Sydney:
I haven't had a panic attack in a long time.
I don't know for sure if that's exactly what it was, but I needed to get away from their conversation as soon as I could. I've never been at the front door waiting to go in before they're out of the car before.
Major has changed lately. He's lied, about things that he shouldn't, that people wouldn't mind if he was honest about, but when he lies it becomes a big deal, he's become manipulative, and if he doesn't get his way, he basically threatens to make sure that it doesn't happen, or at least he won't be a part of how it gets done. The last one usually ends in an insult to belittle whoever isn't giving him his way. It also comes with the implication that it will end the friendship that has been in existence for a long time, just because he isn't getting what he wants. It hurts a lot to think that getting his way is more important to him than the people who have been a big part of his life for at least a year now. It's happening more and more frequently, and while the things he's talking about are important, they're not important enough to threaten to break up a friendship over.
I used to trust him, and the more this happens, the less I trust him. I'm even starting to feel less comfortable at the thought of scening with him, and even though this happens rarely, it's like he keeps reminding me why I was uncomfortable. If I start to feel at ease, something small brings that warning back the front of my brain again.
Maybe he is really depressed, but I don't see how being in control of these things will help him feel more in control of his own life.
The "discussion" they were having didn't bring back a lot of bad memories, or make me want to hurt myself, it just made me feel like I was losing my mind, like I was in a situation that I couldn't handle but couldn't leave, it made me feel like everyone was trying to switch to get away all at once.
But I do feel like I'm young again, and awkward and (16-18) have forgotten what confidence is, i guess. That's what this feeling reminds me of.
Monday, January 30, 2012
aha, I blogged today.
I haven't woken up before Noon in probably a week. I'm off my period (it lasted about 3 days and then I cramped and had back pain for two more), but I'm still having those emotional bitchy moments. That means I haven't made His coffee or presented a toy since our fight, but to be fair He hasn't autonomously fed the dogs either. He was talking about "oohhhh how much stuff I have to do tomorrow" last night before falling asleep, but I know for a fact that He's playing on the computer right now.
We're both slacking, not accomplishing anything, but there's still an element of Him being in charge.
Yesterday we went and met Cheshire, (well, Chesh came and met us in Hickory.) We went bowling, which I think is going to piss Major off when he finds out that we didn't invite him. It made me feel really bad. Major has been really moody lately though. It's hard to tell if he's going to be in a good mood or really really mean, and I don't like it when he's that much of an ass. He needs to find a way to be in the middle.
Major's parents are starting a 6-week food cleanse. They can only have fruit, veggies, nuts, and water. For 6 whole weeks. I'm pretty sure it's almost impossible and they'll need a lot of encouragement. I plan on helping a lot around the kitchen so that she doesn't have to be around food she can't have as much. I don't think it's fair that she should have to wash dishes that she can't even eat that kind of food. The problem is trying to help and get things done without her noticing I guess. I'd like to surprise her kinda.
I told Master I was thinking about doing it (I've been trying to get to this for 3 paragraphs, GRR) and He said I'm not allowed to make decisions like that for myself and that I'm not allowed to do it. It really confused me, because He hasn't had that strong a reaction to something I want to do in a long time. But He said later (because it stuck in my head, obviously, and I asked about it) that He might still let me do it, but I had to present it in a different way. It's not my decision, I have to ask Him if I can, and then He decides whether it's good for me or not.
Makes me wonder if I should say things like that more often so that I'm reminded of where I stand. No. I guess I won't. It reminds me of where I want to be, and I'm definitely not there yet.
I still haven't told Him that I've been breaking my blogging rule. I know He doesn't notice stuff like this, but it's really starting to hurt. I hate having to remind Him to be Master. I wish He looked forward to reading my blog, not only did it as "Masterly duties".
I don't think Major has been reading my blog for him either, though. I guess that's fine, I never really write what I mean to say on his blog anyway.
We're both slacking, not accomplishing anything, but there's still an element of Him being in charge.
Yesterday we went and met Cheshire, (well, Chesh came and met us in Hickory.) We went bowling, which I think is going to piss Major off when he finds out that we didn't invite him. It made me feel really bad. Major has been really moody lately though. It's hard to tell if he's going to be in a good mood or really really mean, and I don't like it when he's that much of an ass. He needs to find a way to be in the middle.
Major's parents are starting a 6-week food cleanse. They can only have fruit, veggies, nuts, and water. For 6 whole weeks. I'm pretty sure it's almost impossible and they'll need a lot of encouragement. I plan on helping a lot around the kitchen so that she doesn't have to be around food she can't have as much. I don't think it's fair that she should have to wash dishes that she can't even eat that kind of food. The problem is trying to help and get things done without her noticing I guess. I'd like to surprise her kinda.
I told Master I was thinking about doing it (I've been trying to get to this for 3 paragraphs, GRR) and He said I'm not allowed to make decisions like that for myself and that I'm not allowed to do it. It really confused me, because He hasn't had that strong a reaction to something I want to do in a long time. But He said later (because it stuck in my head, obviously, and I asked about it) that He might still let me do it, but I had to present it in a different way. It's not my decision, I have to ask Him if I can, and then He decides whether it's good for me or not.
Makes me wonder if I should say things like that more often so that I'm reminded of where I stand. No. I guess I won't. It reminds me of where I want to be, and I'm definitely not there yet.
I still haven't told Him that I've been breaking my blogging rule. I know He doesn't notice stuff like this, but it's really starting to hurt. I hate having to remind Him to be Master. I wish He looked forward to reading my blog, not only did it as "Masterly duties".
I don't think Major has been reading my blog for him either, though. I guess that's fine, I never really write what I mean to say on his blog anyway.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Janowrimo, Post 13 Word Count: 619
He'd been gone for days. This was the longest He'd left her alone so far. There was a business trip, and He had to go on it. They even provided a room that blocked all light so that He could sleep properly during the day. All meetings were moved to night to compensate just for Him. He was invaluable to the consultation, and they couldn't proceed without him. He was treated as a welcome guest, as a king. Of course, who wouldn't treat Him as a king? If they were disrespectful, He was within His full rights to snatch one of them as a snack if He wished. All the staff were expendable, for His pleasure. Pacing the hallways of the hotel, He realized just how much He missed her.
She knew He was coming before the front door slammed open, and she was standing before it did. The blood-lust was visible in His eyes, and she stepped back from the doors of the cage. He'd built it so that she wasn't stuck in her box the whole time. She could get some daylight this way, almost as payment for His absence, and the week-long fast. He ripped the door off the cage and dragged her out into the middle of the floor by her hair. She was so excited to see Him that she was shaking, but she was afraid at the same time, He'd never been this unpredictable before. It hurt and chunks of her hair came loose in the process, as He dragged her into the optimal feeding position. She struggled and fought Him until His fangs sank into her neck. Then the calming effect of the pain took hold, and she just lay there, occasionally moving an arm or leg involuntarily. He didn't feed neatly this time. He was shredding her skin just where He was holding her still to feed on her, and He was taking chunks out of her neck in His excitement. She could feel her own warm blood splatter on her face and neck as He enjoyed His favorite snack. He fed like He hadn't eaten the whole time He was gone. She wondered if He'd fasted too, while they were apart, but couldn't find a rational reason in her mind that He would wait to feed on her. He fed past the point where He normally stopped, and she didn't think much of it until she felt her reserve strength leaving. She started to get dizzy, and He still didn't stop feeding. He stopped just at the last second before she blacked out. He held His wrist up to her lips, and fed her. She sank her teeth in, and took as much as He would let her have. Her mind cleared instantly, but she was still a little weak. He picked her up and carried her into His bedroom. He threw her down onto her sleep-box, and looked her in the eyes. "I've missed you, pet." And then He fucked her as hard as He ever had. She could feel Him fucking her too deeply. He broke bones making sure it was the most thorough fucking she'd ever had. Despite the pain, she still couldn't help being turned on. It was such a weird but obvious show of affection and dominance. It wasn't that He broke bones that made it the most intense. He'd broken bones before. It was that He seemed determined to reach every hidden place inside her, to be close to her no matter the cost.
As they lay together in His bed, He ran a hand down her body, and just drank in the calm. Being with her made Him more content.
She knew He was coming before the front door slammed open, and she was standing before it did. The blood-lust was visible in His eyes, and she stepped back from the doors of the cage. He'd built it so that she wasn't stuck in her box the whole time. She could get some daylight this way, almost as payment for His absence, and the week-long fast. He ripped the door off the cage and dragged her out into the middle of the floor by her hair. She was so excited to see Him that she was shaking, but she was afraid at the same time, He'd never been this unpredictable before. It hurt and chunks of her hair came loose in the process, as He dragged her into the optimal feeding position. She struggled and fought Him until His fangs sank into her neck. Then the calming effect of the pain took hold, and she just lay there, occasionally moving an arm or leg involuntarily. He didn't feed neatly this time. He was shredding her skin just where He was holding her still to feed on her, and He was taking chunks out of her neck in His excitement. She could feel her own warm blood splatter on her face and neck as He enjoyed His favorite snack. He fed like He hadn't eaten the whole time He was gone. She wondered if He'd fasted too, while they were apart, but couldn't find a rational reason in her mind that He would wait to feed on her. He fed past the point where He normally stopped, and she didn't think much of it until she felt her reserve strength leaving. She started to get dizzy, and He still didn't stop feeding. He stopped just at the last second before she blacked out. He held His wrist up to her lips, and fed her. She sank her teeth in, and took as much as He would let her have. Her mind cleared instantly, but she was still a little weak. He picked her up and carried her into His bedroom. He threw her down onto her sleep-box, and looked her in the eyes. "I've missed you, pet." And then He fucked her as hard as He ever had. She could feel Him fucking her too deeply. He broke bones making sure it was the most thorough fucking she'd ever had. Despite the pain, she still couldn't help being turned on. It was such a weird but obvious show of affection and dominance. It wasn't that He broke bones that made it the most intense. He'd broken bones before. It was that He seemed determined to reach every hidden place inside her, to be close to her no matter the cost.
As they lay together in His bed, He ran a hand down her body, and just drank in the calm. Being with her made Him more content.
random bitching
I'm getting so sick and tired of eating chocolate all the damn time. But I'm craving it. How the hell does that work?
Nothing sits right with me. I feel ugly, dirty, clutzy, awkward, and stupid.
And I know I've been moody, bitchy, and downright mean.
I'm horny, I hurt, and my mind seems to want to remind me of all the times I've ever fucked up. The little things that no one else remembers or noticed, but they bring out some of the strongest curl up and cry emotions I have. I never expect it, they always just push in, and I find yelling at the mirror, mid-sentence, red with embarrassment.
Master and i are having yet another conflict, but emotions now have nothing to do with it. It will be over either tonight or tomorrow.
I wish I could just crawl in the box for a few days. I've been fighting the urge to go hide in the corner of the closet since the start of my cycle.
But I really need to just focus and get some things done.
Nothing sits right with me. I feel ugly, dirty, clutzy, awkward, and stupid.
And I know I've been moody, bitchy, and downright mean.
I'm horny, I hurt, and my mind seems to want to remind me of all the times I've ever fucked up. The little things that no one else remembers or noticed, but they bring out some of the strongest curl up and cry emotions I have. I never expect it, they always just push in, and I find yelling at the mirror, mid-sentence, red with embarrassment.
Master and i are having yet another conflict, but emotions now have nothing to do with it. It will be over either tonight or tomorrow.
I wish I could just crawl in the box for a few days. I've been fighting the urge to go hide in the corner of the closet since the start of my cycle.
But I really need to just focus and get some things done.
structure
I need intense structure. Like I need a rule for everything i fucking do.
take pain pills when you're hurting.
eat when you're hungry.
shower every day.
dont eat your gum.
you know, I know I can get away with a lot. and I do. I get away with a ton of things that ARE RULES, that I'm not supposed to get away with. I don't blog daily, but that's ok because He doesn't read it daily. I mean when's He going to notice any of this is there's no real interest in my life, goals, or progress?
Sometimes I feel like He needs a dom as much as I do. It pisses me off to see the level of not-doing-things-we've-agreed-to-do-ness that He sinks to when I don't nag (which I hate to do).
Why are we paying for Noy's WoW?
Penny = motor oil bath
Roosevelt's WoW
Halloween decorations back to cab
Dog's shots/fixed
car inspection
I guess that me presenting a token of my submission in the morning isn't going to fly anymore. He used a toy on me today and I failed miserably at the whole submission thing, and He found the rope and handed it back to me and said I lied. If I present anything to Him tomorrow I don't see why He would accept it. I can't present, and I can't not-present. Anyway, since it didn't "ground" me to help me be obedient, there's no point in doing it anyway, i guess.
and withholding sex and getting mad at me for wanting it while I'm on my period, horny, and in pain that can be fixed by having sex is really really not fair.
so tired. cant sleep.
take pain pills when you're hurting.
eat when you're hungry.
shower every day.
dont eat your gum.
you know, I know I can get away with a lot. and I do. I get away with a ton of things that ARE RULES, that I'm not supposed to get away with. I don't blog daily, but that's ok because He doesn't read it daily. I mean when's He going to notice any of this is there's no real interest in my life, goals, or progress?
Sometimes I feel like He needs a dom as much as I do. It pisses me off to see the level of not-doing-things-we've-agreed-to-do-ness that He sinks to when I don't nag (which I hate to do).
Why are we paying for Noy's WoW?
Penny = motor oil bath
Roosevelt's WoW
Halloween decorations back to cab
Dog's shots/fixed
car inspection
I guess that me presenting a token of my submission in the morning isn't going to fly anymore. He used a toy on me today and I failed miserably at the whole submission thing, and He found the rope and handed it back to me and said I lied. If I present anything to Him tomorrow I don't see why He would accept it. I can't present, and I can't not-present. Anyway, since it didn't "ground" me to help me be obedient, there's no point in doing it anyway, i guess.
and withholding sex and getting mad at me for wanting it while I'm on my period, horny, and in pain that can be fixed by having sex is really really not fair.
so tired. cant sleep.
Friday, January 27, 2012
I wonder if it would work the way I imagine it:
If I put the knife into my arm under the vein and pulled upward, would the vein push up against the inside of my skin before it gave way, like cutting a tag out of clothing? I can imagine it, every time I close my eyes.
I understand what my mom used to say now, about being too much of a coward to pull the trigger.
Self-preservation is a hard instinct to kill.
I don't want to die. Sometimes it just helps take me away from where I am to let my mind focus on something that doesn't exist in this world.
I don't need to cut, and I'm barely even upset now.
I'm sweating through all of my clothes, and I'm numb. I haven't been numb in a while.
They held me out and made me stay through it. I just wanted to leave and be done with the endless questions, prodding, leading questions to push me toward someone else's logic.
When He walked behind me I imagined Him grabbing my hair and holding a knife to my throat.
If I put the knife into my arm under the vein and pulled upward, would the vein push up against the inside of my skin before it gave way, like cutting a tag out of clothing? I can imagine it, every time I close my eyes.
I understand what my mom used to say now, about being too much of a coward to pull the trigger.
Self-preservation is a hard instinct to kill.
I don't want to die. Sometimes it just helps take me away from where I am to let my mind focus on something that doesn't exist in this world.
I don't need to cut, and I'm barely even upset now.
I'm sweating through all of my clothes, and I'm numb. I haven't been numb in a while.
They held me out and made me stay through it. I just wanted to leave and be done with the endless questions, prodding, leading questions to push me toward someone else's logic.
When He walked behind me I imagined Him grabbing my hair and holding a knife to my throat.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
please don't use this on me. I slap you with it.
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unprepared
You know how sometimes you're looking at a person's pictures, and you're not expecting it, and there's just this one picture that is so hot you have to stop yourself from insta-coming?
for me, this was it.
for me, this was it.
Janowrimo, Post 12 of 30. Word Count: 484
One of too many females. She wasn't the lowest in their grouping, but she was low enough that if she went missing, they would assume she had left to find a place in another pack, maybe even go it alone for a while. She'd definitely been pushed in that direction for a while.
If the alpha-male (and packleader) were to smell her, he would still assume control over her while she is in his territory. Not saying that she would be able to or inclined to obey while with her Master, but that the packleader would approach her and attempt dominance if she appeared. If a former packleader saw her as a slave, it could pose a large conflict. If he saw her happy, it might incite territorial rage. She may smell the packleader and attempt to escape or attempt to huddle closer to her Master if she was basically the group's punching bag as an omega wolf, and an unwanted female. She might attempt disobedience, simply because the smell of an alpha male (they mark territory in a very specific way, so she would know it was an alpha) would drive her crazy.
It's funny, I keep seeing Him having problems with training her, and then sitting on top of her sleeping box with her in it, holding a "dog training for dummies" book, taking notes while she sleeps. Or, "He hated doing it, and it was an accursed piece of property that He hated using, but it had to be done. Sighing in frustration, He gave in to the need against all of His instinct, and picked up His laptop. Opening it, He went to google.com for advice. "
I wonder if an alpha female and pack leader (not all pack leaders are male, if the alpha female is stronger or more aggressive, then she is the pack leader) becomes pregnant, does the alpha male step up temporarily as pack leader until she has given birth and raised the pups? If she has to give it up for several months to do this, is she welcomed back as pack leader afterward, or must she challenge the alpha male again to regain her status as pack leader?
real wolves only mate once a year, and the female wolf only has her breeding period once a year. As such, I wonder what the appropriate menstruation cycle would be for a werewolf? If they are constantly in wolf form, more than 90% of the time, it would slow and be more rare than a human, maybe 4 times a year. The more a werewolf (lycan) is in human form, the more often cycles occur, even as often as monthly if she is primarily human. Menstrual cycles are not affected by the full moon, but breeding cycles are. Werewolves are always ready to go, but blood, aggression (or dominance), and the moon increase the desire for sexual activity.
