moments from the cab (or CLIT STUCK IN A ZIPPER)

http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20308569_20307894_20664453,00.html

a girl we met at the bar last night for the fundraiser looks like Dakota Fanning, and another one looks like Bella from the Twilight movies. I don't know who the third girl looked like.


The fundraiser was awesome. Master and major and lyn and another person (chip) got to judge the show. They got free drinks, and I was designated "judges' bitch" and went and got them drinks all night.

we bought a non-latex "it's pvc or something" catsuit for me. it's really tight, but it made my whole body super-sensitive. girls were rubbing my butt all night long. It cost $5. yeah. An amazing deal.

I didn't know until last night that a butt crack could actually get caught in a zipper
cuz I thought the crack was like... an absence of skin... you know?


Master was helping me out of that skintight cat suit, and tried to mess with the zipper around my pussy, and got part of my lips stuck in the zipper (for about a minute) and I became a different person in the face of that kind of pain.
"mother fucker what the fuck do you think you're doing?!"  at the top of my lungs
"that fucking hurt!"
and I didn't realize until we got me unstuck that i had turned around and basically backed Him into a corner
when major came downstairs I heard Master telling him, "Yeah I got her pussy stuck in the zipper, and she stopped being submissive there for a minute."


I'm really hungry, I'll bet Daddy will be too.

lyn said some mean things about major and started to say something about my Master, and I told her that she wasn't going to talk about my husband that way, and I made her back the hell off. He was really proud of me. she called Him shallow. It made me very very angry.

I made a list of what He told me to do (The stuff to talk about at the munch) and I also emailed the location out to all the people who RSVP'd as maybe and going.  fetlife.com is awesome. I also talked to one of our newer members and hopefully talked her into attending the munch (she was nervous). I wrote down who went to our April social (thanks Jessi for looking that up for me!) and found the notebook and name tags and all that cool stuff. I also packed the masks and Jessi's stuff, too.

I still need to find out what we're going to do before the munch tomorrow. if we're going to scene or what.

Daddy needs to find the release form we used for the halloween party and send the file to lass.
I need to get J's thingy.
I need to wash clothes!!! omfg I need to wash clothes. and im sooo hungry.    and I can smeel dog poo. one of them has gas and it's nasty!! :(
Find out from Daddy who is sitting where so that jessi/scrambles/major don't feel left out... I don't want to be left out either.

Pissy

I don't want to eat. I don't want to do housework, and I don't want to deal with any of the things going on. I'm hurting, I'm pissed off, and I don't want to be alone. I don't have a choice, I have to be alone. and I will do housework, it affects more than just me, and I have no right to be selfish just because I'm upset. It would be childish, and stupid.

Feed dogs
Walk dogs
Wash Laundry
Fold Laundry
Wash Dishes
Eat Brunch
clean out jake's room.
find out when trash day is and how to sign up.
write erotica, if I can.
Put on either my collar or necklace, because I promised I would always wear one, and anger doesn't apply.

I always wanted to try this position.

spreader bar on the bed. I lay over it, on my stomach. My feet are pulled up and toward my head and then hooked to the bar. my arms are pulled back and down to tie to the bar as well. I think i could be fucked in this position if it would work at all.

Bathtub. a fantasy

I'm in the bathtub on my hands and knees, and it's halfway full. He's over top of me, fingering me, with one hand in my hair. Keeps pushing my head down randomly to put me in my place and surprise me and such. Pushes my head down, and then keeps His hand on the back of my head... He stops fingering me and starts fucking me. Let's me breathe, and shoves me down again. "I hope you enjoyed that, it's the last breath you'll ever breathe. You're going to die here, in this bathtub, in this middle of nowhere town, and no one's going to care. And then, I'm going to fuck your corpse. ya know what? Fuck that, I'm going to fuck you in the ass, I mean it'll only help you along." He pulled out, and started to shove it into my ass, and I'm still struggling to breathe. He shoves it in hard, and I scream underwater. He fucks me hard and even though I'm afraid I'm going to die, it feels really good after the initial pain. I cum, and He lets me up, laughing. Still fucking me, He points out the foam on the water. "You thought I was going to kill you and it gave you an orgasm? you really do have self-esteem problems, don't you? See that clump right in front of your face? Eat it." He pushes my head back down to the water, and I open my mouth to obey, weak but content. He shoves my face down just as my lips touch the water, and laughs as I start to flail with my arms. "No more of that, you need a break. You did good, sweetie." Mikkal drains the water so we can finish.

I roll over, content, and fall asleep.

No blog today, as this is my obligatory "i thought of blogging" post for the day.

more awesome sex last night

Master was having a rough night, felt a bit funny emotionally and next thing I know, we're having sex in the formal living room, my head arched back as far as I can push it (after extensive amazing fingering that I absolutely loved!) and He's got His hand over my mouth and I can't breathe, holding my head back in this position that brings back erotic fantasies I had a very very long time ago, and for a few moments I can't tell if He knows that I can't breathe. I'm struggling and squirming, and actually really enjoying the sensation, because He's not moving but I am and it feels really good and He's loving it too. And then I'm running out of air and I almost scratched His back, and I tried to pull His hand off my mouth, and finally He lets me breathe and it's amazing. The whole experience was amazing, and when He made me ask Him to cum, and gave me instructions to thank Him when He did, it really pushed me into my submissive mode and allowed me to let go and enjoy it even more. After, He brought us something to drink, and we went into the bedroom, and I rubbed His back until He fell asleep. 

This morning, I asked permission to not use the bathroom until after He did. He made me ask Him two more times, acting like He didn't understand what I wanted, so that I had no way of pretending that I had asked permission to use the bathroom, and He was denying me permission. He teased me and made me wait a lot! and then He talked about peeing, and He peed first, and made me sit on the toilet but wouldn't let me go, and He ran water until my need to pee went from a 6 to a 9.

I love my Daddy, He let me take care of Him today and bring Him chocolate milk and stuff like that.

Bullshit

I feel like He doesn't put me first anymore.

worse than that, every time I'm around or talk to Him, He gets mad at me for no reason, and only wants me to go away. I know I haven't done anything wrong, but He's pushing me away anyway!

I'm starting to wonder if jessi is a bad BAD idea if He can't even handle us, as a couple. She always needs something from him, and He's practically babying her, and I can't even get a few minutes of casual conversation without a fight or her interrupting!

I need Him, and I'm getting sent to bed so He can cool down from her bullshit. I spent all day trying to win His approval, damn it.

4-27-11 (found on notebook paper, typed July 30, 2011)

blah blah . stuff I'm doing other than washing dishes

Hi,
I see that you've RSVP'ed as "maybe going" to the KC munch on May 1st. We definitely look forward to seeing you there, if you are able to make it. There are several new members who are going to be there to meet everyone, which makes this munch a pretty important one to attend if you're on the fence! We'll be getting to know all the new members, as well as doing some spring planning for future socials, in-house munches, family-friendly events, and play parties. If you want more info on some of the things we'll be talking about, see [this post][] in the KC group page. We'd love to have your input on all the great stuff we're planning, so come prepared!
See you soon,
Dp---
If you have any questions about the munch, feel free to let me know. We'll be sending out the location on Saturday night, so if you don't know where it's going to be, please send me an e-mail so I know to send you the location.

Stuff we're talking about at the munch.

Party Themes
Masquerade party [Pics soon to be here!][]
Egyptian party
Other, need group suggestions

Family Friendly Events
Dungeons and Dragons
Day after Thanksgiving Dinner
non-kinky disney-themed movie night


When will we have the next social (will it be instead of a munch?) and what/if any will the theme be?


Halloween party
-Date
-Themes
-volunteers


Possible new dungeon (Dragon's_d)



What do you guys want to see more from this group?


