whimpering, cringing, restrained mass.
He comes home. Footsteps up the hallway. The door to the bedroom opens, and then there is only silence. It is on the edge, and needs to come. The Hitachi is pulled away. It strains and whimpers, so close, not understanding why, just needing a bit more to come. The knots press into it when it pulls, but the Hitachi doesn't return. Hands run up its legs, but don't touch where it wants. It feels a hand on the hood, "no please don't take off the hood!" it thinks, but the hand only tightens the knots on the back of the hood, making sure it's on securely. Up the hips and caressing its breasts, and then the hands leave.
His cock pushes up against it, and slowly pushes in. Now it will be able to come; It only needs a push, it is so close. His cock goes in so slowly it's torture and it can't reach. It whimpers, desperate to communicate that it needs to come and can't hold on, but can't reach either. His cock grinds into the back wall now, having moved slowly in, filling it up completely, and then ever so slowly begins to withdraw. It whimpers, trying to keep Him inside, desperate. His tip lingers and stops just before exiting. He stays just inside for an eternity and then it hears a voice so close. "Come. Come on My cock." His cock rams back in, and it reaches the brink. The bucket tips, and it comes, pulling so tightly that the ropes dig in as He comes, too.
His cock slips out, and it relaxes. Used and given purpose, it is content. The Hitachi is strapped back in place and turned on high. It is left there again so that it will be ready again the next time He wants to use it. The door closes, and His footsteps echo down the hallway as He leaves.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Jumbled
We went to go get The Boots today, (finally told Major that they were the wrong ones, and he wasn't mad at all like I was afraid he would be) and took back the ones that Major had originally bought. They had the boots in a size 7, but they were still too small and hurt my feet. We went another 2 hours away and found them (we called before we went there!) in the right color and in my size!!! I now own them. Best Christmas Present Ever. I don't know whether to thank Master or Major more, because they both put so much work into finding them and making sure that I got the boots that I wanted and that fit me. I'm really excited, and I wore them all the way home, and after and only took them off to shower and when Major went to sleep (they are loud on the hardwod floor and he is in the basement, so it seemed rude to wear them) but I think I'm going to wear them all day tomorrow too (except to feed the dogs) because I love them so much. I want to take really good care of them, but I don't know if these boots need to be/can be shined and how else I can keep from damaging them if I'm going to be wearing them forever.
--- aww, I didn't have time to say that it wouldn't be sexually anyway, it would be orally. --
Directly after this, we proceeded to have sex.
Also while we were at the mall, we went to Spencer's. Master and Major both bought me a necklace. Major bought me a pretty pink and silver unicorn necklace it's so pretty I love it to death, and I'm going to make Blink wear it too every time she dresses up, it will be so pretty with our pink collar!
Master bought us a pewter colored necklace. It's heart-shaped and has a zipper going up the middle and around the outside. It looks like my collar (the not-pink one) and I plan on wearing those together always.
While we were there, I realized that this Charlotte Russe had a ton of sexy shoes. Master immediately (without me even pointing them out to Him!) picked up the other pair of boots that had caught my eye (I had tried to avoid picking them up because I was after all, getting The Boots and there was no point in looking at other shoes because I had absolutely no chance of getting them) and had me try them on. They were so sexy, and so comfortable, and... they are black with blue laces and the tongue of the shoe folds over and has gray fur as a lining. They are absolutely gorgeous, too. He bought them for me! I couldn't believe it, and I still can't believe that I got a second pair of boots when it was so much trouble to get me the first pair. (I had to stop blogging a sec to put on the blue-lace boots, they were begging to be worn). I can't decide which pair to wear to the munch.
Oh yeah, and I also and going to be getting my Awarded Leather Boots sometimes soon, too! The boots that Master and Major awarded me as my first piece of earned leather were 2 sizes too small, and have to be traded in (online) so I can't wear them for a while, but I'll be wearing them when I get them, too. And I'll be shining them, Master says.
I've gotten so many shoes and boots lately and it's so awesome. I'm not even a shoe person, or I don't think of myself as one, and I have gotten a pair of flat boots with fur, a pair of bumble bee high heels, and 3 pairs of boots (described above) just since the beginning of December.
I gave Major a bj last night. He told me a story afterward.
Master hooded me and "got me ready" to give Him a blowjob by shoving my pink jelly vibrator down my throat, turned on high and rough, making me gag on purpose. He really enjoyed it. He said that The Boots gave me super blowjob powers because I didn't gag nearly as much as I normally do. Then He forced me onto my stomach on the bed and shoved His dick down my throat until He was ready to fuck me, which He did. He made me beg Him to come, and didn't let me come. It made me feel useful and at ease. Then He told me "Now" and was teasing my clit. I almost gushed everywhere, but I knew in the back of my head that He didn't really mean for me to come (He was out of me, and I don't get off without something in me, so He wouldn't have expected it) so I asked Him about it (which slowed me down) and He told me to come if I could, and I tried but I couldn't. He wasn't touching me the same, and I really wanted my vibrator back on my clit to do it. He taped my cunt shut since couldn't come. (Still hooded) He then took off the hood and ripped the duct tape off my cunt (and asshole). Then He spit in my cunt (He made me hold it open to spit in it, too) (Part of me was screaming no please don't and another part of me was screaming "DO EET, NOW" and He saw both sides and spit in me and I loved it.) He slapped me and pulled Lauren. He held her against a wall (Naked except for The Boots --I GOT FUCKED IN The Boots!!!!-Happy Dance-)
Then I was working on transcribing my blog and the story Major told me, and the door moved. A hand came in and tried to turn off the light. I had on the lamp light, so I knew that He wanted the light turned off, but not why. I turned it off, put the computer on the floor and moved toward the door to see if He was ok (Why did He want the light off?). I got to the door and had a moment of panic, so I reached for the light in case it wasn't Him after all. The light flicked on for a second, and Master was all dressed up in full vampire makeup, white face, red blood dripping, black lipstick, dark around the eyes... I screamed like a little bitch and dropped to the floor. The light went back out and I was lifted and thrown backward onto the bed and He was biting my neck hard and holding me down. I instantly went into RolePlaying mood and just lost my mind it was so amazing. He fed on both sides of my neck, and tortured me on purpose. Then we went and wiped off the make-up (His request so that I didn't stain my clothes) and then we came back to the bedroom and resumed RP almost immediately. He grabbed my leg and started spanking my ass hard, making fun of my reference to fast-healing when I still have scars on my leg from a dragon-tongue (thanks major!) while leaving even more marks. He focused mainly on my right leg, and halfway through my foot cramped, but we took care of it, and then He started beating me with paddles and things on top of hitting me with His hand. RPing a werewolf, I'm actually not a masochist even though it's Emily who is out. I think it's because of the frame of mind I have to be in to play my character, I can't enjoy the pain as much, except the feeding. I screamed over and over and loud every time He hit me. It was terrible and delicious at the same time, I thanked Him halfway through when He gave me a short break. He said I was a good girl, and put me to bed in His bed again. He told me I'm a good pet when I want to be.
"So can I go give Major a blowjob, then?"
"No.""Why not, You told me to thank him for the new boots"
"I meant verbally, not sexually.""You said that blowjobs aren't sexual."
"Shut up!"--- aww, I didn't have time to say that it wouldn't be sexually anyway, it would be orally. --
Directly after this, we proceeded to have sex.
Also while we were at the mall, we went to Spencer's. Master and Major both bought me a necklace. Major bought me a pretty pink and silver unicorn necklace it's so pretty I love it to death, and I'm going to make Blink wear it too every time she dresses up, it will be so pretty with our pink collar!
Master bought us a pewter colored necklace. It's heart-shaped and has a zipper going up the middle and around the outside. It looks like my collar (the not-pink one) and I plan on wearing those together always.
While we were there, I realized that this Charlotte Russe had a ton of sexy shoes. Master immediately (without me even pointing them out to Him!) picked up the other pair of boots that had caught my eye (I had tried to avoid picking them up because I was after all, getting The Boots and there was no point in looking at other shoes because I had absolutely no chance of getting them) and had me try them on. They were so sexy, and so comfortable, and... they are black with blue laces and the tongue of the shoe folds over and has gray fur as a lining. They are absolutely gorgeous, too. He bought them for me! I couldn't believe it, and I still can't believe that I got a second pair of boots when it was so much trouble to get me the first pair. (I had to stop blogging a sec to put on the blue-lace boots, they were begging to be worn). I can't decide which pair to wear to the munch.
Oh yeah, and I also and going to be getting my Awarded Leather Boots sometimes soon, too! The boots that Master and Major awarded me as my first piece of earned leather were 2 sizes too small, and have to be traded in (online) so I can't wear them for a while, but I'll be wearing them when I get them, too. And I'll be shining them, Master says.
I've gotten so many shoes and boots lately and it's so awesome. I'm not even a shoe person, or I don't think of myself as one, and I have gotten a pair of flat boots with fur, a pair of bumble bee high heels, and 3 pairs of boots (described above) just since the beginning of December.
I gave Major a bj last night. He told me a story afterward.
Master hooded me and "got me ready" to give Him a blowjob by shoving my pink jelly vibrator down my throat, turned on high and rough, making me gag on purpose. He really enjoyed it. He said that The Boots gave me super blowjob powers because I didn't gag nearly as much as I normally do. Then He forced me onto my stomach on the bed and shoved His dick down my throat until He was ready to fuck me, which He did. He made me beg Him to come, and didn't let me come. It made me feel useful and at ease. Then He told me "Now" and was teasing my clit. I almost gushed everywhere, but I knew in the back of my head that He didn't really mean for me to come (He was out of me, and I don't get off without something in me, so He wouldn't have expected it) so I asked Him about it (which slowed me down) and He told me to come if I could, and I tried but I couldn't. He wasn't touching me the same, and I really wanted my vibrator back on my clit to do it. He taped my cunt shut since couldn't come. (Still hooded) He then took off the hood and ripped the duct tape off my cunt (and asshole). Then He spit in my cunt (He made me hold it open to spit in it, too) (Part of me was screaming no please don't and another part of me was screaming "DO EET, NOW" and He saw both sides and spit in me and I loved it.) He slapped me and pulled Lauren. He held her against a wall (Naked except for The Boots --I GOT FUCKED IN The Boots!!!!-Happy Dance-)
Then I was working on transcribing my blog and the story Major told me, and the door moved. A hand came in and tried to turn off the light. I had on the lamp light, so I knew that He wanted the light turned off, but not why. I turned it off, put the computer on the floor and moved toward the door to see if He was ok (Why did He want the light off?). I got to the door and had a moment of panic, so I reached for the light in case it wasn't Him after all. The light flicked on for a second, and Master was all dressed up in full vampire makeup, white face, red blood dripping, black lipstick, dark around the eyes... I screamed like a little bitch and dropped to the floor. The light went back out and I was lifted and thrown backward onto the bed and He was biting my neck hard and holding me down. I instantly went into RolePlaying mood and just lost my mind it was so amazing. He fed on both sides of my neck, and tortured me on purpose. Then we went and wiped off the make-up (His request so that I didn't stain my clothes) and then we came back to the bedroom and resumed RP almost immediately. He grabbed my leg and started spanking my ass hard, making fun of my reference to fast-healing when I still have scars on my leg from a dragon-tongue (thanks major!) while leaving even more marks. He focused mainly on my right leg, and halfway through my foot cramped, but we took care of it, and then He started beating me with paddles and things on top of hitting me with His hand. RPing a werewolf, I'm actually not a masochist even though it's Emily who is out. I think it's because of the frame of mind I have to be in to play my character, I can't enjoy the pain as much, except the feeding. I screamed over and over and loud every time He hit me. It was terrible and delicious at the same time, I thanked Him halfway through when He gave me a short break. He said I was a good girl, and put me to bed in His bed again. He told me I'm a good pet when I want to be.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
My Boots (Awarded my first Earned Leather)
They smell so good, they're knee-high, they have laces, buckles and no zipper so that every time I put them on I am reminded of what they mean, the time and effort and discipline that goes into the leather lifestyle. They lace all the way up the front, and then there are five buckles that go over the laces. They are of course black, no shine (yet, there will be soon), heavy, durable, hard core, and totally kick-ass boots. Also, they smell good (better than a new car). The soles are an inch thick with screws in the bottom to keep the sole secure. They are also acid (and a bunch of other stuff) resistant, so I can pretty much walk everywhere, which is good, because I am expected to follow the lead of my Master, which can take me some pretty crazy and kick-ass places.
My boots are also my first piece of earned leather. They were presented to me by SargentMajor, who just yesterday placed me under his collar of protection. He is my Master's leather brother, and as such, is kind of like my "Uncle Major" in a way. He says I earned them. Coming from someone who knows me as well as he does, that means a lot to me.
My boots were presented by SargentMajor, but they were gifted by both SargentMajor and my Master, Relly. Of course, it was a total secret and surprise to me, because unlike me, they both have awesome poker faces and are good at keeping secrets.
Leather takes a lot of work. It has to be treated, it has to be kept clean, taken care of, shined, and respected. Some may even go so far as to say that you can build a relationship with it, and get to know it. If you don't take care of it, it deteriorates, but if you do put in the time, the effort, and the respect, it will take care of you, too. This also applies to the leather lifestyle.
I have grown a lot in the past few years. I've tried a lot of things that scare the shit out of me, and (with a lot of help from my leather family) gotten out of my comfort zone, pushed some hard limits, and learned a lot. I tried needles, waterboarding, entered a title competition, got my ears pierced for the first time ever (this was one of the things that really turned out well in the long run, and I love them so much), and Master and I are even considering getting me a few other piercings. Now, the things I listed are mostly the kink part, the play stuff, the fun. But I have also learned a lot about people, about safety, about relationships, trust, hard work, respect, and dependability. I'm not going to list the things I've done, because that's not something to be pointed out. That's my responsibility to the community, it's not something special, I feel like it's my job. Who I am is what's important. If I give my word, it reflects on me, my Master, and our group, Kinky Catawba. I do my best to be dependable, honest, and supportive of the people around me.
My boots mean to me:
People respect me.
People see me as a leader, even though I don't do the "public speaking thing."
I'm officially a part of the community now!
I'm doing something right, so I should keep doing it.
Next time I really will kick D_C's ass, with these kick-ass boots. ;)
I'm going to learn how to shine boots now.
I own these. Master allows me to own these. (That brings the butterflies the most.)
So much that I can't put into words right now.
