Cafe world

Sydney - check this one! may have finished quest line
- serving susy. goal on main feed need 10, send requests daily, also shrimp fajitas
Emily - 
sous chef - send requests daily

Susy 
- ice cream cart, accept invites on alts -
10PM,
want more cash
+ angel fruit cake
Clicked Sydney
Vicki - 
Romantic table - send requests daily
baklava! please spice cafe

Andrew 
-fondue station. goal on main feed -send out requests daily
play sims social on here
spiced vicki's cafe
sent sydney trout

werdna.
werdna.1
relpro
relly

masturbation

So i totally was able to masturbate last night. first time since I've been at Major's house that I was able to. I've been sick, and felt like I've had a fever (I didn't, says Master) and sinus headaches, nauseous, and I felt so confused all the time. Every time I went upstairs I would feel lightheaded.

I start my period soon. His birthday is tomorrow. I figure He won't read this until we get home, so I'll tell my secret. Major's mom asked me to do some housework for her. In exchange she's going to pay me, and I'm going to give Him that money tomorrow morning at the flea market, before the day pride event. I don't know if it will have to go toward bills or not, but I sincerely hope that He'll be able to buy Himself something nice for His birthday, not just go out to eat (we're going to red lobster for His birthday) and I know that's enough for Him, but I'd like to be able to show Him how much I care about Him, and the work I've put into this for His bday even though He didn't know about it.

Roles and Delegations, part 2

Blink
-Project Manager (crafts + fun stuff)
Candy
-Family Scribe
-Project Assistant
Danny
-Punishment Coordinator

Emily
-Blogger
-Role Play Author

Gin
-Planner of Personal Goals
-Health and Exercise Coordinator

Lauren
-Confrontation Resolution Assistant
-Binder Scribe

Melissa
-Personal Service Coordinator

Phiar
-Social Director

Seshafi
-Wardrobe Assistant

Susy
-Treat Coordinator

Sydney
-Blogger
-Grocery Planner
-Wardrobe Manager

Vicki
-Confrontation Resolution Manager
-Wardrobe Assistant
-Reader (Out Loud)

Roles and Delegations

Project Manager

• Blink
• Candy (Assist)

Family Scribe

• Candy

 Role Play Author

• Emily

Wardrobe Coordinator

• Sydney
• Seshafi
• Vicki

Punishment Coordinator

• Danny

Blogger

• Sydney
• Emily

Health Coordinator (exercise)

• Gin

Personal Goals

• Gin

Ambassador

• Vicki
• Lauren (Assist)

Binder Scribe

• Lauren

Personal Service

• Melissa

Social X

• Phiar

Treat Coordinator

• Susy

Reader

• Vicki

Meal Plan/Groceries

• Sydney

To Do Today

Saturday was Anal sex at major's house after they'd gone to sleep. I almost squirted all over his couch, lol.
Sunday was vaginal with sydney, role play with both themes, and anal with the kidnap one - thought mikkal was going to kill me, lol. But it was really really good.


Put the steaks in the fridge
Shower and shave
Laundry
Fill water bottles - put into fridge
throw away trash
take out trash
make tea/lemonade/koolaid after presenting Master with the last glass of lemonade
vacuum dog skin off the couch - spray couch too
empty vacuum cleaner outside
move mattress to spare bedroom if major is coming over to play
all dishes into kitchen by the sink
Wash dishes
all laundry into bathroom - maybe put blankets somewhere specific to save room
clean up things from carport
sweep and mop
refill coffee pot
dogs - out, in, food, water, mess

death

I've been talking to Josh Z on FB, nothing serious, I just didn't tell you. I know I should have.

I realized yesterday that I don't know where my engagement ring is - I wanted to wear it to surprise you- and instead I can't find it anywhere.

Don't sedate me - I can fight to live that way.
Read to me. The Hobbit, or The Princess and the Goblins (and then, the princess and curdie, even though it's not as good), or The Little Princess.
Sing old songs, like Rocky Top Tennessee, Rock-a-by baby, where have all the flowers gone... calm, quiet music.
And PLease.
Don't leave me alone.

I like the name Irene for a girl, b/c of the book, The Princess and the Goblins.

I can't get the family guy terry schiavo episode out of my head. It's driving me nuts, and I really don't think it's funny anymore. I hurt so much.

