Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
1/26 from phone. Never published
It's really hard to sit beside my husband and watch another couple who can't sit beside each other without touching. I want him to need me as much as I need him.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
1-20-13 "slave theory"
Just for laughs.
slave Theory
In theory, a slave is a nifty thing to own. They do what you want when you tell them to do, and that's just the way it is.
Theory doesn't include the slave's needs. You have to take care of a slave, just like you have to take care of a dog. You have to feed it, you have to give it a place to sleep, you have to give it affection and have sex with it. When it is unhappy it does the same thing everything else does. It whines.
In return for everything you do for it, it takes care of you. Sometimes it disobeys, because it thinks it's taking care of you. And sometimes it will be right.
In theory, you should never have to apologize to a slave.
slave Theory
In theory, a slave is a nifty thing to own. They do what you want when you tell them to do, and that's just the way it is.
Theory doesn't include the slave's needs. You have to take care of a slave, just like you have to take care of a dog. You have to feed it, you have to give it a place to sleep, you have to give it affection and have sex with it. When it is unhappy it does the same thing everything else does. It whines.
In return for everything you do for it, it takes care of you. Sometimes it disobeys, because it thinks it's taking care of you. And sometimes it will be right.
In theory, you should never have to apologize to a slave.
1-19-13
Wow First.
Yesterday, I picked up
Outland Tamer
Tame a pet in each zone
Outland Safari
Tame each of these outlands pets (list.)
Rookie Pet Group
Raise 10 pets to level 10
Today,
Taming Outland
Tame a pet in each zone
I also completed my pet tamer battles in outland and am now moving on to Northrend. Also, I picked up a rare clefthoof runt today. Tried out a few of my green hard-to-find pets and was pleasantly surprised. I have two level 25 pets now.
Yesterday we had another fight. this time it was huge. We bickered on and off after both of us were completely exhausted from fighting. I had a very hard time with my pride this time around. I didn't want to obey. If i obey, the fight is "over" whether I'm still angry or not, because I'm still doing what He says, so it doesn't change anything if I'm angry or not.
I tried to pretend I was okay. I just didn't want Him to touch me, and normally that's not hard to avoid. He kept trying to reassure me and touch me and hug and kiss and caress me. I kept trying to make it seem like a game, but I was really uncomfortable. I exploded. He left me alone, found His own food, (that's what we were fighting over, what restaurant to go to. He wanted me to decide, and i didn't want to. It escalated FAST.) and I had a bowl of ice cream. I finished my writing assignment, and started playing WoW. He came in, and I talked to Him, and didn't shrug away when He touched me. Susy eventually came out (luke kept coming out, so I couldn't keep pushing Him away) and she definitely didn't mind Him running His hands through her hair. After we played WoW together for about an hour, He was ready to go out. I went with Him since He promised snuggles without TV. Failed attempt at sex (not a fight. Laughter) later, and we were sleeping in the bedroom together. This morning, we had sex and fell back asleep. We woke up around 1:00 PM and had to rush to clean up for MAsT. The MAsT meeting went well. REALLY well. We had all but 2 members show up, and then we had 2 guests also. We watched a movie after. Master is exuberantly excited about it. It's the new theme for our next halloween party. Yeah, already. I know.
I'm hoping that even though we have to go to another MAsT meeting tomorrow, we'll still hold strongly to a schedule somehow. Or at least my tasks or something. I don't want to be out all day. I really want to work on things at home. I want to vaccuum, and put away all that laundry ana folded, and make a path through our bedroom, and make a bunch of bluch floggers, and wash clothes, and... And do a writing assignment of some sort. Maybe a fiction one, maybe something I haven't worked on in a while. Or maybe I could just read a chapter of some book or something.
Maybe i can stay home from MAsT so i don't have to listen to all the politics. I probably won't, but it's an idea.
I think a lot of my excitement is nervous energy and fear that we won't pick up our routine again. One of the big things we've been forgetting is dinner at night. I think that's the first thing we let slide.
Yesterday, I picked up
Outland Tamer
Tame a pet in each zone
Outland Safari
Tame each of these outlands pets (list.)
Rookie Pet Group
Raise 10 pets to level 10
Today,
Taming Outland
Tame a pet in each zone
I also completed my pet tamer battles in outland and am now moving on to Northrend. Also, I picked up a rare clefthoof runt today. Tried out a few of my green hard-to-find pets and was pleasantly surprised. I have two level 25 pets now.
Yesterday we had another fight. this time it was huge. We bickered on and off after both of us were completely exhausted from fighting. I had a very hard time with my pride this time around. I didn't want to obey. If i obey, the fight is "over" whether I'm still angry or not, because I'm still doing what He says, so it doesn't change anything if I'm angry or not.
I tried to pretend I was okay. I just didn't want Him to touch me, and normally that's not hard to avoid. He kept trying to reassure me and touch me and hug and kiss and caress me. I kept trying to make it seem like a game, but I was really uncomfortable. I exploded. He left me alone, found His own food, (that's what we were fighting over, what restaurant to go to. He wanted me to decide, and i didn't want to. It escalated FAST.) and I had a bowl of ice cream. I finished my writing assignment, and started playing WoW. He came in, and I talked to Him, and didn't shrug away when He touched me. Susy eventually came out (luke kept coming out, so I couldn't keep pushing Him away) and she definitely didn't mind Him running His hands through her hair. After we played WoW together for about an hour, He was ready to go out. I went with Him since He promised snuggles without TV. Failed attempt at sex (not a fight. Laughter) later, and we were sleeping in the bedroom together. This morning, we had sex and fell back asleep. We woke up around 1:00 PM and had to rush to clean up for MAsT. The MAsT meeting went well. REALLY well. We had all but 2 members show up, and then we had 2 guests also. We watched a movie after. Master is exuberantly excited about it. It's the new theme for our next halloween party. Yeah, already. I know.
I'm hoping that even though we have to go to another MAsT meeting tomorrow, we'll still hold strongly to a schedule somehow. Or at least my tasks or something. I don't want to be out all day. I really want to work on things at home. I want to vaccuum, and put away all that laundry ana folded, and make a path through our bedroom, and make a bunch of bluch floggers, and wash clothes, and... And do a writing assignment of some sort. Maybe a fiction one, maybe something I haven't worked on in a while. Or maybe I could just read a chapter of some book or something.
Maybe i can stay home from MAsT so i don't have to listen to all the politics. I probably won't, but it's an idea.
I think a lot of my excitement is nervous energy and fear that we won't pick up our routine again. One of the big things we've been forgetting is dinner at night. I think that's the first thing we let slide.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
1-17-13
I WANT THIS (Or I want Master to wear this)
It's kinda sad, they don't have any other jewelry. good for steam punk.
We had a bit of a rough morning today. We went out for breakfast (around 2PM) and stayed out of the house for a long time.
I was very frustrated with our progress toward our protocols and His end goal for our daily routine. I just wanted to give up and be mediocre. I wanted to follow orders, but not really try to please. I told Him so. We argued. A lot. He pushed me to tell Him what was wrong, and when i finally said anything, He sent me away. After that He decided it was time for us to go out and get some breakfast.
I think getting out of the house did both of us a lot of good. We didn't have a set chore list today or anything like that, but we spent some time together, and I think we'll be able to focus a little better tomorrow.
I painted my nails. 3 colors. No real pattern. Black, silver, and dark red.
I finally got my hammer while we were out. I can make blush floggers now. It's about time, Master has given away all of ours!!
I cleaned up the bedroom a lot once I came to bed, and i wasn't on WoW long today. I'm pretty proud of that. I feel like i've been wasting a lot of time on there lately.
MAsT is this Saturday. Lots of people want to go. I've tried to send them to Master about it. We'll see if that works.
It's kinda sad, they don't have any other jewelry. good for steam punk.
We had a bit of a rough morning today. We went out for breakfast (around 2PM) and stayed out of the house for a long time.
I was very frustrated with our progress toward our protocols and His end goal for our daily routine. I just wanted to give up and be mediocre. I wanted to follow orders, but not really try to please. I told Him so. We argued. A lot. He pushed me to tell Him what was wrong, and when i finally said anything, He sent me away. After that He decided it was time for us to go out and get some breakfast.
I think getting out of the house did both of us a lot of good. We didn't have a set chore list today or anything like that, but we spent some time together, and I think we'll be able to focus a little better tomorrow.
I painted my nails. 3 colors. No real pattern. Black, silver, and dark red.
I finally got my hammer while we were out. I can make blush floggers now. It's about time, Master has given away all of ours!!
I cleaned up the bedroom a lot once I came to bed, and i wasn't on WoW long today. I'm pretty proud of that. I feel like i've been wasting a lot of time on there lately.
MAsT is this Saturday. Lots of people want to go. I've tried to send them to Master about it. We'll see if that works.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
1-16-13
We had a "lazy day" today.
It was about the same as every other day, except I had less chores.
We didn't accomplish -anything-
I got 2 achievements on WoW.
Eastern Kingdoms Safari, and Kalimdor Tamer I think.
I forgot to blog last night.
It was about the same as every other day, except I had less chores.
We didn't accomplish -anything-
I got 2 achievements on WoW.
Eastern Kingdoms Safari, and Kalimdor Tamer I think.
I forgot to blog last night.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
1-15-13
Today... I got 3 daily goals done. I did laundry, got the blankets out of the closet, and emptied all the trash cans.
It's still raining.
I am now at 313/400 pets. I started today with 312. I only got one... well, because the other two I need in EK are very hard to get!!
The guild is a few hundred plants above 73,000/100,000 plants now, after my rounds trying to get a pet in searing gorge.
We tried to do some role play at a restaurant, but they messed up Master's steak (again) and it kinda ruined the mood for both of us. He took care of me when we got home. In the dark, He did what felt like a "feeding" on me.
He spent several hours at Major's tonight. 9:00 PM - 3:00 AM. (Borderlands 2 expansion came out today, and they raped it in easy and hard mode. )
I played Sims 3 a lot. I'm getting a little tired of it.
Kat came over, and turned in her MAsT application.
I typed up my sub space writing assignment, and sent it to her, as well as posted on here. So that assignment got turned in today :)
My writing assignment for tomorrow is going to be a pain in the ass. Of our daily protocol for bedtime, when He says "I am your Master and you are My slave" I have to pick and explain which of the two is more important to me, and why. And he wants to see my struggle on paper.
Playing tomorrow by ear. That means no specific wake-up time, since we're both going to bed at almost 5:00 AM.
Also, I brought it up to Him that He hasn't started His own self-training yet. I want to see Him in a routine to take care of Himself the same way i have to take care of my self every morning. I need His example. Also, I think it will really help him to have a routine when we go on vacation.
It's still raining.