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If the alpha-male (and packleader) were to smell her, he would still assume control over her while she is in his territory. Not saying that she would be able to or inclined to obey while with her Master, but that the packleader would approach her and attempt dominance if she appeared. If a former packleader saw her as a slave, it could pose a large conflict. If he saw her happy, it might incite territorial rage. She may smell the packleader and attempt to escape or attempt to huddle closer to her Master if she was basically the group's punching bag as an omega wolf, and an unwanted female. She might attempt disobedience, simply because the smell of an alpha male (they mark territory in a very specific way, so she would know it was an alpha) would drive her crazy.
It's funny, I keep seeing Him having problems with training her, and then sitting on top of her sleeping box with her in it, holding a "dog training for dummies" book, taking notes while she sleeps. Or, "He hated doing it, and it was an accursed piece of property that He hated using, but it had to be done. Sighing in frustration, He gave in to the need against all of His instinct, and picked up His laptop. Opening it, He went to google.com for advice. "
I wonder if an alpha female and pack leader (not all pack leaders are male, if the alpha female is stronger or more aggressive, then she is the pack leader) becomes pregnant, does the alpha male step up temporarily as pack leader until she has given birth and raised the pups? If she has to give it up for several months to do this, is she welcomed back as pack leader afterward, or must she challenge the alpha male again to regain her status as pack leader?
real wolves only mate once a year, and the female wolf only has her breeding period once a year. As such, I wonder what the appropriate menstruation cycle would be for a werewolf? If they are constantly in wolf form, more than 90% of the time, it would slow and be more rare than a human, maybe 4 times a year. The more a werewolf (lycan) is in human form, the more often cycles occur, even as often as monthly if she is primarily human. Menstrual cycles are not affected by the full moon, but breeding cycles are. Werewolves are always ready to go, but blood, aggression (or dominance), and the moon increase the desire for sexual activity.
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Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Gin here, losing at cards ;)
Having a lot of fun, I missed them all so much, and I really don't want to leave. He's promised to call me back tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
just the thoughts running through my head
If our life is so bad that you have to go to some imaginary world to be happy and can't even stand being near me without some other stupid media for 5 minutes, maybe we should both just end it. Why not, I shouldn't have to be "out" here in the terrible world without you when you can't handle it.
Men should bathe. Men stink when they don't bathe.
I wonder if she's ever tried to kill herself. Of course, it didn't take, and by the time she came back to herself, other people were around and she couldn't try again. But I'll bet she's tried. (werewolf story) I'll bet she's in a lot of pain, too. I wonder if she was silent and drained and felt utterly useless and abandoned by the end of it, too?
They go to a place with other vampires, and he offers her up as a toy. She's His feedbag, so as long as the only fuck with her mind, He doesn't have a problem with it. Two of them hold her still and they all take turns, seeing if they can make her scream, or who can give the most messed up vision. She finds out the hard way that the things He could do to her are much worse than the things that He does to her. He wouldn't have allowed it, but she challenged Him in front of the others. She basically said that she would never listen to Him because He was too easy on her. This shows her that He is easy on her by choice, not because He can't dish out more.
I hurt. I asked for pain. This is fucking unfair.
Hope He fed the dogs.
I have to obey everything, and He says all He ever wants is to make me happy but He says NO more than He says yes.
I want duct tape, i want handcuffs, I want pain, I want to be called slut and whore and be used as a hole like it used to be, tied up tied down, left in the closet and told to stay until... I want my cramps to fucking stop, I want birth control, I want strangled, allergy meds, fuck taking pain pills, it's not going to happen I don't fucking care. I want to slam my head into this fucking headboard until i break it.
I want to feel pretty.attractive, interesting, useful. I want to be broken. for real. I want to be punished if I don't do something. (like coffee today, much?) I want Him to notice without me having to point it out and hop up and down crossing my fingers that I'll get punished for it. Hell, I want to be taught a fucking lesson without having to tell Him to stop being a fucking pussy and do something about it if He thinks I'm a brat.
I want a really good hard scene.
I want fucked. No. No, I don't want fucked. I'm not some mindless zombie that's only hungry for sex, and I don't like being treated like one.
I want to know when He leaves the room that He loves me, He's coming back, and He's leaving to go get clothespins out of the kitchen so He can finish torturing me into unconsciousness.
I must be a fucking terrible slave.
Men should bathe. Men stink when they don't bathe.
I wonder if she's ever tried to kill herself. Of course, it didn't take, and by the time she came back to herself, other people were around and she couldn't try again. But I'll bet she's tried. (werewolf story) I'll bet she's in a lot of pain, too. I wonder if she was silent and drained and felt utterly useless and abandoned by the end of it, too?
They go to a place with other vampires, and he offers her up as a toy. She's His feedbag, so as long as the only fuck with her mind, He doesn't have a problem with it. Two of them hold her still and they all take turns, seeing if they can make her scream, or who can give the most messed up vision. She finds out the hard way that the things He could do to her are much worse than the things that He does to her. He wouldn't have allowed it, but she challenged Him in front of the others. She basically said that she would never listen to Him because He was too easy on her. This shows her that He is easy on her by choice, not because He can't dish out more.
I hurt. I asked for pain. This is fucking unfair.
Hope He fed the dogs.
I have to obey everything, and He says all He ever wants is to make me happy but He says NO more than He says yes.
I want duct tape, i want handcuffs, I want pain, I want to be called slut and whore and be used as a hole like it used to be, tied up tied down, left in the closet and told to stay until... I want my cramps to fucking stop, I want birth control, I want strangled, allergy meds, fuck taking pain pills, it's not going to happen I don't fucking care. I want to slam my head into this fucking headboard until i break it.
I want to feel pretty.attractive, interesting, useful. I want to be broken. for real. I want to be punished if I don't do something. (like coffee today, much?) I want Him to notice without me having to point it out and hop up and down crossing my fingers that I'll get punished for it. Hell, I want to be taught a fucking lesson without having to tell Him to stop being a fucking pussy and do something about it if He thinks I'm a brat.
I want a really good hard scene.
I want fucked. No. No, I don't want fucked. I'm not some mindless zombie that's only hungry for sex, and I don't like being treated like one.
I want to know when He leaves the room that He loves me, He's coming back, and He's leaving to go get clothespins out of the kitchen so He can finish torturing me into unconsciousness.
I must be a fucking terrible slave.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Day 11 of 30 Word Count: 941 (with edit on 1-28-12)
I just realized that it would be cool if I could plan my story out by 31 chapters, and then focus on each section/ chapter at a time for 31 days. then I wouldn't be stuck feeling like I'm working on the beginning for too long, without moving the story along. I would know where I stand... The problem is, I actually don't know where I'm going with it. I don't know if there is some outside influence that steps in and forces them to work together, if there's some conflict in the world outside their lives that makes things change, or after He has trained her, make her realize it's not exactly what she was expecting, or something else.
Maybe He really does do other things that she's completely unaware of, because He only lets her out of the box for a few hours each day until she's trained because He does still have other things to do, and isn't just a rich snob looking for a live plaything to train as a pet.
Maybe He can control her if He wishes until she drinks from His chest, and then she is able to fight Him back (meaning it's a mental drain on both of them, and she may not lose/win every time depending on what they're fighting over and how important it is to either of them, but emotions change the capability to fight it, so if she's angry, even though she really doesn't want to do it, He is more easily able to force her mind.) UNTIL He gives a (specific, personal) order and she obeys it without being forced. Once this happens, He is again guaranteed to be able to force her to do anything He wants to. This is the 4th and final mark. They are now bound to each other. This order must be something personal, that requires that she willing give up something important to her that she would not want to share with anyone else to Him, without the expectation of getting it back.
Mark One: He bites her.
Mark Two: He allows her to feed from Him.
Mark Three: He allows her to take her fill from His chest.
Mark Four: He asks, and She willingly gives Him something personal without the expectation of getting it back or any type of payment for it.
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He punishes her for something (ugh I hate not having a good fuck up of some sort to punish for but I'm so bad at this lately) and stakes her spread eagle naked in the full moonlight. Of course, at first, the moon isn't out, so It's just cold and windy and she's freezing and hates every second and how that cold chill goes into her bones and stays there for days no matter what she does afterward. But then! the moon comes up, and her body starts trying to change, even though she is wearing her anklet, and all the cuffs holding her are silver. The silver keeps her from becoming a werewolf, but under the skin, her body is trying to melt her bone and muscle into her dog form. It's the worst pain she's felt without having something from the outside actually harm her. The beautiful moon, her only friend, has even turned against her, now. It is big and beautiful, and shines a silver reflection of the sun, the only silver that she has ever been able to take comfort in, and now it turns her own nature against her, instead of allowing her to become her natural, comfortable form like it normally does. He leaves her there the whole night to suffer for what she did. People hear her screams and know it's a slave being punished. They shut their windows, mutter that it probably serves her right, and hope that she learns her lesson she and gets what she deserves the first time so that she doesn't keep them awake all night twice.
He has her restraints staked into the ground at the crest of a hill, so that He can see her from the balcony off of His bedroom. The ground is a black-green, and her naked body shines white in the moonlight. Some of her screams sound like pained howls trying to break loose from a human. That's what they are but it is one of her more pitiful sounds. Her whole body is covered in goosebumps, and He can even make out her nipples from His high perch thanks to His *accurate eyesight, but once the moon is torturing her, He takes no pleasure from her pain. This is not a punishment that will be used lightly. It will haunt her physically and mentally for a long time. He will only use this for times when she absolutely defies Him and needs to know above all that He owns her and has every right to do what He wishes to her. When she feels she deserves better, and tries to make it so. He can't escape her screams either, and is anxious for this night to be over as much as she is.
---------------------------------
It was so cold. She shifted again, trying to move her body in a position where she could keep herself warm. The ground was wet with moisture from the air. The dew felt as if it were freezing into small droplets of ice on her back, in the cold chilled air. She hated the cold. Her body would survive easily, but she could feel the chill in her bones. Her body would ache for days now, even after she was warm again, it would still feel cold.
Maybe He really does do other things that she's completely unaware of, because He only lets her out of the box for a few hours each day until she's trained because He does still have other things to do, and isn't just a rich snob looking for a live plaything to train as a pet.
Maybe He can control her if He wishes until she drinks from His chest, and then she is able to fight Him back (meaning it's a mental drain on both of them, and she may not lose/win every time depending on what they're fighting over and how important it is to either of them, but emotions change the capability to fight it, so if she's angry, even though she really doesn't want to do it, He is more easily able to force her mind.) UNTIL He gives a (specific, personal) order and she obeys it without being forced. Once this happens, He is again guaranteed to be able to force her to do anything He wants to. This is the 4th and final mark. They are now bound to each other. This order must be something personal, that requires that she willing give up something important to her that she would not want to share with anyone else to Him, without the expectation of getting it back.
Mark One: He bites her.
Mark Two: He allows her to feed from Him.
Mark Three: He allows her to take her fill from His chest.
Mark Four: He asks, and She willingly gives Him something personal without the expectation of getting it back or any type of payment for it.
----------------------------------------------
He punishes her for something (ugh I hate not having a good fuck up of some sort to punish for but I'm so bad at this lately) and stakes her spread eagle naked in the full moonlight. Of course, at first, the moon isn't out, so It's just cold and windy and she's freezing and hates every second and how that cold chill goes into her bones and stays there for days no matter what she does afterward. But then! the moon comes up, and her body starts trying to change, even though she is wearing her anklet, and all the cuffs holding her are silver. The silver keeps her from becoming a werewolf, but under the skin, her body is trying to melt her bone and muscle into her dog form. It's the worst pain she's felt without having something from the outside actually harm her. The beautiful moon, her only friend, has even turned against her, now. It is big and beautiful, and shines a silver reflection of the sun, the only silver that she has ever been able to take comfort in, and now it turns her own nature against her, instead of allowing her to become her natural, comfortable form like it normally does. He leaves her there the whole night to suffer for what she did. People hear her screams and know it's a slave being punished. They shut their windows, mutter that it probably serves her right, and hope that she learns her lesson she and gets what she deserves the first time so that she doesn't keep them awake all night twice.
He has her restraints staked into the ground at the crest of a hill, so that He can see her from the balcony off of His bedroom. The ground is a black-green, and her naked body shines white in the moonlight. Some of her screams sound like pained howls trying to break loose from a human. That's what they are but it is one of her more pitiful sounds. Her whole body is covered in goosebumps, and He can even make out her nipples from His high perch thanks to His *accurate eyesight, but once the moon is torturing her, He takes no pleasure from her pain. This is not a punishment that will be used lightly. It will haunt her physically and mentally for a long time. He will only use this for times when she absolutely defies Him and needs to know above all that He owns her and has every right to do what He wishes to her. When she feels she deserves better, and tries to make it so. He can't escape her screams either, and is anxious for this night to be over as much as she is.
---------------------------------
It was so cold. She shifted again, trying to move her body in a position where she could keep herself warm. The ground was wet with moisture from the air. The dew felt as if it were freezing into small droplets of ice on her back, in the cold chilled air. She hated the cold. Her body would survive easily, but she could feel the chill in her bones. Her body would ache for days now, even after she was warm again, it would still feel cold.
Janowrimo, Day 10 of 30. Word Count: 440
Her schedule consists of:
Dinner for her, while He watches her eat.
A shower, for her - free will or forced, it happens. Drying off, she is occasionally bitten, because a dripping wet female is hard to resist.
A training attempt - which she promptly ignores, leading into her daily punishments for not knowing her expectations, for disobedience, for sassing, for day dreaming, etc.
His meal, feeding on her.
A werewolf absorbs the damaged portions of their body and rebuilds completely new. The damaged parts are reintegrated into the system, like food, and the energy from that is used later to rebuild somewhere else.
Dark Horses- Switchfoot. I’d love to have this song show the werewolf spirit of hope and camaraderie if it ever becomes a movie. Ugh my hopes are too high for this shit. It wouldn’t make it, it’s too pornographic and rape based.
Which race is more secretive/exclusive?
Explore pack dynamic, what wolfing feels like?
Secretive/Exclusive
Vampires are loners, they work alone by nature for fear of betrayal. Each believes the others of His kind to be untrustworthy, and for good reason. Each would betray the other for His own personal gain.
--but that’s sort of a stereotype, yes?--
Werewolves are pack animals by nature, as much as vampires are loners by nature. They generally know the core values and importance of teamwork, and are good at working together toward a common purpose.
If a vampire turns someone to be like them, they know that the person under them must obey (or is this the lore I want?) these are mere minions, not more vampires.
Classification of Vampire Bites:
Feeding: A vampire can feed and not change the target at all. This type of bite does not affect the target other than blood loss.
Channeling: Where the vampire may feed on the target but also forces the target to experience a vision and/or looks through the target’s mind and extracts information, memories or feelings.
Create Minion: The vampire feeds on the target and transforms through a secret ritual as well as the target’s permission (Who would give the vampire permission for this? Usually a love-struck human teenager), transforms the target into a mindless female vampire, who reacts only to the vampires commands.
Create Bond: While feeding, the vampire creates, in four phases, a link between Himself and the target. During this transition, the vampire and target may communicate mentally with each other, the vampire may issue commands to the target that she cannot reject, the target may gain some strength and ability from the vampire, and the vampire may experience some of the emotions of the target.
440
Dinner for her, while He watches her eat.
A shower, for her - free will or forced, it happens. Drying off, she is occasionally bitten, because a dripping wet female is hard to resist.
A training attempt - which she promptly ignores, leading into her daily punishments for not knowing her expectations, for disobedience, for sassing, for day dreaming, etc.
His meal, feeding on her.
A werewolf absorbs the damaged portions of their body and rebuilds completely new. The damaged parts are reintegrated into the system, like food, and the energy from that is used later to rebuild somewhere else.
Dark Horses- Switchfoot. I’d love to have this song show the werewolf spirit of hope and camaraderie if it ever becomes a movie. Ugh my hopes are too high for this shit. It wouldn’t make it, it’s too pornographic and rape based.
Which race is more secretive/exclusive?
Explore pack dynamic, what wolfing feels like?
Secretive/Exclusive
Vampires are loners, they work alone by nature for fear of betrayal. Each believes the others of His kind to be untrustworthy, and for good reason. Each would betray the other for His own personal gain.
--but that’s sort of a stereotype, yes?--
Werewolves are pack animals by nature, as much as vampires are loners by nature. They generally know the core values and importance of teamwork, and are good at working together toward a common purpose.
If a vampire turns someone to be like them, they know that the person under them must obey (or is this the lore I want?) these are mere minions, not more vampires.
Classification of Vampire Bites:
Feeding: A vampire can feed and not change the target at all. This type of bite does not affect the target other than blood loss.
Channeling: Where the vampire may feed on the target but also forces the target to experience a vision and/or looks through the target’s mind and extracts information, memories or feelings.
Create Minion: The vampire feeds on the target and transforms through a secret ritual as well as the target’s permission (Who would give the vampire permission for this? Usually a love-struck human teenager), transforms the target into a mindless female vampire, who reacts only to the vampires commands.
Create Bond: While feeding, the vampire creates, in four phases, a link between Himself and the target. During this transition, the vampire and target may communicate mentally with each other, the vampire may issue commands to the target that she cannot reject, the target may gain some strength and ability from the vampire, and the vampire may experience some of the emotions of the target.
440
Back to Blogging again. (1537, lol)
I haven't been blogging. On paper or online.
And I'm sorry. After last night, and our date the day before, and the way we've been working on our relationship to make sure everything stays the way it should, I really want to be pleasing to You, obedient, and thoughtful like I used to be - the little fun things that make You smile because You know I've been thinking about You all day when I do them...
