Thinking about posting this on fet. You know where it's coming from. Enjoy the rant.

Being a slave. 

Being a submissive. 

Being in a successful relationship.

Fix yourself first.

Stop looking for someone else (dom or sub or slave or kinky whatever) to FIX you. If you are flawed, incomplete,  broken, that's OK. But if you expect someone to swoop in and wave a magic wand and you will be perfect with them always and never disagree, and if you do disagree you will show them how they are wrong or pout until they do what you want.... just STOP.
If you are going through serial relationships, one after the other, with the same type of person, the same expectations, and every single one ends in heartbreak and you're screaming to the void WHY ME, WILL NO ONE EVER LOVE ME, WHY WAS THIS PERSON (who I was screaming from the rooftops about as the most awesome shiny ever ten minutes ago) SUCH AN ASSHOLE TO DUMP POOR PITIFUL FLAWLESS ME?  Maybe take a step back and work on yourself for a minute.

When you tell someone to stop being so selfish, it's usually because you're trying to be selfish.

Stop asking why they didn't do enough for you. Ask what you did for them. No really. Think about it. What did you do for them? Did you throw a fit because they didn't appreciate you enough? Did you watch them like a student to see which things made them smile, which things made them beam with pride to be with you, and then do THOSE things? Or did you try to do YOUR thing and expect them to just love that? Did you ignore the requests they made of you and say "NO, THIS is how I'll show you I love you, that thing YOU WANT is just stupid" ?

Did you clearly ask for the things you actually wanted and needed, or did you expect your partner to mindread? Yes, sometimes it's almost impossible to communicate a need, but that's on you. Did they do a lot of the things you wanted, but you expected them to do literally every thing you came up with, while you sat there giving nothing back, not even a smile or a thank you or a spanking?

This writing is not about how THEY should change to take care of you.  This writing is a giant fucking mirror for people who bitch about how their relationship never works out, written with love from someone who has been in a relationship for almost ten years. Yes, I know you can't see the love right now, but sometimes love is giving the person you care about a giant kick in the ass and a reminder of their responsibilities.

(Obviously I'm not perfect. I'm working on myself, always am. These are some things I've noticed, some things I've learned the hard way; no I won't tell you which is which, lol. But hey maybe one line of this will resound with someone who needs it. And if so, maybe some of the struggles I've been through will be that much more worth it.)

Much love.

Opal to the group about religion argument

You may fundamentally disagree about whether or not the chapel/temples should be for profit, but that is the way it's done, and if you decide to make money off of them, if the people who worship at those places find out that the money has been used for anything other than enrichment of those chapels and the causes those deities support, they will leave. They only came here under the understanding that their god, muradin ? would have a temple here, and if you think I am passionate, you will find them to be moreso. It's the way it's done. the commonplace and expected way a temple is run is to allow the cleric for the temple to decide how those funds are used. Most often, they use them to take care of the poor, those in need for whatever reason. I'm not quite understanding why anyone would consider that a bad thing.

Elder:
After the conversation we had just a few days ago, I would think that you of all people would understand why I am so firm in my position. A month ago I wasn't sure whether or not deities existed, but I still wouldn't have gone out of my way to piss one off. Now, I know at least one of them is real, and there is no way I want someone of that power angry with us. And that's just the beginning. They exist, and what we do is tiny compared to their power. I don't think that allowing their clerics to make money decisions with the small amount they bring in is asking that much.
However. AGAIN, you know why this is suddenly important to me. Even if I don't have a dedication to my chosen deity here at dragonspear, I'm almost glad I didn't mention it or bring it up publicly now, as I feel I would have been almost punished for it.
What have you got against the deities, or do you just not believe they exist?
I would have thought understanding the potential for wrath from a deity would be simple for you. If a large powerful being claims something as theirs, example, items dedicated to them in their shrine, do you really want to be the person that upsets that large powerful being by trying to claim what has been given to them? I would think not.

Stagnor:

You claim to have spoken with a deity. You claim he has given you this mission. Maybe as such, you feel that you have claim to anything given to him, because you know that using his offering to build up the castle and bring in more dwarves is exactly what your deity would want. But does that mean since you got yours, you don't care whether the funds for the rest of the deities is misused? Because your deity is pleased with you, screw the rest?
If you've met a deity and know how powerful they really are, why would you risk your life, your friends, and your cities futures for a pittance?


I have met Mystra, Mother of the Weave and all Magic. Her temple is wonderful, and they open their doors every night to the poor of Waterdeep, giving them a warm place to sleep, and food and shelter if they need it. They care for their community, and it's beautiful.

Can we not allow our chapels and temples to do the same? Will we really take that opportunity away from them, and punish our own city by not caring for our poor and broken? Are these people not our responsibility now that we've planted the seeds for a city?

Sex notes

Fucked myself in the ass on his way home. Was on the phone with him and cleaning and he said stop what you’re doing and go upstairs and masturbate right now. Followed his directions on camera, then he let me finish after he got off the line. 

Sent video of more play and getting the first bump of the big red toy into my ass. 

Said he was going to use me when he got home. We had dinner first then headed upstairs. 