I'm hungry and I have no desire to go eat. (Update: Ate a snack)

My aunt Sandy is probably going to die today or tomorrow. I've promised my mother I'll keep praying. Fuck it hurts so badly.

I want to cut.

changes

training with a late bedtime early wake-up didn't last long. the past few days, I've been free of the limits on things, back to "normal" while He thinks up a better way of doing things.

they don't think my aunt sandy will live through the week. she's on a ventilator, and she's wearing out, fast. I found that out this morning.

I don't know how to act normal, I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm angry and moody and I keep crying all the time. And I'm so bitchy. I have been getting so irritated over nothing. constantly.

we went to the flea market with major and dessi - lauren was out. she doesn't like dessi. she was such a bitch, and it was crazy. I've never seen her act like that before.

So I said something about major not talking while we were at taco bell, and then Master said that if major wasn't talking, there wouldn't be much use in having him around... and I stopped myself, because dessi was there, and I just wanted to say... "he has hands..."

I thought it was funny, anyway. Also wasn't sure how anyone there would react, but it was funny in my head.

sex - not allowed except to please Master.

But we had sex last night! He wanted it, since it had been a while. So I was given the opportunity to earn my right to sit on furniture (Did I mention we started the retraining last night?). I earned that privilege. It was good for me, too. A short blowjob, and then sex. He found the back wall of my cunt, and that's what He wanted from me. It hurt but I felt like I got off twice. Afterward, I read The Hobbit to chapter 3, end. Then Luke read to Vicki until the end of chapter Four, and I fell asleep part way through. 

I heard claire talking today. I was taking the polish off my nails, and she was just chatting away as if to someone else... "The woman I went to, to get my nails done did a horrible job. I told her I was going to tell her manager, and she said if I did that I would just have to do my own nails. So I just went ahead and finished having my nails done. They look terrible, but can you imagine? Doing my own nails? That's just unthinkable!"

My aunt sandy is sick again. They don't think she's going to make it this time.  My mom and Nana are going to Virginia to be with her...  I didn't really know her that well. I don't know her that well.  I.. I've missed her for a long time.

I was rewarded with a sip of Master's coke (I'm not allowed soda) when He tried to give me some and I reminded Him that I'm not allowed to have any. So He gave me a sip. Then Later, I was going to get Him some coke, and after I poured it, I took a sip. I didn't mean to, it was just a reflex, but I immediately went and told Master. He decided that I would have one less hour granted to use the internet today. That takes me down from 4 hours to 3. I'm at 2 hours and 15 minutes now, so I guess I'll be getting offline in case I need to blog again later.

all day bored.

We went to the flea market this morning. Master and Major went to bed at 0600 this morning. I went to bed at 0430. The two of us woke up at 0930 and went to the flea market. Master went back to bed after we got back. He slept until 1530 and then got up and went to work. I've been on the computer all day, and I'm so sick of it. I am tired of cafe world, and I just want to go home.

I want Master to grab my hair and drag me around, humiliate me, use and abuse me, and be heartless, cruel and unfair just to watch me squirm and suffer. I want Him to take complete control.

Since I haven't been at home, He's prolonging the timeline, and I have to keep track of all my stuff until He says otherwise. No training until He's satisfied with it. Also, we haven't had time together to discuss what we're going to do once the baseline information gathering period is over. I don't know what privileges I'll be allowed to keep, if any, and I don't know what will be expected of me either.

I mean, I do understand somewhat, but I don't really know what my training will consist of. I'm curious, and I hate that He seems so  absolutely close-lipped about it.

September 14 - 17 Game Plan and Expectations

Game Plan

Record Showers - How long? Type? How often? Time of Day?
Record Bathroom use - Time of day? How many?
Record Snackage - Snack type? Time of Day?

Record internet use - How long? Time of Day? Websites? Cafe World is half time when working and not sitting to use it.
Record drinks - Type? #? Time of Day?
Record TV - Time of Day?  How long?
Record Shaving - What? Needs to be shaved how often?
Record Masturbation - Trigger? Time of Day? How Long?

Expectations for Sept 14-17, 2011

Clean the house - Completely
Create music playlist (to specs)
No soda at all
Work with Master to create an accurate and reliable schedule and performance regimen


Update, Sept 16, 2011:
None of the expectations have been fulfilled, have not spent one day at home since beginning this survey.
New expectations will b posted as they are constructed.

