Angry or just crying sex.

I didn't feel like I deserved to get off, and it overwhelmed me. We had been fighting and then I asked for snuggles which turned really quickly into sex. It felt great, and then I wanted it to be angry sex, because I have never had it. I didn't ask, because it didn't make sense. To ask someone to be angry while they fuck you... Now isn't that selfish of me?  And it felt so good to be used that I didn't want anything to change. 

But when I needed to come, I couldn't let myself get off. Then he said he wanted me to come, but I just couldn't! I started crying. Then I couldn't stop crying.  But it felt amazing and so he saw that I needed to cry and helped me. He saw I couldn't come, and told me I didn't deserve it.  I felt so guilty- all the sudden I knew it wasn't just fighting, I felt guilty because I didn't tell him I wanted to cut. I knew deep down inside that I felt I deserved the torture of "holding it" no matter how much I thought I needed to get off.  And all of it turned me on, and made me feel guilty and turned me on more. 

He made me beg him to cum inside me. I almost couldn't stand it, I was so turned on. Crying the whole time. My face was wet and sloppy and even after, I just laid there crying for a minute. He said "not bad" I think. I don't know if he meant me or the sex. I think it's the first time he has used my emotions to help push me over the edge emotionally. I needed it. 

I feel cleaner on the inside somehow, and I think if I had got off, I wouldn't feel that way. 

I hope my first crying, shaking, tears trailing down my face, I really deserve some sort of punishment, sex looked like a sexy mess from really good porn, and not the pathetic, broken, I need someone to hold my hand and tell me it will be ok, mess I worry I will looked like.

Great sex. I feel better. Hope I looked hot. 

Please don't worry about me. Love you!