I am now at 313/400 pets. I started today with 312. I only got one... well, because the other two I need in EK are very hard to get!!
The guild is a few hundred plants above 73,000/100,000 plants now, after my rounds trying to get a pet in searing gorge.
We tried to do some role play at a restaurant, but they messed up Master's steak (again) and it kinda ruined the mood for both of us. He took care of me when we got home. In the dark, He did what felt like a "feeding" on me.
He spent several hours at Major's tonight. 9:00 PM - 3:00 AM. (Borderlands 2 expansion came out today, and they raped it in easy and hard mode. )
I played Sims 3 a lot. I'm getting a little tired of it.
Kat came over, and turned in her MAsT application.
I typed up my sub space writing assignment, and sent it to her, as well as posted on here. So that assignment got turned in today :)
My writing assignment for tomorrow is going to be a pain in the ass. Of our daily protocol for bedtime, when He says "I am your Master and you are My slave" I have to pick and explain which of the two is more important to me, and why. And he wants to see my struggle on paper.
Playing tomorrow by ear. That means no specific wake-up time, since we're both going to bed at almost 5:00 AM.
Also, I brought it up to Him that He hasn't started His own self-training yet. I want to see Him in a routine to take care of Himself the same way i have to take care of my self every morning. I need His example. Also, I think it will really help him to have a routine when we go on vacation.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
sub space writing assignment
First of all, subspace is when your endorphins (released due to the pain during a scene) outweigh the pain being inflicted or at least overwhelm you. It's not some magical place that all bottoms reach in a scene. It's not the same every time, and it doesn't release the bottom from their own responsibility for their own personal safety. You don't "reach" subspace suddenly. Endorphins are released from the beginning and gradually build up. Once a person's endorphins reach a high enough level, it gives them the feeling of being high which, in a way, they are.
In this instance, I am referring solely to pain-related play. Other types of play can lead to a deep relaxation, but not the same type of 'space".
Continuing, a person is at this point altered mentally, and it is largely the job of the Top (but not completely) to make sure not to push farther than the bottom has negotiated. Some people prefer to stop at a "buzz" or to fly off and "disappear". Obviously at this point you don't want to make any sudden movements or or sounds, or ask the bottom any difficult questions.
The cooldown and aftercare is where the Top (or whoever is negotiated to do the aftercare) calmly and soothingly brings the bottom back to earth. I personally prefer to snuggle and then go straight to bed while still feeling calm and happy. It helps to prevent "sub drop" if there is no chance for anything to upset my mood before I sleep.
I don't feel like I have a specific level of emotion that I equate with sub space. I scene, I enjoy playing and the pain that goes with it, and the pain typically improves my mood for a few days after.
I have had scenes where I reached a point and I do not remember part of the scene. It wasn't a painful scene, it was a sensual one. I jsut relaxed far enough and trusted the other person enough, that i was able to "let go" and I did. I remember most of the scene, and part of the aftercare, but I've never gotten the memory of the end of that scene back.
Normally though, i am conscious of my surroundings and am able to monitor how much I can handle for the entire scene, which I personally feel is a necessity if my Master is not Topping or closely supervising. I have a responsibility to Him first to ensure that no harm comes to His property, and enjoying the scene comes second.
I get a rush (sub space) from a variety of areas:
**Pain** is almost instant pleasure for me. If delivered intensely enough and correctly, it physically makes me wet.
**Humiliation and Objectification**
I put them together because objectification is humiliating to me, and to be reduced to tears and mocked solely for another's pleasure is to objectify me.
Both of these place me firmly into my slave mindset, which calms me and maces me feel safe, secure, and loved.
**Rope/Bondage**
The smell of rope always makes me smile, and to be tied **to** something makes me feel safe. I relax more with this than with pain. It enhances the rest.
1-14-13
Today has such strong emotions!
My mom finally said she'd watch the dogs for us while we're on vacation. YAY!!
- She wants a list of things the dogs and rabbit will need, care or otherwise
Master and I had a huge fight, but somehow it just completely disintegrated and we were OK and even happy, with each other halfway through/after.
- It's a long story, but we were bickering all day and it eventually escalated (as these things do) and we were both screaming at each other through a locked door. A weird blocked phonecall came in on my phone for Him, so... I unlocked the door and handed him the phone. It was a college salesman? And then Master reminded me verbally of my place in life. I was angry and I didn't want to listen, but He was right and there was nothing I could (or wanted to) do to change it. I found myself wishing I was in a position to uncross my arms, since I'm not supposed to do that. i thought He was going to punish me (I think He thought he was going to punish me, too) and by the rules He has set for me, I deserved it (there aren't exceptions for bad behavior, no matter what he does or says) and had previously agreed to accept the punishments for it should i break those rules. He didn't punish me. Instead, He sat me in a chair and told me He was proud of me. I was still mentally bracing for punishment, so I didn't talk much He told me that He was proud of me because I had proved (again) that I am His slave, even in the worst circumstances. Even when i least desire to be.
We got all our storage laundry cleaned!
-Ana came over and we took her to the laundromat and she washed and folded all the clothing. We threw a ton of it away, and spent probably $40 in quarters on the laundry itself. We paid her $50 to do it. Then she came over and played sims3 with us (we finally installed all except one of the Sims 3 games kit gave Master for his birthday over a year ago - one of them wouldn't install) until it was time for bed.
Also, I cleaned up the spare bedroom a LOT (not completely, but as much as I had time for) while Ana was out of the house.
Tomorrow Kit is coming over to pick up his electrical play kit. he left it at the new years eve party and we picked it up for him.
both my wrists hurt now. I think my left hurts because I've been using it way more than I normally do (is this even possible?) and my right is almost better.
I played Sims3 way too long. it's 2:30 in the morning :(
poop.
My (hopeful) to-do list
Shave/shower/shampoo
Wash dog blankets/put back in dog crates
put away ALL the laundry
Load/unload dishwasher
Talk to Kat on fetlife about sub space - turn in my writing assignment finally
Clean off bookshelf in Living room/move to spare room/put laundry on it
Wash the rest of the household laundry --Get it ALL done :D
Wash blankets in my closet so i can sleep there again.
Take out trash in bedrooms/bathrooms/kitchen
My mom finally said she'd watch the dogs for us while we're on vacation. YAY!!
- She wants a list of things the dogs and rabbit will need, care or otherwise
Master and I had a huge fight, but somehow it just completely disintegrated and we were OK and even happy, with each other halfway through/after.
- It's a long story, but we were bickering all day and it eventually escalated (as these things do) and we were both screaming at each other through a locked door. A weird blocked phonecall came in on my phone for Him, so... I unlocked the door and handed him the phone. It was a college salesman? And then Master reminded me verbally of my place in life. I was angry and I didn't want to listen, but He was right and there was nothing I could (or wanted to) do to change it. I found myself wishing I was in a position to uncross my arms, since I'm not supposed to do that. i thought He was going to punish me (I think He thought he was going to punish me, too) and by the rules He has set for me, I deserved it (there aren't exceptions for bad behavior, no matter what he does or says) and had previously agreed to accept the punishments for it should i break those rules. He didn't punish me. Instead, He sat me in a chair and told me He was proud of me. I was still mentally bracing for punishment, so I didn't talk much He told me that He was proud of me because I had proved (again) that I am His slave, even in the worst circumstances. Even when i least desire to be.
We got all our storage laundry cleaned!
-Ana came over and we took her to the laundromat and she washed and folded all the clothing. We threw a ton of it away, and spent probably $40 in quarters on the laundry itself. We paid her $50 to do it. Then she came over and played sims3 with us (we finally installed all except one of the Sims 3 games kit gave Master for his birthday over a year ago - one of them wouldn't install) until it was time for bed.
Also, I cleaned up the spare bedroom a LOT (not completely, but as much as I had time for) while Ana was out of the house.
Tomorrow Kit is coming over to pick up his electrical play kit. he left it at the new years eve party and we picked it up for him.
both my wrists hurt now. I think my left hurts because I've been using it way more than I normally do (is this even possible?) and my right is almost better.
I played Sims3 way too long. it's 2:30 in the morning :(
poop.
My (hopeful) to-do list
Shave/shower/shampoo
Wash dog blankets/put back in dog crates
put away ALL the laundry
Load/unload dishwasher
Talk to Kat on fetlife about sub space - turn in my writing assignment finally
Clean off bookshelf in Living room/move to spare room/put laundry on it
Wash the rest of the household laundry --Get it ALL done :D
Wash blankets in my closet so i can sleep there again.
Take out trash in bedrooms/bathrooms/kitchen
Monday, January 14, 2013
rant
Female (or Male) Supremacy is not transphobic. It is a lifestyle choice that is based on what sexual organs you were born with. Saying I was born male, but really I'm not a male, I'm a female, so I'm going to dress this male body up AS a female is like saying, "I was born a slave but I'm really a Master on the inside. I've lived my whole life as a slave and know nothing more about being a Master than I've seen others do, but I think that's what I really am. I'm going to start telling other slaves what to do now, and they'd better listen to me, even though i'm still wearing my collar." (actually, it's a little sillier than that, even.)
What, should they (the supremacists) redefine their whole lifestyle to include (what they feel is) the lesser sex?
This slave thinks he's one of Us, we should let him keep telling this other slave what to do.
Um, no.
I have a male personality who is male supremacist. He hates being in a female body. He would never take his FEMALE body to a male supremacist meeting and demand that since he's inside it, they consider it a male body while he's out. Because of his personal beliefs about females (and the body they came in) he would NEVER EVER try to tell a male supremacist that simply dressing as a male (and of course thinking like one) means he should be given a spot in the group as a male.
WTFucking fuck?
https://fetlife.com/users/708447/posts/1350483 <-- nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
sigh.
What, should they (the supremacists) redefine their whole lifestyle to include (what they feel is) the lesser sex?
This slave thinks he's one of Us, we should let him keep telling this other slave what to do.
Um, no.
I have a male personality who is male supremacist. He hates being in a female body. He would never take his FEMALE body to a male supremacist meeting and demand that since he's inside it, they consider it a male body while he's out. Because of his personal beliefs about females (and the body they came in) he would NEVER EVER try to tell a male supremacist that simply dressing as a male (and of course thinking like one) means he should be given a spot in the group as a male.
WTFucking fuck?
https://fetlife.com/users/708447/posts/1350483 <-- nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
sigh.
1-13-13
Today.
I don't really remember how today started to be honest. But I know yesterday ended with me doing a lot of writing.
I've added to my vampire/werewolf story, even if just a short page.
I've finished my writing assignment, sort of. There have been new questions asked that I need to address.
AND I've talked to Dspx about that thing that was bothering me. It was a silly question after all, but I had to take care of it. I needed it settled in my mind.