Privileges and Punishment Lists

My Privileges

Bed Early
Naps
Snooze Button
Bed (Sleep in FLR, Spare Room, and then in bed with Master)
Internet
Television
Video Games
Snacks/Junk Food
Gum/Candy
Soft Drinks
Bathroom
Showers
Shaving
Music
Masturbation
Sex
Speaking
Front Seat in Car
Furniture

My Punishments
Restriction of privileges from list
Extra Chores
Watermelon Sour Spray (Most effective on Susy)
Sex - Quickie, with no Masturbation
Masturbation instead of Sex
Corporal Punishment
Isolation Time (Corner, The Box, etc)
Writing Lines
Wake Up Early

bought for me.

Master bought me a thong and a new bra today! Also, a really long belt that I'll be able to make collars out of. It's a really nice strip of leather with studs on it. It makes me happy. The thong was $2 and the other two items were $1 each.

I'm wearing them now.

I'm sorry. I fucked up

I came back downstairs (we're at major's house) and found the feather hair clip my Nana bought me at the flea market yesterday... I had sat on it. It's all crumpled and fucked up and useless now. And it was orange, and for Seshafi! and she didn't even get to wear it for Him. He might not be mad at me (He doesn't know yet, but He usually isn't too hard on me hen I break things) but I am very upset. I didn't mean to break it... I thought I'd put it somewhere safe, and I guess I just fucked up. I really liked it, and I'd been wearing it all day today and yesterday since I got it, and ... It was really important to me.

fuck!

I feel so bad, I really wanted her to be able to wear it for Him.

-Emily and Susy

restructuring

I'm doing a 4 day baseline of my snacks, internet and tv usage, bathroom use and fluid intake, hours of sleep and stuff like that.

We're seriously starting again from the beginning with my training, meaning I will be given no privileges until I earn them. We've made a list, I might post it, and most of those things are starting at zero. I'm even going to start at a specific number of times I am allowed to use the bathroom a day, and have to ask for more if I go over. I will have to drink 8 glasses of water every day, and spend a specific amount of time in the shower. I don't know if I'll be allowed to speak the first day at all, and if I listen to music it will be a specific playlist dictated by my Master, so that I will learn the bands and songs He wants me to know.

I will be giving daily reports of my activities and usage of privileges in person, handwritten, so until we get used to our schedule I am not required to blog daily. It will be very important to me to blog during my first few days of training though, and I hope that I am given the time to do that. I don't know if it will be online (internet may have to be earned, too!) or if I'll be posting it later.

Guess I need to write down all the things we've been discussing.

He wants a notebook for me to do my daily report in, and then He wants to keep a copy of it in a binder as well.


Also planning on rewriting my rules the way He wants. We're going to go over them, and also write a contract, and write all the things I get punished for and how, and my privileges, and new rules, and ... everything. 

 He says we're going to do a daily Bible Study, I'll have a bedtime, and I'll be getting up at 0600 hours every day. So far... lol. But He says it won't happen until I have a real daily report and not a baseline survey. 

posted on fetlife that we'll be offline a lot for a few weeks. 




Leather History Conference Link

https://fetlife.com/events/30163
http://www.leatherhistoryconference.com/LHC/Home.html
http://www.leatherlibrary.org/

contract - Master's goals

He wants to put less time into the group and start training me.
He's considering resigning from the group entirely. I'm not sure, I think that it might be better to simply keep the group as a munch group, do less parties, and just devote a lot less time to the group, and if someone wants more, then they can step up and plan things.

Every day, no matter what
my schedule would be:
Wake up 6AM
dogs, other pet related chores
Master awake at 7AM - shower, self care 
start breakfast , done by 7:30 AM
Depending on His schedule, responsibilities change
Work, schedule planned the night before. No work, Master begins schedule
I start/do Daily Chores:
Sweep 
Dishes
Laundry
Bedroom, make all beds

Lunch -
Personal responsibilities or interests/ Personal interests - Do something productive.
Ideas, leather, writing, painting, cooking, possible money making opportunities.
Dinner- If Master cooks, He would like to call dibs on this meal -
Depending on schedule, do Daily Bible Study - just reading is ok, but discussion is preferable


need to talk about variables:
Pregnancy
College

Master wants to work on/discuss training.
Positions (Ex.) during formal events, go to 2
High Protocol
Positions in the car, 4/5 etc to get me to learn what's needed

Self discipline:
get up on time
go to bed on time
watch less tv
self care:
sleep enough
eat right
shower
brush teeth


Halloween Party
No one has paid for it yet, no one has made any commitments yet, so if we call it off, no one is out of any money or messed up.
More interested in smaller parties for locals to get to know people.

