wtp?

I don't understand what the point of trying is if there's no reward for being good, and no punishment for being
 bad. I mean, if there's no change in the way things are if I'm extra good or extra bad, why should I bother to be well-behaved?


oh yeah, we've had sex 2 days in a row now, and my blogging rule is reinstated.

and I  really fucking want to cut. I almost did.


I mean, I understand the whole serve because I should, it's the right thing to do, it's my duty...  but having real actual consequences for my actions, both good and bad is a major need, and He's not meeting that. Why would I serve His every random whim and command if He repeatedly ignores my needs?

I'm property. yeah, "I don't have a choice." that only applies if He is willing to force me to do what He wants when I refuse, too. And He doesn't do that. He doesn't put me in my place, or make me obey. All He does is roll His eyes at how bad a submissive I am, and continue on His way. If He won't Master me, then I don't and can't respect His wishes.

I need this, I've told Him I need this, and if it doesn't happen, then nothing will change for us.