My boots are also my first piece of earned leather. They were presented to me by SargentMajor, who just yesterday placed me under his collar of protection. He is my Master's leather brother, and as such, is kind of like my "Uncle Major" in a way. He says I earned them. Coming from someone who knows me as well as he does, that means a lot to me.
My boots were presented by SargentMajor, but they were gifted by both SargentMajor and my Master, Relly. Of course, it was a total secret and surprise to me, because unlike me, they both have awesome poker faces and are good at keeping secrets.
Leather takes a lot of work. It has to be treated, it has to be kept clean, taken care of, shined, and respected. Some may even go so far as to say that you can build a relationship with it, and get to know it. If you don't take care of it, it deteriorates, but if you do put in the time, the effort, and the respect, it will take care of you, too. This also applies to the leather lifestyle.
I have grown a lot in the past few years. I've tried a lot of things that scare the shit out of me, and (with a lot of help from my leather family) gotten out of my comfort zone, pushed some hard limits, and learned a lot. I tried needles, waterboarding, entered a title competition, got my ears pierced for the first time ever (this was one of the things that really turned out well in the long run, and I love them so much), and Master and I are even considering getting me a few other piercings. Now, the things I listed are mostly the kink part, the play stuff, the fun. But I have also learned a lot about people, about safety, about relationships, trust, hard work, respect, and dependability. I'm not going to list the things I've done, because that's not something to be pointed out. That's my responsibility to the community, it's not something special, I feel like it's my job. Who I am is what's important. If I give my word, it reflects on me, my Master, and our group, Kinky Catawba. I do my best to be dependable, honest, and supportive of the people around me.
My boots mean to me:
People respect me.
People see me as a leader, even though I don't do the "public speaking thing."
I'm officially a part of the community now!
I'm doing something right, so I should keep doing it.
Next time I really will kick D_C's ass, with these kick-ass boots. ;)
I'm going to learn how to shine boots now.
I own these. Master allows me to own these. (That brings the butterflies the most.)
So much that I can't put into words right now.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
doing all my blog posts manually
yup ^
will back post them when I finally type them up :)
had sex last night, I have cum in me, I was supposed to start my period today but didn't. Master and Major bought me combat high heels but they weren't The Shoes I wanted (Never felt like that about a pair of shoes before in my life) and they hurt my feet. I almost had a breakdown in front of everyone because they weren't the shoes. I know I'll never find them again (not being pessimistic, can't find them anywhere online or otherwise) and the store I saw them in didn't have my size in the first place or I would have had them then. blah. but I'm ok now, Master says we'll tell Major they're not the right shoes, and we can take them back and get a pair that actually fit me or I like or something. I told Him I don't need a replacement pair if they're not The Shoes but He wants me to have some --I don't understand that really, because it doesn't make sense to me to have just another pair of high heels if they aren't something I really really am aching for-- but He doesn't understand how I could like one pair of boots and not a similar pair. It's really simple to me. The reasons I fell in love with the other pair are the things that are missing from the pair they got me. The biggest thing was that they don't have the really deep treads that the other pair had. Also, they're not as comfy, the material it's made of isn't the right texture for combat boots, I think the laces are different (they hurt my hands) and there isn't any fur in the top of the boots.
It's really not a big deal. The big deal was that I didn't want to hurt them by letting on that it was the wrong pair of shoes.
will back post them when I finally type them up :)
had sex last night, I have cum in me, I was supposed to start my period today but didn't. Master and Major bought me combat high heels but they weren't The Shoes I wanted (Never felt like that about a pair of shoes before in my life) and they hurt my feet. I almost had a breakdown in front of everyone because they weren't the shoes. I know I'll never find them again (not being pessimistic, can't find them anywhere online or otherwise) and the store I saw them in didn't have my size in the first place or I would have had them then. blah. but I'm ok now, Master says we'll tell Major they're not the right shoes, and we can take them back and get a pair that actually fit me or I like or something. I told Him I don't need a replacement pair if they're not The Shoes but He wants me to have some --I don't understand that really, because it doesn't make sense to me to have just another pair of high heels if they aren't something I really really am aching for-- but He doesn't understand how I could like one pair of boots and not a similar pair. It's really simple to me. The reasons I fell in love with the other pair are the things that are missing from the pair they got me. The biggest thing was that they don't have the really deep treads that the other pair had. Also, they're not as comfy, the material it's made of isn't the right texture for combat boots, I think the laces are different (they hurt my hands) and there isn't any fur in the top of the boots.
It's really not a big deal. The big deal was that I didn't want to hurt them by letting on that it was the wrong pair of shoes.
Monday, December 19, 2011
serving doesn't feel so noble right now.
serving when I'm angry makes me feel weak, pathetic, unappreciated.
It makes me feel like I've been told "you're absolutely useless to me, I don't want to see your face ever again.... go make me a sandwich." Because He can drop all Masterlyness but I still obey ALL protocols or risk punishment.
I mean who in their right mind goes and does something they don't want to do for someone they're angry with, knowing that the angry person won't appreciate it since they're angry. They won't be grateful, or say thank you, or think, "wow, she really loves me." They're just going to shrug, and dismiss that it was done for them. "Oh, she just does it because it gets her off. It's something she really wants in the long run."
I don't want an argument about this, so I won't go bug Him after what was just said between us, but if He could explain this to me so I can cope and keep serving without rebelling when I'm angry, I'd really appreciate it.
It makes me feel like I've been told "you're absolutely useless to me, I don't want to see your face ever again.... go make me a sandwich." Because He can drop all Masterlyness but I still obey ALL protocols or risk punishment.
I mean who in their right mind goes and does something they don't want to do for someone they're angry with, knowing that the angry person won't appreciate it since they're angry. They won't be grateful, or say thank you, or think, "wow, she really loves me." They're just going to shrug, and dismiss that it was done for them. "Oh, she just does it because it gets her off. It's something she really wants in the long run."
I don't want an argument about this, so I won't go bug Him after what was just said between us, but if He could explain this to me so I can cope and keep serving without rebelling when I'm angry, I'd really appreciate it.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Marina Abramovic - Rhythm 0
http://www.portlandmercury.com/portland/marina-abramovic/Content?oid=37615
A really very fascinating history and social experiment sets.
A really very fascinating history and social experiment sets.
Tuesday night, the "grandmother of performance art" (her own designation), Marina Abramovic will tell Portland about her life's work, which has married highbrow art, self-mutilation, behavioral psychology, and religious asceticism for more than 30 years. While other similarly intense performance artists of her era have retired to less punishing practices, Abramovic continues to push the limits of her mind and body, even as she turns 60 this year. It's a free lecture, and it's going to be packed, so show up early. And keep your eyes out for some of these classic works.
Imponderabilia, 1977—Abramovic and then-collaborator Ulay stand guard at the entrance to a performance festival in Bologna. They flank the narrow doorway completely nude. In order to enter the galleries, each audience member must squeeze between the two naked artists, deciding which of them to face.
Rhythm 0, 1974—In what would become her most famous performance to date, Abramovic offers her body (and by extension, her life) completely to her audience. She stands in a room with a table that held 72 objects—needles, grapes, knives, chains, a saw, lipstick—and a loaded pistol. A sign on the wall gives the audience permission to use the objects on the artist however they want. Although they start off timidly, by the end of the performance her clothes have been cut off, and she has been sliced with razors. Someone holds the gun against her head, and another audience member wrestles it away. This goes on for six hours.
Rhythm 2, 1974—Abramovic takes a pill designed for catatonic patients. For two hours, in front of a packed audience, the artist's body seizes, lurches, and shakes uncontrollably. Ten minutes after the effects wear off, Abramovic takes another pill—one that paralyzes her body for an additional six full hours.
The House With the Ocean View, 2002—In a riff on endurance-based performance art from the '70s, Abramovic fasts and lives in the Sean Kelly Gallery for 12 straight days in full view of her audience. The only way she can stop the performance is by descending from her elevated living space via one of three ladders. The ladders' rungs are made of upturned butcher knives. For nearly two weeks, she does little but shower, go to the bathroom, sleep, and stare at the audience. She doesn't utter a word for the duration of the performance. Unlike Rhythm 0, this audience confrontation requires no props. CHAS BOWIE
for more info, here's another link
http://www.duke.edu/web/museo/spring99/marina.html
I'd love to know what the 72 items were.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/patricia-zohn/culture-zohn-marina-abrom_b_493064.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/12/arts/design/12abromovic.html?pagewanted=all
Imponderabilia, 1977—Abramovic and then-collaborator Ulay stand guard at the entrance to a performance festival in Bologna. They flank the narrow doorway completely nude. In order to enter the galleries, each audience member must squeeze between the two naked artists, deciding which of them to face.
Rhythm 0, 1974—In what would become her most famous performance to date, Abramovic offers her body (and by extension, her life) completely to her audience. She stands in a room with a table that held 72 objects—needles, grapes, knives, chains, a saw, lipstick—and a loaded pistol. A sign on the wall gives the audience permission to use the objects on the artist however they want. Although they start off timidly, by the end of the performance her clothes have been cut off, and she has been sliced with razors. Someone holds the gun against her head, and another audience member wrestles it away. This goes on for six hours.
Rhythm 2, 1974—Abramovic takes a pill designed for catatonic patients. For two hours, in front of a packed audience, the artist's body seizes, lurches, and shakes uncontrollably. Ten minutes after the effects wear off, Abramovic takes another pill—one that paralyzes her body for an additional six full hours.
The House With the Ocean View, 2002—In a riff on endurance-based performance art from the '70s, Abramovic fasts and lives in the Sean Kelly Gallery for 12 straight days in full view of her audience. The only way she can stop the performance is by descending from her elevated living space via one of three ladders. The ladders' rungs are made of upturned butcher knives. For nearly two weeks, she does little but shower, go to the bathroom, sleep, and stare at the audience. She doesn't utter a word for the duration of the performance. Unlike Rhythm 0, this audience confrontation requires no props. CHAS BOWIE
for more info, here's another link
http://www.duke.edu/web/museo/spring99/marina.html
I'd love to know what the 72 items were.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/patricia-zohn/culture-zohn-marina-abrom_b_493064.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/12/arts/design/12abromovic.html?pagewanted=all
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
HP battery recalls seen at walmart
http://walmartstores.com/Recalls/
http://www.recalls.gov/search.html search HP battery
http://search.cpsc.gov/query.html?col=recalls&charset=iso-8859-1&qt=hp+battery
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml10/10240.html
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml11/11234.html (expanded)
http://bpr.hpordercenter.com/hbpr/ -eventual end destination
http://www.recalls.gov/search.html search HP battery
http://search.cpsc.gov/query.html?col=recalls&charset=iso-8859-1&qt=hp+battery
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml10/10240.html
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml11/11234.html (expanded)
http://bpr.hpordercenter.com/hbpr/ -eventual end destination
Monday, December 12, 2011
He wants for Christmas
funny T-Shirts
knives
ipod- cheap mp3 player not really
legos
ninjago black ninja alarm clock
hot wheels that no one can pick out but me
fast food gift cards
boxers
socks
shoes
cool cigars
poofy pillow... ooooooh
warm fuzzy blanket... yeeeeeeah
straight talk android phone
knives
ipod- cheap mp3 player not really
legos
ninjago black ninja alarm clock
hot wheels that no one can pick out but me
fast food gift cards
boxers
socks
shoes
cool cigars
poofy pillow... ooooooh
warm fuzzy blanket... yeeeeeeah
straight talk android phone
responsible
He wants a $150 phone for Christmas.
I want the car fixed, the dog's shots, our bills paid....
I hate being the responsible one.
I'd love to go all out and tell people exactly what I want, but I am not comfortable in my skin when the car is 2 years overdue for an inspection, and everytime we ride by a cop my husband freaks the fuck out. All I want for Christmas is comfort.
He accuses me of saying that He should give up His Christmas present (to Himself) so that the car will be fixed.
I HATE THIS. I can't go out and get the car inspected. I CANNOT DRIVE. and he flat out won't do it. It makes me feel like He doesn't do it as a fucking power trip. to torture me.
I wish I could let go and enjoy everything, but our car is ILLEGAL.
I hate that they make fun of girls who like major. major should be thankful that someone likes him, not an asshole and talk about how pathetic these girls are. I am friends with these girls, and I can't stand the way he talks about them behind their back. It instantly makes me hate him.
I want the car fixed, the dog's shots, our bills paid....
I hate being the responsible one.
I'd love to go all out and tell people exactly what I want, but I am not comfortable in my skin when the car is 2 years overdue for an inspection, and everytime we ride by a cop my husband freaks the fuck out. All I want for Christmas is comfort.
He accuses me of saying that He should give up His Christmas present (to Himself) so that the car will be fixed.
I HATE THIS. I can't go out and get the car inspected. I CANNOT DRIVE. and he flat out won't do it. It makes me feel like He doesn't do it as a fucking power trip. to torture me.
I wish I could let go and enjoy everything, but our car is ILLEGAL.
I hate that they make fun of girls who like major. major should be thankful that someone likes him, not an asshole and talk about how pathetic these girls are. I am friends with these girls, and I can't stand the way he talks about them behind their back. It instantly makes me hate him.
Punishments
I was punished today.
I drank 2 glasses of water yesterday, my minimum allowance was 4. I was hit twice with the rubber paddle (we just bought it, it was $5 at Spencer's and I thought I would love it. It hurts so bad!) and then fucked, humiliated, written on, and made to cry.
Now I have to drink a minimum of 5 glasses of water today. Standing order.
I forgot to lift the toilet seat at Wal-Mart and confessed it to Him when I remembered. I was hit again two more times with the rubber paddle.
I drank 2 glasses of water yesterday, my minimum allowance was 4. I was hit twice with the rubber paddle (we just bought it, it was $5 at Spencer's and I thought I would love it. It hurts so bad!) and then fucked, humiliated, written on, and made to cry.
Now I have to drink a minimum of 5 glasses of water today. Standing order.
I forgot to lift the toilet seat at Wal-Mart and confessed it to Him when I remembered. I was hit again two more times with the rubber paddle.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Assignment: Personalities and Relationships
Kyle's Relationship with:
Emily - Kyle is my Master. He is my friend, and He is so much fun to have sex with!
Phiar - Kyle is that asshole who never wants me to have any fun. No, really, He always picks me up when I break. He holds me, and He knows all my weaknesses and fantasies and plays me like a harp.
Lauren - I respect Him, but He is not my Master. He is my Dominant, and He calls me when something is wrong with His girls, and we respect each other.