Less work into the group, let it go how it goes and don't try to make it be BIG, just enjoy the ride. Send out less invites etc.


Training:
cleaning without prodding.
get me into a schedule
posture/walking position, what side?
kleenexes in floor
Learn music/bands/song titles, consequences for not knowing them
fitness - push-ups/sit-ups/pull-ups (50 on command)
Daily exercise


Maximize the time in our life, to make sure we don't feel like we've been wasting the time in our lives accomplish something. Haven't been even enjoying the past events, just limped through the time period.

stuff

so today we watched tv and He played video games a lot.

We talked, and I'm going to use my other notebook for punishments. Writing lines and such. That way, He can have access to all my written punishments in one place.

He doesn't want to play again tonight. I guess that made sense, we had sex two times yesterday, but I still really wanted to play, because it's fun and I can really get into it.

I'm using my other notebook to blog when I don't have access to the pc.

Oh, we did puppy play yesterday, too. We took pics, and it was really awesome. Susy had a lot of fun.

I've been letting Him whip me more often. It doesn't hurt as much as I remember, but it's not my favorite kind of pain either. It does get Him to give me the pain I need, because He likes whipping people, so... That's how I ask for pain now.

bored. Been playing cafe world a lot lately, my blood relatives are playing, and it makes them happy that we're doing things together. sorta.

Still haven't been punished for not blogging, haven't been following my standing orders, and He caught me leaving the toilet seat down a few times. I don't know, I still want pain, so I hope I'm not bringing up all this stuff just to get punished because I want pain. I don't think I am, but I still really want to play... I still hurt some from my period, and pain makes it hurt less.

I still have Once Strike, for forgetting to tell Him to take the game to major's house.

role play

went to flea market + major's house yesterday.

Went gem mining (there was almost no gems) with dessi and major today. They had a conversation and now might be breaking up. Major is pretty upset about it.

I finally scened with Master. I've been wanting to for at least two weeks now. It was amazing. It was a role play scene, and I was a slave being sold in a roman marketplace in ancient times. A sex + service slave. He is a trainer who bought me  and is training me how to please and do work at the same time. He caned and whipped me for not pleasing at first (I picked and sanded the bamboo cane myself, earlier today.
"What are you going to do next?"
"More?"
"That's right, you're going to do more to please me."
He made me gag on His cock - like a bitch.I went down deeper than I have before (for that long anyway) to that place where my throat pushes open, and then he throbbed His cock there over and over, making me gag. I had to "earn my keep" you see, and try to be worth the 10 gold he paid for me. After all that, He fucked me in the ass, and kept reminding me that it will fit, I'm a sex slave I'll do as He says, and to stop screaming so loud. He fought and wrestled me down until He got it into my ass/ It hurt for a long time before I started enjoying it, but when it changed, the feelings changed from being forced to be a sex slave to being wanted as a sex slave . The scene ended after the sex - i wanted more, but He said we needed to go check on major + destiny.

Then all of us went to walmart (2 hours- i wish the scene had lasted that long lol) I got a brand new notebook (2 in fact), some pens (2 red and 2 black), and a pack of mechanical pencils.

Penny isn't getting any better and she still has a huge swelling place in her neck, and it hasn't gone down yet.

I'm reading The Hobbit to Luke.  They've never heard/read it before, so I really want to read it to them. We're almost through chapter one (the first time he liked it, wanted me to read more, the 2nd he fell asleep and forgot that I finished the 1st chapter, and the third time, he started fucking me while I was reading.) I've only got 3 pages left until I finish the 1st chapter... again.

Oh yeah, Luke and Vicki had sex last night. It was awesome. He tugged my earrings, and enjoyed coming this time.