Oh yes. i woke up with a call from Master telling me I could sleep late, and then about 20 minutes later I got a text from major "reminding me" of information i had never received before that in fact informed me I had to get up anyway. sigh.
Then, after much poking and prodding and fussing, Master and i met Major and his parents at the restaurant for his birthday. It took forever to get our food (I was hungry because i was hungry when i woke up and then we waited 2 hours to leave to go there, and then waited an hour for our food + 20 minutes for the seat in the first place), our waitress was rude and not good at her job, and Major hates talking about his birthday. it makes him sad. The company was good. Master almost said bad things about me in public, but we averted it once He realized it was something that would upset me. OH! and I only ate about 2 bites of my food because they fucked it up. HARD. I wanted a chicken ceasar salad and the chicken was gross looking, and the lettuce was wilted.
Master didn't feel well on the way home, but we stopped (surprise to me!!) at B & N to get me that book I've been begging for. BUT -Bane of my Existance- I'm not allowed to read it until our vacation!! That's TWO WHOLE WEEKS. fuck. and it's now in the house, tempting me at every brief glimpse of it, taunting me and laughing. It's torture. We also picked up the missing eragon book that He needed. It was the red one.
We're going to read (well, I'm going to read it out loud) Lord of the Rings on the way to AL. Fellowship, since we still haven't made it through that book yet. I'm really excited about that.
We had to stop by the sports store on the way home because the gift card we gave major for his birthday was deactivated, and we had to bring him the receipt. He already had what he wanted to buy, so we waited in line with him and OMG another stupid person with a job. She had to have another cashier come help her, and with their powers combined, it only took 15 minutes to figure out how to use the gift card and then pay the remaining $4 with cash.
So when we got home we pretty much just chilled. I had no chores due, and we took care of the pets together.
My achievements on wow are as follows:
Lvl 61 on Emilie (last night)
Lvl 86 on Susyb (woot woot, finally proving I have panda)
Eastern Kingdoms Tamer Capture a battle pet in each of the Eastern Kingdoms zones
-Twilight Highlands
All Growns Up!
-Raise a pet to level 25 (my fossilized hatchling)
Ultimate Trainer
-Earn 300 pet battle achievement points
(400 points is that tentacle!! I am so excited)
And i have 308/400 pets for the That's A Lot Of Pet Food Achievement. I picked up at least 10 of those today. I didn't start keeping track until 299, but I'd already picked up several new ones by then.
Tomorrow I wake up at 11AM and we follow standard morning protocol. Also, Ana should be coming by early to help with the laundry we need done. I dunno why he's letting me sleep so late when she's going to be here so early. shrug. Maybe He wants to show off our protocol or something. Either way I'm grateful. I got distracted getting those last few achievements.
I don't really remember how today started to be honest. But I know yesterday ended with me doing a lot of writing.
I've added to my vampire/werewolf story, even if just a short page.
I've finished my writing assignment, sort of. There have been new questions asked that I need to address.
AND I've talked to Dspx about that thing that was bothering me. It was a silly question after all, but I had to take care of it. I needed it settled in my mind.
Oh yes. i woke up with a call from Master telling me I could sleep late, and then about 20 minutes later I got a text from major "reminding me" of information i had never received before that in fact informed me I had to get up anyway. sigh.
Then, after much poking and prodding and fussing, Master and i met Major and his parents at the restaurant for his birthday. It took forever to get our food (I was hungry because i was hungry when i woke up and then we waited 2 hours to leave to go there, and then waited an hour for our food + 20 minutes for the seat in the first place), our waitress was rude and not good at her job, and Major hates talking about his birthday. it makes him sad. The company was good. Master almost said bad things about me in public, but we averted it once He realized it was something that would upset me. OH! and I only ate about 2 bites of my food because they fucked it up. HARD. I wanted a chicken ceasar salad and the chicken was gross looking, and the lettuce was wilted.
Master didn't feel well on the way home, but we stopped (surprise to me!!) at B & N to get me that book I've been begging for. BUT -Bane of my Existance- I'm not allowed to read it until our vacation!! That's TWO WHOLE WEEKS. fuck. and it's now in the house, tempting me at every brief glimpse of it, taunting me and laughing. It's torture. We also picked up the missing eragon book that He needed. It was the red one.
We're going to read (well, I'm going to read it out loud) Lord of the Rings on the way to AL. Fellowship, since we still haven't made it through that book yet. I'm really excited about that.
We had to stop by the sports store on the way home because the gift card we gave major for his birthday was deactivated, and we had to bring him the receipt. He already had what he wanted to buy, so we waited in line with him and OMG another stupid person with a job. She had to have another cashier come help her, and with their powers combined, it only took 15 minutes to figure out how to use the gift card and then pay the remaining $4 with cash.
So when we got home we pretty much just chilled. I had no chores due, and we took care of the pets together.
My achievements on wow are as follows:
Lvl 61 on Emilie (last night)
Lvl 86 on Susyb (woot woot, finally proving I have panda)
Eastern Kingdoms Tamer Capture a battle pet in each of the Eastern Kingdoms zones
-Twilight Highlands
All Growns Up!
-Raise a pet to level 25 (my fossilized hatchling)
Ultimate Trainer
-Earn 300 pet battle achievement points
(400 points is that tentacle!! I am so excited)
And i have 308/400 pets for the That's A Lot Of Pet Food Achievement. I picked up at least 10 of those today. I didn't start keeping track until 299, but I'd already picked up several new ones by then.
Tomorrow I wake up at 11AM and we follow standard morning protocol. Also, Ana should be coming by early to help with the laundry we need done. I dunno why he's letting me sleep so late when she's going to be here so early. shrug. Maybe He wants to show off our protocol or something. Either way I'm grateful. I got distracted getting those last few achievements.
The inside joke
http://www.27bslash6.com/function4sports.html
Selling gloves in the frightened squid variety.
Selling gloves in the frightened squid variety.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
to dspx, need approval.
I need to talk with you about something. Yeah, I know, that's never a good sign from a woman. It'll be ok, I promise. In fact, you may even think it's silly. I know that lack of communication on my part is why I'm even worrying about it now anyway. But I need to talk about it, without interruptions, and get everything that's been worrying me out at once, so there's no chance of a misunderstanding. OK, I'm just going to spit it out, and then explain so I don't beat around the bush for an hour.
* I'm afraid that you'll interrupt a scene if I play with someone else.
At LHC, you told me that you felt you should have stopped the scene. I know there were some other factors involved, but I feel that I play that hard quite often, and I don't want you to be concerned. When I play with Major, for example, most of our negotiations are done weeks before the actual event, and what you would see before playing is just any last minute thoughts I have before we start. It can look like I haven't properly negotiated what's about to happen to me, and I do in fact have a tendency to say no and beg for it to stop when I'm quite enjoying myself. When I scene, there are almost always two separate negotiations, my negotiations with my top, and Master's negotiations with my top. I need to know that you're not going to go charging in front of a whip (extreme example, but you were really upset at LHC, and it's these kinds of things that play over and over in the back of my head), but instead go through the proper channels (my Master, the DM, and the Top) to put a stop to a scene if it needs to end.
Logically I know that this is a silly thing to worry about, because you have more experience than me, but you have less experience -with- me, and so far you've never seen one of my rough scenes with major. So i worry.
This, along with the fact that my world hasn't stopped spinning **since** LHC long enough for me to plan anything (and the job, and then people being sick), is why we haven't played yet. When I have anything I need to talk to someone about, I can't relax enough to play with them until I've talked to them about it.
Now. Back to what we were talking about at the restaurant. Yes, I do take a lot of pain, and I do enjoy it quite frequently, and I do know that you want to take that cherry, **but** I look forward to playing with you because it's relaxing, and you're different than everyone else I play with. So I need at least one normal scene from you before we do anything pain-focused.
I love you forever!
1-12-13
This morning I woke up to a phone call from Master.
"You have 25 seconds to be dressed according to your uniform and standing in front of me. 20... 19... "
I put the phone on speaker, bolted out of bed leaving the phone behind me on the mattress, and started getting dressed. He got to 15 and HUNG UP!!!
I'm told i made it out of the bedroom with several seconds to spare, but all I know was I was PISSED OFF and a little dizzy.
He did warn me that he was going to be getting stricter, and I'll bet it was a good source of entertainment for Him, but i did NOT want to kiss Him at that point in time.
We didn't argue. It makes sense to me now, but it definitely didn't at the time. I was only thinking HE BETTER HAVE FUCKING ENJOYED THAT AND DID IT FOR HIS OWN AMUSEMENT, because if there was an actual reason for it, I didn't get it. It was literally the only thing I could accept at the time. "Because i wanted to." I didn't ask though. I figure if that was a good enough reason, anything would have been.
*smile*
I think we went to the flea market next. And we..... bought Him two golf clubs. Annnnddd.... I'm forgettting
I think he went and played golf and I played WoW and wrote my essay (YAY I have essays again!!) and did my chores and stuff.
He came home. we had food adn shower and sex and watched TV.
Sex was good after I got my head right. I keep having bad thoughts about myself lately.
I was pretty proud of my writing assignment today. It wasn't an essay, but I got it done :)
I love that He's tying me up more now. It's so good.
Still haven't found my hammer. I really want it. I want to do some more blush floggers.
Major's birthday tomorrow. He's 25!!
"You have 25 seconds to be dressed according to your uniform and standing in front of me. 20... 19... "
I put the phone on speaker, bolted out of bed leaving the phone behind me on the mattress, and started getting dressed. He got to 15 and HUNG UP!!!
I'm told i made it out of the bedroom with several seconds to spare, but all I know was I was PISSED OFF and a little dizzy.
He did warn me that he was going to be getting stricter, and I'll bet it was a good source of entertainment for Him, but i did NOT want to kiss Him at that point in time.
We didn't argue. It makes sense to me now, but it definitely didn't at the time. I was only thinking HE BETTER HAVE FUCKING ENJOYED THAT AND DID IT FOR HIS OWN AMUSEMENT, because if there was an actual reason for it, I didn't get it. It was literally the only thing I could accept at the time. "Because i wanted to." I didn't ask though. I figure if that was a good enough reason, anything would have been.
*smile*
I think we went to the flea market next. And we..... bought Him two golf clubs. Annnnddd.... I'm forgettting
I think he went and played golf and I played WoW and wrote my essay (YAY I have essays again!!) and did my chores and stuff.
He came home. we had food adn shower and sex and watched TV.
Sex was good after I got my head right. I keep having bad thoughts about myself lately.
I was pretty proud of my writing assignment today. It wasn't an essay, but I got it done :)
I love that He's tying me up more now. It's so good.
Still haven't found my hammer. I really want it. I want to do some more blush floggers.
Major's birthday tomorrow. He's 25!!
