It’s earlier than I expected to wake up this morning, but I am happy to be up and out of the house, happy to be awake and moving.
Yesterday I read the letters that Nell wrote me on her blog.
R and I have been talking, sometimes very heatedly or emotionally, about Nell. He is staying friends with her, for now. He runs a D&D game for her server (which I am was in, but have wanted to leave for a while. I am not playing in it anymore).
I can not be around her. I can not remain friends with her. With my current emotional state, all I felt was numb and manipulated when I read her letters. The last 2 weeks of the relationship, my stress was so high I was thinking about SI and had urges to hurt.
Even if the relationship with her had been great, the added stress was a tipping point in my mental health. I cannot engage with her again. (But I feel like I have to add, emphatically, I DO CARE ABOUT HER.)
I’m good this morning because I know I’m not going to be talking to her. I know he has a specific thing to do from 3PM- until. I have a plan / schedule for the day. It relaxes and eases my mind.
2 days ago I found him in the shower having a Czure. His stress levels are high, he is having severe physical health issues with his stomach, and his POTS, and it’s tanked his Czure threshold. I really need to zero out his carbs for a week or two and get him back on Keto, it was the best lifestyle change he’s made for his headaches etc.
Grateful:
Being able to wake up early and get the dogs walked before it’s too hot.
No comments:
Post a Comment