Susy - Kyle is my Daddy!! He's my Kyle-Bear and He snuggles me when I have bad dreams. He's been really bossy lately though. He makes me call Him Sir and stuff because He's a bossy-face.
Candy - Kyle is my Daddy, too. He doesn't get mad at me though, because I listen better, and I know that He's my Master and I am His slave. I always try to do what He says and not fuss too much.
Blink - Kyle tells me what to do, and I do my best not to listen because I don't like to listen. but I play and make Him laugh so He doesn't know that I don't want to listen and just want to play. He put me in Five and poured water on me. I loved that it was super fun.
Danny - Kyle broke me the first time and now we have an understanding. In fact, it's even better than an understanding.
Sydney - Kyle is comfort to me. Protector.
Vicki - Kyle listens to me. He used to listen better, but I understand. It's very important that what He's doing succeeds. I am His Mistress, but I will always be their slave as well, because I respect who He must be in public.
Melissa - Kyle is my Dominant. I obey Him, and we get along well.
Gin - He picked me up that night in Alabama. On the bridge. I miss Him.
Seshafi - He is my Master. He owns me, and He uses me as He pleases, but He is teaching me as well.
Andrew's Relationship with:
Emily - It sounds so stupid, and seems so obvious, when I say it like this, but He's my Husband, and I don't know what else to say. The sex always seems to get better when he's around.
Phiar - I love having sex with Him! I didn't think I would, since my fantasy is other people, but it was really good, and I'd like to do it again some time.
Lauren - Andrew is genuine, loving, and gentle. He lets me have sips of His coffee, and I love adding cinnamon to it. I miss cuddling with Him.
Susy - He's my Andy and I love Him! wee got in a fight one day because I said No to Him, and He had to make me listen. I didn't want to listen, and it hurt, but I was really glad to have Him around after it was over. And I'm glad He made me listen.
Candy - I love Him. He's my Daddy, too - I call everyone but Timmy and Luke "Daddy" because I love them so much and they all take good good care of me, and my Andrew Daddy is a bit more gentle with me than the rest.
Blink - Andrew always looks when I tap His shoulder. I love playing with Him, He's very much fun and nice and sweet.
Danny - Andrew is the best at understanding how hard it is to "play nice with the girls" and always listens when I need to talk about it.
Sydney - When both of us are out at the same time, it usually leads to amazing sex, because we love each other so much. He's my Husband, and usually doesn't want to spend the time telling me what to do instead of enjoying my company. It's like we can never get enough of each other.
Vicki - He's submissive to me, too. I haven't been out in a long time, and it's hard to write these things.
Melissa -
Gin - We understand each other. I think He was the one who told me I don't have to be submissive, and likes that about me.
Seshafi - He gave me my name. He recognized me, "Sands" and helped me realize who and what I am.
Mikkal's Relationship with:
Emily - We have a running joke that He likes fucking me because I'm "Kyle's girl". I respect Him very much.
Phiar - Mikkal is a lot of fun to play with. Someone usually ends up hurt though.
Lauren - I'm His BabyGirl. He loves fucking me too hard. I love giving Him my pain. When I feel like I can't take any more pain, that's when He smiles down and says good girl.
Susy - I'm His Cookies!! He loves me and plays rough with me but not hurts me.
Candy - Mikkal is very soft to me. I like it. I like that He touches me and doesn't want sex. I like that He doesn't want sex because I'm a little girl. I like that He never gets mad if I don't want to do something.
Blink -I like playing with Mikkal because He has a funny sense of humor and likes my jokes, but He avoids me a little because it is hard for Him to talk to me and understand what I'm saying.
Danny - He can make me feel like a woman without ruining my reputation with everyone else.
Sydney - He's scary, but I still know He won't hurt me. I love that look He gets when He's thinking of hurting someone.
Vicki - He can fuck me hard enough, sometimes.
Melissa - Danny gave me to Mikkal as a gift. He is my Master, and I very much enjoy pleasing Him.
Gin - Mikkal makes me feel alive. I love the feeling of danger around Him. He thinks my driving sucks.
Seshafi - Mikkal loves having sex with me, using me. Especially because He knows I don't enjoy sex.
Luke's Relationship with:
Emily -
Phiar - Cute kid. I like showing Him my boobs because He gets all excited and wants to touch. And I love being touched!
Lauren -
Susy - Luke and I always yell at each other, but it's fun, and we love getting on each others nerves. I wanna kiss him on the mouth!
Candy - He gave me a ZhuZhu Pet!!! :) She's so pretty and I love her so much.I'm so glad we're friends.
Blink - I like Luke. He always says what He means, and I don't have to worry that He's being nice to spare my feelings.
Danny - I named Luke, because He was saying I like you - wouldn't say I love you... and I took the u from you and put it into "like." He's a good kid, and always tries to please.
Sydney - He's so sensitive! When I explained to Him that sometimes sex hurts us, He stopped pushing so hard, and even played with me to help meet more comfortable before we did anything.
Vicki - He's my little boy of course! He listens, and He's always so eager to please and lay His head on my chest and snuggle up close to me.
Melissa -
Gin - I think we've met once.
Seshafi - He was surprised the first time I called Him Sir, and He loves that I'll have sex with Him any time He asks.
Timmy's Relationship with:
Emily -
Phiar - We see each other around, but I don't think there's been a real connection yet. I try to be less... outspoken around Him so that I don't upset Him. I'd love to get to know Him better, but I'm not sure what common interests we have.
Lauren -
Susy -
Candy -
Blink - We always get into so much fun (trouble) together! We eat candy and play games and drink milk and stuff. Timmy is a good friend.
Danny -
Sydney -
Vicki -
Melissa -
Gin -
Seshafi - I don't come out much when Timmy is around, there are many others who are always anxious to be out around Him.Still, if He were to give me an order, I would follow it.
Emily - Kyle is my Master. He is my friend, and He is so much fun to have sex with!
Phiar - Kyle is that asshole who never wants me to have any fun. No, really, He always picks me up when I break. He holds me, and He knows all my weaknesses and fantasies and plays me like a harp.
Lauren - I respect Him, but He is not my Master. He is my Dominant, and He calls me when something is wrong with His girls, and we respect each other.
Susy - Kyle is my Daddy!! He's my Kyle-Bear and He snuggles me when I have bad dreams. He's been really bossy lately though. He makes me call Him Sir and stuff because He's a bossy-face.
Candy - Kyle is my Daddy, too. He doesn't get mad at me though, because I listen better, and I know that He's my Master and I am His slave. I always try to do what He says and not fuss too much.
Blink - Kyle tells me what to do, and I do my best not to listen because I don't like to listen. but I play and make Him laugh so He doesn't know that I don't want to listen and just want to play. He put me in Five and poured water on me. I loved that it was super fun.
Danny - Kyle broke me the first time and now we have an understanding. In fact, it's even better than an understanding.
Sydney - Kyle is comfort to me. Protector.
Vicki - Kyle listens to me. He used to listen better, but I understand. It's very important that what He's doing succeeds. I am His Mistress, but I will always be their slave as well, because I respect who He must be in public.
Melissa - Kyle is my Dominant. I obey Him, and we get along well.
Gin - He picked me up that night in Alabama. On the bridge. I miss Him.
Seshafi - He is my Master. He owns me, and He uses me as He pleases, but He is teaching me as well.
Andrew's Relationship with:
Emily - It sounds so stupid, and seems so obvious, when I say it like this, but He's my Husband, and I don't know what else to say. The sex always seems to get better when he's around.
Phiar - I love having sex with Him! I didn't think I would, since my fantasy is other people, but it was really good, and I'd like to do it again some time.
Lauren - Andrew is genuine, loving, and gentle. He lets me have sips of His coffee, and I love adding cinnamon to it. I miss cuddling with Him.
Susy - He's my Andy and I love Him! wee got in a fight one day because I said No to Him, and He had to make me listen. I didn't want to listen, and it hurt, but I was really glad to have Him around after it was over. And I'm glad He made me listen.
Candy - I love Him. He's my Daddy, too - I call everyone but Timmy and Luke "Daddy" because I love them so much and they all take good good care of me, and my Andrew Daddy is a bit more gentle with me than the rest.
Blink - Andrew always looks when I tap His shoulder. I love playing with Him, He's very much fun and nice and sweet.
Danny - Andrew is the best at understanding how hard it is to "play nice with the girls" and always listens when I need to talk about it.
Sydney - When both of us are out at the same time, it usually leads to amazing sex, because we love each other so much. He's my Husband, and usually doesn't want to spend the time telling me what to do instead of enjoying my company. It's like we can never get enough of each other.
Vicki - He's submissive to me, too. I haven't been out in a long time, and it's hard to write these things.
Melissa -
Gin - We understand each other. I think He was the one who told me I don't have to be submissive, and likes that about me.
Seshafi - He gave me my name. He recognized me, "Sands" and helped me realize who and what I am.
Mikkal's Relationship with:
Emily - We have a running joke that He likes fucking me because I'm "Kyle's girl". I respect Him very much.
Phiar - Mikkal is a lot of fun to play with. Someone usually ends up hurt though.
Lauren - I'm His BabyGirl. He loves fucking me too hard. I love giving Him my pain. When I feel like I can't take any more pain, that's when He smiles down and says good girl.
Susy - I'm His Cookies!! He loves me and plays rough with me but not hurts me.
Candy - Mikkal is very soft to me. I like it. I like that He touches me and doesn't want sex. I like that He doesn't want sex because I'm a little girl. I like that He never gets mad if I don't want to do something.
Blink -I like playing with Mikkal because He has a funny sense of humor and likes my jokes, but He avoids me a little because it is hard for Him to talk to me and understand what I'm saying.
Danny - He can make me feel like a woman without ruining my reputation with everyone else.
Sydney - He's scary, but I still know He won't hurt me. I love that look He gets when He's thinking of hurting someone.
Vicki - He can fuck me hard enough, sometimes.
Melissa - Danny gave me to Mikkal as a gift. He is my Master, and I very much enjoy pleasing Him.
Gin - Mikkal makes me feel alive. I love the feeling of danger around Him. He thinks my driving sucks.
Seshafi - Mikkal loves having sex with me, using me. Especially because He knows I don't enjoy sex.
Luke's Relationship with:
Emily -
Phiar - Cute kid. I like showing Him my boobs because He gets all excited and wants to touch. And I love being touched!
Lauren -
Susy - Luke and I always yell at each other, but it's fun, and we love getting on each others nerves. I wanna kiss him on the mouth!
Candy - He gave me a ZhuZhu Pet!!! :) She's so pretty and I love her so much.I'm so glad we're friends.
Blink - I like Luke. He always says what He means, and I don't have to worry that He's being nice to spare my feelings.
Danny - I named Luke, because He was saying I like you - wouldn't say I love you... and I took the u from you and put it into "like." He's a good kid, and always tries to please.
Sydney - He's so sensitive! When I explained to Him that sometimes sex hurts us, He stopped pushing so hard, and even played with me to help meet more comfortable before we did anything.
Vicki - He's my little boy of course! He listens, and He's always so eager to please and lay His head on my chest and snuggle up close to me.
Melissa -
Gin - I think we've met once.
Seshafi - He was surprised the first time I called Him Sir, and He loves that I'll have sex with Him any time He asks.
Timmy's Relationship with:
Emily -
Phiar - We see each other around, but I don't think there's been a real connection yet. I try to be less... outspoken around Him so that I don't upset Him. I'd love to get to know Him better, but I'm not sure what common interests we have.
Lauren -
Susy -
Candy -
Blink - We always get into so much fun (trouble) together! We eat candy and play games and drink milk and stuff. Timmy is a good friend.
Danny -
Sydney -
Vicki -
Melissa -
Gin -
Seshafi - I don't come out much when Timmy is around, there are many others who are always anxious to be out around Him.Still, if He were to give me an order, I would follow it.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Renumbered at Master's instruction.
- Shaved - Arms
- Shaved - Armpits
- Shaved - Cunt
- Shaved - Legs
- Shaved - Ass
- Cleanliness - Body
- Cleanliness - Clothing
- Cleanliness - Mouth
- Cleanliness - Hair
- Cleanliness - Did the slave follow orders from the previous day regarding self-care?
- Physical Appearance - Has slave applied make-up today?
- Physical Appearance - Has slave brushed her hair today?
- Physical Appearance - Has slave "dressed to kill" for her Master today?
- Physical Appearance - Has the slave been drinking water/applying chapstick to take care of her skin?
- Physical Appearance - Does the slave appear confident in her position?
- Knowledge - Does slave know her rules? Protocols?
- Knowledge - Does slave know her Master? favorite colors, how does He take His coffee, etc.
- Knowledge - Does slave hold her position correctly?
- Knowledge - Does slave speak only when spoken to, and answer confidently?
- Knowledge - Is the slave prompt to assume the position, or is she in position when her Master enters the room?
My Score:
1: 3
2: 4
3: 3
4: 4
5: 5
6: 4
7: 5
8: 4
9: 4
10: 5
11: 1
12: 2
13: 4
14: 4
15: 5
16: 5
17: 3
18: 5
19: 4
20: 5
79/100
C+ 100-90 is A, 89-80 is B, 79-70 is C, 69-65 is D, 64< is FAIL
Master expects at least a B, however, and so anything below a 70 is still punishable.
Notes:
1. Learn your rules: http://emilytade.blogspot.com/2011/11/for-your-consideration.html
#9+10 are to be changed and consolidated into one rule that is;
#9 I will follow all rules, protocols, and standing orders to the best of my ability.
(http://emilytade.blogspot.com/search/label/Rules)
2. Put your make-up on daily!!! I don't care if you have to set an alarm clock to get up early enough, but you better have it on!
3. 4-5 glasses of water daily
4. Great job on the positions! I'm proud of you.
5. Create an easy to read/use score sheet for the inspection.
my New Rules
He loved my idea for reordering my rules! So these are the new ones that I have to learn!
Rule 2, I will be clear and open regarding my needs and desires, both in everyday life and during sex.I will inform my Master when I feel the desire to cut, and I will use my safeword when I feel I have reached my limit.
Rule 3, I will take care of all my needs to the best of my abilities, asking my Master if there is a need I am unable to meet alone, and will dress according to my Master's direction.
Rule 4, I will refer to my Master as Sir, unless otherwise instructed.
Rule 5, I will be respectful of myself, both by my words and actions, as it is necessary to respect myself in order to respect my Master.