Hi,
I see that you've RSVP'ed as "maybe going" to the Kinky Catawba munch on May 1st. We definitely look forward to seeing you there, if you are able to make it. There are several new members who are going to be there to meet everyone, which makes this munch a pretty important one to attend if you're on the fence! We'll be getting to know all the new members, as well as doing some spring planning for future socials, in-house munches, family-friendly events, and play parties. If you want more info on some of the things we'll be talking about, see this post in the Kinky Catawba group page. We'd love to have your input on all the great stuff we're planning, so come prepared!
See you soon,
Dp----
If you have any questions about the munch, feel free to let me know. We'll be sending out the location on Saturday night, so if you don't know where it's going to be, please send me an e-mail so I know to send you the location.

to do

Stamps for returning the cooking/gardening magazine cancel thingy
mask pictures and post on fetlife
kitchen
fold laundry


call major about munch
call va about appointment
call somewhere else. lol

"Yes Sir" book

I found another erotica I liked in major's Yes Sir book.  It's called stuck at work and late for a date, starting on page 112. It didn't make me horny though, I liked it for another reason.

For some reason, I prefer stories that are either all consensual, or all non-consensual, not stories that start out, get you to fall in love with the consenting woman, and then rape her.


------------------------------------------------


on a more serious note

Also, the PS3 network was hacked and 70million people have had their personal info stolen, possibly even their credit card info. this  is the article, and tells what you should do about it.

Permission not to blog today

Master said I have permission, I don't have to blog today.

We went on a date yesterday before picking up my little brother and bringing him to the house. We went to the mall and had chik-fil-a, and Wendy's before we left.  He got chili and hamburgers while I was in the shower. I put torn hose on (on purpose torn, that Nana gave me) and the affliction dress that He bought me for His birthday (so I'd wear it)  and I put on make-up, and my suede boots with the heels. He really liked my outfit :) I had my collar on too, of course. We went to a few goodwill's and a salvation army, and the final part of our date (my feet beginning to hurt pretty badly now) the mall. At the mall, we went up and down escalators!!!  SCARY!!! and into hot topic and spencers and all kinds of cool stores. Then we went into a victoria secret kind of store that I hadn't noticed before. Daddy saw a pair of pants He really liked as I was trying desperately to leave while the store girl clung desperately with feeble conversation, and so we went over and looked at them. They were green military colored sleep pants, that looked like khaki's kinda. I tried them on over my hose, and realized they were baggy at the top and tight at the bottom, so I could fit (and I tried, too) my boots on over them easily. Also, they weren't stretchy like pajama pants would be, and the baggy material at the top makes my butt look bigger. I told Master all of this when I cam out of the dressing room, and He really liked the idea, especially since the baggy at top/tight at bottom style is apparently an old military thing. He plans on me wearing them to some type of event with my combat boots and a sports bra. I really didn't especially like the pants, and I told Him so, but He did, so He basically got me pants for Him. because the only time I'll be wearing them is for Him. they were $8, including tax.

Then!!!! after all the pain and walking and me begging to sit down a while, we went to chik-fil-a and got sandwiches and a milk shake for me :) i <3 milkshakes. We discovered His phone was dead, and since my mom, and nana were in the area, we went to the childs playplace to meet them.It's like Chuck E. Cheese.  Sam played laser tag like 4 times just while we were there, adn today he wouldn't stop bitching about how much his back hurts. I think we stayed 2 1/2 hours. I thought I was goig to die. We took sam home, and then jake showed up and got his bed, and Daddy said jake was being an asshole to Him. I made sure the car was locked so he couldn't steal the violet wand and such. There was a huge spider. Daddy killed it. I hate it when people disrespect my Daddy. It makes me want to hurt them.

We watched batman beyond until sam started to fall asleep, and then we turned on megamind (we got it at the redbox, when we were picking up food that sam would eat) and it was a pretty good movie. part of it was really boring, but for some reason I still liked it. I cussed at the almost end of the movie, and told the hero to put the goldfish in the fucking fountain, because they were letting it suffocate 2 feet away from water. It got really quiet and then Daddy and Sam both laughed at me.

Master made me have sex with Him after we put Sam together. The absolute need for silence made the sex amazing, and then He moved me onto the floor, on top of the laundry nonetheless! and it was so fucking hot. I felt like I was melting, and then it was over (too soon for me, but it was still worth it, I loved it) I called my sex card for today last night, but I withdrew it on the way home tonight, after spending so much time at my parents house today (from 1:30 until after 8pm) I'm very tired. Mom bought me a chair from goodwill that I wanted but we couldn't fit in our car for easter, and Nana made me an easter basket with some really cool stuff in it. I really miss my Daddy. I hope we cuddle or do something loving together tonight, I don't want to get in an argument.

We bounced at least one check, I don't know why. Well I mean, I know why, but I on't know what we bought that caused it. I think it must have been the groceries. I hope it wasn't something earlier or else we'll have a lot of bounces, and I don't know what we'll do to handle more than one. We might get stuck and not be able to pay something :( I've been not worrying about it though, there's no point anymore in worrying, it will get paid for and we'll do what we have to. We'll eat and survive and stuff and that's all that matters.

I love my Daddy.  and I posted when He said I didn't have to.

this is candy

I've been picking up stuff in major's room. I'm afraid Daddy will be mad at me, sometimes He gets mad when I clean. I just want to do it, because ... well I just want to. I don't feel like I have to, or like someone expects me to, I just want to, because I think it would be nicer if it was clean. I'm also putting all the coins I find in a paper cup I found in the floor. I think major might like to have all his change in one place in case he needs it some time. I just hope my Daddy doesn't get mad at me for doing this instead of sitting with them. I hope He's proud of me, and gives me lots of love and pets for it when we get home. I kinda hope we go home soon, it's after midnight, and I'm ready to be at home, see our puppies, and everything. Also, once He decides it's time to leave, it's going to take at least 30 minutes to get everything ready to go!!! there is trash everywhere, and candy and darts and baskets on top of all of our stuff and clothes we just shed wherever we took them off the past few days.

and I don't want to stay overnight again. I really don't, it's not fair. I want to spend some time with my Daddy.

5 o clock, Bitch Raping Time

Yup, it's 5 o clock. Right Now.


And Master is bowing before the feet of the Oblivion god. 
....

lol no sex for you!

saturday before Easter

Hey, first off, thanks to Jessi for reminding me to blog.

Master remembered my promise to Him today, the one about me never saying no to sex since He doesn't fuck other girls. seems like an even trade to me. If He can't have anyone else, I should give Him pussy whenever He wants it so that He doesn't feel the need to stray at all.

It's really hard typing in this dark room, but I miss my Daddy (He's playing oblivion in the other room right now, and He was really hyper when He got home, I don't get why. He got to stop someone else today, so He was pretty excited about that. even though He wasn't supposed to stop them.I guess it gave Him an adrenaline rush.)

Tomorrow is Easter, and we're spending it with Major's parents. If we go to the sunrise service, at 7:30 am we get fed!! :) I <3 food, and so I really hope we go to that service. After that, major;s mom is going to cook food for us!

My mom wants us to babysit my little brother on Tuesday. Jessi get's to go to the title place for her car on Tuesday, and I hope daddy remembers to call the VA about His foot on Tuesday also.


I read a really good (rape play) erotica today that I think my Daddy would like.

Also I need to do some erotica writing of my own... I think I'll do it next time I'm at hoe alone and Daddy is at work, so I can do a good job and not be in the dark typing on a black keyboard and be able to think about what I'm writing.

I'm at Major's house today. I was supposed to work on a bunch of things at home, one of them being the Crawmerax loot-drop size load of laundry, but then Master had His work schedule changed at the last minute, and so we went into town to look at masks for the party we're going to throw eventually. A mask party :) I can't wait for Daddy to show me and Jessi off at it. (oh Jessi.. We got her B-day present today :DDDDD)

Everybody keeps accusin' me of doing things bad, like not answering my phone when I told Master I had it on me, and Major told Daddy I hid His hat   when I didn't. Daddy put me in five and asked me over and over if I took it, and if I was lying. I told Him I wasn't lying, that if I was, I would be giggling more and He knew it. Finally He let me up and didn't punish me, because He knew I was telling the truth. If I lie, I giggle a lot and I also say no I didn't do it, yes I was lying.