Ok.
Night before last, Luke and Vicki played and had their time together. Luke got Vicki off, and she really was going crazy. She loved it, and she knew that He needed her around, too. She really wanted to leave, not because it was bad, but because the orgasm just made her want to let go, and every submissive part of me was fighting to get out. It was making my head hurt even.
So yesterday I was very clingy at the beginning of the day, and last night He took really good care of me. I needed to feel the slave part of me because I really really haven't been feeling it lately. Everything is so vanilla, and I haven't worn my collar in weeks because of Major's parents, and I've just felt really... housewife-y which is not a good feeling for me. Candy was out and wanted to be held for a while,a nd then she crawled over to the edge of the bed (eventually asking for help, because she couldn't find it) and got our collar. She put it on, and He understood what we needed before we even asked. After a few more minutes, Master called me out, (Emily) and Helped me feel useful which was what I had wanted beyond everything! He had me get on my knees facing away from Him (naked) so that He could enjoy His favorite view of me. A view of my ass, with my feet in reach, my head down, my mouth shut, and my hands playing with myself or spreading my ass cheeks apart. After, He had me cover Him up with His blanket, and asked if I was ready to feel like a slave again. I said yes, very enthusiastically, I had very much enjoyed that He was able to enjoy my body without fucking me, and I was very content and willing. He told me to lay down too, where I was supposed to. I started to lay down on my side of the bed, and He stopped me and had me lie at the foot of the bed, where He could reach me if He wanted something from me. I loved it. It wasn't comfortable, I couldn't stretch out or masturbate like I normally do to sleep, but it made me feel like His slave. He reached down and rubbed my back for a minute, as if He was petting a dog at the foot of the bed to tell them He loved them before falling asleep. I felt so loved and wanted and taken care of, and it felt so nice. I even slept with ym collar on tight, and wore it all day today until i got in the shower.
We went on a date earlier this week, too. I paid for it, (I have no money left now, but I was proud of myself then for "taking my Daddy out to eat." Susy and Emily went, too. Pizza place. Our waitress was terribad but she was nice, so He told the manager that she was awesome. - The date was when we decided to work on our protocols again--
I made a flogger on Saturday. I made it out of denim. We bought a huge piece of leather and I want to make a flogger, but I want to make sure i know what I'm doing before I do it to leather. So I made a black demin flogger. Master really liked it, and I love the way it feels, but Major just kind of held it, said "huh." and handed it back. Every time Master pointed out something nice about it, Major basically said he can do it better or has done/tried it before. He didn't say it was nice or anything and ... I know I'm not supposed to be trying to impress him, but I wanted him to think it was good or well-done or something, because he's the one who does it and knows what he's doing. Master might really like it, but He's my Daddy so He has to think everything I make is special and all that stupid shit... And Daddy might not notice some of the things that Major would notice.
So this morning I woke up at 11:30 and then tried to fall back asleep. After Master had fallen asleep, I had stretched out, with my feet up and under my pillow. I'd hoped He wouldn't notice, and when I woke up I pulled my feet back down toward me. He rolled over and made some noise but didn't say anything. Then I blinked, and it was 15 minutes until noon! I'm now required to present a toy before noon as a token of my submission, or else He gets to pick what toy and use it on me!!! I woke up and hurried over to the toy bag, butt naked and everything. Of course when I turned around He was awake and staring at my ass, but smiling because He knew I was picking out a toy. I had thought He'd woken up, saw what time it was, and had tried to pretend to sleep so that I would stay in bed and He would get to punish me. (I would have done it.)
I presented a flogger and a scarf. Since today is Sunday, Major's parents weren't home. He tied my hands (It was so amazing and made a brain-splosion when he untied it in a crazy awesome way) together and held them up over my head and beside His leg, and used the flogger on my tits, pussy, and stomach. He played with my tits, too. I felt so amazing from the moment He tied my hands. Then He took the flogger and put the handle in me. It was big and my body can take it but didn't want to. He stretched me open to take it, and then fucked me with it, not too rough, but it hurt enough to get me really horny. My favorite part was when He pulled the big part of the toy out, and then just as my cunt let go of it and went tight He would push it back in and stretch me open again, pushing the toy far enough that the first few inches of my cunt tightened around the handle right before He started pulling the toy out again. I loved it so much and it really frustrated me that after maybe just a minute it started to hurt, but He moved on to other things before I lost all pleasure from it.
I cleaned the toy, and then put both toys He used on me away. He left the room and told me to find Him a condom before He got back. I found one, hoping He was going to fuck me, but I thought that somehow He was going to use it some other way and I wouldn't actually get fucked. He took the condom and had me fix the bed. He fucked me! He told me it wasn't for me, it was just for Him, and I love that. Then we fucked for a really long time. I did everything I could to make sure He was enjoying it, rubbed Him, kept quiet (He told me to hush some of the time so I guess that's irrelevant), tried to keep my legs up a lot. After a position switch because of too much noise, He told me He lied, that it wasn't just for Him, He was doing this for me, too. I almost/may have got off once. Then He fucked me hard, stopped, felt my cunt clenching against Him, and after a few more minutes, stopped. He pushed me toward the foot of the bed (gently), told me to get up, hurry, get dressed. I started, thinking Major's parents had gotten home and I hadn't heard, and turned to face Him. "Hurry. Get dressed." "..But Master, You didn't come did You?" "No. I'm going to masturbate, so get out, and don't come back into this room until I come out. Do you understand?" "yes Master."
Somehow, being told that He was going to Masturbate and didn't want me around was incredibly hot and satisfying and just made me melt and jump for joy and feel completely satisfied, content, and like I had done a good job. I don't think He's ever said it to me before, so it was really really sexy.
I had His coffee ready when He came out of the bedroom. I forgot to say good morning again. I think if I forget again, He's going to actually punish me. He's been very lenient so far and hasn't punished me for it once.
And I'm sorry. After last night, and our date the day before, and the way we've been working on our relationship to make sure everything stays the way it should, I really want to be pleasing to You, obedient, and thoughtful like I used to be - the little fun things that make You smile because You know I've been thinking about You all day when I do them...
Ok.
Night before last, Luke and Vicki played and had their time together. Luke got Vicki off, and she really was going crazy. She loved it, and she knew that He needed her around, too. She really wanted to leave, not because it was bad, but because the orgasm just made her want to let go, and every submissive part of me was fighting to get out. It was making my head hurt even.
So yesterday I was very clingy at the beginning of the day, and last night He took really good care of me. I needed to feel the slave part of me because I really really haven't been feeling it lately. Everything is so vanilla, and I haven't worn my collar in weeks because of Major's parents, and I've just felt really... housewife-y which is not a good feeling for me. Candy was out and wanted to be held for a while,a nd then she crawled over to the edge of the bed (eventually asking for help, because she couldn't find it) and got our collar. She put it on, and He understood what we needed before we even asked. After a few more minutes, Master called me out, (Emily) and Helped me feel useful which was what I had wanted beyond everything! He had me get on my knees facing away from Him (naked) so that He could enjoy His favorite view of me. A view of my ass, with my feet in reach, my head down, my mouth shut, and my hands playing with myself or spreading my ass cheeks apart. After, He had me cover Him up with His blanket, and asked if I was ready to feel like a slave again. I said yes, very enthusiastically, I had very much enjoyed that He was able to enjoy my body without fucking me, and I was very content and willing. He told me to lay down too, where I was supposed to. I started to lay down on my side of the bed, and He stopped me and had me lie at the foot of the bed, where He could reach me if He wanted something from me. I loved it. It wasn't comfortable, I couldn't stretch out or masturbate like I normally do to sleep, but it made me feel like His slave. He reached down and rubbed my back for a minute, as if He was petting a dog at the foot of the bed to tell them He loved them before falling asleep. I felt so loved and wanted and taken care of, and it felt so nice. I even slept with ym collar on tight, and wore it all day today until i got in the shower.
We went on a date earlier this week, too. I paid for it, (I have no money left now, but I was proud of myself then for "taking my Daddy out to eat." Susy and Emily went, too. Pizza place. Our waitress was terribad but she was nice, so He told the manager that she was awesome. - The date was when we decided to work on our protocols again--
I made a flogger on Saturday. I made it out of denim. We bought a huge piece of leather and I want to make a flogger, but I want to make sure i know what I'm doing before I do it to leather. So I made a black demin flogger. Master really liked it, and I love the way it feels, but Major just kind of held it, said "huh." and handed it back. Every time Master pointed out something nice about it, Major basically said he can do it better or has done/tried it before. He didn't say it was nice or anything and ... I know I'm not supposed to be trying to impress him, but I wanted him to think it was good or well-done or something, because he's the one who does it and knows what he's doing. Master might really like it, but He's my Daddy so He has to think everything I make is special and all that stupid shit... And Daddy might not notice some of the things that Major would notice.
So this morning I woke up at 11:30 and then tried to fall back asleep. After Master had fallen asleep, I had stretched out, with my feet up and under my pillow. I'd hoped He wouldn't notice, and when I woke up I pulled my feet back down toward me. He rolled over and made some noise but didn't say anything. Then I blinked, and it was 15 minutes until noon! I'm now required to present a toy before noon as a token of my submission, or else He gets to pick what toy and use it on me!!! I woke up and hurried over to the toy bag, butt naked and everything. Of course when I turned around He was awake and staring at my ass, but smiling because He knew I was picking out a toy. I had thought He'd woken up, saw what time it was, and had tried to pretend to sleep so that I would stay in bed and He would get to punish me. (I would have done it.)
I presented a flogger and a scarf. Since today is Sunday, Major's parents weren't home. He tied my hands (It was so amazing and made a brain-splosion when he untied it in a crazy awesome way) together and held them up over my head and beside His leg, and used the flogger on my tits, pussy, and stomach. He played with my tits, too. I felt so amazing from the moment He tied my hands. Then He took the flogger and put the handle in me. It was big and my body can take it but didn't want to. He stretched me open to take it, and then fucked me with it, not too rough, but it hurt enough to get me really horny. My favorite part was when He pulled the big part of the toy out, and then just as my cunt let go of it and went tight He would push it back in and stretch me open again, pushing the toy far enough that the first few inches of my cunt tightened around the handle right before He started pulling the toy out again. I loved it so much and it really frustrated me that after maybe just a minute it started to hurt, but He moved on to other things before I lost all pleasure from it.
I cleaned the toy, and then put both toys He used on me away. He left the room and told me to find Him a condom before He got back. I found one, hoping He was going to fuck me, but I thought that somehow He was going to use it some other way and I wouldn't actually get fucked. He took the condom and had me fix the bed. He fucked me! He told me it wasn't for me, it was just for Him, and I love that. Then we fucked for a really long time. I did everything I could to make sure He was enjoying it, rubbed Him, kept quiet (He told me to hush some of the time so I guess that's irrelevant), tried to keep my legs up a lot. After a position switch because of too much noise, He told me He lied, that it wasn't just for Him, He was doing this for me, too. I almost/may have got off once. Then He fucked me hard, stopped, felt my cunt clenching against Him, and after a few more minutes, stopped. He pushed me toward the foot of the bed (gently), told me to get up, hurry, get dressed. I started, thinking Major's parents had gotten home and I hadn't heard, and turned to face Him. "Hurry. Get dressed." "..But Master, You didn't come did You?" "No. I'm going to masturbate, so get out, and don't come back into this room until I come out. Do you understand?" "yes Master."
Somehow, being told that He was going to Masturbate and didn't want me around was incredibly hot and satisfying and just made me melt and jump for joy and feel completely satisfied, content, and like I had done a good job. I don't think He's ever said it to me before, so it was really really sexy.
I had His coffee ready when He came out of the bedroom. I forgot to say good morning again. I think if I forget again, He's going to actually punish me. He's been very lenient so far and hasn't punished me for it once.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Anxiously awaiting my period
conception: Jan 16 - possibly.
Feels like everything is a dream today. And all I want is to do some laundry.
AND EAT. didn't really want cereal, but I don't like fixing food in front of other people. It makes me so nervous.
Feels like everything is a dream today. And all I want is to do some laundry.
AND EAT. didn't really want cereal, but I don't like fixing food in front of other people. It makes me so nervous.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Janowrimo word counts
Day One - 2073
Day Two - 1726 (Total: 3799)
Day Three - 413 (Total: 4212)
Day Four - 143 (Total: 4355)
Day Five - 997 (Total: 5352)
Day Six - 2391 (Total: 7743)
Day Seven - 54 (Total: 7797)
Day Eight - 208 (Total: 8005)
Day Nine -2080 (Total: 10085)
Day Ten - Goal: 1901 --440
Day Eleven -
Day Two - 1726 (Total: 3799)
Day Three - 413 (Total: 4212)
Day Four - 143 (Total: 4355)
Day Five - 997 (Total: 5352)
Day Six - 2391 (Total: 7743)
Day Seven - 54 (Total: 7797)
Day Eight - 208 (Total: 8005)
Day Nine -2080 (Total: 10085)
Day Ten - Goal: 1901 --440
Day Eleven -
I told you this would happen
I told you, and you wouldn't listen. You wouldn't fucking listen to me! You said that it would be a way for me to play something so that I wouldn't be left out when the two of you go buy games and spend weeks at a time on them. Now, you've just taken over the one game that I actually have an interest in, and made the things I use the game for part of your needs -- I'm not even playing anymore for me!! I have to keep up a steady gold supply for your characters so that you don't deplete everything I've built! It's not even fair. not nearly fair. No, it's not about the gold. It's about the fact that you resubscribed us under the pretense of doing something for me, and now I'm not even allowed to play when I want. I have to wait for you to go to work, or wake up early.
I'm supposed to get laid tonight. Hope it's fun!
Hope they have fun at the strip club.
Haven't seen Major on WoW lately. I wonder if it's because of his pc.
Writing is a pain. I'm so tired already, and Ive got so much I want to write but I'm tired and worried about word count, and all that. AND it takes me about an hour to settle down every time I get interrupted. I wish I had a ritual to get me settled so I could feel comfy writing without doing all this random stuff, first.
Hope they have fun at the strip club.
Haven't seen Major on WoW lately. I wonder if it's because of his pc.
Writing is a pain. I'm so tired already, and Ive got so much I want to write but I'm tired and worried about word count, and all that. AND it takes me about an hour to settle down every time I get interrupted. I wish I had a ritual to get me settled so I could feel comfy writing without doing all this random stuff, first.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Janowrimo: day 9 of 30 write a lot Word Count: 2082
She would be screaming and begging and pleading, and then she would calm, turn to face me, and come, with this fierce look of victory, and defiance, and pleasure on her face.
He told her not to but never actually punished her for the orgasms. He liked them, she liked them. They felt good to both of them, and they were her only real outlet, her way of "getting back at" Him. She thought He punished her for them, but He would have fucked her that hard if she didn't come, too.
The cruel game. Pitch black, and of course he can see. I have to find the end of the maze before He catches me, or else I become the prize. If I find the end of the maze, sometimes there is a "prize" for me at the end, too. A person, screaming for help or in pain is my guide through the darkness; and my prize. If there is someone in the middle of the maze, I can choose to have her replace me as the evening meal, or I can have her as my evening meal, and still become one myself.
So many times I would come around the corner just as the last screams died, only to find a fresh kill. I can't stand being second. I need that hunt. I can't run that hard just to know I've failed and will still be punished as well as deprived of my MY kill. I need this. I will beat Him, I will win, and I will eat my feast, no matter what the consequences.
The door opened, and I raced out into the blackness. I put my nose to the ground for a moment to find where in the maze I was, and headed for the center.
The last time I was in the maze, I took my time and learned as much of it as I could in the dark. The maze doesn't change, but my location of release does. There are over twenty release points in the outside edge alone. Closer to the middle, but you have to work your way all the way back to the outside before getting to the center point, there are at least fifteen release points. This prize was screaming something dreadful, He must have frightened her severely already. That was perfect for my intentions. I learned as much of the maze as I could, allowing my time to run out as He raced to the center, or more appropriately, walked at His leisure to the center, as He had the damn thing memorized, since He built it. I marked as much of the way to the center as I could without suspicion, using very subtle sweat and nervous scents, and occasionally brushed up against an important corner, one hand on the wall at all times. The screaming was still going strong, He hadn't reached her yet. There would be a huge shift in tone when that one saw Him, or else was bitten by Him without seeing Him. I had the outside memorized, and moved forward to the inner portion. That's when she saw Him. He hadn't started feeding yet, there was no pain, only fear in her voice. I kept learning, and didn't rush yet.
When He bit her, I began moving toward the middle with higher speed, knowing my fight would be better on even ground, when I knew where I was, and with a small light to help me defend myself. I knew I wouldn't win against Him, but when my prey is taken, there is a huge part of me that just goes insane, and I need the fight. I need to challenge the established order, especially with the smell of blood and no opportunity to get anything from it. I reached the center, with the light and the fresh victim and her broken neck, just as He was finishing. I ran forward, and got in a good hit before He vanished upward out of my view. I let loose completely and relied solely on my instincts, blunted as they are in my human form. He missed! Maybe I can do this after all- And of course, stopping to have human feelings and thoughts and concerns gave me away again. I crouched and readied myself.
He beat my ass.
