I feel relieved because he ended the D/s relationship with N yesterday.
He loves her and he wanted so badly to help her, to fix her. He still does. He wants to hold her and tell her everything will be ok because he wants her loved and safe and happy.
And HE loves her. He wants her to love him, and comfort him, and make him happy too.
My feelings.
I am relieved because I knew we couldn’t start to heal and process and relax until it was over.
I was having panic attacks multiple times a day. I was thinking about Self Injury almost daily. I have been getting more and more depressed. I “catch” the feelings of the people around me, and when she is always in crisis, and I love her and care about her and her self image and mental state, it is extremely stressful and feels like I’m in constant crisis, constant damage control mode.
I feel… what do I feel?
Just…
Relieved that it’s over.
Hopeful that I will start to get my emotions back under control.
Sad that R is hurting. Sad that N is hurting, but honestly I am also hopeful that she will pursue getting herself better.
I am so relieved that I’m not lying to her anymore.
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