12-03-2012 (From Hunger Games)
An avox. A traitor whose tongue has been cut out as punishment. They are condemned to a life of service. It is illegal to speak with one unless giving an order.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
WoW achievements after chores
No Favorites Raise a pet of every family to lvl 10
-Aquatic
Time Flies When You're Having Fun
-Exalted with Guild
The Czar of Sporeggar
-Exalted with Sporeggar
And I finally got my
Tiny Sporebat!!! for being exalted with Sporeggar
-Aquatic
Time Flies When You're Having Fun
-Exalted with Guild
The Czar of Sporeggar
-Exalted with Sporeggar
And I finally got my
Tiny Sporebat!!! for being exalted with Sporeggar
Possible Essay topic? 30 days of submission
Found here http://subself.tumblr.com/post/18642321169/30-days-of-submission when I looked it up on Google.
30 Days of Submission
1) Does your submission - either what you practice or what you strive for - have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
2) Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
4) Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?
5) Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?
6) What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
7) Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?
8) Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?
9) Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
10) Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?
11) Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?
12) Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?
13) Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?
14) Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?
15) Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
16) Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
17) What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?
18) Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
19) How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?
20) Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?
21) Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?
22) Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
23) Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?
24) What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?
25) Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?
26) What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
27) Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?
28) Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that.
29) Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
30) Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?
30 Days of Submission
1) Does your submission - either what you practice or what you strive for - have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
2) Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
4) Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?
5) Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?
6) What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
7) Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?
8) Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?
9) Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
10) Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?
11) Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?
12) Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?
13) Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?
14) Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?
15) Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
16) Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
17) What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?
18) Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
19) How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?
20) Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?
21) Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?
22) Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
23) Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?
24) What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?
25) Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?
26) What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
27) Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?
28) Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that.
29) Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
30) Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?
1-11-13
Master gave Phiar 2 treats today. He realized when giving out our chores this morning that she had completely finished folding ALL the laundry. It meant a lot to Him. She didn't have to, and she knew that if she didn't, He wasn't going to punish her for not finishing chores, but she did it anyway. She made Him proud.
I got another load of laundry done today, but still haven't made it through the blankets in my closet yet. Around 1 we left to meet Dspx and ate lunch with him. Then we wandered around and finally ended up at Major's house where I cleaned up a ton of cans out of his room and the downstairs in general (there were at least 250+, maybe 3 or 4 hundred) as a present to him for his upcoming birthday. We planned the trip we're going to have to florida at the beginning of January. The week before that, Master and I will be at His parents' in AL. We still have to find someone to walk the dogs.
We went to the store on the way home and spent a ton of money on junk food, but it's stuff that we'll definitely eat. We watched Aristocats and ate junk food. It was a lot of fun but I wish we had cuddled more.
We may go to the flea market tomorrow, if it's nice and we both get enough sleep. We'll see. Our schedule hasn't exactly been stable lately.
Oh, and I asked for sex tomorrow.
Sela seems to be out of heat again already. no more accidents, and she's stopped peeing every 2 feet.
I know you don't want to hear it Sir, but Dusty NEEDS You.
We also need a topic for the next mast meeting, as well as to announce the meeting again on fetlife.
I got another load of laundry done today, but still haven't made it through the blankets in my closet yet. Around 1 we left to meet Dspx and ate lunch with him. Then we wandered around and finally ended up at Major's house where I cleaned up a ton of cans out of his room and the downstairs in general (there were at least 250+, maybe 3 or 4 hundred) as a present to him for his upcoming birthday. We planned the trip we're going to have to florida at the beginning of January. The week before that, Master and I will be at His parents' in AL. We still have to find someone to walk the dogs.
We went to the store on the way home and spent a ton of money on junk food, but it's stuff that we'll definitely eat. We watched Aristocats and ate junk food. It was a lot of fun but I wish we had cuddled more.
We may go to the flea market tomorrow, if it's nice and we both get enough sleep. We'll see. Our schedule hasn't exactly been stable lately.
Oh, and I asked for sex tomorrow.
Sela seems to be out of heat again already. no more accidents, and she's stopped peeing every 2 feet.
I know you don't want to hear it Sir, but Dusty NEEDS You.
We also need a topic for the next mast meeting, as well as to announce the meeting again on fetlife.
Friday, January 11, 2013
1-10-2013
Phiar again.
We fought and fought. And fought. All day.
But I did my "chores" (folding 3 loads of laundry that was stuffed into 2 baskets). I even wiped down the tile landing at the bottom of the stairs (which is important because that's where Sela has been having her accidents since she's been in heat. It smells like dog piss and fish. Well, now it smells like cinnamon and fish). I wiped down the kitchen counters. Overall, if you don't count the reaction we had to each other every time we spoke, you could almost say I was good.
We ate at hole-in-the-wall BBQ. I've always hated saying hole in the wall, because I think of going into a restaurant that has a hole in it's wall instead of thinking that the place itself is found in a hole, which makes me think of bugs. The food there was both very good and very bad, depending on the various things we ordered. The pork BBQ, the ribs, and (so i'm told) the fried pickles were good. The deep-fried corn and the catfish was terrible.
Lace came out and shared the ribs. She was almost high off of it. It was fun to watch her because she really looked like susy. she was bouncing and giddy. We've never eaten ribs before, or liked them when forced to try them. These were dry, and not smothered in sticky sauce. It was an amazing experience. I was happy to see her come out, and she wasn't hesitant to leave. she only wanted one thing, and when she was done, she was done.
Once we got home from eating, the arguing slowed to a trickle, which is much better than it had been.
I made the piercing bleed today, because there was a place on the inside that kept catching when I pushed through. It doesn't hurt to put the piercing in now, so I think it may have solved some problems to use a little extra force.
We watched criminal minds together, and snuggled. It was the best part of my day. I couldn't get enough of him, and I wanted to make out until I died. Of course we didn't do that, but I was very happy by the time he sent me to bed even though I didn't get laid.
OH. Major's birthday is the 13th. We really can not forget that.
We fought and fought. And fought. All day.
But I did my "chores" (folding 3 loads of laundry that was stuffed into 2 baskets). I even wiped down the tile landing at the bottom of the stairs (which is important because that's where Sela has been having her accidents since she's been in heat. It smells like dog piss and fish. Well, now it smells like cinnamon and fish). I wiped down the kitchen counters. Overall, if you don't count the reaction we had to each other every time we spoke, you could almost say I was good.
We ate at hole-in-the-wall BBQ. I've always hated saying hole in the wall, because I think of going into a restaurant that has a hole in it's wall instead of thinking that the place itself is found in a hole, which makes me think of bugs. The food there was both very good and very bad, depending on the various things we ordered. The pork BBQ, the ribs, and (so i'm told) the fried pickles were good. The deep-fried corn and the catfish was terrible.
Lace came out and shared the ribs. She was almost high off of it. It was fun to watch her because she really looked like susy. she was bouncing and giddy. We've never eaten ribs before, or liked them when forced to try them. These were dry, and not smothered in sticky sauce. It was an amazing experience. I was happy to see her come out, and she wasn't hesitant to leave. she only wanted one thing, and when she was done, she was done.
Once we got home from eating, the arguing slowed to a trickle, which is much better than it had been.
I made the piercing bleed today, because there was a place on the inside that kept catching when I pushed through. It doesn't hurt to put the piercing in now, so I think it may have solved some problems to use a little extra force.
We watched criminal minds together, and snuggled. It was the best part of my day. I couldn't get enough of him, and I wanted to make out until I died. Of course we didn't do that, but I was very happy by the time he sent me to bed even though I didn't get laid.
OH. Major's birthday is the 13th. We really can not forget that.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
post by phiar, 4PM
Today.
Today i tried to get Him out of bed at 2. I finally gave up and left, hoping he would get the hint when i didn't come back in and start fawning over him by making breakfast and stuff.
I walked the dogs a 2nd time. He was sitting on the couch and acted like nothing had happened. Naked and wrapped in a towel.
All I could think was that he is a lazy fucking slob and never takes care of his responsibilities. Hell, I'M taking care of the dogs. How fucking often does that happen, Phiar doing chores? I'm willing to step up, and I will take care of his responsibilities, but it's going to be fucking ugly.
The house looks like a hurricane went through it, and I can't do anything until all this shit is taken care of.
I said something else to piss him off, and he wouldn't talk to me for about a minute, so I left. the next time i see him he's acting like we're fine again, except that he's all puppy dog eyed, like he has to ask me to take a piss. I know he hates me, and it fucking kills me to be around when i try so damn hard and he takes every little joke as an attack.
he fucking hates me and there's nothing I can do about it.\\\
he wants to play sims again today which means I've already lost him. Guess I'll leave and try again later.
late again
this entry listed by Phiar.
Yesterday.
I picked up the Family Reunion Achievement
Get one of each pet family or some shit. The one that completed my collection was the stunted yeti, a humanoid.
I also caught a Rare
Robo Chick
Anodized Robo Cub
Mountain Skunk
and a gray quality
Spawn of Onyxia (Apparently these are super hard to get.)
He woke up around 5PM yesterday.
I woke up at 12, but candy was out, so she didn't wake him up until she was leaving the room to walk the dogs, since she couldn't get him to wake up and she didn't have permission to leave the room.
He paid the rent and picked up dog food while I made "breakfast"
We watched the last two bourne movies, and then I came out.
We went to bed.
Today I found out that I "forgot" to blog last night.
Yesterday.
I picked up the Family Reunion Achievement
Get one of each pet family or some shit. The one that completed my collection was the stunted yeti, a humanoid.
I also caught a Rare
Robo Chick
Anodized Robo Cub
Mountain Skunk
and a gray quality
Spawn of Onyxia (Apparently these are super hard to get.)
He woke up around 5PM yesterday.
I woke up at 12, but candy was out, so she didn't wake him up until she was leaving the room to walk the dogs, since she couldn't get him to wake up and she didn't have permission to leave the room.
He paid the rent and picked up dog food while I made "breakfast"
We watched the last two bourne movies, and then I came out.
We went to bed.
Today I found out that I "forgot" to blog last night.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
1 -9-13
I forgot to blog last night! I was up so late playing Sims 3 (He told me to. I didn't want to, but he made me play 30 minutes, and then I didn't want to stop playing) - He gave me a late late bedtime and said we would sleep late today, so I stayed up until 3 or 4 in the morning. My sims are catching all kinds of fish and sometimes finding butterflies and rocks and things. We made Susy and candy. Susy is the gardener and I like to fish and put perfect fish in fishbowls :) I caught a shark!
Um, before that we didn't do much. I got most of my chores done, except my writing and unloading the dishwasher. We got our grocery shopping done in less than an hour, even though we stopped to talk to a friend for a while. That was the first daily goal I think I've actually finished!
We still have to buy dog food.
And our rent HAS to go out today.