Major took his boring pills again today. he doesn't get his tooth out until Monday, and so we're stuck with sad silly major (he tried to tickle me til I peed myself, and also pinched me, and sat on me!!!) until then!

I think I already blogged that jake is moving out, and jessi is definitely moving in once her car is fixed, and major is maybe moving in (which means I probably get beat really often if he does) which means I get cuddled a lot by major, and daddy gets cuddled by jessi a bunch, and i get laid less!!!! because daddy doesn't want me to have sex with him in front of major, cuz major is a pervert and tries to ......... daddy is playing darts and keeps missing the dart board because he's distracted.

I told major to "give me secs" earlier. It was an accident. I was trying to say give me a sec, and then I thought I'd need a few seconds, and my brain editted it before I could finish and change the words, and he totalyl froze, and then moved his hands over and I was like no no no!!!! that wasn't what I meant I withdraaw consent!!! not consent!! and he laughed bunches, because it took him way too long to process what came out of my mouth. 

Also, major sat on me, and I said ahhh I was a landing pad for a fat marine.. and I went *laughing* SQUISH! and then I was like *squeak* i can't breathe! and he got off of me, lol. 

oh yeah, Jessi and I talked and said that maybe to help her training, we both get marks at the same time

FOOD, A talk, a panic, a punishment, and a challenge.

I ate bunches and bunches of food last night!!!!

1 Sm Chili (w/ crackers)

1 Lrg fries (w/ sour cream)

1 Chix sandwich!!! :) om nom nom

1 side salad (with ranch dressing)

and a small frosty :D

I ate more than the boys (Major's mom bought us food, they had two sandwiches each and a large fry, which daddy didn't finish his) and my belly didn't swell none. 

Also, Master put me in Position 5 for back-talking. The thing I was upset about, that triggered my attitude, was something that I had reason to talk to Him about, and He respected that. However, the way I went about it, and the attitude I showed was not acceptable, and so I deserved my punishment for that. I wanted to make sure Master knew that I accepted my punishment, and that the time I spent quietly afterward was to gather myself and ensure that I did not act out again. 

When we got home, after I took a shower and Master read some about floggers, we talked about the marks and what was going on with that. He didn't feel as if my rule about wearing my collar was fully discussed, and so didn't take it into consideration about my marks, really.  Also, He wanted to talk about Susy getting a mark versus everyone else getting a mark, since I am the one who always gets punished for it. I said that if someone else were to get a mark, they should get the individual punishment that comes with getting a mark, but that I would still take the 3 Strikes (Anal, for right now) punishment. He agreed, and said that He would count the mark Susy got for refusing to eat and refusing to switch when told to, but not the collar one. We discussed and 

I think (don't remember exactly) that I'm basically not required to display complete and utter obedience and respect when wearing the collar, and I don't have to wear it all the time, but I am still responsible for my actions, and if I am not wearing my collar when I act badly, I will be judged more harshly for it, since I tend to behave better when wearing my collar.  

However, I'd still like to get something down in writing about that and have Master read over it, agree, or edit it with me. I'd like to come to an agreement and then write it down to make sure we both understand each other.

After He said that I now have 3 Strikes, for certain, I asked if I could wait to be punished when my stomach wasn't so full from eating all that food (above). He said no, He wanted to do it now. I stopped myself from whining, it's a punishment, and made the bed the way He likes it for anal. I was anxious about it, I couldn't really remember any full-blown anal-for-punishment sex scenes, and it scared me. I know I'm not supposed to enjoy punishment, but anal is hard to push to enjoyment anyway, and my ass has been tighter lately since I haven't been playing with my glass plug for over a week  (we had guests), and usually I have to push the pain to pleasure to be able to handle anal in the first place. This was all going on in my head as I got on my hands and knees on the towel and put my head down on the bed so that my ass was presented to Him. He rubbed me and asked what was wrong. I said I was scared. He put me on my back, and put a condom on, said He'd have sex with me first if that would help. I said I didn't see how it would, since this was punishment. He said to try to enjoy it, and the anal, too. That He wanted it that way.I tried to enjoy the sex, but I started crying soon after he told me to enjoy it. I think I was so nervous that all the emotional pressure just kind of collapsed. The sex didn't hurt, but it wasn't turning me on either, even though I was trying. I was also trying not to let Him hear me cry, and I held and rubbed His back. Then it started to hurt, He was going really deep, and every thrust felt like it triggered a cramp, and I think I was yelling, or told Him it hurt. He pulled out, and started to push into my ass, and I rolled over and started crying again, this time it wasn't just tears, it was sobs. He told me to roll back on my back, and I did, and then when He went to fuck me, I rolled over again, trying to pull my legs to my chest to curl in a ball. He told me it was a punishment, and to stop it. I was sobbing really hard now, and think I said "I can't..." I knew it didn't matter, but I couldn't stop crying, and He told me to stop, over and over. He slapped me once. I kept crying. Then I wanted to get away, and He yelled at me to stop crying, and I asked Him to leave me alone, or let me go, and He called me a bitch, and I cried louder when He yelled at me, and then I was pinned and couldn't get loose at all, and I was trying to get loose. At some point He took off His condom and gave me a look like it was my fault for making Him go soft for crying, that I had ruined everything. I scratched Him on His right harm, and He has a bruise on His chest from me, also (i pinched Him). I was panicking by this time, and he kept yelling at me to shut up. he said he wasn't going to hurt me, and I was still scared. I remember yelling that I wasn't playing; to let me go. He laughed at me at one point, part of the time it was Mikkal, and part of the time it was Kyle. I started screaming, angry, and I heard Emily tell me to get angry, it would help the fear, but it didn't. I remember being afraid that He would lose control, because I thought He was angry at me for crying and I didn't understand. I wanted to call yellow or something (that's as close as I got to remembering what my safeword was) but I was so afraid that He would say I'm being punished and didn't deserve to be able to use it. I won't make that mistake again, it wasn't worth not calling it, if it could have stopped what was going on. He was in control of Himself, I just couldn't see it because I wasn't in control of myself, I wasn't in control of anything, and I was so scared and felt so helpless.I wanted to run into the bathroom and sit on the floor and cry until I was ok, curled up, but He wouldn't let me go. I wanted Him to hold me and comfort me and tell me it was ok, but I was so afraid of him in that moment that I would have fought him if he'd tried to hold me that way. He told me that if I didn't stop crying, He was going to give me another strike, and counted from 5 to 1. When He said Five, I started to get up, because I thought He was ordering me to that position, and even though i didn't want to, I was going to go into it. The He said Four, and I sank back down again, I think he pushed me back down as well, I don't think He knew what was in my head, and I couldn't stop crying. At thins point He was mocking me when i yelled at him to let me go, He was trying to make me angry He says to get me to calm down. he says if I had tried to hit Him, He would have told me "good girl" and let me go. I screamed and was trying partly to scream for someone to come help me, I thought briefly of calling someone to come help on the phone, and then realized anyone who would come help would tell me to take my punishment like I was supposed to, and to stop being a bad girl. and He told me that there wre some cows across the street who hadn't heard me yet, to keep screaming. I think I screamed 3 times, and two of them I was trying to lower my voice, one of them yelling at Him to let me go, and he yelled back in my face and I cried harder again. my head was hurting, and it was getting really hot, and so I struggled even harder because I kept thinking something bad was about to happen when it got too hot, so I had to get loose before then. I managed to struggle us off of the bed, and then I was stuck with a box in my back, and He was even more angry, and I wasn't any better off. I said I wanted to go home, and He started screaming at me, and told me to say it again, how dare I , I wanted to go home, did i? say it again. and I said I wanted to go home! and He screamed at me to say it one more time, and I tried to yell that I couldn't breathe. It was so hot and I felt like I was suffocating from the heat even though I was naked. He let go of me, let me up, told me to sit on the bed, and at first I wouldn't sit on the bed, I sat up, but I was afraid something would happen. Then I moved to the bed. I still hadn't stopped crying. He was sitting on the floor in front of me, and asked me again if I really wanted to go to my parents house. I said no, and He moved and I moved to the other side of the bed. It was so hot but I wanted to cover up, His touch was making me feel sick, I hoped I wouldn't throw up, I hoped He knew I wasn't trying to be bad. I said I needed to blow my nose, and He said something along the line of fuck my nose. I think I tried to smile or laugh there. I got a towel. I tried to stop crying I think I did at some point. I managed to say "panicked" I think I stuttered. He laughed bitterly and said obviously, or ya think? or well duh. i noticed. I don't know, I know it was a "that was obvious" kind of statement. I didn't know. I didn't know if it was obvious or not. I didn't know if He thought I was trying to get my way and just not be punished. He went out, and I stayed and cried into the towel. I remember wondering if he was going to get me water, because my throat hurt so bad, or if he left because he was angry, or if he went to get the car ready and was going to make me go home anyway, I had all kinds of weird thoughts in my head. I wanted to curl up in a ball on the bed, but I was afraid that He would come back in and pin me or get mad at me for doing it. I went to the bathroom and washed my face or got water, and tried to stop crying. I put on a shirt and panties. I went to Him, and we talked about what had happened. I told him I didn't mean home like my parents house, I meant home like that primal comfort that is associated with home. My brain went from Him, to Daddy (still him, but I was afraid I'd pull Susy or Candy and that would be even worse) to "home" and that's what I said. I was actually thinking of our apartment in Alabama, but when he got so angry with me, I knew what he meant immediately. I said it again though because I hoped he would understand what I needed or at least let go of me. We both calmed down, he asked me nicely to stop crying (when did I start crying again?) and I did my best I think i stopped. This has never happened before, and I don't know what triggered it. Master says He thinks it was because He went from punishment to telling me to try to enjoy it so quickly that I couldn't process it and freaked out. I'm still not sure. It may have been the mood I was in at the time.  

