"moved"

we're Moved" if by moved you mean we have the dogs set up outside major's house so that we don't have to worry about them at home. We also have moved all of my vibrators, and His toybag (and "mine" - he thought it was totally cute that I made my own when there wasn't room for my stuff in what used to be my toybag), and a few days worth of clothes (we forgot the dog food, my PJs, and His phone and charger so far). We've got to go back first thing tomorrow to take the trash to the dump (Major had come over last night so He could take the stuff to the dump today, but it's not open Sundays, so we left the truck and moved the dogs here) and then Major has a doctors appointment tomorrow that he'll have to be back for..


Master says He liked my new ideas/take on my rules. I'd like to have a sit-down chat with him about them, but... that will have to wait I guess.

I've been super anxious and bitchy this whole time, and then Major suggested we move out today and then just come back and either trash or pack things from then on and I flipped out, because I've been worrying about my engagement ring, and I was so scared I'd never find it if we didn't find it before we left. We did end up finding it, in fact, Master found it! I was so happy, it lifted my mood for about 2 hours before I really realized AGAIN how much work we have ahead of us. I keep going to bed tired every night... and the arguments are getting worse and worse. I'm scared, because IO love Him so much, adn it's really hurting our relationship, I think. Im' afraid it is. We're both saying some really nasty things when we start fighting, and I don't know if we're just finally saying what we really think of each other, or if we're so upset we resort to hurting the other person because we feel cornered. 

He put me in Five today. It's been so long! I was so angry, and I just wanted to ignore it, but I've needed it, too. It was a stupid over nothiong argument, but I was through arguing and wanted to go to my room and sulk, and went off down the hallway. He called Five, and I stopped in my tracks, waiting for Him to say it again to enforce what he said, like always. I'm never sure the first time I hear it, so I wait until the second time so that I don't end up in Five for an hour before He realizes I'm missing or something. He didn't call it a second time, so I had to choose. I was angry, and didn't want to obey, but I knew what it would do to our M/s trust if I didn't. I stepped to the right, and after about 20 LONG seconds, went into position. I started crying as soon as my nose was to the floor. I don't know why I was crying, it just felt like I was broken. I guess if I really think long and hard about it, it was like I gave Him the fight. I had things I could still say in anger, or could hurt Him more by running away, but by obeying, I ended the fight without "having the last word" and told Him that He was more important to me than what we were fighting over, and more importantly, my pride. I knew He could have hit me if He wanted to, but somehow I knew He wasn't going to punish me any more than the position, He was testing me. It was almost like He was asking me if I still loved and respected Him... I know I'm making too much out of it, probably, but it meant a lot to me. I don't know if He said it or not, but when He let me recover, I felt like he said "good girl". and I haven't believed Him when He's said it lately. It just feels like He's throwing it out there to try and cheer me up, not because I actually deserve it. And when I got up, everything was better. I felt better, the anger was gone from both of us (I think).. and I felt so much better.  Thank You, Master.

Time for bed. We have an early day tomorrow. and the next day.... and the next day.. lol. until december 5 and 6th, when we get to rest, but then on the 7th is a drs appointment, so.. lol.

and job applications, too! I have to fill out stinking job applications.