After I was thoroughly spent of all my anger and animal frustration, He did what He always does. He fucked me. He says it's "to assert dominance" over a lesser creature/opponent. I call it rubbing it in, and being a sore loser. A very sore loser. It feels like the bruises from being fucked on concrete never fade. Knowing that the next time I would have a severe advantage as opposed to the last time I was in here. Just thinking of that made me come more than normal. He'll never control that. He keeps trying, but it's a part of me. It's something that no matter how far He gets into my head, I'll still control. Sometimes, you want something so badly that it transcends the human and animal part of you, and you just know you're in control through your whole being. Every time He told me to stop it, I came on Him. and more. He hurt me tonight. More than normal. I really spent myself fighting this time. Normally I hold back a small part of me, but I knew that this would be different from now on, and I wanted to see how well I'd do. He upped His game with mine. I did much better than I've ever done before now, but He made sure I paid dearly for every hit I got in. Where were we? Oh, that's right, the sex. It was absolutely juicy, but I was so spent that I didn't give myself the leeway I normally do for healing during sex. By the end of it, I was begging Him to bite me to make the pain stop. The normal, small bits of healing that typically happen between thrusts, didn't. My body doesn't heal minor injuries when it's expecting a larger one that it might need energy to heal later. I passed a limit that I normally don't. He dropped me and walked away, making me think He wasn't going to feed. He left the room one door, came in another unseen and then fed on me by surprise.
The gasp, the fear, and then the escape from pain after the one brief sharp bite. He eats neatly. A lot of vampires are sloppy, but He tries not to make a huge mess. I'm glad. The bite marks are starting to scar, (vampire teeth do that, even to werewolves, but it takes several times in one place before it takes, and the bites heal more slowly, like a piercing on a human rather than a normal wound for us) and I only have two of them, which isn't my doing, but it's an accomplishment I'm proud of nonetheless. I'll be able to walk around, and people won't mess with me. No one fucks with someone who's been bitten. You can't tell without some other sign whether they're a vampire themselves or some sort of property.
There is another sign to indicate slavery, and it is only normally done permanently for humans, for obvious reasons, I suppose. The first time a human is taken into slavery for life, they have a middle finger cut off. This means that they are going to be a slave for the rest of their life, whether to that Master or not. DNA from that finger is taken and put on file so that it can be matched to. If that slave ever runs away, kills his current "life" Master, and is caught, then at the time of his repurchase and slavery to someone else, another finger on the same hand is cut off. The fingers are the middle finger and the finger between the middle finger and the pinky of the left hand, for humans. If this slave tries again to escape, is caught, and the owner doesn't want them or is deceased, the slave becomes property of the government, to be used however they see fit. Sometimes that means experiments, sometimes it means they get to do paperwork. It's typically weapons testing, though. This is a decently large deterrent since no one would want to have the newest most painful bullet tested in their leg or head.
With werewolves, it is a much different story. Since the fingers grow back, and we look human when we want to, it's fairly impossible to keep us fingerless, as well as impractical. The only time a werewolf is removed of the use of his or her fingers (on the right hand this time, to separate us from humans as full disclosure is a slave thing or whatever) is when going out in public. In this case, a metal (silver of course) plate is put into the gap between the fingers, to cover the wound, so that the fingers wont grow back until it is removed. Of course it heals in a temporary fashion, the skin grows up over it, or else blood would be squirting and oozing everywhere. The plate attaches to a silver bracelet, effectively making a slave bracelet in a way. Except the bracelet is more like a single handcuff.
All of this is preferential of course, meaning a Master only does this if He desires to. It is simply the "by the book" way of doing things if one wishes to recognize the Master/slave dynamic in public, and have the law recognize His rights in public as well. Rights like punishing, fucking, or even killing a slave in a public place for any reason or whim. Of course, killing requires an announcement so that small children and others who are easily offended may leave before it happens, and all messes must be cleaned up and of course it's not allowed in areas where food is being prepared or served, but for what it is, (murder) the government is pretty lenient about it as long as you have the proper paperwork.
We're supposed to be going somewhere tomorrow. Hope it's not somewhere boring. Knowing Him, it's probably somewhere painful.
He had a pair of heels made for me that feel as if I'm walking on my animal hind legs. It is comfortable, and makes me more secure in myself when I'm naked, even though I'm shaved and unreasonably exposed. It's so much easier to walk in them, and they're quiet as well. I've never seen or heard of shoes like this before. I don't know how or why He did it, if there is some ulterior motive, but I absolutely adore them.
After writing, she writes something on a page, folds it many many times, and puts it into the teddy bear that was in her sleep-box. If He is to take the teddy bear and take the note out, all He will find will be a paper that says, "If you're reading this, know that I can smell you." If the note disappears, she will notice and know where it has gone, but if He puts it back, she will smell His scent and know that her hiding place is unsafe.
No, it's not like that at all. It's not a calculated success vs failure rate. It's a preference.
To feel powerful, in one way or another is inevitable, so whichever way or bonus you prefer is what you live by. You can accomplish a task using either manipulation or feelings, charisma, if you say, or brute force, people running every which way in feel, the screams, the whole show. Either way, it gets the job done. One way is cleaner, makes less enemies, and gives one a sense of mental dominance. The other can be a lot of fun, but reeks of old horror movie tacky style, and the incapability to plan ahead enough to get someone else to do it. But of course I'm biased. Even those who fear Me, like you for example, hold a small admiration. I don't lose my temper, I'm cold, calculating, decide things based on my own internal knowledge, not because I'm pushed into a decision, but at the same time, I can appear warm, friendly, and positive.
Life can get boring without emotions, without humor, without a challenge.
He told her not to but never actually punished her for the orgasms. He liked them, she liked them. They felt good to both of them, and they were her only real outlet, her way of "getting back at" Him. She thought He punished her for them, but He would have fucked her that hard if she didn't come, too.
The cruel game. Pitch black, and of course he can see. I have to find the end of the maze before He catches me, or else I become the prize. If I find the end of the maze, sometimes there is a "prize" for me at the end, too. A person, screaming for help or in pain is my guide through the darkness; and my prize. If there is someone in the middle of the maze, I can choose to have her replace me as the evening meal, or I can have her as my evening meal, and still become one myself.
So many times I would come around the corner just as the last screams died, only to find a fresh kill. I can't stand being second. I need that hunt. I can't run that hard just to know I've failed and will still be punished as well as deprived of my MY kill. I need this. I will beat Him, I will win, and I will eat my feast, no matter what the consequences.
The door opened, and I raced out into the blackness. I put my nose to the ground for a moment to find where in the maze I was, and headed for the center.
The last time I was in the maze, I took my time and learned as much of it as I could in the dark. The maze doesn't change, but my location of release does. There are over twenty release points in the outside edge alone. Closer to the middle, but you have to work your way all the way back to the outside before getting to the center point, there are at least fifteen release points. This prize was screaming something dreadful, He must have frightened her severely already. That was perfect for my intentions. I learned as much of the maze as I could, allowing my time to run out as He raced to the center, or more appropriately, walked at His leisure to the center, as He had the damn thing memorized, since He built it. I marked as much of the way to the center as I could without suspicion, using very subtle sweat and nervous scents, and occasionally brushed up against an important corner, one hand on the wall at all times. The screaming was still going strong, He hadn't reached her yet. There would be a huge shift in tone when that one saw Him, or else was bitten by Him without seeing Him. I had the outside memorized, and moved forward to the inner portion. That's when she saw Him. He hadn't started feeding yet, there was no pain, only fear in her voice. I kept learning, and didn't rush yet.
When He bit her, I began moving toward the middle with higher speed, knowing my fight would be better on even ground, when I knew where I was, and with a small light to help me defend myself. I knew I wouldn't win against Him, but when my prey is taken, there is a huge part of me that just goes insane, and I need the fight. I need to challenge the established order, especially with the smell of blood and no opportunity to get anything from it. I reached the center, with the light and the fresh victim and her broken neck, just as He was finishing. I ran forward, and got in a good hit before He vanished upward out of my view. I let loose completely and relied solely on my instincts, blunted as they are in my human form. He missed! Maybe I can do this after all- And of course, stopping to have human feelings and thoughts and concerns gave me away again. I crouched and readied myself.
He beat my ass.
After I was thoroughly spent of all my anger and animal frustration, He did what He always does. He fucked me. He says it's "to assert dominance" over a lesser creature/opponent. I call it rubbing it in, and being a sore loser. A very sore loser. It feels like the bruises from being fucked on concrete never fade. Knowing that the next time I would have a severe advantage as opposed to the last time I was in here. Just thinking of that made me come more than normal. He'll never control that. He keeps trying, but it's a part of me. It's something that no matter how far He gets into my head, I'll still control. Sometimes, you want something so badly that it transcends the human and animal part of you, and you just know you're in control through your whole being. Every time He told me to stop it, I came on Him. and more. He hurt me tonight. More than normal. I really spent myself fighting this time. Normally I hold back a small part of me, but I knew that this would be different from now on, and I wanted to see how well I'd do. He upped His game with mine. I did much better than I've ever done before now, but He made sure I paid dearly for every hit I got in. Where were we? Oh, that's right, the sex. It was absolutely juicy, but I was so spent that I didn't give myself the leeway I normally do for healing during sex. By the end of it, I was begging Him to bite me to make the pain stop. The normal, small bits of healing that typically happen between thrusts, didn't. My body doesn't heal minor injuries when it's expecting a larger one that it might need energy to heal later. I passed a limit that I normally don't. He dropped me and walked away, making me think He wasn't going to feed. He left the room one door, came in another unseen and then fed on me by surprise.
The gasp, the fear, and then the escape from pain after the one brief sharp bite. He eats neatly. A lot of vampires are sloppy, but He tries not to make a huge mess. I'm glad. The bite marks are starting to scar, (vampire teeth do that, even to werewolves, but it takes several times in one place before it takes, and the bites heal more slowly, like a piercing on a human rather than a normal wound for us) and I only have two of them, which isn't my doing, but it's an accomplishment I'm proud of nonetheless. I'll be able to walk around, and people won't mess with me. No one fucks with someone who's been bitten. You can't tell without some other sign whether they're a vampire themselves or some sort of property.
There is another sign to indicate slavery, and it is only normally done permanently for humans, for obvious reasons, I suppose. The first time a human is taken into slavery for life, they have a middle finger cut off. This means that they are going to be a slave for the rest of their life, whether to that Master or not. DNA from that finger is taken and put on file so that it can be matched to. If that slave ever runs away, kills his current "life" Master, and is caught, then at the time of his repurchase and slavery to someone else, another finger on the same hand is cut off. The fingers are the middle finger and the finger between the middle finger and the pinky of the left hand, for humans. If this slave tries again to escape, is caught, and the owner doesn't want them or is deceased, the slave becomes property of the government, to be used however they see fit. Sometimes that means experiments, sometimes it means they get to do paperwork. It's typically weapons testing, though. This is a decently large deterrent since no one would want to have the newest most painful bullet tested in their leg or head.
With werewolves, it is a much different story. Since the fingers grow back, and we look human when we want to, it's fairly impossible to keep us fingerless, as well as impractical. The only time a werewolf is removed of the use of his or her fingers (on the right hand this time, to separate us from humans as full disclosure is a slave thing or whatever) is when going out in public. In this case, a metal (silver of course) plate is put into the gap between the fingers, to cover the wound, so that the fingers wont grow back until it is removed. Of course it heals in a temporary fashion, the skin grows up over it, or else blood would be squirting and oozing everywhere. The plate attaches to a silver bracelet, effectively making a slave bracelet in a way. Except the bracelet is more like a single handcuff.
All of this is preferential of course, meaning a Master only does this if He desires to. It is simply the "by the book" way of doing things if one wishes to recognize the Master/slave dynamic in public, and have the law recognize His rights in public as well. Rights like punishing, fucking, or even killing a slave in a public place for any reason or whim. Of course, killing requires an announcement so that small children and others who are easily offended may leave before it happens, and all messes must be cleaned up and of course it's not allowed in areas where food is being prepared or served, but for what it is, (murder) the government is pretty lenient about it as long as you have the proper paperwork.
We're supposed to be going somewhere tomorrow. Hope it's not somewhere boring. Knowing Him, it's probably somewhere painful.
He had a pair of heels made for me that feel as if I'm walking on my animal hind legs. It is comfortable, and makes me more secure in myself when I'm naked, even though I'm shaved and unreasonably exposed. It's so much easier to walk in them, and they're quiet as well. I've never seen or heard of shoes like this before. I don't know how or why He did it, if there is some ulterior motive, but I absolutely adore them.
After writing, she writes something on a page, folds it many many times, and puts it into the teddy bear that was in her sleep-box. If He is to take the teddy bear and take the note out, all He will find will be a paper that says, "If you're reading this, know that I can smell you." If the note disappears, she will notice and know where it has gone, but if He puts it back, she will smell His scent and know that her hiding place is unsafe.
No, it's not like that at all. It's not a calculated success vs failure rate. It's a preference.
To feel powerful, in one way or another is inevitable, so whichever way or bonus you prefer is what you live by. You can accomplish a task using either manipulation or feelings, charisma, if you say, or brute force, people running every which way in feel, the screams, the whole show. Either way, it gets the job done. One way is cleaner, makes less enemies, and gives one a sense of mental dominance. The other can be a lot of fun, but reeks of old horror movie tacky style, and the incapability to plan ahead enough to get someone else to do it. But of course I'm biased. Even those who fear Me, like you for example, hold a small admiration. I don't lose my temper, I'm cold, calculating, decide things based on my own internal knowledge, not because I'm pushed into a decision, but at the same time, I can appear warm, friendly, and positive.
Life can get boring without emotions, without humor, without a challenge.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Janowrimo, Day 8 of 30. Word Count: 208
Emotions are the social lubricant of business. Not all of us use them, but it's important to make a human think you care about his primal comforts and traditions while you rob him blind.
blah.
I don't see what you don't understand. It's very simple, really. When a human is uncomfortable, they avoid whatever is making them uneasy. If I don't mirror simple emotions such as sympathy, guilt, regret, embarrassment over something, they feel... well, vulnerable. It signals in a very visible way that they are weak. They don't understand it completely, but it's their subconscious telling them that I am the predator and they are the prey, even if they're my clients. Even if they stand to make a substantial gain, they will tend to avoid contact. It's a very simple business concept. Losing clients is very bad. So I feign these simple emotions, talk about a pet that is dear to me and bore them with tales of how it likes chasing a fake mouse I bought it with catnip or some such nonsense, or buy an ugly tie, and express regret at my purchase for my moment of weakness, my monetary binge. No, emotions are not necessary for interactions with humans, but they are profitable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiNmS-ix43M
Werewolves on Wikipedia - source
blah.
I don't see what you don't understand. It's very simple, really. When a human is uncomfortable, they avoid whatever is making them uneasy. If I don't mirror simple emotions such as sympathy, guilt, regret, embarrassment over something, they feel... well, vulnerable. It signals in a very visible way that they are weak. They don't understand it completely, but it's their subconscious telling them that I am the predator and they are the prey, even if they're my clients. Even if they stand to make a substantial gain, they will tend to avoid contact. It's a very simple business concept. Losing clients is very bad. So I feign these simple emotions, talk about a pet that is dear to me and bore them with tales of how it likes chasing a fake mouse I bought it with catnip or some such nonsense, or buy an ugly tie, and express regret at my purchase for my moment of weakness, my monetary binge. No, emotions are not necessary for interactions with humans, but they are profitable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiNmS-ix43M
Werewolves on Wikipedia - source
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Movies we want to see
The woman in black - Harry pottter
London Boulevarde - the vampire from fright night + keira knightly
The Rum Diary - Johnny Depp
Drive - crazy stupid love - photo-shopped guy
London Boulevarde - the vampire from fright night + keira knightly
The Rum Diary - Johnny Depp
Drive - crazy stupid love - photo-shopped guy
Janowrimo, Day 7 of 30. Word Count: 54
"Don't Come."
"I'll come if I fucking want to."
"You'll regret it, little girl."
"No, I never regret orgasms."
She still tried to shift when it hurt her. It was like holding on to two people at once, both squirming in agony. He grinned. This night was going to fly by... For Him.
"I'll come if I fucking want to."
"You'll regret it, little girl."
"No, I never regret orgasms."
She still tried to shift when it hurt her. It was like holding on to two people at once, both squirming in agony. He grinned. This night was going to fly by... For Him.
at the table
Candy spilled food at the table last night. It shook her up really badly, she kept expecting to be hit, yelled at, and thrown to the floor even though she cleaned it up as quickly as she could.
I guess she's not completely rehabbed or whatever.
Probably the "finish everything on your plate and if you spill any it was a trick to get out of eating it" training kicking back in.
I don't think she's spilled food enough to get used to not getting in trouble for it.
She knew she'd be ok, but it made her very nervous, scared, and uneasy.
I guess she's not completely rehabbed or whatever.
Probably the "finish everything on your plate and if you spill any it was a trick to get out of eating it" training kicking back in.
I don't think she's spilled food enough to get used to not getting in trouble for it.
She knew she'd be ok, but it made her very nervous, scared, and uneasy.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Janowrimo, Day 6 of 30. Word Count Goal: 4550 (Current: 2211)
I don't know how to.. Hell, what am I saying? He's probably just going to take this notebook away from me and read all my thoughts anyway, so why even bother trying to think things through? For me, that's why. I need to decide how I feel and what I am going to do about it. I need to get my head out of this fog that I've been in, and decide what I'm going to do about all this that's happened to me. So maybe I should list out the positives and negatives and try and logically decide how much I hate or don't hate this asshole.
The sex was mindblowing, up until the silver.
The silver. The asshole is forcing me to be human but treating me like a dog. At least give me the modesty or privilege of being a dog if you're going to treat me like one.
The food is delicious. Not that I was starving before or anything, but I haven't had so much meat in forever, and damn can he cook.
The coffin. I hate sleeping in something, being trapped. I can't go to the bathroom if I need to, and I hate being in human to sleep.
The pain. I hate living in so much pain all the time.
