I admit y worse fear from last night, telling Him I was afraid that He was disgusted with everything I did, I probably misinterpreted it, I was very upset and really wanted to cut- and He tells me, "No, you were right. I was absolutely disgusted with everything you did last night." He said that He felt like I was trying to take care of Him to get Him to shut up, instead of because I love Him. He knows better now, but at the time He was genuinely disgusted and couldn't stand me. Fed up, even.
I wish I had cut.
Being of no use, and even a hindrance to Him is definitely good enough reason for me to hate myself and just want to fucking bleed, to hurt, to suffer.
I did it for Him! Everything. I just wanted to be good, to be useful, to show Him how much I love Him! None of it meant anything to Him. I'm just an annoyance.
No comments:
Post a Comment