scared

I've been pretty numb since I was forced awake and over here. I'm scared, and nothing makes that eroding fear go away, even for a second. I've been a brat really the whole day, and I just want to hurry up and get it over with so that I can be happy again. I kept trying to perk up and play around, but when I played punch bug, I got force-truced, with the implication that any sort of punching was off-limits. After that, I tried a few more times, and then pretty much gave up. resentful. bitter.


Major gave me a swift kick to the cunt in Wal-Mart, and he hit dead on, but I didn't show it or give in to the pain because I didn't want him to get anything out of it.  It hurt.

everything keeps getting stacked on, and that isn't fair at all. I've apologized for what I did, and now it's being held against me and held over my head as a threat, but it's going to happen whether I behave or not, and saying that X is just added punishment (And I should deal with it and stop being upset) is not fair at all, there was an established and agreed-upon punishment, and now it's being pushed when I lost my temper (to an extreme, yes) for about 10 minutes... and I know I'm going to be punished for more than 10 minutes!

I have plenty of reasonable reasons to be frustrated, I shouldn't have to explain myself, and I won't any farther.

major thinks it's going to be fun/playtime and it's not omething to tease me about. I always cry, and I know I will and ...

i just fucking hate this.