The unpredictability. I never know whether I'm going to step on a crack and get punished for it. I mean, I guess I'll learn from it eventually, but right now everything is a fuck-up on my part. Everything I do get's me in trouble, even when I'm not going out of my way to spit in his face.
He understands what blood does to me. The hunger, the aggression, the lust that it pours in my mind. He uses it to my pleasure and He doesn't think I'm a freak because I want to fuck when I smell blood.
I can't stand that He keeps calling me "Bitch" and "Puppy". It makes me want to rip out His throat every time, and He always uses it when I'm helpless.
I miss the sunlight, the outside, I want to go shopping again.
I feel like I belong here. There's something about this place that feels like home, and I think I would feel lost if I were to leave.
I'm nothing to Him. I want to be important, I want to be more than a booty call, hell, more than a dinner bell to Him. --Why do I want to matter to Him? I hate Him, I hate being trapped here, I hate being used as a fleshlight, I hate being tortured every day to follow some invisible rules that I don't even know.---
My wants and needs and opinions mean nothing to Him. He would never ask me what I want, or how I want something done.
There are so many things here that I would love to do if I was allowed to. I would love to have a flashlight and a book while I wait for my body to heal during the day. It would be amazing to watch a movie, even if I have to sit on the floor on a glorified dog bed to do it.
I miss my vibrator.
That's a pretty decent list I guess, but it doesn't help me decide anything. It just shows me how torn I am. Pros and Cons to Obedience, and then Pros and Cons to Disobedience:
Pro: If I follow His rules, I will be in less pain.
Con: If I follow His rules, I will be a lifeless spineless fucking wimp slave.
Pro: If I follow His rules, I might live longer? Ugh let's stick to definites here, girl. If I follow His rules, He'll let me bathe myself.
Con: If I follow His rules, I've taken the easy road, and not tried my other options. (What other options?) I'll lose all self-respect
Pro: I don't know if I can keep up this pace for much longer, and If I follow His rules, I will get a rest.
Con: None of these are definites. If I start obeying, He may push me even harder to obey even more rules, and keep hurting me, which is being pushed even farther than I want to go anyway.
Pros and Cons to Disobedience
Pro: It's so much fun to piss Him off when He wants me to listen.
Con: It hurts when He punishes me for not listening.
Pro: I heal and won't have a problem as long as I keep getting 12 hours a night and food.
Con: He may give up and kill me.
Pro: I respect myself for standing up to Him.
Con: What's the point in self respect if I'm dead?
Note to Self: I'm kind of attracted to Him. (Crossed through and erased.)
Seriously Girl. You have 3 hot meals a day, you have a bed (-type thing), you live in a huge mansion that has at least 16 bathrooms just on the first floor, and the sex is the best you've ever had. Sure, He beats you every night, but you're built for that! All you have to do is play His little game, be a pretty little puppy, and suffer through it, enjoying the good parts where you can. If you worm your way into His heart, you'll be set for life.
Ugh. Who am I kidding? I'm not that girl, I can't fake being a good little bitch if I don't feel it. It would last about a day, and then... I'd be in the box again without breakfast. Fuck! What do I do?
------------------------------------------------------
He fed on her, using His fangs for the first time. He let her disconnect from reality, and then He dove in, too. He stopped drinking her and opened the door to her mind, but this time pushed deeper than He'd ever pushing into someone's mind before. This was for the long run, and He wanted to find out more about this one. He wanted to really get into her head and meet her needs, especially if she would become His long-term slave.He went through so many layers of things that he could see just by looking at her, and finally, finally, He made it to the level of things that she didn't know about herself.
slave wants to be used, not just useful or helpful like many. she aches to be used like one would use a toaster, or a toy, or any inanimate object.
slave needs pain to cope with her fears.
slave needs a strong hand and swift correction.
slave needs physical touch to heal on schedule.
Her mind was a maze on the inside. Everything was a puzzle, and there were pieces that contradicted themselves. There were girls inside her mind who knelt to serve Him, and there were huge animals that tried to devour Him, and there was a huge knight in silver armor on a black horse that came charging down the path of the maze and tried to strike Him down with her sword. The knight was left-handed. The littlest girl offered Him an animal dripping blood, for Him to eat. It turned into each animal that He had thought it might be as He thought of the kinds of meat He used to like. As He bit into it, it turned into a human heart, and was still beating. There was a teenager sitting in a garden bench in the maze. She was crying constantly and never stopped, but she was obviously happy.
The secrets of this girl were together and separate. They made no sense without the larger pieces and pictures. She was secretive and open.
She desperately clutched her independence but she needed structure and direction. She was living in a den with others, but had no real authority, or place in their pack. She felt alone in the midst of them. She was just one of too many females, and didn't bring in enough food to earn the good fucking she deserved from the few males in the group.
She wanted the expensive sexy clothes of the models on television.
She preferred wolf form unless she was alone, and the sun was shining. Then she would run to a meadow and lay naked like a mermaid on the rocks, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the feeling of freedom and the sounds of the world. She would pretend that there was no technology, no cars or planes or phones, and she would listen to the animals and sleep there.
She needs an anchor and a steady guiding hand, but she can't admit that she likes it just yet.
She always wanted to know her limits. She used to burn her hand at night when no one was around. She would hold her hand into the flame from the small candle she had until she couldn't handle the pain anymore, and then she would watch it heal. He could tell from her memory that her hand could easily have taken a lot more damage, and that she was curious how much farther she could go, but that she couldn't do it by herself. She needed a friend or playmate to push her to go farther. She needed a friend who would dare her to keep going even after it started to hurt.
Anyone that gets between this girl and their food might end up with a bite out of them, because food and anything in between can be mistaken for food. It was almost like watching a shark's eyes roll back into it's head when it eats. Add into that a mix of possessive "that's mine" spirit, and desperation to eat in case the next meal doesn't happen, and you have a perfect explanation of why not to mess with her while she's eating.
He took in as much as He could, calculated the effort He would have to put into training her, thought about the pain and the struggles and the suffering, and the amount of fight she would retaliate with... and smiled. He wanted this one. It would be a challenge beyond any He had accepted before, and He definitely liked the fight in her. If she ever respected Him (He was willing to accept that she might not) it would be hard-earned, and respect that meant something to Him. Yes, He would own this creature. He would crush this creature down into nothing, break her spirit, utterly destroy her body (His mind briefly went to all the different ways He could destroy her body with His dick), and then train her, and bring her back up, teach her to care for and respect herself, Him, and the things He allowed her to have. He loved that she hated pain but needed it. He would enjoy fulfilling her needs, no matter how much she despised Him for it at the start.
He stepped back from her mind and into the present again. She was writhing under Him in the throes of sexual urges, and some of the blood from her neck had spilled from her neck down past her collarbone and in between her breasts, halfway to her stomach. He took one last sip, and brought her back from her orgasmic paradise with a hand pinching each of her nipples tightly, and twisting. She moaned, and then realized where she was and who was doing it to her, and tried to struggle out of it, reaching her right hand up to push his hands off of her, and in doing so got her own blood all over her hand and smeared it around on her chest before realizing that the wetness was her own. She looked down at her hand, saw the blood and almost came right on the spot. He quickly moved on top of her and, after shoving through her fresh cherry, ("Didn't I already do this?" He thought. "Oh yeah, it grows back. That's kind of fun.") gave her pussy something to clench down on. She took her time, licked the blood from her hand, and then began trying to get away from Him. She wanted to be the aggressive one, and He was going to stomp that urge into the ground once and for all, until she pushed herself up so that she was looking Him in the eyes, both her hands pulling His hair, and her legs were wrapped around His torso, and she growled, and then yelled at Him, "Fuck me hard you son of a bitch! If you're going to torture me, rape me, and violate every single damn right I have, then You'd better make sure I'm at least sexually satisfied, and not pussy-foot around having sex with me. You know I can take it, so fuck me, damn it!"
It was the right thing to do. He granted her request.
He could see the animal part of her straining against the silver every time He thrust deeply or caused her pain. She was so used to putting the pain off onto the animal part that her body was trying to do it automatically, even though she knew she couldn't shift. It was beautiful to see her fresh, young body take so much pain. She screamed and growled and whimpered, and she was aggressive but not by any means the dominant one in this coupling. When He started ripping her apart from the inside out, her face started to get an alarmed look on it, and He wondered that she didn't expect Him to start hurting her sooner. It was an expression that He soon found Himself addicted to, and it inspired Him to cause all sorts of new kinds of pain just to keep seeing the surprise and pain and shock that He would do **that** to her.
----
He doesn't bind them together until He breaks her. He won't give her any advantages or rewards for fighting Him 100%. He's going to have her connect to Him before He gives her the first mark (of four, the final one connecting them for life). The four marks are like the four stages of relationships, really.
dating, courting, engagement, marriage. hmm. Maybe it's casual sex, dating, engagement, lifelong partnership
Eventually, she will feel like this. Sweet Surrender, by sarah mclachlan
The sex was mindblowing, up until the silver.
The silver. The asshole is forcing me to be human but treating me like a dog. At least give me the modesty or privilege of being a dog if you're going to treat me like one.
The food is delicious. Not that I was starving before or anything, but I haven't had so much meat in forever, and damn can he cook.
The coffin. I hate sleeping in something, being trapped. I can't go to the bathroom if I need to, and I hate being in human to sleep.
The pain. I hate living in so much pain all the time.
The unpredictability. I never know whether I'm going to step on a crack and get punished for it. I mean, I guess I'll learn from it eventually, but right now everything is a fuck-up on my part. Everything I do get's me in trouble, even when I'm not going out of my way to spit in his face.
He understands what blood does to me. The hunger, the aggression, the lust that it pours in my mind. He uses it to my pleasure and He doesn't think I'm a freak because I want to fuck when I smell blood.
I can't stand that He keeps calling me "Bitch" and "Puppy". It makes me want to rip out His throat every time, and He always uses it when I'm helpless.
I miss the sunlight, the outside, I want to go shopping again.
I feel like I belong here. There's something about this place that feels like home, and I think I would feel lost if I were to leave.
I'm nothing to Him. I want to be important, I want to be more than a booty call, hell, more than a dinner bell to Him. --Why do I want to matter to Him? I hate Him, I hate being trapped here, I hate being used as a fleshlight, I hate being tortured every day to follow some invisible rules that I don't even know.---
My wants and needs and opinions mean nothing to Him. He would never ask me what I want, or how I want something done.
There are so many things here that I would love to do if I was allowed to. I would love to have a flashlight and a book while I wait for my body to heal during the day. It would be amazing to watch a movie, even if I have to sit on the floor on a glorified dog bed to do it.
I miss my vibrator.
That's a pretty decent list I guess, but it doesn't help me decide anything. It just shows me how torn I am. Pros and Cons to Obedience, and then Pros and Cons to Disobedience:
Pro: If I follow His rules, I will be in less pain.
Con: If I follow His rules, I will be a lifeless spineless fucking wimp slave.
Pro: If I follow His rules, I might live longer? Ugh let's stick to definites here, girl. If I follow His rules, He'll let me bathe myself.
Con: If I follow His rules, I've taken the easy road, and not tried my other options. (What other options?) I'll lose all self-respect
Pro: I don't know if I can keep up this pace for much longer, and If I follow His rules, I will get a rest.
Con: None of these are definites. If I start obeying, He may push me even harder to obey even more rules, and keep hurting me, which is being pushed even farther than I want to go anyway.
Pros and Cons to Disobedience
Pro: It's so much fun to piss Him off when He wants me to listen.
Con: It hurts when He punishes me for not listening.
Pro: I heal and won't have a problem as long as I keep getting 12 hours a night and food.
Con: He may give up and kill me.
Pro: I respect myself for standing up to Him.
Con: What's the point in self respect if I'm dead?
Note to Self: I'm kind of attracted to Him. (Crossed through and erased.)
Seriously Girl. You have 3 hot meals a day, you have a bed (-type thing), you live in a huge mansion that has at least 16 bathrooms just on the first floor, and the sex is the best you've ever had. Sure, He beats you every night, but you're built for that! All you have to do is play His little game, be a pretty little puppy, and suffer through it, enjoying the good parts where you can. If you worm your way into His heart, you'll be set for life.
Ugh. Who am I kidding? I'm not that girl, I can't fake being a good little bitch if I don't feel it. It would last about a day, and then... I'd be in the box again without breakfast. Fuck! What do I do?
------------------------------------------------------
He fed on her, using His fangs for the first time. He let her disconnect from reality, and then He dove in, too. He stopped drinking her and opened the door to her mind, but this time pushed deeper than He'd ever pushing into someone's mind before. This was for the long run, and He wanted to find out more about this one. He wanted to really get into her head and meet her needs, especially if she would become His long-term slave.He went through so many layers of things that he could see just by looking at her, and finally, finally, He made it to the level of things that she didn't know about herself.
slave wants to be used, not just useful or helpful like many. she aches to be used like one would use a toaster, or a toy, or any inanimate object.
slave needs pain to cope with her fears.
slave needs a strong hand and swift correction.
slave needs physical touch to heal on schedule.
Her mind was a maze on the inside. Everything was a puzzle, and there were pieces that contradicted themselves. There were girls inside her mind who knelt to serve Him, and there were huge animals that tried to devour Him, and there was a huge knight in silver armor on a black horse that came charging down the path of the maze and tried to strike Him down with her sword. The knight was left-handed. The littlest girl offered Him an animal dripping blood, for Him to eat. It turned into each animal that He had thought it might be as He thought of the kinds of meat He used to like. As He bit into it, it turned into a human heart, and was still beating. There was a teenager sitting in a garden bench in the maze. She was crying constantly and never stopped, but she was obviously happy.
The secrets of this girl were together and separate. They made no sense without the larger pieces and pictures. She was secretive and open.
She desperately clutched her independence but she needed structure and direction. She was living in a den with others, but had no real authority, or place in their pack. She felt alone in the midst of them. She was just one of too many females, and didn't bring in enough food to earn the good fucking she deserved from the few males in the group.
She wanted the expensive sexy clothes of the models on television.
She preferred wolf form unless she was alone, and the sun was shining. Then she would run to a meadow and lay naked like a mermaid on the rocks, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the feeling of freedom and the sounds of the world. She would pretend that there was no technology, no cars or planes or phones, and she would listen to the animals and sleep there.
She needs an anchor and a steady guiding hand, but she can't admit that she likes it just yet.
She always wanted to know her limits. She used to burn her hand at night when no one was around. She would hold her hand into the flame from the small candle she had until she couldn't handle the pain anymore, and then she would watch it heal. He could tell from her memory that her hand could easily have taken a lot more damage, and that she was curious how much farther she could go, but that she couldn't do it by herself. She needed a friend or playmate to push her to go farther. She needed a friend who would dare her to keep going even after it started to hurt.
Anyone that gets between this girl and their food might end up with a bite out of them, because food and anything in between can be mistaken for food. It was almost like watching a shark's eyes roll back into it's head when it eats. Add into that a mix of possessive "that's mine" spirit, and desperation to eat in case the next meal doesn't happen, and you have a perfect explanation of why not to mess with her while she's eating.
He took in as much as He could, calculated the effort He would have to put into training her, thought about the pain and the struggles and the suffering, and the amount of fight she would retaliate with... and smiled. He wanted this one. It would be a challenge beyond any He had accepted before, and He definitely liked the fight in her. If she ever respected Him (He was willing to accept that she might not) it would be hard-earned, and respect that meant something to Him. Yes, He would own this creature. He would crush this creature down into nothing, break her spirit, utterly destroy her body (His mind briefly went to all the different ways He could destroy her body with His dick), and then train her, and bring her back up, teach her to care for and respect herself, Him, and the things He allowed her to have. He loved that she hated pain but needed it. He would enjoy fulfilling her needs, no matter how much she despised Him for it at the start.
He stepped back from her mind and into the present again. She was writhing under Him in the throes of sexual urges, and some of the blood from her neck had spilled from her neck down past her collarbone and in between her breasts, halfway to her stomach. He took one last sip, and brought her back from her orgasmic paradise with a hand pinching each of her nipples tightly, and twisting. She moaned, and then realized where she was and who was doing it to her, and tried to struggle out of it, reaching her right hand up to push his hands off of her, and in doing so got her own blood all over her hand and smeared it around on her chest before realizing that the wetness was her own. She looked down at her hand, saw the blood and almost came right on the spot. He quickly moved on top of her and, after shoving through her fresh cherry, ("Didn't I already do this?" He thought. "Oh yeah, it grows back. That's kind of fun.") gave her pussy something to clench down on. She took her time, licked the blood from her hand, and then began trying to get away from Him. She wanted to be the aggressive one, and He was going to stomp that urge into the ground once and for all, until she pushed herself up so that she was looking Him in the eyes, both her hands pulling His hair, and her legs were wrapped around His torso, and she growled, and then yelled at Him, "Fuck me hard you son of a bitch! If you're going to torture me, rape me, and violate every single damn right I have, then You'd better make sure I'm at least sexually satisfied, and not pussy-foot around having sex with me. You know I can take it, so fuck me, damn it!"
It was the right thing to do. He granted her request.
He could see the animal part of her straining against the silver every time He thrust deeply or caused her pain. She was so used to putting the pain off onto the animal part that her body was trying to do it automatically, even though she knew she couldn't shift. It was beautiful to see her fresh, young body take so much pain. She screamed and growled and whimpered, and she was aggressive but not by any means the dominant one in this coupling. When He started ripping her apart from the inside out, her face started to get an alarmed look on it, and He wondered that she didn't expect Him to start hurting her sooner. It was an expression that He soon found Himself addicted to, and it inspired Him to cause all sorts of new kinds of pain just to keep seeing the surprise and pain and shock that He would do **that** to her.