He was still horny, and said so. It had been 45 minutes since I'd stopped crying, and I offered to try again. He looked at me so severe I almost started crying again. "Not tonight." He said firmly. We eventually negotiated that He would stay up and masturbate, and I would go to bed, make the bed, and go to sleep. He would come in when He was done. I plugged in the PC for Him, and went to bed. I masturbated, too. 

I was being punished the way He plans on punishing me next time. He was on the bed with the laptop, and He called me into the room, naked. He commanded, "Five" and I went down to five, my face in the corner. "No, not there. I don't want to see you, Bitch. Trash like you, that cant even obey simple commands, you dont even get to imagine that I'm masturbating to you. Stand at the foot of My bed. There. Five. Good, I don't have to see you from here, that's perfect." He made sure I could hear the porn, turned it up loud, and thoroughly enjoyed Himself, keeping me in five the entire time. Eventually, He called me. "Crawl to Me, bitch. I don't want to have to look at you, so put your head under My hand." I did, and He grabbed tightly to my hair. He pulled me up unto the bed below the laptop, and pushed my open mouth down onto His cock, moving His other hand out of the way.

At this point the story splits. 

1) He shoved my head down all the way, and came as I gagged, my throat spasm-ing around His cock.

2) I began to push my head down farther, and He grabbed my hair tighter. "Oh no you don't, bitch. When I said catch, I meant catch. Now catch My cum, and don't swallow until I give you permission." He came, squirting the cum into my mouth, a big gush, and then several small squirts. "Suck the rest out." I did, fighting not to gag, trying to pull my head back, but His hand on the back of my head was keeping me in place. "See? We've found something you're good for. Now go back to the foot of the bed until I call you again." He turned the porn back on, and let it run to the end. When the sound stopped, I heard His voice directly behind me. He'd gotten out of bed as I crawled back to the foot of the bed. 

"Swallow." 

Gulp. Gasp. 

"Good Girl. Recover. Hug Me. I love you."

I remember wondering what was taking Him so long to cum, because He hadn't come to bed yet.

I had some weird dreams, and in one of them, Master got a job at a Lego factory, putting new Lego sets together. I got a job in the same factory as an "Adult Escort" I was basically a stripper/hostess, who led the adult tours of the Lego factory.

I woke up and went to take a shower. I took my anal plug with me. I rinsed off, washed to toy, and then laid on my back and tried to put it in... It wouldn't go. Danny came out and made me sit on it. It went in then, lol. Danny made me count, slowly. When I missed a number, I had to restart at the nearest 27 and keep going from there. Eventually the water started to go cold, so I turned it off altogether. Originally I only had to count to 527, but when i got there, Danny forced me to keep going, because I had "tried to cheat" and not started at 27 every time I missed a number. I didn't stop until 627, which was (If I'd been counting by second) 10 and a half minutes. I was counting very slowly though, so I think it was more like 15-20 minutes. Then for good measure, she pushed it in and out several more times, making sure it hurt. Made me wash the toy and my ass in case He wanted to lick my ass.

I went in and woke Him up, told Him I was ready, and what I'd done. He went out a few minutes, made me put the toy in while He was gone, and lay on my back. Then He came back in, and licked my clit while pushing the toy in and out. It felt amazing. Then He gave me my bit gag to bite on (at my request) and put His dick in my ass. It hurt to go in, but not as bad as I was afraid it would the night before. He fucked me for a good 20-30 minutes, and twice during, stuck His thumb into my cunt and kept fucking my ass (which was AMAZING, btw. He's never done that before, but it made all the pain go away, and I absolutely loved it.). He called Danny and told her thank you. Then He called me back, and fucked the hell out of me!!! Afterward, we cuddled, and Danny made me put my hands behind my back (Master was playing with my tits and I wanted to rub) and Mikkal came out (He'd been out?) and pulled so hard on my tits, making me arch my back, and then rubbed my clit until it hurt (more sensitive than normal, and that's a lot) and I actually pulled one of my hands out from behind my back, my fist was even clenched. He made me put it back, and kept rubbing that same terrible spot, watching my face as I struggled with how much it hurt. Then He stopped and we cuddled more, and H fell asleep a few moments.

We got up and did a bunch of business stuff, and then went to wal-mart, bought TP, and went to wendy's.

I got another Chili!

When we got home, Daddy wouldn't let me go potty (I hadta poop) until He left. 

He was talking about how bad the house was, adn I told Him I could have it clean before He got home, not counting the laundry, and he said fuck the laundry, go clean the house. 

My duties:
Clean House
Blog
Read "The Day I Came in Public"
Eat my chili
Make a list of things to do to clean the house

Oh yeah. Jake is moving out. He's paying us today, and also in two weeks because of the short notice. Jessi is moving in with us, she's pretty much already collared, but her consideration is going to be four months, since we weren't going to consider her for two months, but Master decided to go ahead and do it. 
Major may be moving in as well, but there is a lot to consider for him, so he hasn't made up his mind yet.

Jake is supposed to come by later today, but its getting late and I'm tired of waiting on him. Master gave me orders not to be mean to him. I really want to. He's fucked with my life the way He's acted the past few months. But I'll behave. 

Master said

(I said a certain dog in a car at Wal-Mart liked me more than it liked Him)

"Well duh, a dog will usually prefer another Bitch to a human any day." about me. It made me so happy, to be listed as less than human in His eyes, to be His toy, His Bitch, His slave...

http://www.proofgodexists.org/trinity_and_the_human_brain.htm   um, comparing Freud's theory of consciousness to the holy trinity, wtf.