Um, before that we didn't do much. I got most of my chores done, except my writing and unloading the dishwasher. We got our grocery shopping done in less than an hour, even though we stopped to talk to a friend for a while. That was the first daily goal I think I've actually finished!
We still have to buy dog food.
And our rent HAS to go out today.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Jan 7 2012
Sela started being in heat today. She has been having accidents in the house the past few days, so I guess it's good that we know why now. I bathed Sela today! She was in a much better mood after that.
We were out of the house most of the day today. Master didn't really want to come home. We bought me some spike collar studs. 3 bags of them. (60 total) It was a real bummer when I finally realized I couldn't use them because we still haven't found my hammer. (It's been missing since before Christmas)
Before we left the house for breakfast, Master interrogated me to find out where I put the rope bag, since He promised to tie me down while we had our presentation of writing assignment. BLOODY HELL. He sent me to get His socks, and when i came back holding the white ones and the navy blue ones, He was behind a corner and tightened a belt around my neck. I managed to hand Him the pair of socks anyway before He dragged me to the living room floor and used another belt to tie my ankles together (my hands were preoccupied with making sure I didn't get choked out). I remember the belts changing a lot, and a lot of pain, but the only actual thing he used that I remember was a lego transport tube for mini lego aliens. Here's another pic, where they're not orange. I still (as of 12+ hours later) have the tread marks on my legs. There are already bruises on my legs and ass and maybe my back from them. I know there were other things used in my torture and interrogation, but that's all I remember. He eventually got me to say that it was at least in the bedroom, and then He dragged me in there by my hair and made me lead Him to it. What broke me to telling Him was that He suddenly started stroking my skin gently, and speaking softly to me. I melted. I had a few more painful swats to lead me toward it, and then I got the rope bag, opened it up and showed Him the rope, and gave it to Him. The next second I was being swarmed with hugs and love and comfort.
During the interrogation, I remember His hand in mine to hold it down, and He was hurting me with the other, and I felt His hand making the "I love you" sign, and I suddenly felt closer to Him than I ever had before. Sometimes when He was hurting me I would curl up close to Him and for just a few moments I had my head on His chest and felt safe and protected, even DURING the pain. It was an absolutely amazing feeling.
(Favorite interrogation play group )
We went to a steakhouse, and Lace ate half of her steak and half of His. His was med rare and somewhat cold. Hers was medium well and too tough. She heard Him say that His was almost cold and she completely switched. Before it was me and her (emily and lace). But as soon as He said that, it was like all of her senses blossomed. He handed it over and she fought bravely to eat politely. He was impressed that she ate what He said counted as a rare steak. She thought she was going to hurl on the way home, because she stuffed so much food in, but she didn't really mind. She felt like a "pup" (as He called her) that had just overstuffed, and wasn't ashamed to empty to whatever level she needed to.
When we got home, after another shower and some other things, He tied me down to talk, like He promised. He took pictures of the ropework He did on me. My hands were above my head, and my legs were Indian-style without being crossed, so butterflied. I was lying on my back on the bed-futon and the same rope that tied my wrists together above my head was the rope that pulled my legs spread. He took pictures, and then went out of the room for a few minutes. My arms were already sore from being over my head. He teased and tortured me a few minutes, rubbing and flicking my sensitive areas. I was only wearing socks and panties. I screamed and squirmed but it felt great. While He was gone I just relaxed into the rope and really enjoyed it. I wanted sex. of course i wanted sex! i've wanted sex all day and we haven't had it, and I was tied with my hands tight and my legs spread! So He cut off a pair of my new pretty panties that i got for my uniform and beginning training. They ended up near/over my face for part of it. He fucked me while I was tied. he untied me a little during so that he could get at me better and for my own comfort I believe. I almost came 3 times. At the very beginning, and then when he told em i could and then it slipped out so i couldn't grip and I started crying. and also I came at the very very end, when He finally let me come for real. I was afraid He was having a hard time getting off, because we'd stopped randomly in the middle so many times (Once He completely stopped and asked me about what i wanted as a slave and my mind went completely blank and He just laughed at me). I realized i wanted His dick in my mouth, so i asked if He wanted to come on my face, with my mouth open. He said He liked that idea. Ask. Wha-? Ask Me. I repeated it, apparently the wrong way. (He kept fucking me while I asked, so i thought He was working up to coming on me.) I didn't completely want it at first. I did, in my innermost urges and horniness and slave mind, but I didn't because i knew it is something I don't like, and it's yucky and gross. I asked several times, and finally my last attempt was begging. i begged Him to please sit on my chest and come on my face, with my mouth open, to squirt cum on my lips and into my mouth. "No. You don't deserve it." And he came inside me.
I've never been so upset to actually have Him come inside me before. I was throbbing inside, but I wanted nothing more than for Him to pull out of my cunt, sit on my chest, and start jerking off on my face. I don't deserve it. I was humiliated. Really, actually humiliated. I was shocked and stunned and horrified that He'd turned me down. If I hadn't been shell-shocked I would have been sobbing. I wanted to cry. Humiliated. I immediately started wondering how I could earn it. I was amazingly turned on by it. It wasn't the falling horrible sinking feeling I get when my mood shifts downward and I normally cry while horny or during sex. it was a humiliated crying. It was GOOD. It blew my mind, and i was very confused and numb for a while, and then I burst into giggling and crying at the same time. I -wanted- to cry for Him at this point, so that he could enjoy what he had done to me as much as i was enjoying it. I want to cry during sex, for His enjoyment. I want Him to be able to make me cry, make me ashamed and humiliated during sex, because I know my Master would love it. He would feel empowered and He would know that I am His, that He can do -anything- to me. I crave the opportunity to prove to my Master that I will suffer to make him smile.
I think that's the first time He's made me cry during play, in a humiliating fashion. Normally I know that he's just saying something to make me wet, so it doesn't embarrass or humiliate me. Somehow this struck a chord and I believe Him. I don't know, but i honestly feel that I don't deserve it. I know how much He wants this, and for Him to resist doing it to me when i 95%+ want it really proves in my mind that I'm not good enough for it yet.
Today was too perfect. I got heavy duty pain, humiliation, tied down (to something), and fucked. Also, i was useful to my Master. I'm going to bed happy.
We were out of the house most of the day today. Master didn't really want to come home. We bought me some spike collar studs. 3 bags of them. (60 total) It was a real bummer when I finally realized I couldn't use them because we still haven't found my hammer. (It's been missing since before Christmas)
Before we left the house for breakfast, Master interrogated me to find out where I put the rope bag, since He promised to tie me down while we had our presentation of writing assignment. BLOODY HELL. He sent me to get His socks, and when i came back holding the white ones and the navy blue ones, He was behind a corner and tightened a belt around my neck. I managed to hand Him the pair of socks anyway before He dragged me to the living room floor and used another belt to tie my ankles together (my hands were preoccupied with making sure I didn't get choked out). I remember the belts changing a lot, and a lot of pain, but the only actual thing he used that I remember was a lego transport tube for mini lego aliens. Here's another pic, where they're not orange. I still (as of 12+ hours later) have the tread marks on my legs. There are already bruises on my legs and ass and maybe my back from them. I know there were other things used in my torture and interrogation, but that's all I remember. He eventually got me to say that it was at least in the bedroom, and then He dragged me in there by my hair and made me lead Him to it. What broke me to telling Him was that He suddenly started stroking my skin gently, and speaking softly to me. I melted. I had a few more painful swats to lead me toward it, and then I got the rope bag, opened it up and showed Him the rope, and gave it to Him. The next second I was being swarmed with hugs and love and comfort.
During the interrogation, I remember His hand in mine to hold it down, and He was hurting me with the other, and I felt His hand making the "I love you" sign, and I suddenly felt closer to Him than I ever had before. Sometimes when He was hurting me I would curl up close to Him and for just a few moments I had my head on His chest and felt safe and protected, even DURING the pain. It was an absolutely amazing feeling.
(Favorite interrogation play group )
We went to a steakhouse, and Lace ate half of her steak and half of His. His was med rare and somewhat cold. Hers was medium well and too tough. She heard Him say that His was almost cold and she completely switched. Before it was me and her (emily and lace). But as soon as He said that, it was like all of her senses blossomed. He handed it over and she fought bravely to eat politely. He was impressed that she ate what He said counted as a rare steak. She thought she was going to hurl on the way home, because she stuffed so much food in, but she didn't really mind. She felt like a "pup" (as He called her) that had just overstuffed, and wasn't ashamed to empty to whatever level she needed to.
When we got home, after another shower and some other things, He tied me down to talk, like He promised. He took pictures of the ropework He did on me. My hands were above my head, and my legs were Indian-style without being crossed, so butterflied. I was lying on my back on the bed-futon and the same rope that tied my wrists together above my head was the rope that pulled my legs spread. He took pictures, and then went out of the room for a few minutes. My arms were already sore from being over my head. He teased and tortured me a few minutes, rubbing and flicking my sensitive areas. I was only wearing socks and panties. I screamed and squirmed but it felt great. While He was gone I just relaxed into the rope and really enjoyed it. I wanted sex. of course i wanted sex! i've wanted sex all day and we haven't had it, and I was tied with my hands tight and my legs spread! So He cut off a pair of my new pretty panties that i got for my uniform and beginning training. They ended up near/over my face for part of it. He fucked me while I was tied. he untied me a little during so that he could get at me better and for my own comfort I believe. I almost came 3 times. At the very beginning, and then when he told em i could and then it slipped out so i couldn't grip and I started crying. and also I came at the very very end, when He finally let me come for real. I was afraid He was having a hard time getting off, because we'd stopped randomly in the middle so many times (Once He completely stopped and asked me about what i wanted as a slave and my mind went completely blank and He just laughed at me). I realized i wanted His dick in my mouth, so i asked if He wanted to come on my face, with my mouth open. He said He liked that idea. Ask. Wha-? Ask Me. I repeated it, apparently the wrong way. (He kept fucking me while I asked, so i thought He was working up to coming on me.) I didn't completely want it at first. I did, in my innermost urges and horniness and slave mind, but I didn't because i knew it is something I don't like, and it's yucky and gross. I asked several times, and finally my last attempt was begging. i begged Him to please sit on my chest and come on my face, with my mouth open, to squirt cum on my lips and into my mouth. "No. You don't deserve it." And he came inside me.
