Jessi has gone to bed, and I don't know what I'm doing, but they keep getting mad at me and shooting me down. I'm not trying to get Him to take me home, I'm not! I wasn't even hinting at it, I've accepted and have no problem with us staying here! I was just hoping He would cuddle/snuggle comfort me. and then major was all mean and said it like I was trying to make us go home. I didn't! I wanted Him to say, "well maybe we'll just have to have sex here" or something.  and I wanted Him to tell me that the dogs will be alright on my own and I don't need to worry. and that I get to pick what we do tomorrow, not be sheeped around to whatever everyone else wants to do for my birthday!

my belly hurts.

I hate that He was all "happy birthday!" and then just decided to ignore me, it hurts me so bad. If it's my special day, why isn't it special?

The only thing I can remember about my last birthday was that my Nana didn't even remember to call me, because she was in VA visiting people. My Nana is always the one who makes my birthdays special, and... and I guess I should just get used to being a submissive and stop bitching already.




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I wanted to be played with, I wanted to be pampered and played with and tied down and tortured and called names and loved and damn it I want fucking ice cream. and chili from wendy's and salt and vinegar lays.

but what I'd be happy with would be getting the car and the dog taken care of, and knowing that we have enough food to even survive the rest of the fucking month. and my first thought when I got my boots was that they were worth $40 and I could take them back and then I realized that it wouldn't even matter, it would maybe pay for gas until payday, but not food, and ... and we have to keep His job to survive, but we have to eat too.

i feel so fucking weak when I cry.