Still on my period, bleeding profusely and in a lot of pain.

update

Blogging. Day One of my period. Master and I hve been fighting. Major was here and left early this week because we were screaming so loud. He held me down to the floor and we both said things we regret. We've made up since then. Since then, we've started sleeping in the spare bedroom, and holding each other at night while we sleep. He's told me He hoped I was pregnant, and I've cried because I'm not. He has a special role play scene in mind for us,  but won't tell me about it. and now that I'm bleeding, it may be a while before I find out what it is. Mom and Sam have started playing cafe world and I really enjoy getting to hang out wht them online. it's sweet, and a lot of fun. a good bonding experience.

today is the third day in a row I haven't worn my collar. To be fair on me though, today and the first day I didn't wear it because I was visiting my parents. The middle day we argued again.

I honestly forgot all about blogging. I felt kind of neglected that he forgot, too. That covers a lot of the arguing. domming stuff.

I want to go to the flea market tomorrow.

We got penny's meds today! I called the vet (at His command) while He was at work today and found out the hours and whether we could come by and pick up the meds without bringing in the dog, too. My heart was racing and I could feel the adrenaline and nervous energy after I got off the phone (I pushed myself to make the call before I got nervous instead of after, and then the adrenaline kicked in -and the stuttering- as soon as I got off the phone. I hated that, but it made me proud of myself, too. To feel the fear rushing through me and know that I'd beat it, and done something I was that afraid of.) I wanted ot brag on that to Daddy but I forgot several times.

2 treats the other day.

still at one strike for forgetting the game.

had sex 3 times since august 30.
1st one was when major was asleep. i was quiet but it was amazing.
2nd was emily and luke. amazing as well, in thespare bedroom.
3rd was seshafi. she got really upset. she doesn't and didn't like sex.

Daddy Loves His Girl

training a friend in dom, and the following.

pretty boring day until they came over.

I was embarassed at the house, but Master wasn't, so... IDK . I managed to pick up a bit before they came over the only bad part was the kitchen. we had to wash dishes before Major could cook so we could eat (he made alfredo with chicken bites and pasta) and the submissive helped me, she rinsed and dried the dishes. I washed. It felt comforting to wash. After being in Position Five the other day (I dont remember how long ago it was) I didn't even notice until the dishes, but that feeling of rebellion just left me. I was so content to serve and please and prepare for my Master, it was very uplifting. I'm doing dishes now, too. Waiting for them to soak as I blog. 3rd time doing dishes in 2 days. (Didn't finish them yet, keep going back and doing the days, plus a few more) I made a big breakfast, then we went out immediately after, then Master did stir-fry, (that's when I was in Five a long time) and that pretty much explains all the huge load of dishes to wash.

Master talked about a lot of things that it takes to be a good dom, argued with the submissive because she's a bit stubborn sometimes, and then we ate, and then they started showing (downstairs) all the toys for playing. the sub immediately got excited and started basically begging to be played with, said she hadn't played with anyone in "months!" and said she wanted major to help her bf/dom beat her.

I wanted to play, too. I know it wasn't about me, and this was her training her dom day, but I hate seeing all those toys laid out and knowing that none of them will be used on me. I was able to pull Danny for most of it, but toward the end of her scene (omfg it was so long, I just wanted it to be over after like the 3rd time she yellowed) I ended up switching back out. we all helped with the aftercare, water, chocolate, conversation, cuddles, whatever. and then they just wouldn't leave. it took like 2 hours after the scene endd to get them out of the basement and into their car (that's terrible of me, but they kept saying they had to go because of time, and they just wouldn't). I asked Master if He'd been playing with me (He hit me a few times hard enough to leave instant marks) to get me into the mind to play, or if He was just trying to help me cope. He said no I can't play, I have work tomorrow. I went on to bed after a few half-hearted tries at getting Him to come with me (the tv was on, so I knew He'd probably want to sit for a while. it helps Him calm down at night, and I don't blame Him).