I've never been so upset to actually have Him come inside me before. I was throbbing inside, but I wanted nothing more than for Him to pull out of my cunt, sit on my chest, and start jerking off on my face. I don't deserve it. I was humiliated. Really, actually humiliated. I was shocked and stunned and horrified that He'd turned me down. If I hadn't been shell-shocked I would have been sobbing. I wanted to cry. Humiliated. I immediately started wondering how I could earn it. I was amazingly turned on by it. It wasn't the falling horrible sinking feeling I get when my mood shifts downward and I normally cry while horny or during sex. it was a humiliated crying. It was GOOD. It blew my mind, and i was very confused and numb for a while, and then I burst into giggling and crying at the same time. I -wanted- to cry for Him at this point, so that he could enjoy what he had done to me as much as i was enjoying it. I want to cry during sex, for His enjoyment. I want Him to be able to make me cry, make me ashamed and humiliated during sex, because I know my Master would love it. He would feel empowered and He would know that I am His, that He can do -anything- to me. I crave the opportunity to prove to my Master that I will suffer to make him smile.
I think that's the first time He's made me cry during play, in a humiliating fashion. Normally I know that he's just saying something to make me wet, so it doesn't embarrass or humiliate me. Somehow this struck a chord and I believe Him. I don't know, but i honestly feel that I don't deserve it. I know how much He wants this, and for Him to resist doing it to me when i 95%+ want it really proves in my mind that I'm not good enough for it yet.
Today was too perfect. I got heavy duty pain, humiliation, tied down (to something), and fucked. Also, i was useful to my Master. I'm going to bed happy.
Monday, January 7, 2013
I'm afraid this isn't going to work.
My essay has been delayed/cancelled two days, and He hasn't been getting up when he's supposed to in the mornings. I've basically taken over all of His morning responsibilities the past few days.
I'm not going to remind Him of our "in depth conversation, involving my essay topic and rope" and I'm afraid He's going to procrastinate and let it slip until it's too late. The munch is tonight, and I'll be busy after because Major set up a time to raid together :)
I guess i'll just put my doubts here, and trust that He knows what He's doing.
--------------------
We're doing the rope and talk tomorrow morning, before breakfast even. I'm pretty excited about it!! He has to get me to tell Him where the rope is too. Lauren hid it, so I don't even know if I'll know where it is by tomorrow.
We had the munch, and played a "what is your favorite kink" game. it was a lot of fun, but I hate where we had the munch. It always makes my stomach hurt to eat there. We had new people. They were nice.
Chesh came over with tigg to talk a while and hang out.
Song almost pulled Phiar at the munch, and Major saw the look on my face I think. I was literally holding on to the chair for dear life so she didn't come barging out and say something inappropriate like fuck all of you. or something. I can't ruin His reputation or let my training slip, even though I know she just wants attention and to have fun.
Ran BWL and the last two bosses of MC with Major tonight. i really got under his skin. It was kind of fun to argue with him about something I honestly didn't care about just to jerk him around for once. I know both Master and Major like doing that to me. They get me upset about something I really care about and they don't even disagree with me, they just do it for fun. I feel like this was sorta payback.
I picked up chrominius finally! :) I love him to death.
My essay has been delayed/cancelled two days, and He hasn't been getting up when he's supposed to in the mornings. I've basically taken over all of His morning responsibilities the past few days.
I'm not going to remind Him of our "in depth conversation, involving my essay topic and rope" and I'm afraid He's going to procrastinate and let it slip until it's too late. The munch is tonight, and I'll be busy after because Major set up a time to raid together :)
I guess i'll just put my doubts here, and trust that He knows what He's doing.
--------------------
We're doing the rope and talk tomorrow morning, before breakfast even. I'm pretty excited about it!! He has to get me to tell Him where the rope is too. Lauren hid it, so I don't even know if I'll know where it is by tomorrow.
We had the munch, and played a "what is your favorite kink" game. it was a lot of fun, but I hate where we had the munch. It always makes my stomach hurt to eat there. We had new people. They were nice.
Chesh came over with tigg to talk a while and hang out.
Song almost pulled Phiar at the munch, and Major saw the look on my face I think. I was literally holding on to the chair for dear life so she didn't come barging out and say something inappropriate like fuck all of you. or something. I can't ruin His reputation or let my training slip, even though I know she just wants attention and to have fun.
Ran BWL and the last two bosses of MC with Major tonight. i really got under his skin. It was kind of fun to argue with him about something I honestly didn't care about just to jerk him around for once. I know both Master and Major like doing that to me. They get me upset about something I really care about and they don't even disagree with me, they just do it for fun. I feel like this was sorta payback.
I picked up chrominius finally! :) I love him to death.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
1 5 2013
We went to the flea market today. -Sigh- It was so hard to get out of bed. We barely walked through it, and didn't stop to look at anything. There was honestly nothing interesting there today. After, we went to IHOP and then quickly changed our minds when it had more children than a fucking day care. We ended up at buffalo wild wings. We talked about Karly, and I had a few ideas. he really liked my idea to give her a clean slate, since she's been getting a little discouraged lately, and He didn't want her to give up.
My nose was bleeding horribly this morning. we laughed about it, but it was worse than it has been. it's been a little bloody since my cold, but this morning it was like a full-on runny nose, only with blood. It didn't hurt though, so to be honest I only minded because it was messy and I was confused about blowing my nose because it didn't seem to stop.
We shopped around but only ended up buying 1 thing. it was for me! It was my 3rd "really useful box" http://www.reallyusefulproducts.co.uk/usa/html/onlineshop/rub/b00_14litreOrg.php And now they fit nicely beside each other in my cubby/shelf I got for Christmas.
I turned in my sex fantasy writing assignment this morning. he really liked the second one, with the bathtub.
He was having a bad day (it's been a few bad days. He says he hurts worse when i'm on my period.) and I was very much giving up on the promise of being raped, but didn't want Him to be upset that I was upset. i asked to snuggle, and like a little bitch, I pulled down my panties when we did. He shoved a finger up my ass soon after. I screamed and tried to struggle away (He didn't even spit on it first, and it HURT) but I didn't dare fight him off with my hands or feet. Honestly, i was afraid He'd stop. He sent me to go get "the blue gel toy" and I brought all three of them. And our dildo toy bag. He grabbed the biggest of the three and immediately shoved it down my throat. And then let me breathe. And then shoved it down my throat again. And then rolled me over onto my side and shoved it up my ass. I knew what was coming as soon as i started to roll over. I grabbed a shirt and screamed into it. He grabbed a dirty pair of pajama pants and tied it over my head. I felt like i could barely breathe but I knew I was fine. I was humiliated and tried to take them off, so he tied a knot in them. He used the toy on me for a while, and at some point did something to make it hurt worse than it had been. He also kept rotating it. He slapped my ass to make me clench up, and He laughed at me and told me he liked hearing me scream. It felt like I was never going to get used to the pain. I begged, "please make the pain stop." He pulled it out. I stopped screaming. I felt as if I'd made a terrible mistake. I did. His cock ended up in my ass. He spit on it first though. He told me He loved fucking me in the ass because He gets to spit on me when He does. He said something along the lines of I'm worth less than His spit (it was so hot at the time). I held in the urge to remind Him that as my Master He can spit on me whenever the fuck He pleases. It hurt going in. He fucked me forever!! I screamed and begged and well really didn't do much more than that because I couldn't. I said no, and stop, and it hurts, and please no. He moved me into several positions at about 5 minutes each. One of them felt really nice, and I hooked my elbow around my knee to help stay in that position. After about 3 minutes of fresh air (so to speak) He made that position start hurting too. He moved to one side or something weird, so i know it was on purpose. Soon after, he made me roll onto my back. This is usually the final stretch, but I think it was more of the last half this time. "That's right- hold on to something, this part is really going to hurt you." The gag worked it's way free, so I was screaming straight into his pants now. He really seemed to not mind this time though. Normally He's told me to shut up by now. He went ahead and shoved that huge fucker right back up my ass. I clawed Him when He told me to hold Him, but only because he hurt me right afterward. He told me if i did it again He'd snap my neck, and bit the hell out of me. I know at some point after being bitten (one of the times he bit me) I lost coherency for a while. That's difficult by the way, because I'm usually just making pain noises anyway when i'm screaming into a gag. But I remember breathing heavy and trying to say "I can't.." which is usually when I'm starting to not make sense even to myself. At one point I said, "Master, please spit one me." He pulled my legs up and spit on my cunt. I had been enjoying the fucking, and I actually begged Him not to stop fucking me even to spit on me. He reminded me that he's my master and will do whatever the hell He wants to me, and i was just lucky that He spit on me. i needed to come soon after. The whole time, he kept calling me a whore. It was brilliant and fantastic. I asked to come. He told me I'd better not come. i was yelling but I was thinking 'Yes Master" and making sure that i didn't completely turn it off in case he decided to let me, but still keeping myself from going over the line he'd drawn for me. I think he said "Come Whore. Come now!" But I'm not sure. My mind was BLOWN. It was amazing. i held on to Him for dear life. When He pulled out, my ass made a small bubbling noise. My first question when He pulled His pants off my head was "did You come?" "You'd better fucking believe it. Now get the fuck off my bed. Go to your room and clean up. Hurry!"
I sat in the shower with hot water running down my body, a smile on my stupid face.
Best sex EVAR!
My nose was bleeding horribly this morning. we laughed about it, but it was worse than it has been. it's been a little bloody since my cold, but this morning it was like a full-on runny nose, only with blood. It didn't hurt though, so to be honest I only minded because it was messy and I was confused about blowing my nose because it didn't seem to stop.
We shopped around but only ended up buying 1 thing. it was for me! It was my 3rd "really useful box" http://www.reallyusefulproducts.co.uk/usa/html/onlineshop/rub/b00_14litreOrg.php And now they fit nicely beside each other in my cubby/shelf I got for Christmas.
I turned in my sex fantasy writing assignment this morning. he really liked the second one, with the bathtub.
