Unbecoming traits in a sub~

1. She has a tattoo from the CDC.

2. She tells you that despite the fact that her old master is on death row, the rest of the guys in his motorcycle gang still think of her as his property.

3. She frequently calls you by yelling: "Yo, master!"

4. Her idea of "a good caning" is shopping for furniture at Pier One.

5. Her "safe word" is "POLICE!"

6. She can never quite remember where she put those keys to those darn handcuffs.

7. Her self-chosen slave name is "Electra".

8. Her REAL name is "Electra". 

The Pastor's Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and won.
He was pleased and entered it again; it won again.
The local paper headline:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was upset with this publicity;
he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The local paper headline:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS
The bishop ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor gave it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper headline:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted; then ordered the nun to get rid of the donkey.
She sold it to a farmer for $10.
The local paper headline:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
The bishop ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and
take it to the plains where it could run wild.
The local paper headlines:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story:
To much concern about public opinion can bring you
grief and misery and a shorten your life.
Be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be happier and live longer!

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principals office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."


Principal: " What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps in to?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principals eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......

The Penis Study In 2008

The American Government funded a study to see why
the head of a man's Penis
was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and
180,000, they concluded that
the reason that the head was larger than the shaft
was to give the man more
pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, the French
decided to do their own study.
After 250,000 and 3 years of research, they
concluded that the reason thehead was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure duringsex.

Canadians, unsatisfied with these findings,
conducted their own study.
After 2 weeks and a cost of around 75.46, and 2
cases of beer, they
concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from
flying off and hitting
himself in the forehead.


One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car.
He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."  

Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!"
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!"
And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds " My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."