Pretty numb. My grandfather passed away at 10:35 this morning. I really just want to get back to normal. It sounds cold, but I've been mourning him for a while. I really have a lot of respect for him, but he'd been sick for longer than my family wanted to admit, and I've been carrying that pain for a while. I grieve a lot differently than most people do, and a lot of people don't seem to understand. I can only take so much pain like that, and there's no point drawing it out and making myself hurt more. I don't see a point in talking about it, what's done is done, and I'm not going to get any comfort from it, only more pain.

things that affected me about it.

I love him.
I respect him.
He had a tumor/cancer in his lungs. It started bleeding and they couldn't stop it.
Yesterday was my mother's birthday.
He held on until after her birthday so that she doesn't get depressed every year.
He held on until my aunt Sarah got there to say goodbye to him.
He was in a lot of pain. He was bleeding into his lungs. He pretty much drowned in his own blood. It was like washing a fish out of water, the way he struggled to breathe. He was ready to go, and he was ok with it. He only held on as long as he did for his family.