Thursday 9:00 AM 6/29/2023
I’m overwhelmed and even with no appointments or scheduled things this week, I feel completely of control and… helpless.
I feel like I have no say in what is happening in our life.
Which isn’t true, not completely.
I feel like I’m holding my breath for the 3 relationship to end. Like I can’t relax or breathe until it’s over.
I know why I feel this way.
It’s obvious that it isn’t getting any better.
It’s obvious that he is getting in deeper every day even though he knows he needs to leave her.
And we can’t move on or heal until he has actually cut ties and separated.
And he WON’T do it.
He is dreading it, it hurts him. He loves her. He doesn’t want to hurt her. He doesn’t want to lose her. He is afraid to talk to her and tell her it’s over.
And she knows it’s coming so every time he tries, she shuts down and cuts the conversation short.
But it’s NOT working.
He wanted to help her. To FIX her.
She wanted… something we aren’t capable of giving. Something I am not capable of giving.
She causes herself misery, and thinks she deserves it. And then drags us in to be miserable with her, but says we can never understand or feel how she does.
She hates when we are happy together. She sabotages our relationship and the good times we have.
I have been so depressed. I feel dejected, hopeless.
I have been having higher and higher anxiety and had panic attacks repeatedly all day yesterday. Felt like I couldn’t breathe, like my chest was too small, my skin was too tight. Like I had something around my throat choking me.
I feel like my life is on hold for this relationship.
I’ve been giving her so much of my time and energy, and it was never enough.
When I finally said something, she immediately distanced herself.
It’s been kind of a relief, except she has still been relentless and hurtful to R, never happy with him, always angry, always shitty. He has been trying, I’ve seen it. And she just throws everything he does back in his face. She throws what I said in his face, as if it’s his fault, proof that she’s being treated unfairly.
This whole situation is dragging the both of us backward in terms of emotional, mental, and physical health.
And we can’t get better until he ends it.
No comments:
Post a Comment