Cleaning your sex toy, how to

"Cleaning Your Sex Toys
Regular cleaning is key to maintaining the integrity of the material of any sex toy. Be sure to wash before first use and immediately after each use before storing. Always be careful to keep water and cleanser away from battery cartridges and electrical parts. The safest way to clean most of your sex toys is to use an antibacterial cleanser, such as ForPlay Adult Toy Cleaner. This formulation contains Nonoxynol-9, which kills all bacteria and is compatible with all sex-toy materials. Simply dilute with warm water (see bottle for instructions), wash the toy with a cloth, rinse it thoroughly, then towel dry with paper towels or a soft, lint-free cloth. However, each toy material is different and is best cleaned and cared for in its own special way.
Here's a breakdown of how to clean sex toys by material:

• Silicone: Hypoallergenic and easiest to maintain, silicone dildos and non-battery-operated toys may be boiled for two to three minutes, or washed with soap and water. NEVER boil silicone sex toys with electrical components. Let them air dry completely or dry with a lint-free cloth before storing.

• Plastic/Acrylic/Glass: All can be washed with warm water and anti-bacterial hand soap and sterilized using an alcohol-soaked cotton ball (rinse thoroughly afterward); acrylic and glass toys may be boiled or submerged in hot water if they're not battery-operated.

• Rubber/Latex and Jelly: These products are extremely porous, so be sure to wash them thoroughly with warm water and anti-bacterial hand soap, and rinse so that no trace of soap is left, as it can degrade the material and cause irritation to you. Again, while it's a good idea to use a condom with any insertable toys, it's an especially good idea with these materials.

• Realistics: Names include CyberskinTM, FuturoticTM, NeoSkin®, Soft TouchTM, UltraSkin, and FauxskinTM (if you're unsure of the type of material, check the packaging or product page, or contact Customer Service), and this type of material is widely used for erection rings and masturbation sleeves, as well as vibrators and dildos. Thoroughly wash with warm (never hot) water and a liquid antibacterial soap, then let air dry completely. Once dry, sprinkle with the included "renewing" powder or cornstarch. Never use talcum powder or baby powder, as these can cause irritation and sometimes larger problems for women (pure talc is fine but very difficult to find).

Because sex toys not only touch your skin, but touch very intimate areas of your body, it's extremely important to know whether you have any allergies or sensitivities to certain materials, cleansers, etc. If you're not sure, we highly recommend that you do an allergy test on a small patch of skin, such as the wrist, before using any product."

on fetlife today

I saw a group that was restricted to:

People who are capable of and regularly exemplify respect for the rest of the members.

I really like that. It would have saved a lot of drama in the past. :)




--------------------------------------------
1. Forgetting to blog
2. forgetting to blog the very next day
3. (Susy) mouthing off repeatedly, not obeying, and refusing to switch when told to.
4. forgetting to put on my collar in the morning, maybe this is why the 3rd strike happened anyway?

at 4 strikes, I'm not sure what to do now. Worried I'll earn another one and end up standing in even deeper shit than I'm already in. Which is pretty bad. Master wants me to swallow for a blowjob as my punishment after this one, and I really don't know if I can.  A little worried about it. Actually, pretty worried about it. AND I haven't been feeling up to anal either, it's been hurting more lately than it did for a while there, and it's starting to scare me again.

nommy food I already eat

http://health.yahoo.net/experts/eatthis/6-best-worst-snacks


They say eat

chocolate milk
nuts
granola
yogurt
and I forget what else.

Skittles vodka

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/37BYwF/www.owned.lv/14392/How-to-make-skittles-vodka/

 

Sort colors, put 60 of each color into each glass that has 6 OZ of not-cheap vodka in it, shake.

Let sit overnight. Shake. Filter into glass container to get murky skittle chunks out. Freeze overnight.

voila!

conversation of the day

t: hot chicks
me: go mingle
t: they are crashed on the couch
me: sleep is consent! go beat that shit up
t: zomfg i cant believe you just said that
me: why not?
t: idk
t: lol
me: too innocent?
t: Too submissive
me: Me?
t: no, lol, me
t: I just couldnt bring myself to take advantage of a sleeping girl
me: oh ok.
t: it goes against my code of ethincs
me: well yeah you warn them that sleep is consent first
t: I have to pleasure my partner
me: ethnics? that's race...
me: i think you meant ethics
t: oh...that n got in there somehow
t: lol
me: is one of them black?
t: no, lol
t: I did mean ethics

Porcupine winter and another joke.

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the
cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided
to group together. This way they covered and protected
themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest
companions even though they gave off heat to each other.
After a while, they decided to distance themselves one
from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen.
So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of
their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely,
they decided to go back to being together. This way they
learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the
close relationship with their companion, but the most
important part of it was the heat that came from the others.
This way they were able to survive.
The best relationship is not the one that brings
together perfect people, but the best is when each individual
learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire
the other person's good qualities.
The Moral of the story:

Learn to love the pricks in your life!!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Driving a horse and buggy, Tom picks up his new bride and all her bags before starting the long trip home again. About an hour into the trip the horse trips over a rock in the road and stumbles. Calmly Tom stops the buggy, climbs down as his wife watches in confusion. Tom walks to the horse and raises one finger and says firmly, "That's one."
Tom then goes back to the buggy, climbs in next to his wife and they resume their journey home. A while later the horse trips, and stumbles again. Tom stops the buggy, climbs down, and walks to the horse. Raising two fingers, he says firmly, "That's two."
Now the wife is practically flabbergasted, but watches in silence as Tom resumes his seat beside her and they continue on their journey.
Of course, as these things will happen, the horse trips a third time, and stumbles. Tom stops the buggy, reaches in the back and grab his shot gun, climbs down from the buggy, walks to the horse and shoots it.
Now his wife is furious. "What one earth did you do that for? How are we supposed to get home now? And what about all my..."
Tom walks up to her calmly and lifts his hand one finger raised and says, "That's one."

http://www.humansexmap.com/

The Games we play

Oh it's You. You won't need your flogger here. Susy Growl!!!

my mouth really likes cheeseburgers, but my belly really hates them and sends them out as soon as possible!

Major is a friendship buzzard. he doesn't want to cause any strife between me and Master, because that way if anything happens, he can pick me up on the rebound. his words, not mine. So now when we're at parties and two ppl are talking, he's going to do the buzzard motion and circle them.

If someone burps, everyone in the room has to say a color. Last person to say a color has to make a sex noise. In front of parents it's an animal sound.

if you look at the ASL letter for F when someone makes it below their waist, they get to punch you.

The Game

Punch Buggy with any VW model. No punch back means no one can hit for that one after it's said.  I miss Lelo and Stitch. I want to see that movie again, too.

Borderlands. "Oh it's you. You won't need your money here. Tiger growl."


The Boob Test

this week summary

• Had FOUR amazing orgasms, a personal record, all in one session while being forced to confess every fantasy that went through my head.
• I was made to lick ketchup off my PC because I spilled it and shouldn't have been so wasteful.
• I got my ass paddled with the intention of making me call red (some other circumstances intervened, but I'd say I was closer to red than anyone else has ever gotten me).
• I sat in the dungeon with my best friend and we made sex noises directly under Master and His best friend, luring them down to the dungeon once on purpose so that then we could play undisturbed later. After they went upstairs we spanked and belted each other silly.
• I was the subject of a caning and partial suspension scene as well and let someone get revenge for when I made him bite through his tongue (resistance play).
• I was put in a punishment position and used as human furniture in the middle of a mall.
• I was put in a punishment position and had water poured over me while in front of my Master and our 2 best friends. 
• I played with my anal toys in the shower, and didn't stop when Master sent in Major to catch me off guard. 
• Had a pinch fight for aftercare and still have the bruises from that, too. 

it's been a full week! and I've loved every minute of it!!!

:)

If you could read my blog, this would be for you, Major

 Listen

Close...

 Fuck

 you!

 Fuck you!

This is usually from Major after I make him lose The Game.

