General Summary 7/8

Saturday 9:00 AM 7/8/23

General Summary

It’s earlier than I expected to wake up this morning, but I am happy to be up and out of the house, happy to be awake and moving. 

Yesterday I read the letters that Nell wrote me on her blog. 

R and I have been talking, sometimes very heatedly or emotionally, about Nell. He is staying friends with her, for now. He runs a D&D game for her server (which I am was in, but have wanted to leave for a while. I am not playing in it anymore). 

I can not be around her. I can not remain friends with her. With my current emotional state, all I felt was numb and manipulated when I read her letters. The last 2 weeks of the relationship, my stress was so high I was thinking about SI and had urges to hurt. 

Even if the relationship with her had been great, the added stress was a tipping point in my mental health. I cannot engage with her again.  (But I feel like I have to add, emphatically, I DO CARE ABOUT HER.) 

I’m good this morning because I know I’m not going to be talking to her. I know he has a specific thing to do from 3PM- until. I have a plan / schedule for the day. It relaxes and eases my mind. 

2 days ago I found him in the shower having a Czure. His stress levels are high, he is having severe physical health issues with his stomach, and his POTS, and it’s tanked his Czure threshold.  I really need to zero out his carbs for a week or two and get him back on Keto, it was the best lifestyle change he’s made for his headaches etc.

What are you grateful for?

Being able to wake up early and get the dogs walked before it’s too hot. 

Written 7/8, posted 7/24