just the thoughts running through my head

If our life is so bad that you have to go to some imaginary world to be happy and can't even stand being near me without some other stupid media for 5 minutes, maybe we should both just end it. Why not, I shouldn't have to be "out" here in the terrible world without you when you can't handle it.

Men should bathe. Men stink when they don't bathe.

I wonder if she's ever tried to kill herself. Of course, it didn't take, and by the time she came back to herself, other people were around and she couldn't try again. But I'll bet she's tried. (werewolf story) I'll bet she's in a lot of pain, too. I wonder if she was silent and drained and felt utterly useless and abandoned by the end of it, too?

They go to a place with other vampires, and he offers her up as a toy. She's His feedbag, so as long as the only fuck with her mind, He doesn't have a problem with it. Two of them hold her still and they all take turns, seeing if they can make her scream, or who can give the most messed up vision. She finds out the hard way that the things He could do to her are much worse than the things that He does to her. He wouldn't have allowed it, but she challenged Him in front of the others. She basically said that she would never listen to Him because He was too easy on her. This shows her that He is easy on her by choice, not because He can't dish out more.

I hurt. I asked for pain. This is fucking unfair.

Hope He fed the dogs.

I have to obey everything, and He says all He ever wants is to make me happy but He says NO more than He says yes.

I want duct tape, i want handcuffs, I want pain, I want to be called slut and whore and be used as a hole like it used to be, tied up tied down, left in the closet and told to stay until... I want my cramps to fucking stop, I want birth control, I want strangled, allergy meds, fuck taking pain pills, it's not going to happen I don't fucking care. I want to slam my head into this fucking headboard until i break it.

I want to feel pretty.attractive, interesting, useful. I want to be broken. for real. I want to be punished if I don't do something. (like coffee today, much?) I want Him to notice without me having to point it out and hop up and down crossing my fingers that I'll get punished for it. Hell, I want to be taught a fucking lesson without having to tell Him to stop being a fucking pussy and do something about it if He thinks I'm a brat.

I want a really good hard scene.

I want fucked. No. No, I don't want fucked. I'm not some mindless zombie that's only hungry for sex, and I don't like being treated like one.

I want to know when He leaves the room that He loves me, He's coming back, and He's leaving to go get clothespins out of the kitchen so He can finish torturing me into unconsciousness.

I must be a fucking terrible slave.