Why I love Google, ASL

Profanity_in_American_Sign_Language

• The back of dominant open b-handshape flipped out under chin means "fuck you" or "so what?" Using a middle finger as the 'classic' flipping of the bird has the same meaning. These are actually gestures and not actual ASL signs. Some linguists contend that when the middle finger is used directionally, and pointed at someone or something, it becomes a sign. Another common sign for "fuck you" uses an "FK" abbreviation, signed with an f-handshape changing to a k-handshape, which is referred to as a "loan sign". A "loan sign" is when a fingerspelled word is modified to leave out letters, form a specific shape, or move in a specific direction to become an actual sign(1).

• "Dick" is a "d" handshape tapping the nose.

• The thumb/index finger side of a b-handshape struck against the side of the mouth or chin means "bitch" (contact point is the side of the index finger). "Bastard" can be produced by doing the same sign but locating it on the forehead.

• Touching the p-handshape middle finger to the nose tip then bringing it out to "F" (done with one hand) means "piss off", or, literally, “PENIS F”. This sign creates the meaning of “piss off” by combining the sign for "penis/piss" and abbreviating "O-F-F" by using simply one "F".

• Holding a d-handshape in front of the body with the index finger pointing somewhat forward and to the left and the palm pointing somewhat down, then shoving the hand quickly down and to the right in an arc as if condemning someone to hell signifies “Damn” The sign properly ends pointing mostly down and off to the right a bit. Doing this sign with an "H" means "hell."

• A rather illustrative sign for "bullshit" uses both arms held out, elbows bent, and folded in front of the signer with the dominant forearm on top. The dominant hand mimics a pair of horns with the index and pinkie finger. The non-dominant hand mimics the "business end" with flapping fingers. However, this sign is not considered part of ASL, but rather invented by hearing people. This sign has been changed, now with both the pointer and pinkie finger being extended and thrusting the hand forward to signify "bullshit" doing the former sign is not taken seriously in the Deaf community.^{[citation needed]}

• The well-known OK gesture, when held with the thumb on top at the level of the chest means "asshole", as seen in the film Mr. Holland's Opus. Another variant is shown in the image on the side. (This gesture is similar to the American English idiom, "sit and spin".)

• As profanity is often used when angry, it is not uncommon for signers to use fingerspelled loan signs (or lexicalised fingerspelling) when swearing; e.g., bullshit would be quickly fingerspelled and in ASL gloss it would be represented as #BULLSHIT.

• An A handshape on the side of the cheek, near the chin, with a fast forward motion (similar to signing shy) means "slut"

• "Sex" is signed by making an "x" letter with the right hand and placing it below the eye and making a curve to the lower part of the face.

Fourgasm Whoregasm and fantasy list

OMFg super best sex ever, thank you Daddy.

FOUR screaming orgasms, that's my personal record, lol. Hell I don't know if I've ever had two in a row before. It was amazing, he let me scream as loud as I wanted and fucked the hell out of me with my candy cane toy. I came 2 times from the toy, once during the sex, and once after He went to sleep when I put the glass plug in me and started rubbing. I could feel my body clench down on the toy even though I wasn't squeezing, and I got a warm yummy wet feeling, and it really showed me what my body feels like when I come.  Before my fourth, and after the sex, He held me and let me tell Him my fantasies as they went through my head, and it kept me turned on like you wouldn't believe.

Anyway, thank You Daddy (that's what i screamed the most) and I have to publish this before it's after midnight. Thanks for reminding me to blog at 11:51, Daddy, I'm glad You didn't get the chance to beat my ass! (It already hurts from what Major did to it!

My list of sexual fantasies, which I would like to write an erotica (or Bedroom BDSM realism, as Daddy prefers it to be called) about each of them is as follows:

• Tied down to the bed with a fucking machine in me, and then Master tells me why I deserve it as a punishment, turns the light off, and leaves me there to take it for as long as He deems necessary.
• Interrogated (not the way you are thinking, I swear everyone has such a narrow idea with this word!) for my fantasies, I would be in a high state of arousal and then given small punishments to prod me in the right direction and directed to share every sexual fantasy that came into my head. 
• Tied down to a fucking machine, and then put on a website with webcam and fucked by random strangers who paid to use me however they felt with an interactive slut (me).
• Given/forced to have (depending on how you look at it) orgasms until I pass out.
• Punishment of a blowjob/cumcatcher. Master watches porn and masturbates to it with me out of sight, and only grabs my hair to swallow His cum. If I waste any, He adds a mark to my hand so that I start with one instead of having a clean slate after my punishment. (This was Master's fantasy that he shared with me)
• Catch cum, and then not allowed to swallow for x minutes.
• Made to lick Master's cum off the bed, "Useless fucking bitch, My cum is a gift to you, and you will not let it go to waste. It's worth more than you are."
• Made to lick my cum off the bed. "Dirty fucking whore" butt plug in, and I have to change the sheets, made to crawl to go get the sheets out of the bathroom. Spanked and had my nose rubbed in it.
• Rape play. Caught by surprise, hooded, cuffed and bent over the bed. Don't even pull my jeans all the way off, just down and use me, leave me when You're done, discard me like the trash I am. (stole pt of this from Major and adapted for my own horniness)
• Forced masturbation. 
• 4 corner bed, tied and left overnight to sleep like that
• comfort tied in the back of vehicle, Master adds that I should have a toy in, as well. 
• drowned in bathtub
• forced to drink alcohol/drugged drink and then SEXed in shower/cold water after to wash the cum off and out
• role play
• being hurt "Oh there's nothing you can do to make me stop, I just like it" 
• holes stretched with inflatable toy, tied down being told there's no red allowed

and this one I just thought of, so I added it :)

• tied closed legs, hands behind back, duct tape on mouth, on my stomach to sleep in my comfort bondage position
• being hurt "If you do X, the pain will stop. Ok, now do Y, and then Z."

I want an orgasm.    

um. yeah. my butt hurts.

My ass hurts. No, not anal. I scened with Major. He was trying to get me to red, but I didn't know that until I realized about halfway through the scene. Master negotiated the whole scene, with no input from me or anything. He sent Jessi and I to wash dishes, and then when we were done, He bent us over opposite ends of the coffee table, and Major beat my ass, and He beat Jessi's. 

Master let Jessi up after a bit, and then He made me hold on to the table and sometimes held my hair or my neck. It was really intense. I bucked a lot, trying to handle the pain, and sometimes to buy a few seconds between hits. At one point, when Master was pulling my hair (which made it hurt worse, because He was pulling my hair in a painful, not sexy way) I pulled my legs up and held my boots over my ass. Major said he could smell pussy, (I didn't think I was wet, but I guess I must have been) and I pulled as hard as I could away from Master pulling my hair down to the table, and swung my elbow around toward Major. (I found out after that I had actually hit him in the balls) Master stopped me, told me if I fight back then the scene is over. I bent back over the table.

When Jessi got up and went out, I was right in the middle of sitting back to try and handle the pain (I had just recently started crying, which continued until the very end of the scene.) and I saw her go outside, and I sat and didn't move, I almost kind of zoned out. Master went out after her, and after a few minutes, Major and I started scening again. This time I took a shirt and put it in my mouth so i could bite down. He put his hand on the back of my neck to hold me, and I really liked that. A couple of hits felt really good, and then it would switch to almost unbearable pain and I would buck again-- or try to-- with Major's hand on the back of my neck, I was pretty much trapped into taking the hits the way they were given, with a lot less chance to buy those few precious seconds that gave me time to process the buildup of pain. And then it started to feel good again, and I started moaning.

I didn't mean to switch, I remember it feeling good and moaning, and then it hurt because it was the same spot being hit over and over again, and then Major started hitting the bruised spots on my thighs from the last time we scened. I tried to switch back, but there was too much going on. I sat down, and Major didn't know it was me, and swatted me a couple more times. I said I was sorry, and I didn't want to tell him I switched, because I didn't want to mess up the scene at all.

When I came back out, I was looking for a shirt, and holding chocolate. Major was standing by the door, and said, "Come on." so I followed him outside.He filled me in on what I missed, and said Susy seemed to be OK, he was more worried about Jessi. I agreed. When we went back in, Jessi was nowhere to be seen, and Major went out of the room. Master told me I should have called red instead of switching. He thought I switched on purpose. I responded that if I'd switched on purpose, I would have pulled Danny. Master thought it was pretty funny. I'm sure Danny will get me back for it eventually though. 