He was having a bad day (it's been a few bad days. He says he hurts worse when i'm on my period.) and I was very much giving up on the promise of being raped, but didn't want Him to be upset that I was upset. i asked to snuggle, and like a little bitch, I pulled down my panties when we did. He shoved a finger up my ass soon after. I screamed and tried to struggle away (He didn't even spit on it first, and it HURT) but I didn't dare fight him off with my hands or feet. Honestly, i was afraid He'd stop. He sent me to go get "the blue gel toy" and I brought all three of them. And our dildo toy bag. He grabbed the biggest of the three and immediately shoved it down my throat. And then let me breathe. And then shoved it down my throat again. And then rolled me over onto my side and shoved it up my ass. I knew what was coming as soon as i started to roll over. I grabbed a shirt and screamed into it. He grabbed a dirty pair of pajama pants and tied it over my head. I felt like i could barely breathe but I knew I was fine. I was humiliated and tried to take them off, so he tied a knot in them. He used the toy on me for a while, and at some point did something to make it hurt worse than it had been. He also kept rotating it. He slapped my ass to make me clench up, and He laughed at me and told me he liked hearing me scream. It felt like I was never going to get used to the pain. I begged, "please make the pain stop." He pulled it out. I stopped screaming. I felt as if I'd made a terrible mistake. I did. His cock ended up in my ass. He spit on it first though. He told me He loved fucking me in the ass because He gets to spit on me when He does. He said something along the lines of I'm worth less than His spit (it was so hot at the time). I held in the urge to remind Him that as my Master He can spit on me whenever the fuck He pleases. It hurt going in. He fucked me forever!! I screamed and begged and well really didn't do much more than that because I couldn't. I said no, and stop, and it hurts, and please no. He moved me into several positions at about 5 minutes each. One of them felt really nice, and I hooked my elbow around my knee to help stay in that position. After about 3 minutes of fresh air (so to speak) He made that position start hurting too. He moved to one side or something weird, so i know it was on purpose. Soon after, he made me roll onto my back. This is usually the final stretch, but I think it was more of the last half this time. "That's right- hold on to something, this part is really going to hurt you." The gag worked it's way free, so I was screaming straight into his pants now. He really seemed to not mind this time though. Normally He's told me to shut up by now. He went ahead and shoved that huge fucker right back up my ass. I clawed Him when He told me to hold Him, but only because he hurt me right afterward. He told me if i did it again He'd snap my neck, and bit the hell out of me. I know at some point after being bitten (one of the times he bit me) I lost coherency for a while. That's difficult by the way, because I'm usually just making pain noises anyway when i'm screaming into a gag. But I remember breathing heavy and trying to say "I can't.." which is usually when I'm starting to not make sense even to myself. At one point I said, "Master, please spit one me." He pulled my legs up and spit on my cunt. I had been enjoying the fucking, and I actually begged Him not to stop fucking me even to spit on me. He reminded me that he's my master and will do whatever the hell He wants to me, and i was just lucky that He spit on me. i needed to come soon after. The whole time, he kept calling me a whore. It was brilliant and fantastic. I asked to come. He told me I'd better not come. i was yelling but I was thinking 'Yes Master" and making sure that i didn't completely turn it off in case he decided to let me, but still keeping myself from going over the line he'd drawn for me. I think he said "Come Whore. Come now!" But I'm not sure. My mind was BLOWN. It was amazing. i held on to Him for dear life. When He pulled out, my ass made a small bubbling noise. My first question when He pulled His pants off my head was "did You come?" "You'd better fucking believe it. Now get the fuck off my bed. Go to your room and clean up. Hurry!"
I sat in the shower with hot water running down my body, a smile on my stupid face.
Best sex EVAR!
Saturday, January 5, 2013
It's official
I have to earn the right to wear pants in our house on normal days. Even pajama pants. In my mind, my training has now officially begun.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Jan 3 2012
Today's essay was "my opinion on the difference between a submissive and a slave."
I finished 30 minutes before it was due again. I really like doing essays for my Master, but I wish they were something we'd be able to talk about more in depth instead of just pretty much agreeing with each other.
He said he's proud of me for my essays, though. That makes me very happy.
Susy "tricked" her daddy into going to taco bell today. we weren't out of the house long though, just long enough to eat a few tacos and get His haircut.
I finished all my chores without having to ask for an extension or for some to eb removed. I was even able to wash some extra laundry, and I cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed the hallway as well. I can't wait to actually get the house cleaned up thoroughly! Then I'll be able to work on my leather and some of my other projects.
Master installed Sims Supernatural tonight. He already had the regular Sims 3, but added the expansion today. He gets really into Sims, but we've been working on communication while he plays, and He's getting better at talking to me while He does other things, which is all I really need. I do get a little frustrated that I can't journal earlier though. I had to wait until after my inspection to journal tonight, and i'm supposed to be able to go straight to bed from our snugglefest.
We watched Top Gear though, and that was a lot of fun for me, I think he enjoyed it as well, but not as much as He likes the stupid tv. Also, Lace almost got Him off with a handjob.
Oh yeah, day 2 of my period
I think we're going to have some nice sex tomorrow, possibly with some torture and rope added in. I'm kind of excited about that, but we'll have to put a tarp down since I'm bleeding hard and heavy the past two days. I'm really interested in being blindfolded and having my hands where I can't use them and then having horrible things done to me. or maybe an interrogation sort of thing.
Listening to
Hey Man Nice Shot - Filter
I finished 30 minutes before it was due again. I really like doing essays for my Master, but I wish they were something we'd be able to talk about more in depth instead of just pretty much agreeing with each other.
He said he's proud of me for my essays, though. That makes me very happy.
Susy "tricked" her daddy into going to taco bell today. we weren't out of the house long though, just long enough to eat a few tacos and get His haircut.
I finished all my chores without having to ask for an extension or for some to eb removed. I was even able to wash some extra laundry, and I cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed the hallway as well. I can't wait to actually get the house cleaned up thoroughly! Then I'll be able to work on my leather and some of my other projects.
Master installed Sims Supernatural tonight. He already had the regular Sims 3, but added the expansion today. He gets really into Sims, but we've been working on communication while he plays, and He's getting better at talking to me while He does other things, which is all I really need. I do get a little frustrated that I can't journal earlier though. I had to wait until after my inspection to journal tonight, and i'm supposed to be able to go straight to bed from our snugglefest.
We watched Top Gear though, and that was a lot of fun for me, I think he enjoyed it as well, but not as much as He likes the stupid tv. Also, Lace almost got Him off with a handjob.
Oh yeah, day 2 of my period
I think we're going to have some nice sex tomorrow, possibly with some torture and rope added in. I'm kind of excited about that, but we'll have to put a tarp down since I'm bleeding hard and heavy the past two days. I'm really interested in being blindfolded and having my hands where I can't use them and then having horrible things done to me. or maybe an interrogation sort of thing.
Listening to
Hey Man Nice Shot - Filter
Thursday, January 3, 2013
- Creative Memory Syndrome (CMS)
- The condition of remembering past incidents, conflicts, accidents, and disagreements in such a way as to prove oneself as being completely blameless and in the right. People experiencing this condition will not be lying but they will forget all unflattering aspects of their own behavior and motivation and misremember incidents in such away as to support their own views of themselves as right and good. A woman might remember the her one time fiancee and "one true love" as "the guy I hung out with." Unlike lying or dissembling, the victim of this condition believes his own account absolutely. It's a condition all of us have experienced on occasion but some of us are blessed with memories that are more fluid than the rest.
- http://www.evilmonk.org/A/terms.cfm
Jan 2 2012
Today has been rough and full and crazy, but it's been worth it.
If I hadn't woke up early and started folding laundry to try and get a headstart on my chores, I wouldn't have finished on time! We started the day early as well, because I was given permission to leave the bedroom when His alarm went off instead of mine since i was already awake. Soon after completing our morning assignments, Dspanks asked us to go to see The Hobbit with him. Master wanted to, and reduced my chore list so that we'd be able to manage everything. The movie was 3 hours long! It was an amazing movie, but it took a huge chunk right out of the middle of our day. We were also out of the house to buy groceries and to replace the needle in my hip with an actual piece of jewelry. I'm pretty excited about it, it's black with little clear gems on the ball part of the barbell. I also got a silver one, and two greenish colored ones. My essay took most of the day. I already knew most of what i wrote, but I had to check my information against more sources than my own knowledge. I ran into master Taino and House of decorum during my web searching. it made me smile that people I know and have met are in the first 5 links in relation to leather houses and families.
When it first showed Rivendale in The hobbit, I actually almost cried. I felt so strongly that I would be accepted and welcomed there as a slave. That I would be respected and seen as an equal , not in the way that people judge one another's worth, but in the way that my service is just as valuable to others as someone who is considered a superior. My role would be equally valuable to other roles. It's such a complicated concept, even in my own mind. I don't see myself as an equal, but I do see myself as equal to others in value. That is something I think I'd like to discuss more in depth with my Master if He had any insight on it, since i've never really thought of it before. In many ways the slave as a role is much more valuable, because it is more rare.
After we ate dinner, Master took a nap and I worked on my essay. i finished only 30 minutes before it was due, but i have been working on it the entire day, even when I was out of the house.
We're going to discuss my assignment, and then it will be nearly bedtime. I haven't been able to do my dailies yet. I hope He lets me do those before bed.
I can't wait for my inspection tonight! I really loved how close we were to each other last night.
----
Inspection went well.
I got to play WoW.
We discussed having a leather house.
He face-raped me and made me swallow. <--- after="after" and="and" as="as" ask="ask" asked="asked" before="before" but="but" cum="cum" d="d" didn="didn" e="e" face-raping="face-raping" for="for" hate="hate" he="he" him="him" holding="holding" horny="horny" how="how" i="i" if="if" in="in" it="it" juice="juice" know="know" me.="me." me="me" more="more" mouth="mouth" my="my" nasty.="nasty." nbsp="nbsp" of="of" opposed="opposed" orange="orange" other="other" p="p" pulp.="pulp." rape="rape" sex.="sex." showed="showed" showing="showing" so="so" swallowed.="swallowed." t="t" talk="talk" than="than" the="the" to="to" types="types" was="was" worse="worse">
I'm allowed to use profanity again.
If I hadn't woke up early and started folding laundry to try and get a headstart on my chores, I wouldn't have finished on time! We started the day early as well, because I was given permission to leave the bedroom when His alarm went off instead of mine since i was already awake. Soon after completing our morning assignments, Dspanks asked us to go to see The Hobbit with him. Master wanted to, and reduced my chore list so that we'd be able to manage everything. The movie was 3 hours long! It was an amazing movie, but it took a huge chunk right out of the middle of our day. We were also out of the house to buy groceries and to replace the needle in my hip with an actual piece of jewelry. I'm pretty excited about it, it's black with little clear gems on the ball part of the barbell. I also got a silver one, and two greenish colored ones. My essay took most of the day. I already knew most of what i wrote, but I had to check my information against more sources than my own knowledge. I ran into master Taino and House of decorum during my web searching. it made me smile that people I know and have met are in the first 5 links in relation to leather houses and families.
When it first showed Rivendale in The hobbit, I actually almost cried. I felt so strongly that I would be accepted and welcomed there as a slave. That I would be respected and seen as an equal , not in the way that people judge one another's worth, but in the way that my service is just as valuable to others as someone who is considered a superior. My role would be equally valuable to other roles. It's such a complicated concept, even in my own mind. I don't see myself as an equal, but I do see myself as equal to others in value. That is something I think I'd like to discuss more in depth with my Master if He had any insight on it, since i've never really thought of it before. In many ways the slave as a role is much more valuable, because it is more rare.
After we ate dinner, Master took a nap and I worked on my essay. i finished only 30 minutes before it was due, but i have been working on it the entire day, even when I was out of the house.
We're going to discuss my assignment, and then it will be nearly bedtime. I haven't been able to do my dailies yet. I hope He lets me do those before bed.
I can't wait for my inspection tonight! I really loved how close we were to each other last night.
