I made a dandelion flogger this morning. It was crap, but it was fun making it even though it makes ppl itch.

I had a bad dream last night - it was the water-boarding scene, but I could only remember the scary stuff and the sad and upset parts and shame and ... Daddy didn't want me to talk about it then, but it is important to me that i get it out somewhere because I don't want it to stay inside me, I want it out of me so I stop thinking about it.

In a puddle gasping, can't breathe, and he says it's over, and I reach up and beg him not to end the scene - I'll confess I'll say whatever you want, just don't end it, don't give up. -
I never told Him that I asked major to take a shower with em while we were on the couch for aftercare. I was so cold and drenched and cold to the bone and wanted a warm/hot shower, but I didn't want to be alone, that was scarier than anything. and I asked, and then I heard in his voice that i'd done/said something wrong in the way he laughed when he said no... he wanted a cigarette and would come get me after I took a shower...
And I'm sitting in the bathtub, the water running over my face and hair and down my back, and I know I need to get up and wash my hair - i'm covered in dirt and black specks- and I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't even know why I got in the shower now, because I haven't done anything to clean up. I haven't soaped up or shaved or done anything but sit there in the water, and I feel so useless and lazy...
And I'm sitting on the washing machine, wrapped in a towel with my knees tucked up to my chest. I had some vague notion that i should cover up, and that's the only reason I'm holding it. I would have preferred to be naked, but I would have embarrassed someone. I giggle when I think that someone might mistake it for an empty bathroom and come in to use it. Then I am down again, deep, thinking about the trouble I'd be in if they found me, or if major came to the bathroom and knocked and gave me away. It's dark, and i prefer it that way, and I just sit and breathe and don't think of anything after that.major comes in and tells me i scared him because i was hiding. I get downa dn go with him and gt really clumbsy and stupid putting on clothes. I don't want a water... I've had enough! and I drink just a few sips of coke even though I'm really thirsty - it still scares me some, and part of me thinks he's going to tip the can up and make me choke/drown/suffer all over again.
I keep telling him I could switch and pull myself back if I have to, or if he'd prefer, that I just don't want to. I don't know if I even really believe it myself, but I'm trying hard to convince myself that it's true.
and then it's time for him to go scene with other people. i don't want it to be over yet, and I try to stay near him as much as possible, -i have a blanket around me now, where'd it come from?-  but so many people keep talking.
and it's cold and wet and I'm in the floor in a puddle trying to breathe, and people are laughing and it's cold and there's a cookie and I try to spit it out but it just gets worse and i gag and cough and sputter and can't breathe and there's so much water...
And I realize I'm awake, in bed, and there's nothing wrong but I can't breathe and I've been whimpering and I want to be held but I want to call major and tell him that I never want to do that again, and I stop myself and sit up, and stop to think. major is with destiny and doesn't need to deal with something stupid like this, it was just a bad dream, i don't really need aftercare all over again, I just need a shower. I'll go take a shower, and maybe I won't bother anyone else -He's asleep isn't He? and then He's not and I'm being held and covered with blankets and love and told nice things and loved on and it makes the fear go away, even if it doesn't make the breathing slow. After a while I go take the shower and don't wash anything, and go to bed - this time I can sleep and I'm safe and comforted.

and I gave Him a smurf blowjob, I saw it on a post of things not to do to your dom, and I thought I'll try it one day, and then He wanted a blowjob and it was priceless! so I did. and in two fell sucks He knew something was wrong and was so fucking pissed.

I was tied to the bed and fucked... and it was a-fucking-mazing. He didn't use a condom for the first few minutes, He kept telling me He was going to cum inside me, He loves making me beg, sometimes I wonder if He'd love making me cry. Sometimes that makes me horny, but I don't know who that thought would be hot to. I haven't gotten to be tied down in so long, and He let me strugle once I was down, and He hurt me and I didn't think I could take it but I had to, and then He fucked me and told me to try to get loose, and I did and I couldn't do anything about it, I was helpless and nothing I'd done in the past to keep myself out of this situation had done me any good, I was doomed - I was powerless to stop Him from doing whatever he wanted to me, even if He had wanted to take my ass, there was nothing I could have done about it, and if He'd wanted me to be quiet it would have only taken a pillow or the time to shove something in my mouth and tie it there and I would have been completely quiet, imobile and helpless. It was the hottest sex I've ever had


The day before that, He fucked Lauren in the ass.  And apparently that was the hottest sex He'd even had. She really didn't want to, but she did everythign He asked, she sucked His cock while He rimmed her asshole and pussy at His will, and then she held her breasts tightly around His dick and licked His balls while He shoved His cock between them and sucked and licked... and then He put her on top of Him and made her sit all the way down on His dick, and laughed at her and told her she wasn't allowed to cry... and flipped her over onto her back and fucked the living daylights out of her ass. she always felt like she was just a short way from being able to make herself like it, but at the same time, she was pleasing her Master and that was more important, she wanted to please Him first, enjoy it second. He absolutely loved it when He came... I don't knwo what was different but He said it was the best sex He'd ever had.