Boring emotions. Personal growth? Who know.

I am crying every day. Over something. 

Today it was minimal social interaction that was honest but somewhat unpleasant, coupled with a day of not really accomplishing anything. 

But I took care of myself. 

I told myself there was no point crying. I was crying because of my pain, my emotions. Supposedly I was overwhelmed because I had to cope on my own, instead of being coddled by my spouse. 

But let's think here, I could have told him I need him to handle it, and even though he is dead tired her would have, but the reason I didn't was because I wanted to do something for him, I wanted to put him first and take care of his needs. 

Albeit, bitchily because of said emotions, and he probably felt as unsatisfied after that exchange as I did, but he was still going to get said sleep need taken care of. 

So I stopped, and told myself to take a look at what had happened.

I have a need, I decided that need was less of a precedent than his need, and benched it. 

So my "need" isn't important. 

I'm not saying that he didn't think that need was important. 

I'm saying I decided that need wasn't important. It's irrelevant to me as a slave. 

I stopped crying to think about it. 

Then I played some balloon tower games on my tablet (and lost horribly). 

But I feel better. 

I cried, I stopped it, I did something else, something easy to distract me. 

And it helped.