Rule 6, I will be respectful of my Master, both by my words and actions. It is my purpose to please Him, and disrespect is not to be tolerated.
Rule 7, I will wear my collar always, and will obey each of my Master's commands confidently, knowing it has been well-thought out, and that He would not give me a task that I am not equipped to complete to His satisfaction.
Rule 8, I will blog daily unless given permission to do otherwise, and will leave the blog window open each time I have finished blogging so that He may read it.
Rule 9, I will follow all rules, protocols, and standing orders to the best of my ability.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Assignment from 12-7-11 100 point inspection
100 point inspection. There are four categories, with total 25 points in each category. Each item in these categories is worth 5 points.
Points:
Shaved - Arms
Shaved - Armpits
Shaved - Cunt
Shaved - Legs
Shaved - Ass
Cleanliness - Body
Cleanliness - Clothing
Cleanliness - Mouth
Cleanliness - Hair
Cleanliness - Did the slave follow orders from the previous day regarding self-care?
Physical Appearance - Has slave applied make-up today?
Physical Appearance - Has slave brushed her hair today?
Physical Appearance - Has slave "dressed to kill" for her Master today?
Physical Appearance - Has the slave been drinking water/applying chapstick to take care of her skin?
Physical Appearance - Does the slave appear confident in her position?
Knowledge - Does slave know her rules? Protocols?
Knowledge - Does slave know her Master? favorite colors, how does He take His coffee, etc.
Knowledge - Does slave hold her position correctly?
Knowledge - Does slave speak only when spoken to, and answer confidently?
Knowledge - Is the slave prompt to assume the position, or is she in position when her Master enters the room?
Be in position when Master enters the room, or promptly after His command.
My expectations:
At bedtime, we will go to the bedroom together, and I will undress and go to Position Two at the foot of the bed. Once He is ready, I will go to whatever position he requires for the inspection. I imagine this to be Position Five, at first. He will walk around me, judging me, looking for flaws in His property. During inspection, I am to remain perfectly silent and still unless asked a direct question. This adds to the ritual, objectification, humiliation of the inspection. Of course, Master is more than free to comment on my body, and anything I may have missed, as well as tell me to "wash your hair tomorrow." Then I will go to whatever other position He deems appropriate to be able to judge the rest of my body, but I am not allowed to make eye contact. I expect Him to grab my jaw and check my mouth (maybe only once but it's a really hot fantasy that I want to experience during an inspection) and tell me to take care of my mouth, and shove me back into Position Two. After inspecting me and making me feel purposely off balance, He may do whatever He wants to me. If I "fail" my inspection, by not doing something He told me to do, or answering a question incorrectly, or for some other reason, then I must be punished for it. If I pass, then I am allowed to go to bed, or may even be rewarded with sex... but realistically, if I pass my inspection it means I did what I was supposed to, and I'm good enough for my Master to use.
I've been fantasizing about Master (after we've established a good routine and proper expectations for an inspection) bringing Major in to "help" inspect me or punish me for failing an inspection. I really don't know how I'd deal with it though, because it made me feel so vulnerable just to have Master look at my ass that I think if Major was looking at it/judging me I wouldn't be able to handle it.
Points:
Shaved - Arms
Shaved - Armpits
Shaved - Cunt
Shaved - Legs
Shaved - Ass
Cleanliness - Body
Cleanliness - Clothing
Cleanliness - Mouth
Cleanliness - Hair
Cleanliness - Did the slave follow orders from the previous day regarding self-care?
Physical Appearance - Has slave applied make-up today?
Physical Appearance - Has slave brushed her hair today?
Physical Appearance - Has slave "dressed to kill" for her Master today?
Physical Appearance - Has the slave been drinking water/applying chapstick to take care of her skin?
Physical Appearance - Does the slave appear confident in her position?
Knowledge - Does slave know her rules? Protocols?
Knowledge - Does slave know her Master? favorite colors, how does He take His coffee, etc.
Knowledge - Does slave hold her position correctly?
Knowledge - Does slave speak only when spoken to, and answer confidently?
Knowledge - Is the slave prompt to assume the position, or is she in position when her Master enters the room?
Be in position when Master enters the room, or promptly after His command.
My expectations:
At bedtime, we will go to the bedroom together, and I will undress and go to Position Two at the foot of the bed. Once He is ready, I will go to whatever position he requires for the inspection. I imagine this to be Position Five, at first. He will walk around me, judging me, looking for flaws in His property. During inspection, I am to remain perfectly silent and still unless asked a direct question. This adds to the ritual, objectification, humiliation of the inspection. Of course, Master is more than free to comment on my body, and anything I may have missed, as well as tell me to "wash your hair tomorrow." Then I will go to whatever other position He deems appropriate to be able to judge the rest of my body, but I am not allowed to make eye contact. I expect Him to grab my jaw and check my mouth (maybe only once but it's a really hot fantasy that I want to experience during an inspection) and tell me to take care of my mouth, and shove me back into Position Two. After inspecting me and making me feel purposely off balance, He may do whatever He wants to me. If I "fail" my inspection, by not doing something He told me to do, or answering a question incorrectly, or for some other reason, then I must be punished for it. If I pass, then I am allowed to go to bed, or may even be rewarded with sex... but realistically, if I pass my inspection it means I did what I was supposed to, and I'm good enough for my Master to use.
I've been fantasizing about Master (after we've established a good routine and proper expectations for an inspection) bringing Major in to "help" inspect me or punish me for failing an inspection. I really don't know how I'd deal with it though, because it made me feel so vulnerable just to have Master look at my ass that I think if Major was looking at it/judging me I wouldn't be able to handle it.
Assignment from 12-3-11 personalities and relationships
Kyle's Relationship with:
Emily - Kyle is my Master. He is my friend, and He is so much fun to have sex with!
Phiar - Kyle is that asshole who never wants me to have any fun. No, really, He always picks me up when I break. He holds me, and He knows all my weaknesses and fantasies and plays me like a harp.
Lauren - I respect Him, but He is not my Master. He is my Dominant, and He calls me when something is wrong with His girls, and we respect each other.
Susy - Kyle is my Daddy!! He's my Kyle-Bear and He snuggles me when I have bad dreams. He's been really bossy lately though. He makes me call Him Sir and stuff because He's a bossy-face.
Candy - Kyle is my Daddy, too. He doesn't get mad at me though, because I listen better, and I know that He's my Master and I am His slave. I always try to do what He says and not fuss too much.
Blink - Kyle tells me what to do, and I do my best not to listen because I don't like to listen. but I play and make Him laugh so He doesn't know that I don't want to listen and just want to play. He put me in Five and poured water on me. I loved that it was super fun.
Danny - Kyle broke me the first time and now we have an understanding. In fact, it's even better than an understanding.
Sydney - Kyle is comfort to me. Protector.
Vicki - Kyle listens to me. He used to listen better, but I understand. It's very important that what He's doing succeeds. I am His Mistress, but I will always be their slave as well, because I respect who He must be in public.
Melissa - Kyle is my Dominant. I obey Him, and we get along well.
Gin - He picked me up that night in Alabama. On the bridge. I miss Him.
Seshafi - He is my Master. He owns me, and He uses me as He pleases, but He is teaching me as well.
Andrew's Relationship with:
Emily
Phiar
Lauren
Susy
Candy
Blink
Danny
Sydney
Vicki
Melissa
Gin
Seshafi
Mikkal's Relationship with:
Emily - We have a running joke that He likes fucking me because I'm "Kyle's girl". I respect Him very much.
Phiar - Mikkal is a lot of fun to play with. Someone usually ends up hurt though.
Lauren - I'm His BabyGirl. He loves fucking me too hard. I love giving Him my pain. When I feel like I can't take any more pain, that's when He smiles down and says good girl.
Susy - I'm His Cookies!! He loves me and plays rough with me but not hurts me.
Candy - Mikkal is very soft to me. I like it. I like that He touches me and doesn't want sex. I like that He doesn't want sex because I'm a little girl. I like that He never gets mad if I don't want to do something.
Blink -
Danny - He can make me feel like a woman without ruining my reputation with everyone else.
Sydney - He's scary, but I still know He won't hurt me. I love that look He gets when He's thinking of hurting someone.
Vicki - He can fuck me hard enough, sometimes.
Melissa - Danny gave me to Mikkal as a gift. He is my Master, and I very much enjoy pleasing Him.
Gin - Mikkal makes me feel alive. I love the feeling of danger around Him. He thinks my driving sucks.
Seshafi - Mikkal loves having sex with me, using me. Especially because He knows I don't enjoy sex.
Luke's Relationship with:
Emily
Phiar
Lauren
Susy
Candy - He gave me a ZhuZhu Pet!!! :) She's so pretty and I love her so much.
Blink
Danny
Sydney
Vicki
Melissa
Gin
Seshafi - He was surprised the first time I called Him Sir, and He loves that I'll have sex with Him any time He asks.
Timmy's Relationship with:
Emily
Phiar
Lauren
Susy
Candy
Blink
Danny
Sydney
Vicki
Melissa
Gin
Seshafi
Emily - Kyle is my Master. He is my friend, and He is so much fun to have sex with!
Phiar - Kyle is that asshole who never wants me to have any fun. No, really, He always picks me up when I break. He holds me, and He knows all my weaknesses and fantasies and plays me like a harp.
Lauren - I respect Him, but He is not my Master. He is my Dominant, and He calls me when something is wrong with His girls, and we respect each other.
Susy - Kyle is my Daddy!! He's my Kyle-Bear and He snuggles me when I have bad dreams. He's been really bossy lately though. He makes me call Him Sir and stuff because He's a bossy-face.
Candy - Kyle is my Daddy, too. He doesn't get mad at me though, because I listen better, and I know that He's my Master and I am His slave. I always try to do what He says and not fuss too much.
Blink - Kyle tells me what to do, and I do my best not to listen because I don't like to listen. but I play and make Him laugh so He doesn't know that I don't want to listen and just want to play. He put me in Five and poured water on me. I loved that it was super fun.
Danny - Kyle broke me the first time and now we have an understanding. In fact, it's even better than an understanding.
Sydney - Kyle is comfort to me. Protector.
Vicki - Kyle listens to me. He used to listen better, but I understand. It's very important that what He's doing succeeds. I am His Mistress, but I will always be their slave as well, because I respect who He must be in public.
Melissa - Kyle is my Dominant. I obey Him, and we get along well.
Gin - He picked me up that night in Alabama. On the bridge. I miss Him.
Seshafi - He is my Master. He owns me, and He uses me as He pleases, but He is teaching me as well.
Andrew's Relationship with:
Emily
Phiar
Lauren
Susy
Candy
Blink
Danny
Sydney
Vicki
Melissa
Gin
Seshafi
Mikkal's Relationship with:
Emily - We have a running joke that He likes fucking me because I'm "Kyle's girl". I respect Him very much.
Phiar - Mikkal is a lot of fun to play with. Someone usually ends up hurt though.
Lauren - I'm His BabyGirl. He loves fucking me too hard. I love giving Him my pain. When I feel like I can't take any more pain, that's when He smiles down and says good girl.
Susy - I'm His Cookies!! He loves me and plays rough with me but not hurts me.
Candy - Mikkal is very soft to me. I like it. I like that He touches me and doesn't want sex. I like that He doesn't want sex because I'm a little girl. I like that He never gets mad if I don't want to do something.
Blink -
Danny - He can make me feel like a woman without ruining my reputation with everyone else.
Sydney - He's scary, but I still know He won't hurt me. I love that look He gets when He's thinking of hurting someone.
Vicki - He can fuck me hard enough, sometimes.
Melissa - Danny gave me to Mikkal as a gift. He is my Master, and I very much enjoy pleasing Him.
Gin - Mikkal makes me feel alive. I love the feeling of danger around Him. He thinks my driving sucks.
Seshafi - Mikkal loves having sex with me, using me. Especially because He knows I don't enjoy sex.
Luke's Relationship with:
Emily
Phiar
Lauren
Susy
Candy - He gave me a ZhuZhu Pet!!! :) She's so pretty and I love her so much.
Blink
Danny
Sydney
Vicki
Melissa
Gin
Seshafi - He was surprised the first time I called Him Sir, and He loves that I'll have sex with Him any time He asks.
Timmy's Relationship with:
Emily
Phiar
Lauren
Susy
Candy
Blink
Danny
Sydney
Vicki
Melissa
Gin
Seshafi
Assignments to complete tonight
12-3-11
Assignment:
List all personalities and relationships between Master and I.
Emily
Phiar
Lauren
Susy
Candy
Blink
Danny
Sydney
Vicki
Melissa
Gin
Seshafi
Andrew
Kyle
Mikkal
Luke
Timmy
Relationships between all personalities.
12-6-11
Assignment:
Take notes on conversation with Cheshire about Leather. Add comments and critique separately.
12-7-11
Assignment:
Write out protocol detailing what an inspection should cover/be like.
Bonus: Write erotica on inspection.
Assignment:
List all personalities and relationships between Master and I.
Emily
Phiar
Lauren
Susy
Candy
Blink
Danny
Sydney
Vicki
Melissa
Gin
Seshafi
Andrew
Kyle
Mikkal
Luke
Timmy
Relationships between all personalities.
12-6-11
Assignment:
Take notes on conversation with Cheshire about Leather. Add comments and critique separately.
12-7-11
Assignment:
Write out protocol detailing what an inspection should cover/be like.
Bonus: Write erotica on inspection.
Restricted to the room today
He's been working on training me not to toss my kleenex randomly when I'm done with them. This whole week. I was very upset at first, I felt micromanaged and babied. Naw, after it's happened a few times, I realize He's taken it upon Himself to help me get to where I want to be - to make me better- He just didn't tell me first. And He shouldn't have to. I should just obey. That's my job. (Yes, another religious reference to me.)
I'm restricted to my room today. With a few exceptions like food, bathroom, chores.
This morning's "present a toy" protocol ended VERY well. We were both awake, but on our way back to sleep. Susy asked Him to snuggle, and He lifted the blanket so we could. Susy quickly pulled down her pants to her knees, and then scooted in close. He laughed and started humping me, and then pulled down His boxers, as well. Soon we were fucking, kinda. I got so turned on when He grabbed my nipple, and started thinking about last night, I begged Him not to fuck my cunt. He had already started using my cunt, but only to get His dick wet - literally. He fucked me in the ass (I asked because I said "I don't deserve sex") and pulled out on purpose serveral times so He'd have to push it back in and hurt me, and then He dumped His cum into my ass. I was so wet, and He let me come once as well. It was great sex.