----
He doesn't bind them together until He breaks her. He won't give her any advantages or rewards for fighting Him 100%. He's going to have her connect to Him before He gives her the first mark (of four, the final one connecting them for life). The four marks are like the four stages of relationships, really.
dating, courting, engagement, marriage. hmm. Maybe it's casual sex, dating, engagement, lifelong partnership
Eventually, she will feel like this. Sweet Surrender, by sarah mclachlan
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Janowrimo, Day 5 of 30. Word Count Goal: 1756 Current: 997
He threw her (quite literally, another thing she wasn't happy about) into the box just because she sat down at the table before He did. She had no warning, no way to know that it was going to happen. One second she was sitting down, and not especially violent to Him more than usual, looking forward to the food and the next moment she was being carried backward by her neck, her hands cuffed behind her back. Of course she was immeasurably angry. She always had to heal overnight, she always had to smell food for hours before she was released, and she was always ravenous from both before she even saw the food. He had let her bring a bite to her lips but not taste it before dragging her back out of the room and stuffing her back into the damn jumbo-sized coffin with nothing to eat. He told her through the lid what she had "done wrong." "It's not fair, I didn't know there were any fucking rules about eating!" "If you had known, would you have waited for Me to sit down, slave?" "Hell no, I would have done it sooner. I don't have to do a damn thing You say." "Exactly. There was no point in telling you My rules if you would have rebelled against them anyway. I was protecting you from the consequences of disobedience. However, if you want to eat, you will obey this rule. I cook your food, and I deserve respect at least for feeding you. Waiting for Me to sit isn't hard to do, and shouldn't damage your stubborn pride too much." "So... can I eat?" "Of course. Tomorrow."
Breakfast wasn't the first meal of the day. Since He let her out after sunset, the first meal was Dinner, then Midnight Lunch, and then, finally, Breakfast a few hours before sunrise.
She sat for hours with her knees up to her chest, and after some maneuvering, got the cuffs in front of her. She was small and used to being cuffed, so she was out of them well before the next sunset. They were tight, and cut into her wrists and hands on the way off, but she was out of the draining things, at least. He'd been waiting on her to get out of them. Almost as soon as she had them off, He opened the lid and took them away from her. He must have smelled the blood and gotten hungry, because He dragged her out of the box by her hair and went straight for her wrists. She screamed and begged and pleaded, but He kept feeding despite everything she said. "Just because you don't get to eat today doesn't mean I'm going on a diet." He opened the cuts farther and fed on her until she couldn't beg anymore. He made sure not to bite into her and give her that escape that she wanted. If He'd used His fangs, she would have been enjoying it too much to feel the pain until it was starting to threaten her. She would have been able to disconnect from the pain and just enjoy the almost-orgasmic sensation His fangs left in her mind. Finally, He stood, wiped His mouth and walked out of the room. She tried to get up, but just rolling over was enough to make her head swim and her stomach turn. She just lay there, waiting for her body to pick up the slack and get her back in working order. He came back in, and taped her wrists closed, and wiped the blood off of her body. She forced herself to open her eyes and look at Him. "You don't want your bed to smell like blood, do you? Then you'd never get any sleep, you'd be too busy masturbating all the time, and we definitely don't want that. I need you to sleep and heal for Me so I can use you like this as much as I want." She glared at Him, and hoarsely said, "Fuck You" with as much venom as she could manage. "Oh, you want Me to fuck you? I didn't know you were so considerate, there's nothing like a good fuck after a nice long feeding." She was horrified, and tried to find some way to protest, but He wouldn't be denied after He'd made up His mind. He fucked her for hours, and she couldn't even lift her arms to push Him off of her. When He was done with her cunt, He just flipped her and shoved it into her ass. By the time He finally finished, she was bloody again. He dragged her by her arms to the dungeon, chained her up, and followed her daily shower routine. When He unchained her arms, she collapsed into a pile on the floor, and He picked her up and carried her back to the bedroom. He put her back into the box, locked it, and left her there until the next night when it was time for dinner again. It took the full 24 hours for the cuts in her wrists, and the other damage He'd done to her body to heal back to normal. The next time He let her out, she waited for Him to sit, but it may been because she was walking slowly to the food, not because she was actually waiting. It was impossible to tell.
Lack of food prolongs healing over an extended time period. If kept from eating, becomes irritable, weak, and healing slows moderately if wounds are severe. Minor injuries heal at a regular rate throughout the first week of food deprivation. With no injuries or shifts, the slave could survive on no food for an estimated two weeks with minor adverse reactions, the primary one being irritability, before symptoms worsened.
Breakfast wasn't the first meal of the day. Since He let her out after sunset, the first meal was Dinner, then Midnight Lunch, and then, finally, Breakfast a few hours before sunrise.
She sat for hours with her knees up to her chest, and after some maneuvering, got the cuffs in front of her. She was small and used to being cuffed, so she was out of them well before the next sunset. They were tight, and cut into her wrists and hands on the way off, but she was out of the draining things, at least. He'd been waiting on her to get out of them. Almost as soon as she had them off, He opened the lid and took them away from her. He must have smelled the blood and gotten hungry, because He dragged her out of the box by her hair and went straight for her wrists. She screamed and begged and pleaded, but He kept feeding despite everything she said. "Just because you don't get to eat today doesn't mean I'm going on a diet." He opened the cuts farther and fed on her until she couldn't beg anymore. He made sure not to bite into her and give her that escape that she wanted. If He'd used His fangs, she would have been enjoying it too much to feel the pain until it was starting to threaten her. She would have been able to disconnect from the pain and just enjoy the almost-orgasmic sensation His fangs left in her mind. Finally, He stood, wiped His mouth and walked out of the room. She tried to get up, but just rolling over was enough to make her head swim and her stomach turn. She just lay there, waiting for her body to pick up the slack and get her back in working order. He came back in, and taped her wrists closed, and wiped the blood off of her body. She forced herself to open her eyes and look at Him. "You don't want your bed to smell like blood, do you? Then you'd never get any sleep, you'd be too busy masturbating all the time, and we definitely don't want that. I need you to sleep and heal for Me so I can use you like this as much as I want." She glared at Him, and hoarsely said, "Fuck You" with as much venom as she could manage. "Oh, you want Me to fuck you? I didn't know you were so considerate, there's nothing like a good fuck after a nice long feeding." She was horrified, and tried to find some way to protest, but He wouldn't be denied after He'd made up His mind. He fucked her for hours, and she couldn't even lift her arms to push Him off of her. When He was done with her cunt, He just flipped her and shoved it into her ass. By the time He finally finished, she was bloody again. He dragged her by her arms to the dungeon, chained her up, and followed her daily shower routine. When He unchained her arms, she collapsed into a pile on the floor, and He picked her up and carried her back to the bedroom. He put her back into the box, locked it, and left her there until the next night when it was time for dinner again. It took the full 24 hours for the cuts in her wrists, and the other damage He'd done to her body to heal back to normal. The next time He let her out, she waited for Him to sit, but it may been because she was walking slowly to the food, not because she was actually waiting. It was impossible to tell.
Lack of food prolongs healing over an extended time period. If kept from eating, becomes irritable, weak, and healing slows moderately if wounds are severe. Minor injuries heal at a regular rate throughout the first week of food deprivation. With no injuries or shifts, the slave could survive on no food for an estimated two weeks with minor adverse reactions, the primary one being irritability, before symptoms worsened.
Janowrimo, Day 4 of 30. Word Count Goal: 1695 Current: 143
She loved the feeling of being cared for when He took a sponge and gently washed her entire body. This happened after the rough thorough scrubbing of her entire body, which was completely humiliating. He sprayed the water directly into her face and other sensitive areas, going so far as to spread her butt cheeks apart to make sure her asshole was clean. That was the worst part. The best part was always when He washed her hair. His fingers digging into her scalp and scratching her head, lathering the shampoo and massaging her at the same time. His scent - yes she could tell Him in the dark just by her nose evn though it was a faint scent, always overwhelmed her at this point, and His lips were always so close to her throat. The mix of fear and desire was intoxicating.
fixed-it
I'm glad everything worked out. I really missed the structure, and I was hurting both of us by being stubborn. If He hadn't fixed it, I don't know how long we would have held out. The stress was really getting to Him, and I wasn't going to eat until something changed. (I wanted to cut, but settled for not eating, instead. It's easier to fix later, and still gives me the pain I need.)
I thought he would be more strict about rules once we were back into it, but I think He's forgotten a lot of the things I'm supposed to be doing other than this writing thing. It's gotten a lot of emphasis lately, so that's cool. I haven't made my goal yet since day 2 and today is day 5.... So I need to really start pushing myself again to make sure that I make this happen. No one else can do it for me, and it's really important. He promised that if I get Him a novel, He will do everything in His power to see that it gets the attention it deserves. That means a lot to me. I was calling it a book until a few days ago and then He said "novel" and it made me almost want to cry, I was so excited. I hadn't thought of it in that way - Novel is such a bigger task than just "book".
Yeah, both of us figured Major was going to end up playing a part in this argument. Not because it was about or involved him, but because he's still in a protector role, and since I was out of my Master's direct influence/control temporarily, Major would be the next step down, the person I had to listen to. That means that it would be his job to make sure I still listen to the rules that had already been put into place by my Master. Master's idea was to have Major tell me to stay still while He put my anklet on me. (Which is kinda cheating, but I would have respected it if I was given an order to submit to Him).
I thought he would be more strict about rules once we were back into it, but I think He's forgotten a lot of the things I'm supposed to be doing other than this writing thing. It's gotten a lot of emphasis lately, so that's cool. I haven't made my goal yet since day 2 and today is day 5.... So I need to really start pushing myself again to make sure that I make this happen. No one else can do it for me, and it's really important. He promised that if I get Him a novel, He will do everything in His power to see that it gets the attention it deserves. That means a lot to me. I was calling it a book until a few days ago and then He said "novel" and it made me almost want to cry, I was so excited. I hadn't thought of it in that way - Novel is such a bigger task than just "book".
Yeah, both of us figured Major was going to end up playing a part in this argument. Not because it was about or involved him, but because he's still in a protector role, and since I was out of my Master's direct influence/control temporarily, Major would be the next step down, the person I had to listen to. That means that it would be his job to make sure I still listen to the rules that had already been put into place by my Master. Master's idea was to have Major tell me to stay still while He put my anklet on me. (Which is kinda cheating, but I would have respected it if I was given an order to submit to Him).
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Janowrimo, Day 3 of 30. Word Count Goal: 1,650 Current: 413
She can't even run away properly. Everything she "owns" is His or was given to her by Him. She's still even sore from Him. Everywhere she goes, everything she sees are His protocols, rules, and directions.
She slammed her fists into the inside lid of the box. She knows there's no point trying to get out, but she's just so angry.
The pain was unbearable. He had decided to push her limits and see how far He could push her so that He knew what would be appropriate punishment later. He could trust easily that this pain wouldn't break her, He might even be able to kill her before she would submit in fashion to Him. So He tortured her, broke her bones, bruised her body, and had an overall good time see how far she be pushed and still heal over night.
Note to Self: Silver doesn't slow regular healing process.
It made her ravenous. The days after He tortured her, she was always hungry. He would call it punishment or correction, but since she didn't willingly belong to Him anyway, it was all the same to her.
She would smell the food hours before He let her out of the box, and it was absolute torture to sit through the scent of meat, fresh meat! being cooked. Of course she would only eat fresh meat when she was on wolf form, but it made her ache to change to it. She could tell how each piece was being cooked, what was being used to season it, and what cut of meat it was, much less what animal was being cooked.
It took more than a few days to get used to Him watching her shovel down food, not knowing if He was going to let her eat, make her stop eating halfway through or what. But He would just sit and watch her eat, studying her.
He noticed her hunger was proportioned to how much He'd put her through the day before, and she was never sleepy.
He wouldn't let her wash herself. He chained her to a wall in the dungeon and hosed her down - with warm water, soaped her up, and cleaned her to His specifications. He shaved her, too. It was humiliating, but it was nice, as well.
This is how He broke her into some service. If she did it to His specifications, she could do it herself. If not, He would - and it would embarrass her.
She slammed her fists into the inside lid of the box. She knows there's no point trying to get out, but she's just so angry.
The pain was unbearable. He had decided to push her limits and see how far He could push her so that He knew what would be appropriate punishment later. He could trust easily that this pain wouldn't break her, He might even be able to kill her before she would submit in fashion to Him. So He tortured her, broke her bones, bruised her body, and had an overall good time see how far she be pushed and still heal over night.
Note to Self: Silver doesn't slow regular healing process.
It made her ravenous. The days after He tortured her, she was always hungry. He would call it punishment or correction, but since she didn't willingly belong to Him anyway, it was all the same to her.
She would smell the food hours before He let her out of the box, and it was absolute torture to sit through the scent of meat, fresh meat! being cooked. Of course she would only eat fresh meat when she was on wolf form, but it made her ache to change to it. She could tell how each piece was being cooked, what was being used to season it, and what cut of meat it was, much less what animal was being cooked.
It took more than a few days to get used to Him watching her shovel down food, not knowing if He was going to let her eat, make her stop eating halfway through or what. But He would just sit and watch her eat, studying her.
He noticed her hunger was proportioned to how much He'd put her through the day before, and she was never sleepy.
He wouldn't let her wash herself. He chained her to a wall in the dungeon and hosed her down - with warm water, soaped her up, and cleaned her to His specifications. He shaved her, too. It was humiliating, but it was nice, as well.
This is how He broke her into some service. If she did it to His specifications, she could do it herself. If not, He would - and it would embarrass her.
I cannot submit with these emotions. I would simply take it off again at the very first command that I didn't like.
Why can't He understand that?
I am so pissed, I understand that He regrets it, but I can't have something that important taken away from me and then just give Him my submission back. I deserve much more respect than that, and if the only reason He has for wanting my collar back on me is that He misses His slave... He can get over it. If the only thing He misses about my submission is that I have to do the unpleasant things for Him, I don't care.
He says that I need to have my collar back on to feel less confused. I don't. I don't need Him to tll me that I need my collar, I should be able to make that decision on my own, shouldn't I?
And if He can straight-out abandon me for hours just because He feels like it, then I can wait a while before I go back into slavery.
slavery. my life given to another person who might abuse their authority over me.
That's what I'm having problems with. We're both still very emotional about this, and putting my collar on me may make Him feel better, but I won't.
Why can't He understand that?
I am so pissed, I understand that He regrets it, but I can't have something that important taken away from me and then just give Him my submission back. I deserve much more respect than that, and if the only reason He has for wanting my collar back on me is that He misses His slave... He can get over it. If the only thing He misses about my submission is that I have to do the unpleasant things for Him, I don't care.
He says that I need to have my collar back on to feel less confused. I don't. I don't need Him to tll me that I need my collar, I should be able to make that decision on my own, shouldn't I?
And if He can straight-out abandon me for hours just because He feels like it, then I can wait a while before I go back into slavery.
slavery. my life given to another person who might abuse their authority over me.
That's what I'm having problems with. We're both still very emotional about this, and putting my collar on me may make Him feel better, but I won't.
help
Substitutes for the Cutting Sensation
You'll notice that all the tips in the lists above have nothing to do with the cutting sensation. When you have the idea to self-injure, start by trying the ideas on those lists — such as making art, walking your dog, or going for run.If they don't help, move on to the substitute behaviors shown below.
These substitute behaviors won't work for everyone. They also don't help people get in touch with why they are cutting. What they do is provide immediate relief in a way that doesn't involve cutting, and therefore holds less risk of harm.
- rub an ice cube on your skin instead of cutting it
- wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it gently against your skin
- draw on the skin with a soft-tipped red pen in the place you might usually cut
uncollared ... temporarily
We had an argument yesterday. I refused to go to position, and He removed my anklet, my permanent symbol of my submission.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Janowrimo, Day 2 of 30. Word Count Goal: 1,654 Current: 1726
Anya/Toya/Assassa
Characters need names, don't they?
Questions:
What is His end goal?
His end goal is to have her as His loyal slave, to torture her for His amusement but still be able to trust her to protect Him during the day when He sleeps.
What are His motives?
Get a slave who can take everything He does to her and still survive, even defy or fight back enough to be a challenge. And who has a sexual appetite that can keep up with His.
Where do they go in the story?
owling. or Bowling. Ownling could be fun, lol.
Where can they go at night?
Anywhere they could go during the day. Vampires are in charge, so humans will just have to work nights, too. In fact, with vampires in charge of the business segment of the world, the economy is great, fantastic, even and everyone has a job and is fed and has enough money to go buy what they want. Except Africa. It's still a fucking bloodbath to go there.
What is her end goal?
She knows she cannot run away. He has bitten her, and has control over her willpower to an extent, so He can bring her back if He so desires. She is faced with the choice of Kill Him to escape/choose to submit.
Unless- Does He bite her immediately in a way that He can control her, or does He break her to ensure that she is what He desires before binding her to Him.
What are the Pros and Cons for Him/her being bound mentally other than her unwilling obedience?
To what extent can He control her?
How does His bite bind her? -It can't be everyone He bites, or there would be a mass-takeover planned by vampires to bite all possible people. And then... Holocaust.
Why does He keep being brutal and then gentle, nice, kind to her? Hell, why did He really let her into His bed in the first place?
I'm tired. Good night.
tonight, Masturbation.
tomorrow, research... and maybe a stoya video or two.
-----------------------------------
"Bedtime!" He said it in a sing-song fake-happy voice that just killed all of her hope.
He locked her in the box every morning before sunrise. It was like a coffin, only bigger, and with better ventilation. There was no padded lining, like in a coffin, either. It was solid wood, with silver seals and locks, too.
