July 31 Monday 11:00 AM
Yesterday we went out playing Pokémon go and it was really hot. R had his headache kick back in hard when we got back in the car. I think the bumps and jolts of driving are really bothering his neck/head pain.
We were both really irritable last night and I was having trouble eating, felt overheated, had panic attacks. But we didn’t fight!! I love him.
He was awake all night hurting. He said he couldn’t sleep until the pain broke a little.
I am feeling good because I brought him the headache hat (refrigerated wearable cold pack) and he fell asleep while I was walking Honey. So I am really encouraged that I found something to help him. And that he is able to sleep. I hate how much he is hurting. I want to help him. I feel so… I feel like I’m failing him if I can’t *solve* it. If I can’t figure out what it is and how to get it fixed, and then later it’s something I should have figured out, it makes me feel like I was the reason he was hurting all that time- because I’m responsible for helping him. Because when he is hurting so much like this, he can’t remember to take pain meds or even begin researching what might be causing it. So it falls to me. I know he doesn’t blame me or feel like I -should- be responsible for it, but we both know the doctors aren’t helping, won’t be much help, without us telling them what to look for and how to fix it. And advocating for our needs.
So, getting him enough relief that he could sleep is a small win. It’s temporary, and doesn’t solve the c1-c3 vertebra cause of the pain, but it’s the best I could have done today.
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