After, I suggested that He keep me in a heightened state of humiliation/horny for the rest of the week to remind me of my place as a toy - that His needs come before mine. That He only fuck my ass or face until this weekend.
He seemed to like the idea as He fell asleep, but I don't know if He wants to do it or not. If He does, then I'm not allowed to touch myself either.
-Update. He doesn't remember agreeing to that, so I'm allowed to masturbate! =D *Happy Dance*
inspection soon
I'm restricted to my room today. With a few exceptions like food, bathroom, chores.
This morning's "present a toy" protocol ended VERY well. We were both awake, but on our way back to sleep. Susy asked Him to snuggle, and He lifted the blanket so we could. Susy quickly pulled down her pants to her knees, and then scooted in close. He laughed and started humping me, and then pulled down His boxers, as well. Soon we were fucking, kinda. I got so turned on when He grabbed my nipple, and started thinking about last night, I begged Him not to fuck my cunt. He had already started using my cunt, but only to get His dick wet - literally. He fucked me in the ass (I asked because I said "I don't deserve sex") and pulled out on purpose serveral times so He'd have to push it back in and hurt me, and then He dumped His cum into my ass. I was so wet, and He let me come once as well. It was great sex.
After, I suggested that He keep me in a heightened state of humiliation/horny for the rest of the week to remind me of my place as a toy - that His needs come before mine. That He only fuck my ass or face until this weekend.
He seemed to like the idea as He fell asleep, but I don't know if He wants to do it or not. If He does, then I'm not allowed to touch myself either.
-Update. He doesn't remember agreeing to that, so I'm allowed to masturbate! =D *Happy Dance*
inspection soon
Petition to my Master
I petition my Master that I be allowed to leave the bedroom for the following reasons:
To use the bathroom.
To do laundry or throw away trash
my presense is requested outside of my room
to care for the dogs or do other animal related chores.
to follow orders
to follow protocols
to eat or drink
to make a request of my Master
and He signed it!
To use the bathroom.
To do laundry or throw away trash
my presense is requested outside of my room
to care for the dogs or do other animal related chores.
to follow orders
to follow protocols
to eat or drink
to make a request of my Master
and He signed it!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
12-7-11 Inspection and Assignment (backposting)
We went to my mom's house today. She wants us to help her move my Nana + moving van THIS weekend. No warning. STRESS! Now it's next weekend instead of this one. hooha.
I'm still some sick. Nose and coughing. And some stomach sick. Food makes me unhappy.
The toy presenting didn't go as planned, but He enjoyed it. If left me horny.
We've been talking about protocol a LOT. He knows to watch for Susy testing His boundaries.
My inspection tonight was intense.
It made me feel vulnerable, property-esque, and surprisingly uncomfortable. It was a HUGE turn-on, but also made me very clingy/needy.
He put me in Position Five on the bed and checked my legs, cunt, and butt. Then Position Two with my arms above my head, and He checked my hair and armpits. I felt so unhuman, like a piece of furniture or an animal. It made me feel like I must Hush, answer only direct questions, and keep my eyes straight ahead or face the wrath. I would really LOVE to keep this intensity for all inspections.
What I wasn't prepared for was the clinginess it put into me. It made me want a very intimate fucking.
Instead, He fingered me, and my ass, and sat me on His face for a quick 69. I was upset, but swallowed anyway after a quick check/reminder that I had no choice. He put me in Position Two beside the bed and we talked in depth about what had happened.
Assignment:
Write out protocol detailing what an inspection should cover/be like.
Bonus: Write erotica on inspection.
---------------------------
Request of Master:
I would like a restricted day tomorrow.
I would like to be allowed restricted access to the rest of the house, and "grounded" (in a good way) to my room unless using the bathroom/kitchen, on doing housework/laundry.
My intended goal with this restriction is to finish all assignments and clean our bedroom by the days end.
______________________________________
I had very much hoped for sex with the inspection due to it's intimate nature. Him blowing His load in my mouth was humiliating, He was rubbing my face in (quite literally) the fact that He would not fuck me, and I was only going to be used for Him tonight.
If He had used this right, it could have been a huge turn-on. He isn't into humiliating me, so I didn't like it either. - BUT I could have.
(I'm wet just writing about it... Maybe some day.)
I'm still some sick. Nose and coughing. And some stomach sick. Food makes me unhappy.
The toy presenting didn't go as planned, but He enjoyed it. If left me horny.
We've been talking about protocol a LOT. He knows to watch for Susy testing His boundaries.
My inspection tonight was intense.
It made me feel vulnerable, property-esque, and surprisingly uncomfortable. It was a HUGE turn-on, but also made me very clingy/needy.
He put me in Position Five on the bed and checked my legs, cunt, and butt. Then Position Two with my arms above my head, and He checked my hair and armpits. I felt so unhuman, like a piece of furniture or an animal. It made me feel like I must Hush, answer only direct questions, and keep my eyes straight ahead or face the wrath. I would really LOVE to keep this intensity for all inspections.
What I wasn't prepared for was the clinginess it put into me. It made me want a very intimate fucking.
Instead, He fingered me, and my ass, and sat me on His face for a quick 69. I was upset, but swallowed anyway after a quick check/reminder that I had no choice. He put me in Position Two beside the bed and we talked in depth about what had happened.
Assignment:
Write out protocol detailing what an inspection should cover/be like.
Bonus: Write erotica on inspection.
---------------------------
Request of Master:
I would like a restricted day tomorrow.
I would like to be allowed restricted access to the rest of the house, and "grounded" (in a good way) to my room unless using the bathroom/kitchen, on doing housework/laundry.
My intended goal with this restriction is to finish all assignments and clean our bedroom by the days end.
______________________________________
I had very much hoped for sex with the inspection due to it's intimate nature. Him blowing His load in my mouth was humiliating, He was rubbing my face in (quite literally) the fact that He would not fuck me, and I was only going to be used for Him tonight.
If He had used this right, it could have been a huge turn-on. He isn't into humiliating me, so I didn't like it either. - BUT I could have.
(I'm wet just writing about it... Maybe some day.)
12-7-11 Protocol
Protocols that have taken effect as of today:
- I will not eat until Master has taken the first bite of food. If we are not eating together, I may eat without Him.
- I will not speak when Master it on the phone with someone else unless He asks me a direct question. This is the same as a temporary "HUSH" and will end when the phone call does.
- I will make Master's coffee every day in His mug, and present it to Him and wish Him a good morning. I will not use Master's Coffee Mug for my self unless instructed to do so.
- Every morning I will present my ass to my Master with a toy for His pleasure. I may choose the toy, but it may not be the same two days in a row. If He deems not to use it, that is His decision, but if He does decide to use the toy I have presented to Him, I will thank Him for playing with/using/abusing me whether I liked it or not.
- Every night before bed, I will submit to a hygiene inspection, and follow His instruction on shaving, washing, and shampooing the next day.
- I will lift the toilet seat when I am done using the toilet. When I am in a women only restroom, I will lift the toilet seat, and then put it back down.
- This reminds me that my Masters needs come before my own.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
12-6-11 Punishment
Punishment:
I forgot Master's PJs last night. He told me I would be punished for it today but not to worry since it wasn't a big mistake, I wouldn't be punished severely. He made me eat the nasty little chicken pieces in my Campbell's chicken noodle soup. It's a tick that I don't eat them, plus I think they're gross. I ate the whole bowl of soup, just like He said. It was a good punishment for what I did, I think. I'm definitely glad it's over though.
I forgot Master's PJs last night. He told me I would be punished for it today but not to worry since it wasn't a big mistake, I wouldn't be punished severely. He made me eat the nasty little chicken pieces in my Campbell's chicken noodle soup. It's a tick that I don't eat them, plus I think they're gross. I ate the whole bowl of soup, just like He said. It was a good punishment for what I did, I think. I'm definitely glad it's over though.
12-6-11 Assignment (backposting)
Assignment:
Take notes on conversation with Cheshire about Leather. Add comments and critique separately.
Miss Jan wants us to start a local MAsT group. (Masters And slaves Together)
-No play parties at MAsT group - I worry about how this would affect our KC group as well.
Chesh is very good at understanding leather, eager to participate.
My stomach is sick all day today. And my nose. I think my stomach is sick from drainage.
I started my toilet seat protocol officially today. When in public restrooms, I am to raise and then put down the toilet seat as a reminder to myself as well.
We bought a toy today. A rubber paddle. Master almost shoplifted it by accident. (Ok ok, He totally had it outside the store for 5 whole minutes before He realized He was still holding it, and ran all the way back to the first store and bought it.)
Starting tomorrow, I present Master with a toy every morning to use on me if He desires. I am allowed to pick the toy! =) (Can't be the same to two days in a row)
----------------------- wrote something embarrassing, on paper and Daddy laughed at me. I was wrong. Emily says I shouldn't have wrote that, but it felt funny and gave me a headache, so I wanted to let my Daddy know. -Susy
Take notes on conversation with Cheshire about Leather. Add comments and critique separately.
Miss Jan wants us to start a local MAsT group. (Masters And slaves Together)
-No play parties at MAsT group - I worry about how this would affect our KC group as well.
Chesh is very good at understanding leather, eager to participate.
My stomach is sick all day today. And my nose. I think my stomach is sick from drainage.
I started my toilet seat protocol officially today. When in public restrooms, I am to raise and then put down the toilet seat as a reminder to myself as well.
We bought a toy today. A rubber paddle. Master almost shoplifted it by accident. (Ok ok, He totally had it outside the store for 5 whole minutes before He realized He was still holding it, and ran all the way back to the first store and bought it.)
Starting tomorrow, I present Master with a toy every morning to use on me if He desires. I am allowed to pick the toy! =) (Can't be the same to two days in a row)
Monday, December 5, 2011
12-5-11 Collar of Protection
Did a lot of work today, Master spoke with Major about a collar of protection, and Major said he would like that. It means when Master isn't around, Major s in charge, kinda. Within my rules and stuff. Also, I played WoW today. One of my achievements won't work, even though I obviously got it several times. It's glitched which really pisses me off. I forgot Master's PJs today when he told me to have them ready for Him, so I still have to be punished for that. Tomorrow, we're meeting Chesh for lunch at IHOP to council him about leather. Major has been blech all day, with random "squirts" of happiness here and there. I've started a game where you touch your nose when you think of sex. It's funny, I keep losing The Game since LFet. Sigh. And I can't stop sneezing today. It's so annoying.
12-5-11 I will not be pissy (backposted)
Last night I was assigned 50 lines of "I will not be pissy." for backtalking. Master understood that I was tired, so He sent me to bed with instructions to complete my lines in the morning and present them to Him. (We also had sex, which was great!)
(Insert 50 handwritten lines here)
(Insert 50 handwritten lines here)
Sunday, December 4, 2011
12-4-11 Home -protocol random and nanowrimo (backposting)
Since we're thinking about doing protocols, it's really been on my mind today and yesterday, and I've realized a
insert random doodle here.
I will lift the toilet seat when I am done using the toilet.
- This reminds me that my Masters needs come before my own.
* I will not speak when Master it on the phone with someone else unless He asks me a direct question. This is the same as a temporary "HUSH" and will end when the phone call does.
* = idea
-----------------------------------------------
NaNaWriMo Expectations:
Bishu
Daily avg of words remaining for time period.
insert random doodle here.
I will lift the toilet seat when I am done using the toilet.
- This reminds me that my Masters needs come before my own.
* I will not speak when Master it on the phone with someone else unless He asks me a direct question. This is the same as a temporary "HUSH" and will end when the phone call does.
* = idea
-----------------------------------------------
NaNaWriMo Expectations:
Bishu
Daily avg of words remaining for time period.
12-4-11 @ Lfet - Awarding Major his Leather Vest (backposted)
We gave Major his leather vest today! I've been keeping it so secret we didn't even blog about it in case he accidentally saw our blog/so if he asked what I was writing about, he wouldn't get suspicious (I don't keep secrets very well).
I finally cried. I've been trying not to since I couldn't at the presentation today. If I had cried then, that was appropriate, but it seemed inappropriate to carry that strong emotional need to cry with me for the rest of the day until I finally had something make me cry, be it pain, anger, or the original happy reason. I feel that is bad, be/cause I will/could be bratty in order to get that cry out.
-What made me cry finally was when Major put all his prized leather possession on a shelf in his room, and then I suddenly realized that he had the cloth he used on my face when he waterboarded me on the shelf with his other important leather memories.-
Master is speaking with Major about putting a collar of protection on me. I'm not completely sure what that entails, so it makes me nervous (I inspired Master to want this by saying that I'm comfortable enough around Major to answer direct questions with "Sir") that I may have just made my life more difficult.
Daddy bought me sexy bee shoes!They're yellow and black striped with a bumble bee button. High heels, but they're comfortable for heels. I love them and was surprised Daddy could afford to buy them for me after getting Major his vest. (The Community chipped in, but IDK how much we ended up paying on it as well.)
We may work on protocols today. The protocol class has made some things that we do a bit more transparent to each other, and we want to work on it while it's still fresh.
I finally cried. I've been trying not to since I couldn't at the presentation today. If I had cried then, that was appropriate, but it seemed inappropriate to carry that strong emotional need to cry with me for the rest of the day until I finally had something make me cry, be it pain, anger, or the original happy reason. I feel that is bad, be/cause I will/could be bratty in order to get that cry out.
-What made me cry finally was when Major put all his prized leather possession on a shelf in his room, and then I suddenly realized that he had the cloth he used on my face when he waterboarded me on the shelf with his other important leather memories.-
Master is speaking with Major about putting a collar of protection on me. I'm not completely sure what that entails, so it makes me nervous (I inspired Master to want this by saying that I'm comfortable enough around Major to answer direct questions with "Sir") that I may have just made my life more difficult.
We may work on protocols today. The protocol class has made some things that we do a bit more transparent to each other, and we want to work on it while it's still fresh.
12-4-11 protocol list, organized (backposting)
NOTE: These are brainstorm ideas, and are not necessarily protocols that I have to follow... yet.
1. Anklet, collar, earrings, rings, or other tokens of submission are to be removed at night by my Master. If I need to remove my ring or collar for any reason, I must quietly say my safeword before doing so, and bring these items to Him to place back on me when the time comes to do so. I will (if home) present these to Him in Position 2 or 3. Exceptions: Do not bring ring after washing hands.