----
Inspection went well.
I got to play WoW.
We discussed having a leather house.
He face-raped me and made me swallow. <--- after="after" and="and" as="as" ask="ask" asked="asked" before="before" but="but" cum="cum" d="d" didn="didn" e="e" face-raping="face-raping" for="for" hate="hate" he="he" him="him" holding="holding" horny="horny" how="how" i="i" if="if" in="in" it="it" juice="juice" know="know" me.="me." me="me" more="more" mouth="mouth" my="my" nasty.="nasty." nbsp="nbsp" of="of" opposed="opposed" orange="orange" other="other" p="p" pulp.="pulp." rape="rape" sex.="sex." showed="showed" showing="showing" so="so" swallowed.="swallowed." t="t" talk="talk" than="than" the="the" to="to" types="types" was="was" worse="worse">
I'm allowed to use profanity again.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
The difference between a leather house and a leather family
Supporting sources for "The difference between a leather house and a leather family"
Due: 10:00 PM 1-2-2013
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110808224145AApeHwW
* leather family is a group of people who support and care for one another
* leather family may/may not have power dynamics and some sort of power hierarchy
*household works in the same way except it tends to be more formal
*Many households have actual crests and very obvious power dynamics within them
http://kinkinmotion.wordpress.com/2010/04/23/leather-families/
*Like I said above, no two are alike. There are some with very structured hierarchies, some actually have members assigned to traditional familial labels (Daddy, sister, etc..) and some are a loose collection of people with shared interests
http://www.leatherfamilyonline.com/
http://www.leatherfamilyonline.com/full_story.cfm?i=120
*leather family and house used interchangeably by some
http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/f/earning-leather.htm
Info on leather houses and origin of the phrase
http://www.leatherati.com/leatherati_issues/2012/09/leather-families.html
*The Households – There are many of us who live together in a household and as a family.
* Sometimes a dominant couple may head the household.
*House and family used interchangeably
Due: 10:00 PM 1-2-2013
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110808224145AApeHwW
* leather family is a group of people who support and care for one another
* leather family may/may not have power dynamics and some sort of power hierarchy
*household works in the same way except it tends to be more formal
*Many households have actual crests and very obvious power dynamics within them
http://kinkinmotion.wordpress.com/2010/04/23/leather-families/
*Like I said above, no two are alike. There are some with very structured hierarchies, some actually have members assigned to traditional familial labels (Daddy, sister, etc..) and some are a loose collection of people with shared interests
http://www.leatherfamilyonline.com/
http://www.leatherfamilyonline.com/full_story.cfm?i=120
*leather family and house used interchangeably by some
http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/f/earning-leather.htm
Info on leather houses and origin of the phrase
http://www.leatherati.com/leatherati_issues/2012/09/leather-families.html
*The Households – There are many of us who live together in a household and as a family.
* Sometimes a dominant couple may head the household.
*House and family used interchangeably
New training day 1
1/1/12
I am to walk the dogs by myself all day today. He told me to do this because He knows I don't want to do it. It's a task that is especially unpleasant for me, as I don't like the cold, and also, i hurt my wrist at the new years eve party so I will have to walk them left-handed. It's a service that He knows will remind me of my place, and will also serve to prove again that I am His, and will do anything for Him, and will suffer for Him willingly.
---Journal entry to be read while Master drinks His coffee, to be written the night before and published the next morning. (technically I only wrote the above paragraph yesterday for reasons to be listed below.)---
We went out and bought my uniform yesterday. We spent around $45 on panties ($15), socks ($10) and sweatpants ($10). We also bought Master a lego building plate, the gray one. We weren't planning on leaving the house, but I really wanted Him to get a haircut to start us off right for a new, stricter training "motif." Of course, the haircut place was closed. We ate out at Atlanta Bread Company. It was good, but not as awesome as I'd hoped. After all that, we went to gamestop to use Master's gift card ($40). He decided on a PC game, Sims 3 + the Supernatural Expansion. We ended up paying $15 for it after the gift card.
We completely overlooked the buying groceries so I can make dinner tonight per protocol. I didn't even remember until we'd been home an hour.
I made a really ugly bracelet for my Nana with my leather. I really like my new leather scissors, but they will take some getting used to. Master gave a keychain, a blush brush, a set of finger floggers and one of the floggers I made to Eos and Drew. They're sort of new. She's not, but he is new to the impact play part of it. They're really nice and ready to learn, so I'm glad that He thought of it. I do have to make new ones now, though. Sigh. Guess I'll have to start doing leather in my free time instead of wow. At least the majority anyway.
We went ahead and did our "inspection" last night. It was amazing. He put me in Position 2, and we talked about the day, sort of. He helped bring both of us to a strong Master/slave mindset, and then let me snuggle with him in bed. After a brief misunderstanding in which Susy was very loyal to her Kyle-Bear, Mikkal decided He really did want sex; anal. "I wish I had raped you in another life." And then, in a very matter of fact, owner-like way, He took me. I had to keep my arms under my stomach because if I hadn't I would have hurt my wrist even worse, and there was no question of getting out of it. I begged and screamed until He made me give Him my legs, at which point He put my feet beside my hips, and I was overwhelmed by all the pain, and couldn't make any noise anymore. I also sort of went blank, as if no one was home in my head. Then He flipped me onto my back, shoved His dirty cock into my pussy a few times to clean it off I guess, and then went back to anal. At first I tried to tell Him He had the wrong hole, and that's when He laughed at me and did it on purpose. "Now this is masturbating." That was when I started to get turned on, and realized I'd been staring at the ceiling since no one had been home. I went back to china doll mode (lol) and stayed still until He finished, pulled out, kissed me, and told me to get the - out of His bed.
I was surprised that he took me. I feel like I've been trying to show Him that I'm His slave for so long, that it seems weird to hear him tell it. I'm so happy for it though. Even if the sex wasn't exactly what I wanted, i still wanted it. That's really the point, to be honest. I want Him to use me when I don't want it, even more than I want Him to have sex with me when i do. If I don't want it, then he knows how much I love Him and He knows how much I respect and desire to please my Master when i do it anyway.
Immediately after sex (and aftercare, yay!) He went back to playing Sims 3 which is why I had to do my journal entry this morning instead of last night.
To do Today:
Groceries
Trash Day
Dusty Love
Kit says he'll call when he gets a chance.
please throw away pot roast
I am to walk the dogs by myself all day today. He told me to do this because He knows I don't want to do it. It's a task that is especially unpleasant for me, as I don't like the cold, and also, i hurt my wrist at the new years eve party so I will have to walk them left-handed. It's a service that He knows will remind me of my place, and will also serve to prove again that I am His, and will do anything for Him, and will suffer for Him willingly.
---Journal entry to be read while Master drinks His coffee, to be written the night before and published the next morning. (technically I only wrote the above paragraph yesterday for reasons to be listed below.)---
We went out and bought my uniform yesterday. We spent around $45 on panties ($15), socks ($10) and sweatpants ($10). We also bought Master a lego building plate, the gray one. We weren't planning on leaving the house, but I really wanted Him to get a haircut to start us off right for a new, stricter training "motif." Of course, the haircut place was closed. We ate out at Atlanta Bread Company. It was good, but not as awesome as I'd hoped. After all that, we went to gamestop to use Master's gift card ($40). He decided on a PC game, Sims 3 + the Supernatural Expansion. We ended up paying $15 for it after the gift card.
We completely overlooked the buying groceries so I can make dinner tonight per protocol. I didn't even remember until we'd been home an hour.
I made a really ugly bracelet for my Nana with my leather. I really like my new leather scissors, but they will take some getting used to. Master gave a keychain, a blush brush, a set of finger floggers and one of the floggers I made to Eos and Drew. They're sort of new. She's not, but he is new to the impact play part of it. They're really nice and ready to learn, so I'm glad that He thought of it. I do have to make new ones now, though. Sigh. Guess I'll have to start doing leather in my free time instead of wow. At least the majority anyway.
We went ahead and did our "inspection" last night. It was amazing. He put me in Position 2, and we talked about the day, sort of. He helped bring both of us to a strong Master/slave mindset, and then let me snuggle with him in bed. After a brief misunderstanding in which Susy was very loyal to her Kyle-Bear, Mikkal decided He really did want sex; anal. "I wish I had raped you in another life." And then, in a very matter of fact, owner-like way, He took me. I had to keep my arms under my stomach because if I hadn't I would have hurt my wrist even worse, and there was no question of getting out of it. I begged and screamed until He made me give Him my legs, at which point He put my feet beside my hips, and I was overwhelmed by all the pain, and couldn't make any noise anymore. I also sort of went blank, as if no one was home in my head. Then He flipped me onto my back, shoved His dirty cock into my pussy a few times to clean it off I guess, and then went back to anal. At first I tried to tell Him He had the wrong hole, and that's when He laughed at me and did it on purpose. "Now this is masturbating." That was when I started to get turned on, and realized I'd been staring at the ceiling since no one had been home. I went back to china doll mode (lol) and stayed still until He finished, pulled out, kissed me, and told me to get the - out of His bed.
I was surprised that he took me. I feel like I've been trying to show Him that I'm His slave for so long, that it seems weird to hear him tell it. I'm so happy for it though. Even if the sex wasn't exactly what I wanted, i still wanted it. That's really the point, to be honest. I want Him to use me when I don't want it, even more than I want Him to have sex with me when i do. If I don't want it, then he knows how much I love Him and He knows how much I respect and desire to please my Master when i do it anyway.
Immediately after sex (and aftercare, yay!) He went back to playing Sims 3 which is why I had to do my journal entry this morning instead of last night.
To do Today:
Groceries
Trash Day
Dusty Love
Kit says he'll call when he gets a chance.
please throw away pot roast
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
training notes
At home casual uniform (And "to buy" list) as much as possible
Black boy short panties
Military/camo tank top
sports bra (black please)
tall socks
Morning Schedule:
Black boy short panties
Military/camo tank top
sports bra (black please)
tall socks
Morning Schedule:
- Leave room when permitted
- Make and present Master's coffee
- Walk dogs 2nd time daily while Master reads previous day's journal entry
- Breakfast
- Daily writing assignment (additional to blog)
- Plan of the day
- Chores
- Special - groceries, plans
- Daily Goal (Optional)
- Progress Report for Long Term Goals
Dinner: between 6:00 PM and 7:30 PM
Nightly Schedule:
- Begin preparations for bed immediately after dinner
- Shower
- Nightly Inspection - Bedtime is to follow immediately.
- All chores and assignments are due at bedtime.
- Blog Must be written by bedtime, but is not due until 7:00AM the following morning
- Writing Assignment
- Chores
- slave is to be confined to quarters from inspection until morning or when given permission to leave.
- Curfew is at latest 2:00 AM
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