Major says we'll have to take pics, and I look forward to seeing what my ass looks like! :)

To be honest, I don't really remember much else about today, except that blink started painting a picture, and it's pretty good.

"What is it wish serial killers and scrap-booking? You'd think we'd have used it to find them, since the only people who scrapbook are housewives and serial killers."

5 o clock, Bitch Raping Time

So I totally got laid last night. It was spooning, and then missionary with slow deep thrusts. Amazing.
I woke up this morning, and when I stood up, I leaked cum into my panties.

Major had a toothache (wisdom tooth) last night and was totally pitiful and cute.
He wasn't even in asshole mode, but if I had to choose, I'd say it wasn't worth it because he was in a lot of pain. (Which apparently also lessens the sadistic tendencies, at least the miserable in pain Major... happy in pain is still a sadistic asshole [which I mean in the most endearing way possible, of course])

I finished my book I was reading, shadows of myth... It was well-written, a good book, but.... i hated the ending.

I was really hungry today, but when i ate I started to feel sick, so i only ate a little. I still don't feel better all the way, but we've discovered that whatever this is, it makes
my (emily) head hurt, and my stomach feels weird, and I feel a bit dizzy.
candy doesn't have a headache, but her palms sweat, she gets anxious, and she has a lot of trouble balancing.
we keep switching, and it's driving us crazy because we seem to have different symptoms and such.

finally, I said I needed to drink something, because my head hurts, and I feel like shit, so... whatever. they thought it was a great idea, we saw midgets at walmart, and um... now we're home, and I keep crossing the line and saying shit I shouldn't say. I don't mean to, but the only person who is actually interested in being a good submissive right now is candy, and He keeps making her leave, because He hates seeing her in pain. All candy wants to do is be quiet and cuddle and not move or anything, and blech.

Jessi has to go home tomorrow :( 


I want to start doing our bible study again so we get to read about Easter on Easter.

lying bitches

"After all, everyone knows slaves can't be trusted to tell the truth."
---Rachel Lee

I really did say I wanted Major to punish me, Daddy. It just slipped out though, cuz she was driving me crazy! I love her so much, and we love driving each other crazy, at least I hope she thinks it's fun, too.

Jessi seems so bored, but really she's sad, and can't get her head out of her memories and stuff. I wish I could help her and do something to make her smile, but I really don't know what to say to make her feel better. 

Vicki took her downstairs, and we made her laugh over and over but that got old quick when the boys didn't help or really respond much, the whole point was to make them jealous and want to play with us, but they don't play as much as we want. We made lots of silly sex/scene noises, and they didn't even stop talking to listen. Kyle and Timmy weren't being very respectful to me, they were impatient and selfish and it really upset me. How am I supposed to be dominant around Jessi and then have it be ignored and disregarded by everyone else? No wonder no one respects me, the way he put me down. And then Timmy freaked when I tried to tell him I was leaving. I don't have any clue how to handle that.

when she hurts and there's nothing I can do to help her, it makes me feel so helpless.I never know what to tell her.

Daddy and I talked about some stuff about Jessi that she can't read, because if she does it will ruin it, and I want it to be a surprise when it happens. Not a bad one, no worrying!

Major spanked me but it didn't hurt, and then he stopped. He said he was going to do it when Master got home, and then didn't, because Master wanted to play borderlands. They turned that on almost right away, and have been playing since.... the past 4 hours. Meaning nothing is going to happen tonight... again. I still haven't even got laid since the scene with Major. And..... no being beat til I red, either. which was a joke on my part in the first place, but it seems funny that I can get out of it so easily. If I knew that it was so easy to get out of being punished, I don't guess I'd ever behave.

Oh yeah. Master said no letting Major read my blog, that I should have been more careful in the first place. It's only for Him, and He doesn't want my writing to be influenced by what other people might read.

Saturday the 26th of March,
Vicki was out, promised Timmy a quickie on the 27th.  We went to mom and dad's and visited Papa. He got tired and decided to take a nap though. I stayed until 10:30 when Master got out of work, and we watched the scream of the banshee with dad until 11.

Sunday the 27th,

Master had work, the pastor preached on "the truth about hell" and sam was a brat all day. I visited nana. When master got off of work we went to A.C Moore to go shopping. Craft store. On the way there, Master pulled Vicki and presented me with a necklace. It was in the shape of a heart, and studded with amethyst. It has a larger, heart shaped gem in the center. he gave it to me as something that I can wear when I am out, just like emily has something to wear when she is out, her collar. Mine isn't a sign of submission, but was given as a token of love from my husband, a token I wear with authority. I wore it all day and it is my favorite piece of jewelry, the most beautiful thing my husband has given me.


We met MP at ACMoore, and then after that we went to Tony's pizza, because he hadn't eaten all day. We ordered a lrg ($20) and invited major to  come share it with us, because they make huge pizzas. Then matt went with us and we shopped until about 6pm, and met mp ....

------busy have to go do other shit instead of blog---

my Rules, with new additions

I wrote the new rules down before, but I want them altogether somewhere, so here.... we.... go! (Batman, the Joker)

1. I will not cut.
2. My Husband will be informed of my desire to cut as it occurs or increases.
3. I will take care of my body with proper hygiene, eating habits, and will also wear attractive clothing and make-up for my Husband.
4. I will use the title "Sir" appropriately when speaking to my Husband, but will replace "Sir" with "Baby" when in public.
5. I will show the proper respect to myself and my body in my words and actions. I am my Master's property and do not have the right to speak badly of something He treasures.
6. I will show the proper respect and deference to my Husband; He is my Master and deserves the best I have to offer.
7. I will walk with confidence in the knowledge that my Master loves me. I will not keep my head down, I will show pride in being His possession, especially when in public.
8. I will not hold back my feelings, emotions, or voice during sex or sexual play unless otherwise directed by my Husband.
9. I will use my safe word, stairwell, the return word being ladderwell, when I have need to.
10. While wearing my collar, I will obey my Husband's commands as if each were my own thoughts. I will put on my collar (or other token of submission) in the morning when I wake up, and will not take it off until I go to bed at night, take a shower, or are otherwise directed to do so by my Master.
11. I will blog daily. If I am in a situation where I cannot blog, I will ask permission not to blog from my Master, so that He knows I am thinking of my responsibilities.




We have been discussing changing my 3-strike policy end punishment. Currently, I am punished for each mark I receive on my hand, and then  when I get three, I am punished for that mark according to Master's wishes, and then the 3-mark overall punishment is anal. I suggested it to Him (and he seemed to like the idea) that instead of doing anal, since it's not as much of a punishment as it used to be (I'm getting better at being able to take it) that needle-play would be a more appropriate punishment since I'm so scared of it. It would make me dread fucking up, and I would try harder to please my Master. He hasn't changed it yet, but He was considering it at one time, and we never really came to a specific decision on it.
 

April 13

Sigh. I'm running late on blogging but Master said I could have an extension.

Major brought over the couch last night, and stayed overnight, slept in jake's bed again. we couldn't move the couch down to the basement without another guy, and Master was at work from 10pm  until 7:30 AM.   So... I tried desperately to blog but was continuously distracted, the dogs ate the batteries for the TV remote, so we were stuck watching family guy knockoffs and listening to major's piggy porn. Jessi blogged too, and then she said, "I'm staying awake all night!" and immediately fell asleep on the couch. Major soon after this met Blink, and they hung out for a decent while, talking about a bunch of random stuff, we found out that Blink is 8 years old, and she tried to convince Major to let her try his cigarette, because she didn't know whether she liked it or not. She finally dropped it when he said he didn't have any money. Blink understood money stuff, but didn't understand why he could smoke and she couldn't.