2. I will make Master's coffee every day in His mug, and present it to Him and wish Him a good morning. I will not use Master's Coffee Mug for my self unless instructed to do so.
3. I will put the toilet seat up for my Master evry time I relieve myself.
-Public? At one point I even did this in women's restrooms, if it would please my Master I would very m uch enjoy picking that back up.
4. "Hush" when Master is on the phone with someone else, but answer direct questions.
5. When I finish my blog, I will rub myself sexually and say my Master's names. If around others, I will excuse myself to the restroom to do this. If angry, I will add, "I love You, Master-" in front of His names.
6. When I am allowed to recover form a position, I will thank my Master. This does not have to be elaborate, a simple "Thank You, Sir" (no "Sir" if in public) will suffice.
7. Every night before bed, I will submit to a hygiene inspection, and follow His guidelines on shaving, washing, and shampooing the next day. Every Morning = Make-up, clothing
8. Every morning I will present my ass to my Master with a toy for His pleasure. I may choose the toy, but it may not be the same two days in a row. If He deems not to use it, that is His decision, but if He does decide to use the toy I have presented to Him, I will thank Him for playing with/using/abusing me whether I liked it or not.
1. Anklet, collar, earrings, rings, or other tokens of submission are to be removed at night by my Master. If I need to remove my ring or collar for any reason, I must quietly say my safeword before doing so, and bring these items to Him to place back on me when the time comes to do so. I will (if home) present these to Him in Position 2 or 3. Exceptions: Do not bring ring after washing hands.
2. I will make Master's coffee every day in His mug, and present it to Him and wish Him a good morning. I will not use Master's Coffee Mug for my self unless instructed to do so.
3. I will put the toilet seat up for my Master evry time I relieve myself.
-Public? At one point I even did this in women's restrooms, if it would please my Master I would very m uch enjoy picking that back up.
4. "Hush" when Master is on the phone with someone else, but answer direct questions.
5. When I finish my blog, I will rub myself sexually and say my Master's names. If around others, I will excuse myself to the restroom to do this. If angry, I will add, "I love You, Master-" in front of His names.
6. When I am allowed to recover form a position, I will thank my Master. This does not have to be elaborate, a simple "Thank You, Sir" (no "Sir" if in public) will suffice.
7. Every night before bed, I will submit to a hygiene inspection, and follow His guidelines on shaving, washing, and shampooing the next day. Every Morning = Make-up, clothing
8. Every morning I will present my ass to my Master with a toy for His pleasure. I may choose the toy, but it may not be the same two days in a row. If He deems not to use it, that is His decision, but if He does decide to use the toy I have presented to Him, I will thank Him for playing with/using/abusing me whether I liked it or not.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
12-3-11 @ LFet
So I did resistance play with Dr C last night. A lot of people said it was really good, but he said that he kicked my ass, and I don't really agree with that. I know that I didn't "beat" him by any means, because I don't pin people, but I feel that I succeeded in my goal of not getting pinned completely. I'm a little banged up, but not bad. a few bruises, and a lot of rug-burn but it was so much fun! A lot of people stopped to watch once we were in the dungeon. Before we were in there, we played in the hotel room. C doesn't know about our personalities, but he played with Susy in the room, and Emily in the dungeon. I broke my boots while we were playing, ripped the sole off my shoe. We got me a new pair! They're not "my boots" but they're comfy and sexy. They're black with suede, and there's no heel.
12-3-11 @ Lfet + Assignments
Assignment:
List all personalities and relationships between Master and I.
Emily
Phiar
Lauren
Susy
Candy
Blink
Danny
Sydney
Vicki
Melissa
Gin
Seshafi
Andrew
Kyle
Mikkal
Luke
Timmy
Relationships between all personalities.
List all personalities and relationships between Master and I.
Emily
Phiar
Lauren
Susy
Candy
Blink
Danny
Sydney
Vicki
Melissa
Gin
Seshafi
Andrew
Kyle
Mikkal
Luke
Timmy
Relationships between all personalities.
Friday, December 2, 2011
12-2-11 @ Lfet
Just finished getting suspended by a friend @ lfet and it was so much fun. I got to swing and stuff, was blindfolded the whole time, and found out after I was untied (I was put in a ton of fun positions) that his girl was hog-tied in front of me the whole time. It was so cool, I wish I could have seen it. There will be pics + stuff.
But I was blindfolded, didn't see anything.
I'm supposed to be doing NaNoWriMo while I'm here.
It's in November, but He wants me to do it this month. On Bishu. It's 50,000 words in a month. That's like 1200 words a day. I'm @ Zer0. SiGh. I have no clue wheere to go next with it. He owns her, they know that there is a plot to kill their beloved leader, and they have a body in his court area, a traitor.
But I was blindfolded, didn't see anything.
I'm supposed to be doing NaNoWriMo while I'm here.
It's in November, but He wants me to do it this month. On Bishu. It's 50,000 words in a month. That's like 1200 words a day. I'm @ Zer0. SiGh. I have no clue wheere to go next with it. He owns her, they know that there is a plot to kill their beloved leader, and they have a body in his court area, a traitor.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
12-1-11
Started my period.
I promised Him if He would fuck me RIGHT NOW I will let Him come inside me.
He delivered.
I only promised this because I was very horny, and He'd said "I'll fuck you tonight" and then I found out I was bleeding, and was like "Oh fuck, now I'm not going to get any sex tonight" so I decided ... sex in shower + cum inside me = thorough fucking... and it sure did.
I promised Him if He would fuck me RIGHT NOW I will let Him come inside me.
He delivered.
I only promised this because I was very horny, and He'd said "I'll fuck you tonight" and then I found out I was bleeding, and was like "Oh fuck, now I'm not going to get any sex tonight" so I decided ... sex in shower + cum inside me = thorough fucking... and it sure did.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
November 30 backposted
11-30-11
He's disgusted with me. Everything He says to me is in the tone of, "I can't believe what I put up with." Not just disgusting, that's too easy to explain. Distasteful. That's the word Phiar uses to explain the way she feels about humiliation. It's a polite way of saying, "That shit grosses me out, makes me uncomfortable, and I don't know how anyone finds it attractive, much less puts up with it." And He feels that way about me! Everything He's said to me is infused with it. I keep trying so hard, and everything I do is absolutely useless, and selfish, even though I'm trying so damn harrd to do what He wants. I tried to get his bed ready and food, tea, water, laptop even if He wanted it. He rejected the food (the frustration started when He was still at work, I asked too many Qestions about what He wanted, and He hung up b/c I couldn't get it right.) Hell if I thought it was all role play I'd be in humiliation heaven right now. I begged Him not to leave when He woke up, I only embarrassed myself... He was enjoying Matt's company and I ruined it. He said at least I could get Him soe food to make up for it, and I mess up- mouthed off- again. I made soup and warmed up some bread. He didn't want soup. He tried to eat it anyway, but it was cold. He may as well have called me a stupid bitch and slapped me across the face. He didn't but I feel like I fucked up enough for it. I keep hearing the irritation, the disdain, the malice, disgust in His voice and I feel absolutely worthless. I only want to be everything He wants, needs, craves, and desires- and He says I'll never be exactly what He wants, I'll never stop frustrating Him! I'll never think like Him, He'll never be able to train me to be what He wants. And i want to cut I want pain I want to crawl into a hole and fucking disappear if I can't be or do any of that. I disgust Him. He asked (I woke him up. Fucking stupid whore) what's wrong with me that I want to cut. What's so bad? Is it all too much for me? Just can't take it anymore? Stupid useless disgusting fucking creature. Stop fucking crying. don't blow your nose, I can't talk if you don't shut up. I held my breath for as long as I could - I apologized 10000 times tonight. for Everything. Am I so pathetic that I want to cut just to feel His hands on me? I need His approval and love. I need to earn it. I didn't say I loved Him, because I was going to cry more and I would have died to disgust Him again. "Whatever."
11-30-11
I want a sharpy. I want to cut. I want to write---
disgusting piece of fucking shit
useless ungrateful bitch
is the big bad world too much for you, little girl?
cutting is fucking pathetic
why don't you just grow up?
cry baby
bubble nose
stupid weak runt
wasteful
ugly snot face
disgusting
why don't you just go ahead and cry some more? that'll fix everything.
go ahead and cut. I don't care.
Why are you using a marker anyway? fucking useless.
can't even cut right.
stupid ANSWER ME
I should sew your mouth shut if you won't answer
SWITCH. That fixes everything, doesn't it.
can you do anythign right?
I don't need you.
get out
scared little baby
cry baby
do you need your mommy to come save you?
clutz
-----All over my body
He's disgusted with me. Everything He says to me is in the tone of, "I can't believe what I put up with." Not just disgusting, that's too easy to explain. Distasteful. That's the word Phiar uses to explain the way she feels about humiliation. It's a polite way of saying, "That shit grosses me out, makes me uncomfortable, and I don't know how anyone finds it attractive, much less puts up with it." And He feels that way about me! Everything He's said to me is infused with it. I keep trying so hard, and everything I do is absolutely useless, and selfish, even though I'm trying so damn harrd to do what He wants. I tried to get his bed ready and food, tea, water, laptop even if He wanted it. He rejected the food (the frustration started when He was still at work, I asked too many Qestions about what He wanted, and He hung up b/c I couldn't get it right.) Hell if I thought it was all role play I'd be in humiliation heaven right now. I begged Him not to leave when He woke up, I only embarrassed myself... He was enjoying Matt's company and I ruined it. He said at least I could get Him soe food to make up for it, and I mess up- mouthed off- again. I made soup and warmed up some bread. He didn't want soup. He tried to eat it anyway, but it was cold. He may as well have called me a stupid bitch and slapped me across the face. He didn't but I feel like I fucked up enough for it. I keep hearing the irritation, the disdain, the malice, disgust in His voice and I feel absolutely worthless. I only want to be everything He wants, needs, craves, and desires- and He says I'll never be exactly what He wants, I'll never stop frustrating Him! I'll never think like Him, He'll never be able to train me to be what He wants. And i want to cut I want pain I want to crawl into a hole and fucking disappear if I can't be or do any of that. I disgust Him. He asked (I woke him up. Fucking stupid whore) what's wrong with me that I want to cut. What's so bad? Is it all too much for me? Just can't take it anymore? Stupid useless disgusting fucking creature. Stop fucking crying. don't blow your nose, I can't talk if you don't shut up. I held my breath for as long as I could - I apologized 10000 times tonight. for Everything. Am I so pathetic that I want to cut just to feel His hands on me? I need His approval and love. I need to earn it. I didn't say I loved Him, because I was going to cry more and I would have died to disgust Him again. "Whatever."
11-30-11
I want a sharpy. I want to cut. I want to write---
disgusting piece of fucking shit
useless ungrateful bitch
is the big bad world too much for you, little girl?
cutting is fucking pathetic
why don't you just grow up?
cry baby
bubble nose
stupid weak runt
wasteful
ugly snot face
disgusting
why don't you just go ahead and cry some more? that'll fix everything.
go ahead and cut. I don't care.
Why are you using a marker anyway? fucking useless.
can't even cut right.
stupid ANSWER ME
I should sew your mouth shut if you won't answer
SWITCH. That fixes everything, doesn't it.
can you do anythign right?
I don't need you.
get out
scared little baby
cry baby
do you need your mommy to come save you?
clutz
-----All over my body
cascade
I admit y worse fear from last night, telling Him I was afraid that He was disgusted with everything I did, I probably misinterpreted it, I was very upset and really wanted to cut- and He tells me, "No, you were right. I was absolutely disgusted with everything you did last night." He said that He felt like I was trying to take care of Him to get Him to shut up, instead of because I love Him. He knows better now, but at the time He was genuinely disgusted and couldn't stand me. Fed up, even.
I wish I had cut.
Being of no use, and even a hindrance to Him is definitely good enough reason for me to hate myself and just want to fucking bleed, to hurt, to suffer.
I did it for Him! Everything. I just wanted to be good, to be useful, to show Him how much I love Him! None of it meant anything to Him. I'm just an annoyance.
I wish I had cut.
Being of no use, and even a hindrance to Him is definitely good enough reason for me to hate myself and just want to fucking bleed, to hurt, to suffer.
I did it for Him! Everything. I just wanted to be good, to be useful, to show Him how much I love Him! None of it meant anything to Him. I'm just an annoyance.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
the sex last night (PS lol)
It was SO good. He just rolled over while I was playing with myself and my toy, and kind of propositioned me, but there weren't condoms in the room... and He went and got them for me! He didn't make me get dressed and go get them, and I couldn't believe it. I thought that after so much stuff and all the shit we've been through lately, He'd say if I wasn't willing to put in the effort, He'd just jack off and not fuck me- But He went and got the condoms! and then He kind of spooned me but I was turned toward Him with my upper body, and He played with me and rubbed me and it was a slow, deep hard fuck. It was amazing. It lasted for probably an HOUR. I was so out of my mind enjoying it, too. and it was warm and I was being touched and loved and He didn't want anything from me except to watch my face, and He kept telling me how beautiful I am... It's so weird, (I'm crying now for no reason!) I never usually want that, and I didn't want that. I didn't ask for it, I didn't say I felt unwanted or ugly or anything- I didn't feel those things! But He made me feel beautiful, which is something that I don't really ask for anyway, or want often or... GRRR! I'm not explaining what I mean. I mean that I didn't know that I needed what He gave me. I didn't know that I was capable of accepting it. I didn't think that it would turn me on, or open me up in the way that it did. I really needed it, and it's helped me feel better about myself.
to remember
razors
dr clockwork
overnight list - epilepsy meds, allergy meds, ibuprofin, pads/tampons, what clothing do we take?
He's sick at work, has thrown up several times, and called to find out what I would make Him for dinner because He's very hungry. Trying to find out what He wanted, I upset Him somehow, and He hung up on me. I was pretty angry, and went upstairs in a huff, but then I saw my engagement ring, and I put it on, and my collar, and I reminded myself how much I love Him... and I'm trying to make things comfortable for Him for when He gets home.... He's about 15 minutes late right now, and I'm really starting to worry.