As promised he taped over my mouth, and took what he wanted from me. And came in my ass without a condom. 

Now I’m in bed, but I’m not allowed to masturbate tonight, because it was for him to enjoy, and I’m not allowed to.  And I am so so turned on. Both by what was done to me and by the fact that I’m not allowed to lessen it in any way. Every order he gives turns me on more. 

And he told me I could keep the duct tape from on my mouth. It’s in the bathroom safely tucked under my supervisor, on the counter. 

I don’t know how I’m going to fall asleep while I’m this horny, he has been asleep since before I was out of the shower. 

Post about lemons

I may have purchased more than one lemon tree. 

For science. 

Saturday

Dreams Saturday

I just remembered a dream I had last night. 

I dreamed that we were at an event and Geoff asked (and by asked, I mean he saw me having trouble figuring out how to use a leather cleaner, and came over a few minutes later with two of his really old vests that were dirty, put them down without a word, and walked away) me to clean some of his leathers. I feel like it probably means something but I don’t know what. There was other stuff going on in the dream but I can’t really put my finger on what those were. 

Since helping them with their moving stuff, I’ve also dreamed about having a scene with Geoff, too. I think we were just talking about doing a scene, don’t think one actually happened in the dream. 

Also on the weird scale, the night before you left, I dreamed about scening with your dad. He hit me with floggers. That’s all I remember. 

Friday 11

Cancelled Cora monthly tampon service. Which was good, it would have shipped on the 15th. 

Walked Sela 30 minutes brisk walk this morning. We walked to the end of the street plus all the way down a dead end road she wanted to sniff. 

Had breakfast, make schedule, did chores. 

Looked at lemon trees. Considering just getting some of the tiny seedlings and giving them as gifts for Mother’s Day because fruit trees. And sam would like one too you know. And it’s basically cheaper. 

At 10 am I’m so hungry I have to stop for lunch.  Luckily I finished rolling and gluing what I had made. After lunch I’ll cut some more squares and falls. 

Pictures of my day, thursday

This weeks guidelines and rules

While Relly is gone, I have a few guidelines and rules for schedule/behavior.

Wake up early every day 6-7 AM

No ice cream/cake until finished with business crafting for the day

paint a painting for my mother (probably nights, after done with PWL for the day)

Must ask for a soda. Not restricted, but must ask permission before having one.

Must ask permission to masturbate. Since that's hard to text someone who can't hide their phone all the time, tell him I'm thinking of having a cup of tea.  (If having an actual cup of tea, specify type, I.E. peppermint.)

Walk dogs for the final time before the sun goes down. That way I'm not out walking the dogs when it's dark.

Check fet, facebook, etsy 2-3 times a day to deal with sales, questions, etc. Try not to check it every 10 minutes all day. instead, be productive.

Eat. Drink plenty of water.

Send funny memes at night before bed that I've seen during the day and laughed at.

Buy a lemon tree. and maybe another fruit tree




Dump Goals:

Floggers
Paintings
Take out trash/recycle
Laundry
Wash his blankets, sheets; make the bed
Clean wash coffeepot
Keep dishes reasonably washed
set up TP pyramids in bathrooms
Post one new item listing on etsy every day and update that to fetlife, and facebook
New pics on IG daily as well
Spend some time with sam if/when he comes to visit.  Chicken Noodle Doo
take off nail polish

2nd try at May blog stuff

had a in bed role play session with my husband, the DM. My character, Opal L had a conversation with Laurel Silverhand about how she came by her powers and became a Chosen of Mystra.
It was magical, my husband is such a good storyteller that I felt like I was a small female gnome in bed with the human female open lord of waterdeep, both of us with feelings of cameraderie, playfulness, and romance between each other. The emotions were palpable and I honestly didn’t want it to end.  I even dreamed about that emotion.

Had sex last night, after a full day. Had my collar on, messed up the first bite protocol and had to wait to eat, (we went to Cajun yard dog and had some amazing fish, I had swordfish and it was delicious), had a few more moments together as master and slave, bought a stuffed animal with birthdate of our anniversary.
So when we got to the sex I felt and wanted to feel so close to and owned and protected. And we played a little before and during, with some choking and stuff. And it was intense because I felt that connection and need and desperate want to have him farther inside me to drive us as close together as possible. And pain, I loved it.



Review of random overall life stuff:


And I’m still bleeding, ugh. No worries though.

We have helped major move, twice. Helped Shea and the Gent move two days, helped dan move 3 days, helped tori and Geoff move 4 days so far, helped the game store owner move his shop. In the past 12 months.

Sela gets fixed end of this month. Sam graduates this month, twice. Sela has to lose 5 lbs this month. Event end of this month. Mother’s Day, birthdays x3 or more. Visit to Alabama.

I am so tired of being an adult and want to do a bunch of the things I feel embarrassed to do alone, but did as a kid. I want to play. I want to sit and pick grass, I want to fly a kite, I want to dig holes and plant things!

I want to do more woodcarving but I’m terrified my wrists won’t be able to take it.

And I don’t know how to do all the things I want in the time I want to do them. It seems impossible!