Sunday sept 24 2023 6:00 AM
R and I had a sit down talk about how we feel- we are both so depressed, and feel like nothing we are doing really means anything…
And what we actually want from our lives together. Well, I talked about my current feelings about my interests and business etc. He actually brought up my writing before I got there, and it was where I was headed, too. It’s something I very much want, to be a writer. I have so much conflict about my writing, but it’s what I really love.
He started getting a little irritable at the end of the convo, so we stopped talking earlier than I would have liked.
But I’m hoping that he will start thinking about what he wants long-term, too.
I’ve been very Down lately. I will think I’m ok, and then it’s like someone puts a heavy blanket over me and I can’t get out… as if the hopeless feelings just suddenly sit on me, and I can only think that there’s no point because I don’t enjoy anything I do.
R has been having similar feelings… but he’s been trying to take care of me, and this was the first we have talked about it in a long time.
I’m going to focus on my writing again. It’s important to me. I guess we will see over the next few days if I can use it when the dark feelings come.
I haven’t been journaling because I have been so tired and so hopeless and I can’t stand talking about it. I have a huge mental block against even saying the things I’ve been thinking… and I know I can’t write it down. The closest I can get is saying I’m depressed.
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