to dspx, need approval.

I need to talk with you about something. Yeah, I know, that's never a good sign from a woman. It'll be ok, I promise. In fact, you may even think it's silly. I know that lack of communication on my part is why I'm even worrying about it now anyway. But I need to talk about it, without interruptions, and get everything that's been worrying me out at once, so there's no chance of a misunderstanding.  OK, I'm just going to spit it out, and then explain so I don't beat around the bush for an hour.




* I'm afraid that you'll interrupt a scene if I play with someone else.

At LHC, you told me that you felt you should have stopped the scene. I know there were some other factors involved, but I feel that I play that hard quite often, and I don't want you to be concerned. When I play with Major, for example, most of our negotiations are done weeks before the actual event, and what you would see before playing is just any last minute thoughts I have before we start. It can look like I haven't properly negotiated what's about to happen to me, and I do in fact have a tendency to say no and beg for it to stop when I'm quite enjoying myself. When I scene, there are almost always two separate negotiations, my negotiations with my top, and Master's negotiations with my top. I need to know that you're not going to go charging in front of a whip (extreme example, but you were really upset at LHC, and it's these kinds of things that play over and over in the back of my head), but instead go through the proper channels (my Master, the DM, and the Top) to put a stop to a scene if it needs to end.

Logically I know that this is a silly thing to worry about, because you have more experience than me, but you have less experience -with- me, and so far you've never seen one of my rough scenes with major. So i worry.



This, along with the fact that my world hasn't stopped spinning **since** LHC long enough for me to plan anything (and the job, and then people being sick), is why we haven't played yet.  When I have anything I need to talk to someone about, I can't relax enough to play with them until I've talked to them about it.

Now. Back to what we were talking about at the restaurant. Yes, I do take a lot of pain, and I do enjoy it quite frequently, and I do know that you want to take that cherry, **but** I look forward to playing with you because it's relaxing, and you're different than everyone else I play with. So I need at least one normal scene from you before we do anything pain-focused.




I love you forever!