I didn't really go to bed, just.. toward bed. I heard Major complain about how much his back was hurting after the scene, and it decimated me to think about how long it would be til he felt good enough to scene or play again. It wasn't just that, that just seemed to trigger a few things, and then I somehow snowballed. I cleaned the bedroom with a vengeance, gathering 4 huge tubs of dirty laundry. I sorted that, and started a new load of laundry in the wash. I made His bed, and then I'd run out of things to do, and I was still short of breath and a little dizzy. I went to the formal living room and gathered up a sketchbook, my pencils, and a purse with some markers and pens in it. I went back to the bedroom and sharpened all the pencils in the purse and then started drawing. After my first picture, I wrote lines, that I wouldn't write on myself. Then I wrote all the words I wanted to write on myself, and crumpled it up and threw it away. I had a headache by now and wanted to cut and have pain. I kept thinking that He would be in any minute to come to bed. (He was talking to Major a lot by the bedroom door while I drew) Then I colored a whole page solid with pencil for Him. Then I did another picture, I wanted to cut so badly. It was red and black marker, and then the black marker died, so I switched to a dark-leaded 6B pencil to finish the lines. He came in before I finished, but not by much.

He helped me so much! I didn't even want to talk, and I cried so much it leaked down both sides of my face into my ears. He finally got me talking, and then looked at the notebook and stuff. He asked if I'd written or drawn on myself, if I'd cut. I said no, and He told em He was so proud of me! I was hurting and didn't understand how, because I felt like I shouldn't even have let myself want to cut that badly. I get it now, I think. Last night was the worst I've wanted to cut in months. Probably over a year. My head hurt, and I wanted pain, to cut, to drink until  was too drunk to move, or to take one of His pain pills to knock me out. But I didn't do any of that. I drew until he could help me. I didn't go get Him, but He understood. It's not an easy thing to do when we have guests, and I thought He'd be in anytime.

He fucked me. He told me what I was feeling didn't matter, or affect anything. It was unimportant. He said He would take what He wanted from me whether I wanted Him to or not. He made me call Him Master. And then the dull glassy feeling started to go away. I started to enjoy the sex. It was really good sex. it was exactly what I needed. I was just a hole, replaceable. Honored with Him, choosing me. And it hurt so good. And I sprayed all over His pillow!!! he put it under my back and fucked me on my bed until our heads were almost touching the wall (the mattress scooted). And then He fucked me more (I thought until He got off, but no). He didn't come. it was all for my benefit. and it fixed me. i was content. I am content. and happy to serve my Master. And really, if the sex is like that, I don't need to scene for a while.

I dreamed of anal. He made me want to give Him anal, but my stomach started cramping as soon as He started fingering my ass. It was only while something was in my ass, not after.

I slept in bed with Him, after rubbing His head and back for as long as I could before passing out.

I dreamed I'd got out of His bed into mine, fell asleep, couldn't sleep, got back in bed with Him - but I know I didn't.

I like eating fruit in the shower.
I like my earrings tugged on during sex.
sometimes I feel so weird.

http://books.google.com/books?id=3repRmugVRkC&pg=PT22&lpg=PT22&dq=tug+on+my+earrings+during+sex&source=bl&ots=3niVTI5aO7&sig=BvB9Ghk2h0g746pe3XHFZIvTcjY&hl=en&ei=w5FiTpz3Oe6hsQLDuMDTCg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6&ved=0CDwQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q&f=false

it's an entire book.  - oh.. found a few pages that had been omitted. but they left the hot juicy sex in it lol.

Goals for today

Master asked me to work on straightening up the house today, so that's a top priority, of course.



my stuff:
Do something creative (paint, sew, etc)
Finish and type personality backgrounds and profiles
Paint my toenails
Dress up for Master!
Work on Anal, if it would please Him. (find out if He would like that)
Blog about yesterday/last night.

Housework:
Fold laundry
wash dishes
laundry
sweep living room 
sweep kitchen
sweep formal living room, Hall, and bathroom after laundry is finished.

spray down couch
mop kitchen floor

today and back again

did cafe world and the flea market today.

I didn't want to talk about it really, I got in trouble for backtalking today. I was irritated, and I felt like both of us were in a bad mood for taking a half-nap.

I was backtalking. I was so angry, and He cut me off before I could lose my temper completely.

I felt like He and major were picking on me. I eventually cheered up, but it took me a bit and I was very snappy.

I made breakfast this morning. Eggs, grits, bacon, livermush, coffee. It was fantastic. Major made a fuss about the eggs. omg they're so fluffy it's like eating egg-flavored marshmallows! (wtf?)

We were going to have sex (kinda. It was candy and luke) but He fell asleep. I went and took a nap, too.