The first time He locked her in (after He had locked that horrible silver anklet onto her right leg) there had been a few newspapers laid in the corner for her, and nothing else. He must have thought it was so funny to treat her like a dog, but keep her in her puny, useless, human form without even the strength of the wolf she normally kept with it. She had tried to fight, but after a full night of struggling and fighting back, she already knew she wouldn't win. She locked her arms around Him as tightly as she could and didn't let go. Both of her shoulders were disconnected before He managed to pry her loose, stuff her into the box, and close the lid. "I'll be back at sunset, it's not like I'm burying you or anything." He'd said as He locked it.
She'd laid awake the whole day, feeling her body heal back, the familiar itching slowly creeping in to tell her she was almost back to normal, and her arms pulling back into their sockets. When she was finally healed, she tested the box for weakness, to see if there were any places she could push open and escape from. There weren't. She fell back down with a sigh and curled up to sleep for a few hours before sunset. When He let her out of it, she found that He had moved the box to the foot of His bed ("Apparently You don't sleep in a coffin during the day," she'd said angrily. He just laughed and told her that in a few hundred years she might not either), and that was where it stayed from that night on.
Now there a few pillows and blankets in the box, and she was getting used to sleeping in human form again. She still fought tooth and nail (No claws like she would prefer using on Him) to stay out. She loved the night but missed seeing the sunrise in the mornings. He used His mind to force her to come to Him this morning. She didn't know why, it wasn't dangerously close to sunrise like it normally was when He used His will to keep her fom fighting. She found herself walking through the bedroom with the box, past it, and down a hallway into a part of the castle He didn't use often. She went into a room she'd never been in before, and there was another box, sitting in front of a pair of glass double-doors that led out onto a large balcony. the shades on the doors were drawn open. Other than the box, the room was completely empty, with a black marble floor. As she walked around in front of the box to get into it (She was partially obeying without being forced out of sheer curiosity), she noticed that the front of the box was glass, and there was a small curtain that could be drawn shut from the inside.
"This is the only window in My castle that faces the sun when it rises."
She didn't fight His mind as much this time, and went wordlessly into the box. Inside the box, she found 2 blankets, 2 pillows, a bottle of water, and a teddy bear. The "floor" was also cushioned. He still locked her in with silver seals. She was amazed, confused, and st the same time delighted. The sunrise was very beautiful, and something she had missed very much over the months she'd been sleeping at the foot of His bed. She cried, and almost felt comfortable sleeping in her skin instead of her fur.
The next morning, her box also was lined with a cushion to sleep on.
He approached her at the meat market. A werewolf is always aroused by the sight, scent or taste of blood, so He simply took advantage of the area. He also poured some fresh human blood onto a rag He kept with Him, just to ensure His success. It didn't hurt that He could manipulate her feelings of lust since He wasn't bound to her, yet. He walked up and bumped into her, pretending not to notice that she was there. She would be aggressive, hungry, and horny, so He would have to appeal to all of her senses. He grabbed her groceries and disappeared into the bushes. She would be confident and follow, ready to assert her dominance over the mere human. She gave chase. She came through the bushes and at the first tree, He raised her lust as much as He could, and held His blood-soaked rag over her face before she could shift. "Here's your food, I just wanted your full attention. I know you're as ready as I am.... Care for a quick shag?" She was instantly intoxicated, both by the emotions and the smell of blood. She stopped dead in her tracks, breathed in deeply, let out a small moan, and opened her eyes again. The cloth was gone before her eyes were open. When she opened her eyes, they were dark with need. In front of her was an average-sized, decently attractive male who wasn't trying to dominate her . The aggression was not the need that was winning. Language took a minute, and she was ripping into His clothing before she found and growled the word: "Yes."
She was on her back and naked seconds after she made sure that her clothing was removed without damage. She pulled Him down on top of her so He only had time to take in a few brief details of her body. She was unshaved, had some delicious looking nipples, and... Her tongue was already in His mouth. As soon as He pushed through her cherry, she got off. She whimpered, growled, and when her eyes weren't rolled back into her head, they were animal. He gave her 30 minutes, and then told her, "My turn." He picked her legs up to put them over His shoulders, and when He did, He clicked the silver anklet closed around her right ankle. His other hand was holding the cloth over her mouth, to keep her both intoxicated and quiet. Her eyes went back human instantly, and she felt the strength leave her. "I hope you enjoyed that, it was the last time you'll come without My permission." She came on Him right then, and He could see the defiance in her eyes.
Perfect.
He gagged her with the blood-soaked cloth, with the wet part in her mouth. It served two purposes: It kept her quiet, and wet. He tucked her under one arm and the groceries under the other. She was ready for a fight, but even then she didn't expect Him to be a vampire. She would have still been able to fight Him off if He hadn't been. He was significantly stronger than her even without the silver. That didn't stop her from trying. He had to stop and catch her again several times before He got back to His mansion.
She was stripped of her clothing from the moment He took her (quite literally, not in the charitable way most people mean when they say it) into His home. He said that if they ever went out, He would let her wear some type of clothing. She still hadn't left His mansion, so she had been forcibly nude for months now.
When He got her back into the house, He dropped her onto the floor in the main hall. She backed away from Him and tried to shift. It didn't work. She tried again. "Stay away from me, I know what You are."
"You won't be able to change with that anklet on. You're only hurting yourself. If anyone is going to hurt you, it's going to be Me."
He moved forward, more quickly than she could, and lifted her easily off the ground.
"Let's have a look at you, shall we?"
She punched Him in the face. It hurt her hand. He laughed, and carried her down a hallway, down two flights of stairs, down another hallway, and into a room with a dirt floor. It was a dungeon. In one look, she knew she was screwed. He took her to a metal (It turned out to be silver-plated of course, the asshole) table and strapped her struggling body face-down to it with thick leather straps attached to each corner. Her arms and legs were tightly held spread. There was a leather covered piece in the middle that jutted up, pushing her hips into the air, exposing her pussy and ass. It was freezing cold. She noticed that there was a drain in the table, and instantly imagined having her throat slit and her body drained just so some vampire could have dinner.
"Please... I have a baby."
He shoved two fingers from each hand into her cunt and started spreading her wide open. He reached bone, and she screamed as her bones barely held together.
"No you don't. You've never given birth. Anything else you want to lie to me about?" She shook her head.
"No? Good."
"I'm going to enjoy shaving you. You need a good bath and shampoo, as well. But that can wait, I have bigger things in store for you right now."
"What bigger-?" She stopped talking when she felt His face beside hers.
"My dick in your ass."
That night, He shaved her with a silver-bladed razor, everywhere she grew hair except for her eyebrows and her head. He also bathed her, and fed on her for the very first time. From the moment He fed on her, she was bound to Him, and if He willed her to obey, she had no choice. The first time He forced her to obey Him with His mind, she told Him "This means nothing." and He knew she was right. But He was willing to earn it, and He would.
Characters need names, don't they?
Questions:
What is His end goal?
His end goal is to have her as His loyal slave, to torture her for His amusement but still be able to trust her to protect Him during the day when He sleeps.
What are His motives?
Get a slave who can take everything He does to her and still survive, even defy or fight back enough to be a challenge. And who has a sexual appetite that can keep up with His.
Where do they go in the story?
owling. or Bowling. Ownling could be fun, lol.
Where can they go at night?
Anywhere they could go during the day. Vampires are in charge, so humans will just have to work nights, too. In fact, with vampires in charge of the business segment of the world, the economy is great, fantastic, even and everyone has a job and is fed and has enough money to go buy what they want. Except Africa. It's still a fucking bloodbath to go there.
What is her end goal?
She knows she cannot run away. He has bitten her, and has control over her willpower to an extent, so He can bring her back if He so desires. She is faced with the choice of Kill Him to escape/choose to submit.
Unless- Does He bite her immediately in a way that He can control her, or does He break her to ensure that she is what He desires before binding her to Him.
What are the Pros and Cons for Him/her being bound mentally other than her unwilling obedience?
To what extent can He control her?
How does His bite bind her? -It can't be everyone He bites, or there would be a mass-takeover planned by vampires to bite all possible people. And then... Holocaust.
Why does He keep being brutal and then gentle, nice, kind to her? Hell, why did He really let her into His bed in the first place?
I'm tired. Good night.
tonight, Masturbation.
tomorrow, research... and maybe a stoya video or two.
-----------------------------------
"Bedtime!" He said it in a sing-song fake-happy voice that just killed all of her hope.
He locked her in the box every morning before sunrise. It was like a coffin, only bigger, and with better ventilation. There was no padded lining, like in a coffin, either. It was solid wood, with silver seals and locks, too.
The first time He locked her in (after He had locked that horrible silver anklet onto her right leg) there had been a few newspapers laid in the corner for her, and nothing else. He must have thought it was so funny to treat her like a dog, but keep her in her puny, useless, human form without even the strength of the wolf she normally kept with it. She had tried to fight, but after a full night of struggling and fighting back, she already knew she wouldn't win. She locked her arms around Him as tightly as she could and didn't let go. Both of her shoulders were disconnected before He managed to pry her loose, stuff her into the box, and close the lid. "I'll be back at sunset, it's not like I'm burying you or anything." He'd said as He locked it.
She'd laid awake the whole day, feeling her body heal back, the familiar itching slowly creeping in to tell her she was almost back to normal, and her arms pulling back into their sockets. When she was finally healed, she tested the box for weakness, to see if there were any places she could push open and escape from. There weren't. She fell back down with a sigh and curled up to sleep for a few hours before sunset. When He let her out of it, she found that He had moved the box to the foot of His bed ("Apparently You don't sleep in a coffin during the day," she'd said angrily. He just laughed and told her that in a few hundred years she might not either), and that was where it stayed from that night on.
Now there a few pillows and blankets in the box, and she was getting used to sleeping in human form again. She still fought tooth and nail (No claws like she would prefer using on Him) to stay out. She loved the night but missed seeing the sunrise in the mornings. He used His mind to force her to come to Him this morning. She didn't know why, it wasn't dangerously close to sunrise like it normally was when He used His will to keep her fom fighting. She found herself walking through the bedroom with the box, past it, and down a hallway into a part of the castle He didn't use often. She went into a room she'd never been in before, and there was another box, sitting in front of a pair of glass double-doors that led out onto a large balcony. the shades on the doors were drawn open. Other than the box, the room was completely empty, with a black marble floor. As she walked around in front of the box to get into it (She was partially obeying without being forced out of sheer curiosity), she noticed that the front of the box was glass, and there was a small curtain that could be drawn shut from the inside.
"This is the only window in My castle that faces the sun when it rises."
She didn't fight His mind as much this time, and went wordlessly into the box. Inside the box, she found 2 blankets, 2 pillows, a bottle of water, and a teddy bear. The "floor" was also cushioned. He still locked her in with silver seals. She was amazed, confused, and st the same time delighted. The sunrise was very beautiful, and something she had missed very much over the months she'd been sleeping at the foot of His bed. She cried, and almost felt comfortable sleeping in her skin instead of her fur.
The next morning, her box also was lined with a cushion to sleep on.
He approached her at the meat market. A werewolf is always aroused by the sight, scent or taste of blood, so He simply took advantage of the area. He also poured some fresh human blood onto a rag He kept with Him, just to ensure His success. It didn't hurt that He could manipulate her feelings of lust since He wasn't bound to her, yet. He walked up and bumped into her, pretending not to notice that she was there. She would be aggressive, hungry, and horny, so He would have to appeal to all of her senses. He grabbed her groceries and disappeared into the bushes. She would be confident and follow, ready to assert her dominance over the mere human. She gave chase. She came through the bushes and at the first tree, He raised her lust as much as He could, and held His blood-soaked rag over her face before she could shift. "Here's your food, I just wanted your full attention. I know you're as ready as I am.... Care for a quick shag?" She was instantly intoxicated, both by the emotions and the smell of blood. She stopped dead in her tracks, breathed in deeply, let out a small moan, and opened her eyes again. The cloth was gone before her eyes were open. When she opened her eyes, they were dark with need. In front of her was an average-sized, decently attractive male who wasn't trying to dominate her . The aggression was not the need that was winning. Language took a minute, and she was ripping into His clothing before she found and growled the word: "Yes."
She was on her back and naked seconds after she made sure that her clothing was removed without damage. She pulled Him down on top of her so He only had time to take in a few brief details of her body. She was unshaved, had some delicious looking nipples, and... Her tongue was already in His mouth. As soon as He pushed through her cherry, she got off. She whimpered, growled, and when her eyes weren't rolled back into her head, they were animal. He gave her 30 minutes, and then told her, "My turn." He picked her legs up to put them over His shoulders, and when He did, He clicked the silver anklet closed around her right ankle. His other hand was holding the cloth over her mouth, to keep her both intoxicated and quiet. Her eyes went back human instantly, and she felt the strength leave her. "I hope you enjoyed that, it was the last time you'll come without My permission." She came on Him right then, and He could see the defiance in her eyes.
Perfect.
He gagged her with the blood-soaked cloth, with the wet part in her mouth. It served two purposes: It kept her quiet, and wet. He tucked her under one arm and the groceries under the other. She was ready for a fight, but even then she didn't expect Him to be a vampire. She would have still been able to fight Him off if He hadn't been. He was significantly stronger than her even without the silver. That didn't stop her from trying. He had to stop and catch her again several times before He got back to His mansion.
She was stripped of her clothing from the moment He took her (quite literally, not in the charitable way most people mean when they say it) into His home. He said that if they ever went out, He would let her wear some type of clothing. She still hadn't left His mansion, so she had been forcibly nude for months now.
When He got her back into the house, He dropped her onto the floor in the main hall. She backed away from Him and tried to shift. It didn't work. She tried again. "Stay away from me, I know what You are."
"You won't be able to change with that anklet on. You're only hurting yourself. If anyone is going to hurt you, it's going to be Me."
He moved forward, more quickly than she could, and lifted her easily off the ground.
"Let's have a look at you, shall we?"
She punched Him in the face. It hurt her hand. He laughed, and carried her down a hallway, down two flights of stairs, down another hallway, and into a room with a dirt floor. It was a dungeon. In one look, she knew she was screwed. He took her to a metal (It turned out to be silver-plated of course, the asshole) table and strapped her struggling body face-down to it with thick leather straps attached to each corner. Her arms and legs were tightly held spread. There was a leather covered piece in the middle that jutted up, pushing her hips into the air, exposing her pussy and ass. It was freezing cold. She noticed that there was a drain in the table, and instantly imagined having her throat slit and her body drained just so some vampire could have dinner.
"Please... I have a baby."
He shoved two fingers from each hand into her cunt and started spreading her wide open. He reached bone, and she screamed as her bones barely held together.
"No you don't. You've never given birth. Anything else you want to lie to me about?" She shook her head.
"No? Good."
"I'm going to enjoy shaving you. You need a good bath and shampoo, as well. But that can wait, I have bigger things in store for you right now."
"What bigger-?" She stopped talking when she felt His face beside hers.
"My dick in your ass."
That night, He shaved her with a silver-bladed razor, everywhere she grew hair except for her eyebrows and her head. He also bathed her, and fed on her for the very first time. From the moment He fed on her, she was bound to Him, and if He willed her to obey, she had no choice. The first time He forced her to obey Him with His mind, she told Him "This means nothing." and He knew she was right. But He was willing to earn it, and He would.
1-3-2012
Stayed up late last night, typing and chatting until 5AM. Slept late. He had to call in to work due to seizures. Vicki fucked Him in the ass. He felt much better after that.
Luke really missed His Mommy. She misses Him, too.
I don't want to go to Salisbury tomorrow. I always go bored.
I really want a story tonight. Writing them has made me want to play it. (Ended up having sex, role-played, don't remember much else about it)
I'm worried about us and stuff ($)
Luke really missed His Mommy. She misses Him, too.
I really want a story tonight. Writing them has made me want to play it. (Ended up having sex, role-played, don't remember much else about it)
I'm worried about us and stuff ($)
1-2-2012
GToday I didn't do much. Protocols are rapidly dropping off, and I've been unstead on my feet since last night.
My last inspecgtion was December 26th if I remember correctly, I haven't reviewed my rules or protocols, and been regularly slacking back to drinking 4 waters instead of 5 (I'm trying but having a really hard time keeping up.) for several days. I'm at 4 right now, didn't present a toy today (Major's parents are home) and have been having issues getting into my make-up in a timely manner.
My last inspecgtion was December 26th if I remember correctly, I haven't reviewed my rules or protocols, and been regularly slacking back to drinking 4 waters instead of 5 (I'm trying but having a really hard time keeping up.) for several days. I'm at 4 right now, didn't present a toy today (Major's parents are home) and have been having issues getting into my make-up in a timely manner.
Rope Demo Munch Jan 1, 2012
The munch was today. It was a lot of fun. I started cramping in the middle of it and was worried, but I took an ibuprofen and felt better soon after and then we started doing the rope. I kinda fiddled with ropes some when Major would turn his back just to play, see if he noticed changes and stuff. After the first few ties, when he started moving me physically and stopped verbally telling me what to do, I really started to go away. It relaxed me a lot, and I face away from the people and just stared at the different ropes on the table in front of me, picked some up and felt them, and was in my own little place for a little until I realized that Major was helping others with their ties, so I face people and came back again. It really put me in a calm, relaxed mood, but made it difficult for me to put up with play I don't like (electricity) later.
(Major's parents came home last night)
After the demo, it did the official collaring ceremony of Dessi - People cried. And then Cheshire came over to the house and was officially collared under protection by Relly (But I'll be doing a lot of the planning) and we wrote out a congtract (I still have to type it if Relly doesn't).