I'm trying to plan how to do a red alice costume for Leather Fet, but Master didn't seem too enthused, and kind of threw my idea out... I really wanted to do it, too. I wanted to have my hair in pigtail frenchbraids, tied with red ribbons, wear my red dress, and tall striped stockings... maybe my boots, maybe not. and I would need another red ribbon around my waist.
http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&safe=off&biw=1024&bih=635&tbm=isch&tbnid=i8WTmwg9tKSlxM:&imgrefurl=https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/Wishbox-Alice-in-Wonderland-Red-EGL-Goth-Gothic-Dark-Alice-Costume-Dress-Valentines-Day-Outfit/1872643&docid=HaODyqYm-JvB1M&imgurl=https://d44ytnim3cfy5.cloudfront.net/assets/2907955/lightbox
/AliceBoxRed2.jpg%253F1296094846&w=668&h=525&ei=t53VTtnTM8KKgwf7kqGbAQ&zoom=1
http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&safe=off&biw=1024&bih=635&tbm=isch&tbnid=MD8f_gTiMzsZGM:&imgrefurl=http://www.sexycostumes.com/american-mcgees-dark-alice-costume.html&docid=3XJh5eImIHZ_xM&imgurl=http://images.sexycostumes.com/mad-alice-costume.jpg&w=350&h=500&ei=t53VTtnTM8KKgwf7kqGbAQ&zoom=1
the pics i like.... think He's here! (10:30 pm)
11pm He went straight to bed when He got home. Laid down for about an hour, and then had to get up and walk around again. He slept a lot at work, so I guess He's not so tired right now. He threw up at least twice at work, and wasn't ready to eat when he got home. He was earlier, but when He got home all He wanted was to sleep. and now He's wandering around the house, not very sleepy after all. I was playing bejeweled, and after talking with me for a bit and helping me get to lvl 9, He tripped over the computer cord on His way out and I had to restart. -Also, note to blogger, my auto-save didn't save for a full 30 minutes, and I lost a lot of blog in that time!-
I think that someone should give dr clockwork a chance. I don't know what his humiliation interests are, but I don't think it's fair to judge his ability to get into someone's head just by the fact that he's "not a marine."
Also, I was thinking that it could be a fun challenge for me, well, mostly for Lauren... To be in a fast-paced multi-changing scene. The rule of the game would be that no matter what was being done to me (obviously there would be some hard-limits set, and so on) I would have to switch or change or pull someone who enjoyed it, and keep going with the flow of what happened without crying, or getting upset or anything like that. --my first thought was to have someone who didn't really know me try to make me cry or something, and tell Lauren her task, but not tell them that I'd be trying it. but I guess that wouldn't be fair to them or me really. It could get pretty nasty pretty fast.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
"moved"
we're Moved" if by moved you mean we have the dogs set up outside major's house so that we don't have to worry about them at home. We also have moved all of my vibrators, and His toybag (and "mine" - he thought it was totally cute that I made my own when there wasn't room for my stuff in what used to be my toybag), and a few days worth of clothes (we forgot the dog food, my PJs, and His phone and charger so far). We've got to go back first thing tomorrow to take the trash to the dump (Major had come over last night so He could take the stuff to the dump today, but it's not open Sundays, so we left the truck and moved the dogs here) and then Major has a doctors appointment tomorrow that he'll have to be back for..
Master says He liked my new ideas/take on my rules. I'd like to have a sit-down chat with him about them, but... that will have to wait I guess.
I've been super anxious and bitchy this whole time, and then Major suggested we move out today and then just come back and either trash or pack things from then on and I flipped out, because I've been worrying about my engagement ring, and I was so scared I'd never find it if we didn't find it before we left. We did end up finding it, in fact, Master found it! I was so happy, it lifted my mood for about 2 hours before I really realized AGAIN how much work we have ahead of us. I keep going to bed tired every night... and the arguments are getting worse and worse. I'm scared, because IO love Him so much, adn it's really hurting our relationship, I think. Im' afraid it is. We're both saying some really nasty things when we start fighting, and I don't know if we're just finally saying what we really think of each other, or if we're so upset we resort to hurting the other person because we feel cornered.
He put me in Five today. It's been so long! I was so angry, and I just wanted to ignore it, but I've needed it, too. It was a stupid over nothiong argument, but I was through arguing and wanted to go to my room and sulk, and went off down the hallway. He called Five, and I stopped in my tracks, waiting for Him to say it again to enforce what he said, like always. I'm never sure the first time I hear it, so I wait until the second time so that I don't end up in Five for an hour before He realizes I'm missing or something. He didn't call it a second time, so I had to choose. I was angry, and didn't want to obey, but I knew what it would do to our M/s trust if I didn't. I stepped to the right, and after about 20 LONG seconds, went into position. I started crying as soon as my nose was to the floor. I don't know why I was crying, it just felt like I was broken. I guess if I really think long and hard about it, it was like I gave Him the fight. I had things I could still say in anger, or could hurt Him more by running away, but by obeying, I ended the fight without "having the last word" and told Him that He was more important to me than what we were fighting over, and more importantly, my pride. I knew He could have hit me if He wanted to, but somehow I knew He wasn't going to punish me any more than the position, He was testing me. It was almost like He was asking me if I still loved and respected Him... I know I'm making too much out of it, probably, but it meant a lot to me. I don't know if He said it or not, but when He let me recover, I felt like he said "good girl". and I haven't believed Him when He's said it lately. It just feels like He's throwing it out there to try and cheer me up, not because I actually deserve it. And when I got up, everything was better. I felt better, the anger was gone from both of us (I think).. and I felt so much better. Thank You, Master.
Time for bed. We have an early day tomorrow. and the next day.... and the next day.. lol. until december 5 and 6th, when we get to rest, but then on the 7th is a drs appointment, so.. lol.
and job applications, too! I have to fill out stinking job applications.
Master says He liked my new ideas/take on my rules. I'd like to have a sit-down chat with him about them, but... that will have to wait I guess.
I've been super anxious and bitchy this whole time, and then Major suggested we move out today and then just come back and either trash or pack things from then on and I flipped out, because I've been worrying about my engagement ring, and I was so scared I'd never find it if we didn't find it before we left. We did end up finding it, in fact, Master found it! I was so happy, it lifted my mood for about 2 hours before I really realized AGAIN how much work we have ahead of us. I keep going to bed tired every night... and the arguments are getting worse and worse. I'm scared, because IO love Him so much, adn it's really hurting our relationship, I think. Im' afraid it is. We're both saying some really nasty things when we start fighting, and I don't know if we're just finally saying what we really think of each other, or if we're so upset we resort to hurting the other person because we feel cornered.
He put me in Five today. It's been so long! I was so angry, and I just wanted to ignore it, but I've needed it, too. It was a stupid over nothiong argument, but I was through arguing and wanted to go to my room and sulk, and went off down the hallway. He called Five, and I stopped in my tracks, waiting for Him to say it again to enforce what he said, like always. I'm never sure the first time I hear it, so I wait until the second time so that I don't end up in Five for an hour before He realizes I'm missing or something. He didn't call it a second time, so I had to choose. I was angry, and didn't want to obey, but I knew what it would do to our M/s trust if I didn't. I stepped to the right, and after about 20 LONG seconds, went into position. I started crying as soon as my nose was to the floor. I don't know why I was crying, it just felt like I was broken. I guess if I really think long and hard about it, it was like I gave Him the fight. I had things I could still say in anger, or could hurt Him more by running away, but by obeying, I ended the fight without "having the last word" and told Him that He was more important to me than what we were fighting over, and more importantly, my pride. I knew He could have hit me if He wanted to, but somehow I knew He wasn't going to punish me any more than the position, He was testing me. It was almost like He was asking me if I still loved and respected Him... I know I'm making too much out of it, probably, but it meant a lot to me. I don't know if He said it or not, but when He let me recover, I felt like he said "good girl". and I haven't believed Him when He's said it lately. It just feels like He's throwing it out there to try and cheer me up, not because I actually deserve it. And when I got up, everything was better. I felt better, the anger was gone from both of us (I think).. and I felt so much better. Thank You, Master.
Time for bed. We have an early day tomorrow. and the next day.... and the next day.. lol. until december 5 and 6th, when we get to rest, but then on the 7th is a drs appointment, so.. lol.
and job applications, too! I have to fill out stinking job applications.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
November 21, 2011
Yesterday was Sam's bday. I gave him a gallon of chocolate and let him hit me repeatedly with nerf disks. We played Catan, which is a fun but long and difficult game. Mom won, like always. I tried to think of memories I have with Sam, and couldn't come up with anything other than times he'd gotten hurt. Everything else involved arguments with mom, or us fighting. I know we have fun memories, but i honestly couldn't remember anything. It really upset me.
I recently remembered that I have other interests than sex, bondage, fetish, and submission. It took me by surprise how much I enjoyed playing WoW. I really wanted to learn more about guitar, and start writing again. Hell, cooking even. Then again, I'm thinking cooking because I'm hungry.
We're moving in two weeks. And I have to pack the whole house! And I don't even know where to pack it for! SIGH But it should be fun.
I recently remembered that I have other interests than sex, bondage, fetish, and submission. It took me by surprise how much I enjoyed playing WoW. I really wanted to learn more about guitar, and start writing again. Hell, cooking even. Then again, I'm thinking cooking because I'm hungry.
We're moving in two weeks. And I have to pack the whole house! And I don't even know where to pack it for! SIGH But it should be fun.
for Your consideration.
Rule 1, I will not Self Injure in any way, be it physically causing harm to myself or withholding from myself something that I need.
Rule 2, I will be clear and open regarding my needs and desires, both in everyday life and during sex.I will inform my Master when I feel the desire to cut, and I will use my safeword when I feel I have reached my limit.
Rule 3, I will take care of all my needs to the best of my abilities, asking my Master if there is a need I am unable to meet alone, and will dress according to my Master's direction.
Rule 4, I will refer to my Master as Sir, unless otherwise instructed.
Rule 5, I will be respectful of myself, both by my words and actions, as it is necessary to respect myself in order to respect my Master.
Rule 6, I will be respectful of my Master, both by my words and actions. It is my purpose to please Him, and disrespect is not to be tolerated.
Rule 7, I will wear my collar always, and will obey each of my Master's commands confidently, knowing it has been well-thought out, and that He would not give me a task that I am not equipped to complete to His satisfaction.
Rule 8, I will blog daily unless given permission to do otherwise, and will leave the blog window open each time I have finished blogging so that He may read it.
Rule 9, I will make my bed daily.
Rule 10, I will raise the toilet seat after using the restroom, in order to show proper respect to my Master.
Rule 2, I will be clear and open regarding my needs and desires, both in everyday life and during sex.I will inform my Master when I feel the desire to cut, and I will use my safeword when I feel I have reached my limit.
Rule 3, I will take care of all my needs to the best of my abilities, asking my Master if there is a need I am unable to meet alone, and will dress according to my Master's direction.
Rule 4, I will refer to my Master as Sir, unless otherwise instructed.
Rule 5, I will be respectful of myself, both by my words and actions, as it is necessary to respect myself in order to respect my Master.
Rule 6, I will be respectful of my Master, both by my words and actions. It is my purpose to please Him, and disrespect is not to be tolerated.
Rule 7, I will wear my collar always, and will obey each of my Master's commands confidently, knowing it has been well-thought out, and that He would not give me a task that I am not equipped to complete to His satisfaction.
Rule 8, I will blog daily unless given permission to do otherwise, and will leave the blog window open each time I have finished blogging so that He may read it.
Rule 9, I will make my bed daily.
Rule 10, I will raise the toilet seat after using the restroom, in order to show proper respect to my Master.
I want to be property.
He called me a stupid bitch today. The fight got pretty nasty but after that I pretty much went quiet. He apologized and I told Him I love Him, and then He went to work.
Fuck this shit is killing our relationship. we're fighting about everything for no reason. I don't get it. It's like we both just need to hit a reset button and go back to normal.
He's stopped telling me what to do. It's like He's being passive aggressive, because He knows that by leaving me to my own devices, He's hurting me worse than if He would just punish me. But what He's not seeing is that I'm not going to "learn my lesson" from it. It only makes me resent Him and gives me more determination to make Him earn my obedience.
Fuck this shit is killing our relationship. we're fighting about everything for no reason. I don't get it. It's like we both just need to hit a reset button and go back to normal.
He's stopped telling me what to do. It's like He's being passive aggressive, because He knows that by leaving me to my own devices, He's hurting me worse than if He would just punish me. But what He's not seeing is that I'm not going to "learn my lesson" from it. It only makes me resent Him and gives me more determination to make Him earn my obedience.
Friday, November 25, 2011
didn't blog yesterday -00h-
sigh. I don't think I'm ever going to be held accountable for my rules. Then again, dealing with me has been like juggling dynamite recently, and I guess He might decide to stern up after this terrible move is over. I hate that we have to move so quickly, but if I rationalize it, it just means that we're doing what everyone else normally does without the putting it off til the last minute part and we're just doing it quickly. with a much more impending doomlike deadline. deadline like, its there and if we pass it, we're dead! fuck shit damn cunt ass!
So the thanksgiving was great, except that we didn't get anything done... lol. I mean, I worked hard, and did a lot of stuff at mom's house, but I didn't accomplish anything for our moving trip- hey, yeah I did, I got 5 boxes of books moved into her garage, which is better than nothing..
He's asleep. I have to wake Him in about an hour. Then He has to go to work from 6-11PM tonight. sigh. Maybe He'll bring some boxes home though! The clothes will all go into laundry bags (been washing all day) if we take them with us. If not, then we'll drop them off at the goodwill truck the next time we go by there.We have some books to get rid of also, I'm sure my mom will want to have a look at them before we give them away, so maybe she can take them to the goodwill since she has a van full of stuff to donate. I'm going to do dishes tonight--- I'm determined, but damn I don't want to.
Well, I think that's all.
Um, He promised me more sex, but I don't know how that's supposed to work, or how we're supposed to keep track of "more" vs. "less" sex.
So the thanksgiving was great, except that we didn't get anything done... lol. I mean, I worked hard, and did a lot of stuff at mom's house, but I didn't accomplish anything for our moving trip- hey, yeah I did, I got 5 boxes of books moved into her garage, which is better than nothing..
He's asleep. I have to wake Him in about an hour. Then He has to go to work from 6-11PM tonight. sigh. Maybe He'll bring some boxes home though! The clothes will all go into laundry bags (been washing all day) if we take them with us. If not, then we'll drop them off at the goodwill truck the next time we go by there.We have some books to get rid of also, I'm sure my mom will want to have a look at them before we give them away, so maybe she can take them to the goodwill since she has a van full of stuff to donate. I'm going to do dishes tonight--- I'm determined, but damn I don't want to.
Well, I think that's all.
Um, He promised me more sex, but I don't know how that's supposed to work, or how we're supposed to keep track of "more" vs. "less" sex.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
The furniture and what to do with it.
