Seshafi Character stuff.

I want to include the story of the first time Seshafi started bleeding. and how she learned to talk, and why it was uncommon for women to be able to talk, etc. and my biggest problem with my work is my "show not tell" rule that i've heard forever, but never seen why it was an issue until now. Bishu could very easily be expanded into a book, if only she was to show and nt tell the entire experience. if only when she said gradually, I showed gradually what happened. how she because friends with people, why she did what she did. everything in her head, etc.  but i need a complete rewrite or overhaul and i'm not sure i'm up to that. or up to figuring out what goes where, in any case.   i really want to work on it, but it's so frustrating shen no one is there to edit, correct critique, "i hate" "i like" "this works" "this should work but doesn't"  "there needs to be something else here /point" you know? i miss the days when i would type the story for andrew as i wrote it, and he would proof, read and enjoy it.  it made writing so much easier when i was being begged for more every few seconds instead of dragging him away from his other interests to do something he says he loves to read but hates to proof etc.  and here i am typing away about writing and how hard it is... ugh. when will i ever learn and just do it?