(Major's parents came home last night)
After the demo, it did the official collaring ceremony of Dessi - People cried. And then Cheshire came over to the house and was officially collared under protection by Relly (But I'll be doing a lot of the planning) and we wrote out a congtract (I still have to type it if Relly doesn't).
After Cheshire left, Major and I snuggled, and I talked about rope and asked questions.
Then Phiar came out (She's a 4-letter word now) and played a while, heard a story, dropped out (and into the story), Danny came out when we left.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Janowrimo, Day 1 of 30. Word Count Goal: 1,667 Current: 2056
His most recent acquisition had been a sniveling frightened girl. She tried, but she was terribly dull and had trouble with the most simple of requests. She was no fun to torture, if He even looked at her sideways she burst into tears and if He hurt her, she just went blank and made no noise, and went limp. She didn't even struggle. One day after a particularly difficult correction, she looked up at him with those blank eyes and said in a distant staring voice, "Kill me." Of course it was the right thing to do, and He couldn't resist.
So now he stood, watching His forest. He decided to take a trip. His area boasted no looks, no intelligence, no women who suited His unique needs. No more humans. Too quickly did they become babbling zombies, useless and boring. What He really wanted- no needed- was a challenge to work on, and that would require a creature with a much higher pain threshold. In layman's terms, He needed a werewolf. It didn't hurt that werewolves were essentially carnal beings, and had a voracious appetite for both meat and sex.
He traveled, looking for His slave. There were many being offered up for sale in the larger cities, but He wasn't interested in that "tail between the legs" already-broken-in look. He searched forests, woods, cities, slums, far and wide. He found packs that had all but given up their human side, especially in the Black Forest of Germany. In the big cities were the human side to the same coin; Gangs. There were thieves, murderers, and prostitutes, all struggling to survive.
In general, society had looked more favorably on His kind than on hers- with one exception: The entertainment industry. Werewolves could take unspeakable amounts of abuse, show it, and recover without any distinguishing marks or scars. This made acting, fights, sports, and special effects more realistic and brutal.
She was in a street market, buying fruit and looking at jewelry. Her burdens weren't overly large, but were heavy enough that most women (if alone) would be heading home instead of browsing. If they had no one to carry packages, most women would browse first, and make their purchases later.
She didn't fidget or shift her weight, He noted. No tattoos, glasses, or piercings; Another sign of what He was looking for. If it wasn't kept in constantly, or was taken out even for a few seconds to change styles, pierced ears would heal shut and have to be re-pierced every single time. To get around this, most piercings were made "permanent," which meant a full circle would be put into the earlobe, and to change earrings it would have to be ripped out. A less common and more expensive solution that they had come up with, clever bastards, was to sharpen the point on the straight ones. Then changing an earring could be done more publicly with little notice.
She avoided the silver jewelry as well. Even though the color would suit her appearance, she wore gold. He would have her wearing silver sooner that she could ever imagine. She had no visible scars, freckles, or moles. He had mistaken a young, innocent girl with her kind for a few days during His search, but this time He was certain. Instinct told Him, perhaps, but this was His slave. He could feel it very strongly, this girl would be His puppy very soon. After she moved on to another stall, He stepped up and bought her a very special gift to remember the moment He first saw her. A silver anklet.
Silver keeps a werewolf from shifting out of their human form, even in the direct rays of the full moon, and saps their animal strength. If used as a way to cause harm, silver causes wounds to heal much slower than normal, and will scar. If heated and used as a brand, the scar will last forever unless the skin is completely cut off and allowed to re-heal.
It was pitch black again. He kept her in maiden form with the anklet. This made her eyesight useless in the dark. He preferred the dark because He could see, and He loved keeping her vulnerable. It forced her to learn the castle blind so that if anyone with malevolent intentions did attempt to cause problems for them, she would be ready. Occasionally He would allow her to light candles and see for a night. Tonight was not mercy night. In fact, it turned out to be the opposite. She turned a corner and He dropped down on top of her from above. She saw His face for an instant, and instinctively dropped down to all fours to protect herself. She made it three paces before He was on her and then she was bent backward over some random piece of furniture that she didn't even recognize. He fed on her until she was weak from the blood loss, greedily taking much more than He needed. It turned out not to be an indulgence, but a calculated strategy. After the prolonged feeding, He grabbed her ankle, His hand pushing her anklet deep into her skin until the blood ran freely. He allowed her full permission to struggle as He beat her. "You won't be sitting on your right side tomorrow," He told her pulling His arm back for another broad swing. He beat her black, blue and bloody. He commanded her "Stay." and went for another tool to use on her. She hissed at Him, fighting His will mentally and failing. The worst part was being forced to stay while He took His sweet time preparing His "toys" for torture right in front of her. He willed her to stay again as He continued His work of art on her body.
He starts off with a vision of breaking her, putting her into that resisting mindset on purpose.
I would tell you to do something degrading, that I knew you would refuse to do.
Like what?
I would tell you to sweep the floor with your hands, on your hands and knees. Then, I would chain you to a wall when you refused, and I would whip your tits and chest. (He begins pinching my breasts around and on my nipples while fucking me.) Every time I hit you, I would ask you "Will you obey Me now?" You won't wear me out, I won't break first from the strain of it. All I have to do is leave you here, I'm not going to get tired of it. There's no end to the torture if you resist. You're just going to get weaker and weaker the more I put you through until you obey. Eventually, you're so weak that you aren't supporting your weight. I undo the chains, and you fall to the floor. Then I'd hand you a dustpan and tell you to get to work since you're already on the floor... where you belong.
-I growl- and resist the sex at that last sentence, but He makes that nuh uh noise and holds me in position.
Are you enjoying this? You like that, don't you, bitch? (He continues fucking me.)
I respond in a startled voice,"What? No!" but I'm gasping for breath.
(He begins to feed on me) Then why are you so wet?
Maybe it's the blood from how much you're hurting me
(He grabs my hair and jerks my head back, hard) Don't lie to me, little girl. One of the bonuses of being a vampire is that I can smell blood a mile away. If you lie to me again, I'll throw your lifeless body out with the trash, like old clothing. Do you want that? (Shakes my head roughly like a toy) Answer Me!
no...
Then tell Me the truth! Why are you so wet? Is it because you like it?
(After much hair-pulling rough fucking, and elbows pushed into the back) yes. (in a defeated voice)
Say that you like it.
I like it.
Say that you like being fucked from behind like a little bitch, puppy.
I like... (breaks off in a gasp) I can't!
I'm going to suck you dry and keep fucking you until you die, and you're STILL getting wetter. So say it. All together, in one breath.
(I growl, and take a deep breath) I like being fucked from behind like a little bitch. (Gasps, barely able to breathe much less speak with my hair pulled so tight during sex)
Again, but address me as Master at the end this time.
I like being fucked from behind like a little bitch, Master.
Put your head down, and your knees up to your chest.
(I do as I'm told)
(He covers my entire body with a blanket, even my head, and then uncovers my ass.)
Do you know why only your ass is uncovered?
(I sigh, knowing that whatever comes next is going to be an insult to me.) No, why?
Because that's the only part of you that's useful or worth a damn to Me right now.
Get on your back. (and hand Me a condom)
(Rolled over, grabbed a condom)
Do you like it?
It hurts.
Did you expect it to tickle? I know you like it, you want to howl, I can see it in your face - Don't you?
Yes
Yes what?
Yes, Master.
You're just my little puppy, aren't you?
If I'm a dog, what does that make you?
Your Master. (He yanks on my hair again as He says this, making me yelp.)
Please please, may I come?
Yes. (As soon as I release) Good girl (He comes.)
He fucked her hard. "You won't come until I'm through with you."
"But Master, please!"
"What?"
"If I don't come until You're through with me, You'll be done, and I won't get to."
"You don't think I'll take care of you? Then tell Me this, do you deserve to come?
"No, Master"
The "Master" was hurriedly added, she'd been forgetting lately and He told her that if she forgot to use His title one more time, He would be through with her. He had taken away her sight as punishment. "It's a good thing you heal fast," He had told her after He'd done it.
"Come"
She lay beside Him on His triple-kink-size bed in the Master Suite bedroom of His castle. This was her reward for being a good girl for her Master. Not only had she met His expectations of her for the day, but she had taken the physical abuse He had poured onto her body without making a sound. She had absorbed His hate, anger, and frustration without complaint until He had nothing left. For that, He was rewarding her. He gave her dreams of being a princess in His castle. Every now and then, He would lean in and just sink His teeth in long enough to get them wet, and to maintain the vision. The dream was to help her sleep through all the pain He'd just caused, because with it, He could make certain that she didn't hurt. If she were to open her eyes, she wouldn't see anything but black shadows, because He'd taken her sight again, but this time mentally. The blankets were soft and warm against her naked body. She slept well curled up in her Master's bed, in His arms.
She sleeps, and for a night she feels as if she is a princess in a castle, with a warm comfortable bed, and all the things she could ever want. Then she wakes, and again she is only a slave, given a nights rest and dreams in her Master's bed. She slips silently out of His bed, shivering as the pads of her bare feet touch the cold marble floor. Somehow she can't bring herself to feel disappointed that it wasn't real. She still feels warm, safe, and loved, and is holding on to that as much as she can, but dreading that it will return to the way it was before she went to sleep. The pain from the torture of the night before is back. It's healing, and then pain and itching will fade soon, but until then it's a constant reminder of her place:
a toy, a food source, and a guard dog, nothing more.
So now he stood, watching His forest. He decided to take a trip. His area boasted no looks, no intelligence, no women who suited His unique needs. No more humans. Too quickly did they become babbling zombies, useless and boring. What He really wanted- no needed- was a challenge to work on, and that would require a creature with a much higher pain threshold. In layman's terms, He needed a werewolf. It didn't hurt that werewolves were essentially carnal beings, and had a voracious appetite for both meat and sex.
He traveled, looking for His slave. There were many being offered up for sale in the larger cities, but He wasn't interested in that "tail between the legs" already-broken-in look. He searched forests, woods, cities, slums, far and wide. He found packs that had all but given up their human side, especially in the Black Forest of Germany. In the big cities were the human side to the same coin; Gangs. There were thieves, murderers, and prostitutes, all struggling to survive.
In general, society had looked more favorably on His kind than on hers- with one exception: The entertainment industry. Werewolves could take unspeakable amounts of abuse, show it, and recover without any distinguishing marks or scars. This made acting, fights, sports, and special effects more realistic and brutal.
She was in a street market, buying fruit and looking at jewelry. Her burdens weren't overly large, but were heavy enough that most women (if alone) would be heading home instead of browsing. If they had no one to carry packages, most women would browse first, and make their purchases later.
She didn't fidget or shift her weight, He noted. No tattoos, glasses, or piercings; Another sign of what He was looking for. If it wasn't kept in constantly, or was taken out even for a few seconds to change styles, pierced ears would heal shut and have to be re-pierced every single time. To get around this, most piercings were made "permanent," which meant a full circle would be put into the earlobe, and to change earrings it would have to be ripped out. A less common and more expensive solution that they had come up with, clever bastards, was to sharpen the point on the straight ones. Then changing an earring could be done more publicly with little notice.
She avoided the silver jewelry as well. Even though the color would suit her appearance, she wore gold. He would have her wearing silver sooner that she could ever imagine. She had no visible scars, freckles, or moles. He had mistaken a young, innocent girl with her kind for a few days during His search, but this time He was certain. Instinct told Him, perhaps, but this was His slave. He could feel it very strongly, this girl would be His puppy very soon. After she moved on to another stall, He stepped up and bought her a very special gift to remember the moment He first saw her. A silver anklet.
Silver keeps a werewolf from shifting out of their human form, even in the direct rays of the full moon, and saps their animal strength. If used as a way to cause harm, silver causes wounds to heal much slower than normal, and will scar. If heated and used as a brand, the scar will last forever unless the skin is completely cut off and allowed to re-heal.
It was pitch black again. He kept her in maiden form with the anklet. This made her eyesight useless in the dark. He preferred the dark because He could see, and He loved keeping her vulnerable. It forced her to learn the castle blind so that if anyone with malevolent intentions did attempt to cause problems for them, she would be ready. Occasionally He would allow her to light candles and see for a night. Tonight was not mercy night. In fact, it turned out to be the opposite. She turned a corner and He dropped down on top of her from above. She saw His face for an instant, and instinctively dropped down to all fours to protect herself. She made it three paces before He was on her and then she was bent backward over some random piece of furniture that she didn't even recognize. He fed on her until she was weak from the blood loss, greedily taking much more than He needed. It turned out not to be an indulgence, but a calculated strategy. After the prolonged feeding, He grabbed her ankle, His hand pushing her anklet deep into her skin until the blood ran freely. He allowed her full permission to struggle as He beat her. "You won't be sitting on your right side tomorrow," He told her pulling His arm back for another broad swing. He beat her black, blue and bloody. He commanded her "Stay." and went for another tool to use on her. She hissed at Him, fighting His will mentally and failing. The worst part was being forced to stay while He took His sweet time preparing His "toys" for torture right in front of her. He willed her to stay again as He continued His work of art on her body.
He starts off with a vision of breaking her, putting her into that resisting mindset on purpose.
I would tell you to do something degrading, that I knew you would refuse to do.
Like what?
I would tell you to sweep the floor with your hands, on your hands and knees. Then, I would chain you to a wall when you refused, and I would whip your tits and chest. (He begins pinching my breasts around and on my nipples while fucking me.) Every time I hit you, I would ask you "Will you obey Me now?" You won't wear me out, I won't break first from the strain of it. All I have to do is leave you here, I'm not going to get tired of it. There's no end to the torture if you resist. You're just going to get weaker and weaker the more I put you through until you obey. Eventually, you're so weak that you aren't supporting your weight. I undo the chains, and you fall to the floor. Then I'd hand you a dustpan and tell you to get to work since you're already on the floor... where you belong.
-I growl- and resist the sex at that last sentence, but He makes that nuh uh noise and holds me in position.
Are you enjoying this? You like that, don't you, bitch? (He continues fucking me.)
I respond in a startled voice,"What? No!" but I'm gasping for breath.
(He begins to feed on me) Then why are you so wet?
Maybe it's the blood from how much you're hurting me
(He grabs my hair and jerks my head back, hard) Don't lie to me, little girl. One of the bonuses of being a vampire is that I can smell blood a mile away. If you lie to me again, I'll throw your lifeless body out with the trash, like old clothing. Do you want that? (Shakes my head roughly like a toy) Answer Me!
no...
Then tell Me the truth! Why are you so wet? Is it because you like it?
(After much hair-pulling rough fucking, and elbows pushed into the back) yes. (in a defeated voice)
Say that you like it.
I like it.
Say that you like being fucked from behind like a little bitch, puppy.
I like... (breaks off in a gasp) I can't!
I'm going to suck you dry and keep fucking you until you die, and you're STILL getting wetter. So say it. All together, in one breath.
(I growl, and take a deep breath) I like being fucked from behind like a little bitch. (Gasps, barely able to breathe much less speak with my hair pulled so tight during sex)
Again, but address me as Master at the end this time.
I like being fucked from behind like a little bitch, Master.
Put your head down, and your knees up to your chest.
(I do as I'm told)
(He covers my entire body with a blanket, even my head, and then uncovers my ass.)
Do you know why only your ass is uncovered?
(I sigh, knowing that whatever comes next is going to be an insult to me.) No, why?
Because that's the only part of you that's useful or worth a damn to Me right now.
Get on your back. (and hand Me a condom)
(Rolled over, grabbed a condom)
Do you like it?
It hurts.
Did you expect it to tickle? I know you like it, you want to howl, I can see it in your face - Don't you?
Yes
Yes what?
Yes, Master.
You're just my little puppy, aren't you?
If I'm a dog, what does that make you?
Your Master. (He yanks on my hair again as He says this, making me yelp.)
Please please, may I come?
Yes. (As soon as I release) Good girl (He comes.)
He fucked her hard. "You won't come until I'm through with you."
"But Master, please!"
"What?"
"If I don't come until You're through with me, You'll be done, and I won't get to."
"You don't think I'll take care of you? Then tell Me this, do you deserve to come?
"No, Master"
The "Master" was hurriedly added, she'd been forgetting lately and He told her that if she forgot to use His title one more time, He would be through with her. He had taken away her sight as punishment. "It's a good thing you heal fast," He had told her after He'd done it.
"Come"
She lay beside Him on His triple-kink-size bed in the Master Suite bedroom of His castle. This was her reward for being a good girl for her Master. Not only had she met His expectations of her for the day, but she had taken the physical abuse He had poured onto her body without making a sound. She had absorbed His hate, anger, and frustration without complaint until He had nothing left. For that, He was rewarding her. He gave her dreams of being a princess in His castle. Every now and then, He would lean in and just sink His teeth in long enough to get them wet, and to maintain the vision. The dream was to help her sleep through all the pain He'd just caused, because with it, He could make certain that she didn't hurt. If she were to open her eyes, she wouldn't see anything but black shadows, because He'd taken her sight again, but this time mentally. The blankets were soft and warm against her naked body. She slept well curled up in her Master's bed, in His arms.
She sleeps, and for a night she feels as if she is a princess in a castle, with a warm comfortable bed, and all the things she could ever want. Then she wakes, and again she is only a slave, given a nights rest and dreams in her Master's bed. She slips silently out of His bed, shivering as the pads of her bare feet touch the cold marble floor. Somehow she can't bring herself to feel disappointed that it wasn't real. She still feels warm, safe, and loved, and is holding on to that as much as she can, but dreading that it will return to the way it was before she went to sleep. The pain from the torture of the night before is back. It's healing, and then pain and itching will fade soon, but until then it's a constant reminder of her place:
a toy, a food source, and a guard dog, nothing more.
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