Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Punishment, Strike One

On Jessi's birthday, I was punished for my First Mark. I was given permission (after the punishment was over) not to blog that day.

My punishment was being ignored, kept from using the computer, and forced socialization.

This went on from before we left the house until after we went to several thrift stores, pawn shops, a bank, and major's house.

He kissed me and told me He knew how He was going to punish me, and that He loved me. Candy was out, and she was scared, she thought He was going to take us into the bedroom and beat us. He went to the bedroom, and I went to the computer to blog before we left to go around town with major. He came back into the room, and without saying a word, unplugged the computer. I thought that was my punishment, but that was just how He was telling me that I needed to get ready to go. He said out loud to Himself that He needed to get the house dog-proofed before He left. I hurried to get ready, and to make sure nothing got left behind. I brought out His jacket and laid it on the couch, so that He would have it when He left. I went to the bedroom for something I forgot, and He went to the car and got in. He started the car, and I went to the kitchen for a last once over. The dogs didn't have any water, so I hurried to refill it, even though the car was started. As I went out the front door, I stumbled to get the door locked, and when I walked toward the already started car, He started pulling out. I turned away and put my head down. I thought He was going to leave me at home outside with the door locked. He got to the three point turn He always makes, and then paused and honked. It was a short honk, barely something I could tell, but I turned around and ran to the car. The first door I tried was locked, and i had to run all the way around to get in. On the way to the first place, I cleaned up the front seat of the car (He let me know that He would like it done by talking to Himself). I didn't speak until He finally released me from being punished, it was easier to follow along and pretend I didn't exist than speak and be ignored. It would hurt worse. He turned on music and sang, and got on the phone and such. I realized while we were out that it would be so much easier, and I would get in so much less trouble if I just let things go. I could go the entire day without saying a word, adding advice, or anything like that. He didn't need my help. And I would make Him so much happier if I would just trust His judgment on that. We stopped at a place to buy a lawnmower, and He said "I don't need any help" before getting out of the car. That's when I found the sharpie. I started drawing on my pants, and kept doing that, my head down, until we went to the bank where major was. He went in, and I followed... He opened my door, I guess to let me know that I should come in this time. I followed and sat down first to wait, keeping my head turned away because there were other people there, and it was so much worse to face Him and not be allowed to talk, or be acknowledged, especially since that's such an awkward thing socially, to be with someone and not talk or touch them at all. major came out after just a second, and I followed to the car. I rolled up His window and locked the car doors, and hurried to get in the back seat of major's car (we're riding with him to the pawn shops) and continued to stay shrunk in the backseat. Halfway to where we were going, he asked me a question. I didn't hear it at all, but I hear Master ask him who he was talking to, there wasn't anyone else in the car. major kept looking me in the eyes by accident. It made me blush and smile every time and then I would remember my punishment, and the corners of my mouth would drag back down, and I would feel embarrassed. At the last thrift store, my favorite one, He called me over after a bit and told me if I saw anything I could point it out. He kind of ignored me, kind of didn't the whole time we were in the store. He'd PST at me if He wanted me, and point things out. major spoke to me directly, and so I was really confused and embarrassed and felt shamed because I felt like I was taking privileges I didn't have, or deserve. and I was put in my place for it. Soon before we left, He took me aside and told me that it was going to continue the rest of the day. "you know I'm not done yet, right?" I told Him I would try to be strong and take it. He hugged me and told me I was through being punished. I held Him, and after just a few seconds, He moved me away from Him and walked away.  That was the end of my punishment, but I felt like I kept getting on His bad side the rest of the day. I was clingy, and it was hot out, and He didn't want to hold me because I was making it hotter.



Today I was put in Five, twice. I was poking at major. he's been trying to get me in trouble lately. I admit, I always start it, but he's been going out of his way to make sure I get in trouble for it lately, too.
The first time, it wasn't long, and then when He let me up, I blew in major's hair cuz I was mad at him for getting me in trouble. (I know now I got myself in trouble for not behaving) After I blew in his hair, Master put me in Position Five. He left me there until the guy fixing the toilet (the owner's son) came back to the house. I was hurting and trying not to cry before I was allowed up. I went to the bedroom, changed pants, and then sat for a minute to calm myself. I switched and Emily went to the kitchen to wash dishes and make dinner like He said to. 



I was upset at Him for keeping Susy in Five for that long. He told me He forgot, and fucked up, was very sorry.  I am not even sure that I was upset at Him for doing that, but if He's going to, He needs to make sure she understands what's going on. and what she did wrong/has to do to make things right again. I know He forgot, but I don't want to tell Susy because it would upset her worse than actually being stuck in that pposition for that long. She understands punishment, and wants to learn from it. She just wishes her Daddy would tell her to apologize for it afterward. Or hug her when He was done punishing her.


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