To Store
2 White shelves in FLR
Tan/White chaise lounge in Basement
Blue comfy sofa in basement
Blonde Large Dresser in bedroom
Futon (matt's) in spare bedroom
Twin Mattress (matt's) in bedroom
Queen Mattress + Box Spring
small side table in bedroom
leather couch sectional 3 piece (matt's)
Tan Ottoman in basement
The Box in Basement
TV in LR
Coffee Table in LR
Try To Keep
Serving Bar in Basement
Green plaid rocking chair in FLR
Coffee Table Downstairs
Give Away
Green and wooden Desk in LR
Cherish coming to pick up her 2 pieces of equipment before LFet
Metal Dresser in spare room -Claimed (Pet)
Small dark dresser in bedroom
10+ chairs in basement - Maybe (Cherish)
Microwave in K
Sell
St Andrew's Cross - MP, $150 paying in February
Throw Away
Large Blue couch sectional in LR
White metal Overthetoilet-Stand in LR
broken box spring in bedroom
2 White shelves in FLR
Tan/White chaise lounge in Basement
Blue comfy sofa in basement
Blonde Large Dresser in bedroom
Futon (matt's) in spare bedroom
Twin Mattress (matt's) in bedroom
Queen Mattress + Box Spring
small side table in bedroom
leather couch sectional 3 piece (matt's)
Tan Ottoman in basement
The Box in Basement
TV in LR
Coffee Table in LR
Try To Keep
Serving Bar in Basement
Green plaid rocking chair in FLR
Coffee Table Downstairs
Give Away
Green and wooden Desk in LR
Cherish coming to pick up her 2 pieces of equipment before LFet
Small dark dresser in bedroom
10+ chairs in basement - Maybe (Cherish)
Microwave in K
Sell
St Andrew's Cross - MP, $150 paying in February
Throw Away
Large Blue couch sectional in LR
White metal Overthetoilet-Stand in LR
broken box spring in bedroom
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Working on Moving out
moving out. We have to be out by the 1st. We have 9 days, a little over a week, to pack up everything, and mfer
Monday, November 21, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
the Ren Fair
It was a lot of fun, but we got to bed late last night, and I'm very very tired. haven't visited my mother in a while, and tomorrow is my little brother's birthday. She won't tell me what he wants. And now she wants me to come over on thursday for thanksgiving. I have this foreboding feeling that my sister will be there.
I miss my family, but I wanted to be able to get my brother a nice gift.
the faire brought out a part of me I don't like. the part that gets tired easily from people, and doesn't like to participate, or even want people talking to her. also, it was very cold, and my hands were numb most of the day, or at least had very little feeling.
I'm really tired, and really hungry.
I miss my family, but I wanted to be able to get my brother a nice gift.
the faire brought out a part of me I don't like. the part that gets tired easily from people, and doesn't like to participate, or even want people talking to her. also, it was very cold, and my hands were numb most of the day, or at least had very little feeling.
I'm really tired, and really hungry.
horny
Sooo... we went home last night, and had a huge mess to clean up. it was an ordeal. Apparently our dogs are too good for tap water now, they just had to have bottled water, couldn't get them to drink anything else for almost a full day. Then had a lot of errands to run today, had steak for breakfast. Had sex.
"If I went as hard as I wanted to, you wouldn't last five minutes. You would be begging Me to stop." and to be honest, I agree with my Master when He said this, I know He could break me in two with His dick if He wanted. (I wasn't allowed to masturbate last night, and then we had a quicky cuz we were in a hurry to get Him to work on time, and me to major's house.) So I've been horny all damn day. And I haven't masturbated yet. I was given permission about 2PM, and... I don't know. Major played with me but soon after, he went to bed, he's not feeling well. He threw up early today, he said. I just couldn't bring myself to masturbate in the shower. It was hot, and i was tired.
So yeah, I played warcraft some more, and realized how much I absolutely HATE the guild I'm in.
They keep pushing me to level quickly and I don't want to. I want to enjoy low lvls, and battlegrounds and stuff.
Master and I discussed a lot of stuff though, like how He thinks about our M/s relationship more than I think He does, and sometimes He punishes me without telling me, and I should just behave, instead of acting like such a know-it-all. That's what I took from the conversation, not what He said. --Yes, I just called myself a know-it-all, and I'm not being sarcastic or bratty. I was being serious.---
I have been fantasizing about being fuck/raped with one of my toys.
Also been fantasizing about being tied with my hands above my head, the rope over a door so that I'm tied basically to the door, naked. Master of course is taunting, humiliating and torturing me, especially since I'm so amazingly helpless in this position (I may even have to stand on my toes to support my weight? Legs my be tied spread around the door frame as well?) and naked. In one of my fantasies, He is so disgusted with His slave that he spits on her, and doesn't allow her to look Him in the eyes without being slapped. In one of the fantasies, He ties me there and then masturbates. Or He ties me, and then when He shuts the door to finish the tie, He's on the outside, and He leaves me there until He wants to use me again. (we may have just finished having sex, or H may want to have sex at some point in the future). If He leaves me there a long time, then when He opens the door, He has to hold onto the rope or else I'm so weak I fall on my face. and if I'm weak, then He can easily overpower and rape/use His slave/slut/toy.
I'm so horny.
time to go fulfill that masturbation fantasy I've had since last night. lol. you know, the one where I masturbate until I got to sleep?
Oh, I didn't blog yesterday, and I almost didn't blog tonight. I remembered right before bed, and Master made me stay up late to blog.
"If I went as hard as I wanted to, you wouldn't last five minutes. You would be begging Me to stop." and to be honest, I agree with my Master when He said this, I know He could break me in two with His dick if He wanted. (I wasn't allowed to masturbate last night, and then we had a quicky cuz we were in a hurry to get Him to work on time, and me to major's house.) So I've been horny all damn day. And I haven't masturbated yet. I was given permission about 2PM, and... I don't know. Major played with me but soon after, he went to bed, he's not feeling well. He threw up early today, he said. I just couldn't bring myself to masturbate in the shower. It was hot, and i was tired.
So yeah, I played warcraft some more, and realized how much I absolutely HATE the guild I'm in.
They keep pushing me to level quickly and I don't want to. I want to enjoy low lvls, and battlegrounds and stuff.
Master and I discussed a lot of stuff though, like how He thinks about our M/s relationship more than I think He does, and sometimes He punishes me without telling me, and I should just behave, instead of acting like such a know-it-all. That's what I took from the conversation, not what He said. --Yes, I just called myself a know-it-all, and I'm not being sarcastic or bratty. I was being serious.---
I have been fantasizing about being fuck/raped with one of my toys.
Also been fantasizing about being tied with my hands above my head, the rope over a door so that I'm tied basically to the door, naked. Master of course is taunting, humiliating and torturing me, especially since I'm so amazingly helpless in this position (I may even have to stand on my toes to support my weight? Legs my be tied spread around the door frame as well?) and naked. In one of my fantasies, He is so disgusted with His slave that he spits on her, and doesn't allow her to look Him in the eyes without being slapped. In one of the fantasies, He ties me there and then masturbates. Or He ties me, and then when He shuts the door to finish the tie, He's on the outside, and He leaves me there until He wants to use me again. (we may have just finished having sex, or H may want to have sex at some point in the future). If He leaves me there a long time, then when He opens the door, He has to hold onto the rope or else I'm so weak I fall on my face. and if I'm weak, then He can easily overpower and rape/use His slave/slut/toy.
I'm so horny.
time to go fulfill that masturbation fantasy I've had since last night. lol. you know, the one where I masturbate until I got to sleep?
Oh, I didn't blog yesterday, and I almost didn't blog tonight. I remembered right before bed, and Master made me stay up late to blog.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Songs
My computer is being really slow, it doesn't like me right now. I haven't shown Ms Shiny enough attention I guess in a while. I've been over-using Major's computer. I've made like 3000 gold on World of Warcraft over the past month, since major has signed up for WoW to let me play.
I've been catching songs I like on the radio a lot lately, and I wanted to put them in one place, so I could say Aha! they're in one place!
I heard this while Master was asleep in the car on the trip back from the Electric Munch and I'd heard it once before, it sounded familiar and I really liked it.
I smell sex and candy -Nirvana ---it says it's by marcy's playground, not nirvana. (I didn't think it was Nirvana, doesn't really sound like them.) ---
http://www.metrolyrics.com/i-smell-sex-and-candy-lyrics-nirvana.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KT-r2vHeMM&ob=av2e
All I Ever Wanted - The Airborne Toxic Event (Lyrics are my favorite part) OMG - there's violin in this! WoW
http://www.lyricsmania.com/all_i_ever_wanted_lyrics_airborne_toxic_event_the.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pz1xIhq1Fh4&feature=artistob&playnext=1&list=TLSynVtxDWy0E
The time we were alone together at the station.
You were so quiet like a child and you told me
You wanted to be taken.
I just never though of you as the kind of girl
Who would do that.
And you suddenly seem like
Some faceless thing in my grasp.
And I'd be lying if I said that I didn't find it
Exciting, your eyes so lit, your face so warm and
Inviting.
The Bitch Came Back - Theory of a Deadman
http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/theory_of_a_deadman/bitch_came_back.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXieR34Gy3I&ob=av2e
But I like it because it's a play off of the cat came back from when I was a kid. <-- I love this song.!!! dont really like this version, but the words are there that explain why I love this song so much.
like this version better --http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lw2PgypoAaE&NR=1--
I've been catching songs I like on the radio a lot lately, and I wanted to put them in one place, so I could say Aha! they're in one place!
I heard this while Master was asleep in the car on the trip back from the Electric Munch and I'd heard it once before, it sounded familiar and I really liked it.
I smell sex and candy -
http://www.metrolyrics.com/i-smell-sex-and-candy-lyrics-nirvana.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KT-r2vHeMM&ob=av2e
All I Ever Wanted - The Airborne Toxic Event (Lyrics are my favorite part) OMG - there's violin in this! WoW
http://www.lyricsmania.com/all_i_ever_wanted_lyrics_airborne_toxic_event_the.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pz1xIhq1Fh4&feature=artistob&playnext=1&list=TLSynVtxDWy0E
The time we were alone together at the station.
You were so quiet like a child and you told me
You wanted to be taken.
I just never though of you as the kind of girl
Who would do that.
And you suddenly seem like
Some faceless thing in my grasp.
And I'd be lying if I said that I didn't find it
Exciting, your eyes so lit, your face so warm and
Inviting.
The Bitch Came Back - Theory of a Deadman
http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/theory_of_a_deadman/bitch_came_back.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXieR34Gy3I&ob=av2e
But I like it because it's a play off of the cat came back from when I was a kid. <-- I love this song.!!! dont really like this version, but the words are there that explain why I love this song so much.
like this version better --http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lw2PgypoAaE&NR=1--
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
after the electrical play munch
While I was rubbing Your head (and shoulders) on the way home -Thank You, for making me serve You, I needed it so badly!!- I thought of this, and I want it so badly that a part of me almost hurts. I want You to use me like You don't give a damn about me and then discard me when You're done... Like this.
You have major hold my arms down so that I can't go anywhere, with my weight on the floor of course so I can't use my legs to struggle free, and You fuck me from behind like You did earlier. Thoroughly. And then leave me downstairs when You're done with me, like an unwanted toy that's been broken.
I added in things like You would make me look at major while You fuck me, because I would be so ashamed that it would humiliate me, or that You would let major decide what to do with my upper body, if anything - but that was all just part of the fantasy.
but really I just have such a need right now... I don't know if it's "to serve" or to be useful, or to be used... or what, but i'm so... ON right now, I feel like I'm the one who is electrified. Like I have a positive charge that just has to be used before I can rest. It's not just service, I want to serve, please, play... I could even take pain right now, I just need something.
please help me.
kisses
You have major hold my arms down so that I can't go anywhere, with my weight on the floor of course so I can't use my legs to struggle free, and You fuck me from behind like You did earlier. Thoroughly. And then leave me downstairs when You're done with me, like an unwanted toy that's been broken.
I added in things like You would make me look at major while You fuck me, because I would be so ashamed that it would humiliate me, or that You would let major decide what to do with my upper body, if anything - but that was all just part of the fantasy.
but really I just have such a need right now... I don't know if it's "to serve" or to be useful, or to be used... or what, but i'm so... ON right now, I feel like I'm the one who is electrified. Like I have a positive charge that just has to be used before I can rest. It's not just service, I want to serve, please, play... I could even take pain right now, I just need something.
please help me.
kisses
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
The punishment bag
We're making a punishment bag, for when I acknowledge that I am acting badly and deserve a punishment.
Here's the list so far:
Biting off fingernails
Resticted Masturbation
Harsh Impact - Paddle
Harsh Impact - Whip
Harsh Impact - Caning
Remove Sodas - water only
Training Plan (time waster)
Extra Chores
The Box
Positions
Here's the list so far:
Biting off fingernails
Resticted Masturbation
Harsh Impact - Paddle
Harsh Impact - Whip
Harsh Impact - Caning
Remove Sodas - water only
Training Plan (time waster)
Extra Chores
The Box
Positions
midnight
everyone just went to bed. and I still want to fucking cut so badly. I didn't tell major, even though I wanted to. I sure as hell won't tell Kyle, I'm not looking for fucking attention, I just need to get control of myself. ... I was writing out I need time to get ahold of myself. stupid. fucking stupid. I've had HOURS to get control of myself. I'm not wanting to cut less, I'm just still fighting. I can't sleep, I can't go into either room with either person and feel ok or, fuck, wanted. I told Him I wouldn't be going to bed in there, so I won't go back on that. I don't want to hear Him tell me how He thought i didn't want to be in there, or maybe i got rejected by major? I know what would trigger me, and I won't risk it right now, I'm too close anyway. I was so fuckign close. I took the scissors to the bathroom with me and I wanted to so bad! hell don't know why I didn't.
I was going to eat the rest of the treats, too. I fucking deserve it for not cutting, I thought to myself. i thien I thought, hell I deserve to be able to cut. Why not? I want it. I yelled at major. over stupid shit. and I kept going fro happyesque to sad, gloomy, sulky angry frustrated.
I was going to eat the rest of the treats, too. I fucking deserve it for not cutting, I thought to myself. i thien I thought, hell I deserve to be able to cut. Why not? I want it. I yelled at major. over stupid shit. and I kept going fro happyesque to sad, gloomy, sulky angry frustrated.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)