Major asked again to read the blog, because emily told him she was blogging about scening, so blink let him read it. I don't think he knows the website for it or anything, but it seemed important to say that I shared that.  It gave us some things to talk about and stuff. I forget what we talked about but that was pretty much it all night other than me blowing my nose every two seconds and feeling miserable.

Today, I walked the dogs, made pancakes (choc chip for jessi and me!), and washed dishes with jessi!
I bugged Major a lot this morning, and got pinched some for it, and then helped Jessi realize maybe a little more that Major isn't as scary as he acts like, and we both snuggled him for a little bit, and then tickled and played and talked for a while.  Major showed Jessi how to properly hold the hand when spanking, for maximum velocity and thuddiness, and also the spots not to hit when flogging and stuff. Master had already showed her a few of those, but I think the reiteration is helping her learn, because she accepts what everyone tells her, even if she's heard it once from all of us.

Jessi gets sad and doesn't like to eat. I don't like to talk about that really. It makes me sad, and sometimes when I try to help her, I think I might be making it worse, because I don't know what to say to make her feel better. She's been clinging to Master a lot, and it's really cutting in on the time I get with Him, just to talk and stuff, but even if she wasn't here, Major would be, so I know I wouldn't really get a lot of time to talk to Him anyway, especially since they're playing borderlands right now.

)Blink) After they ate breakfast (I got to smoke my cigarette, Master said I could, and I stuck my tongue out at major for it, too) and moved the couch downstairs, Jessi snuggled Master on the couch and I massaged Master and major's legs for carrying the couch downstairs. Then Daddy got on top of Jessi and was biting her neck.... I dripped some water down the back of His pants, and He put me (in panties and socks and collar only) in Position Five in the middle of the floor where they could watch, and poured a whole cup of water on my ass and lower back and my hands and then splashed it up under me between my legs from behind, and got water in my face.  Halfway through, He let me up into Position Two with my Recover command. He asked if I liked it, and I shook my head yes and giggled because I loved having water poured on me, and being played with in front of an audience, and put in positions. He's never played with me in front of people before, it was a real rush. After, He spanked me closer to Major and Jessi, and some of the water from the splatter spanks hit Major. Then Master sent me upstairs  (outside and then in the house) while still in my panties and socks and collar. I put on swim shorts and got in the shower, in case they wanted to play with me.

They didn't. They wanted me to hurry up and get out so they could go downtown and stuff to shop for equipment or something, I guess just get out of the house maybe... Well, as soon as we all got in Major's truck, me in the middle in front, and jessi in the back seat, Master grabbed my hair and pulled it back so that my head was pulled back as far as it could go, with my neck arched over the back of the seat. Mikkal made Jessi hold my hair back, and said once we got to a certain road/turn, she could let me go. (about 10 minutes I think) and I started to move because my shoulder started to get a crick in it, and He made me say out loud what I was doing and why I was moving, and then why my shoulder hurt. Then He said, "What makes you think I care whether you hurt or not? Take your hands out of your lap, I don't want you touching yourself" Then we finally made it to the turn, and she let go of my hair. I thanked Him, I thought it was over,a dn when we got to the next turn He grabbed my head and jerked my head back again. She held my hair again, and Mikkal twisted and pulled my already sore tits, torturing me. After a minute or two of this, He gave the "Hush" command that I stay silent, and said I was interrupting major's music, and to shut the fuck up. He kept torturing me, and I yelped several times to the next turn, earning myself several slaps to the face and a few strangles. He held my mouth open with His thumb at once point, and basically pulled my jaw so that it pulled on my hair, too. After we hit the next turn and He let me up, He told me I was not allowed to talk or communicate. I immediately thought, "The Game" and broke into a fit of silent giggles. He told me I was going to pay for that, and the next time, He held my hair back really tightly and made sure that I was in the most pain possible ever time He pulled and twisted my nipples, and bit me as well. I got slapped even more for this, and cunt-punched about 3 times, as well.

It turns out this was my punishment for the two marks I have on my hand currently, both of which are for not blogging. When we got to Major's house after switching cars, I was soaking wet through my panties, but didn't touch myself at all today, because I wanted Master to know I was serious about following His instructions.

I took some allergy meds at Major's house and they seemed to work ok. My nose has been running all day, and I still have a  pressure headache, but it's not as bad as it was yesterday, so... blech. After that we went to some other places, Master bought me a pretty shirt for 70 cents!! and then we went to McD and had a snack and then the movie theater. Master sat in the back cuddling Jessi the whole time we were driving anywhere, and it was really sweet to watch Him take care of her.

(Blink) I made Daddy mad, He gave me a bite of His burger, and I took a bite and then put my gum on it.. I thought he'd see it, and when He took a bite as soon as I handed it back, and was like no no no..... awwww... and covered my face. he was really mad and spit out the car, and I was afraid He'd put me in five in the parking lot, but I just wanted to play a silly joke, and ... he wasn't mad later. We watched big Momma, and there were some reallly hot chicks in the movie. So hot that every time there was a hot scene Major would grab my leg and squeeze really tight ... idk why... well this was a bad combo, because Timmy got nacho chips and didn't eat them all and handed them to me to hold......... and  halfway through a really hot scene..... CRASH!!!!!!!!! and chips flew everywhere. it was really funny. Master cuddled Jessi and I cuddled Major.

We went to Walmart on the way home and got ice cream and milk (and milk-water for Jessi, she doesn't like real milk) and Jessi and I made milkshakes for everyone.

now the Doms are playing borderlands, it's 2AM, and I feel miserable and want to be cuddled like Jessi does.. but I want to be taken care of and held, not just hold on to someone.

Danny came out and talked to Major for a little today, told him she'd like to hold the blond chick by the hair while she was on her hands and knees and watch him skull-fuck her. (skull-fucking is Major's fetish, not Master's, so... whatev) and that Master could fuck her in the ass. Then both parties would really get what they want, cuz Master would be fucking her in the ass and staring at my ass, and He'd probably really like that while I held her still to keep her from struggling, and shook my ass everywhere. 

Danny also asked Major about how long someone could stay in a fully extended position, tied in it. He was thinking about the erotica below, the one I wrote on 11/10/2010 :

I drag her to my bedroom and cuff her wrists into shackles above her head. She’s in a corner of the room, facing outward with her arms pulled up above her head, tight enough that she has to stand on her toes to touch the floor. I slap her across the face, and then leave the room. It’s not like she’s going anywhere, anyway.  I find an old pair of ballet shoes in the attic, and then I come back in and force her feet into them, locking them in place when I’m done. Then I put a pair of clover clamps on her tits, drag them up and over her shoulders and let them hang down her back for a moment. I pull her thong down to her ankles. I then take the smallest anal hook I have and lube it up pretty well before shoving it perhaps a little too roughly up the girls ass. I pull the chain on the clamps tight despite her pleading sobs and attach them to the hook. I put a gag in her mouth because she won’t stop saying how much it hurts, and I know it’s going to get worse when her legs get a little shaky from the boots. I go out of the room again for a pair of scissors and a razor. I lay it on the beside table and take my time making the bed. After, I place a light non-fitted sheet over top of everything and get the ankle cuffs ready to be used. She’s squirming and making muffled yells in the corner, and I have to admit I’m really starting to enjoy the sound. I take a ruler and repeatedly hit the exposed tips of her nipples for about 10 full minutes until she is sobbing from the pain. I stop hitting her, give her a second to think I’m done, and then shorten the chain from the clamps to her ass hook. I sit on the edge of the bed and masturbate. I pull the gag from her mouth, slap her across the face, and then finish while watching her cry. After I’m done, I unlock the heels and pull her out of them, remove the hook and the clamps, and finally let her down from the chains. I catch her and tie her spread on her back on the bed with her hands above her head, wrists tied together to the headboard. I trim and then shave her pussy. She has a long since stopped crying and is now a bit more relaxed. I let her loose and tell her to go take a shower while I clean up the sheets. Weaken and shaken, she does as I command.