Master has been letting me be more vocal than he used to like lately, I don't know if he is enjoying it more lately or if he is just putting up with it now. I haven't put much thought into it, I have been coming too much to think about it. I am also being more specific about my needs sexually too. "Can you touch me a little more before we start" with a lot of effort being put in from him on the foreplay front, has got me off within the first minute of penetration two of the past three times we have had sex.
I am really thinking hard about what I want lately. Sexually, on pizza, and from others. I am happier. And I am not doing the crazy midlife crisis pursuit of happiness most women do. I am not taking a hard look at my life and abandoning everything I have for some long shot that will only hurt the people I love. I am just letting myself be happy. I felt like I had to sacrifice before. Had to get us a deal on pizza so we could order it. Let the guys get their stuff and never consider what my perfect pizza looks like. Do every single thing myself, my way- how can anyone else do the thing, I must do the thing because no one else can do a passable job at it.
I let go of that control this past weekend. I let another person load the car. When I realized that they actually wanted to do it, I let her set up my display for vending. Twice. And I realized, she does it better than I do. Seriously. It was fucking beautiful. I felt like my vending booth looked professional for the first time ever.
And maybe next time someone asks how they can help, I will let them. Usually I can't think of anything, but I think it might be worth the try.
I am not looking for happiness, I am looking to be myself. Nothing is actually stopping me from being me, so why haven't I been?
Oh and don't worry about money. Yes we don't have a lot this month, but we need that adventure every now and then.
I love you, Master.
Thank you for taking care of me.
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