slave mind

What has been on my mind lately, and it's so hard to find someone to talk to who understands what I'm trying to say, because it's very hard for me to even really figure out the right words for it t o begin with, is how disadvantaged I feel as a slave, with this... injury?

My daily routine has always been very important to me. My chores, and tasks and achievements are how I give value to my slavery.

I love my Master, and I love him so fiercely that I feel the constant need to do things to show him how much I love him, how much I think he deserves as my husband and Master.

But I've always been driven to do this. To prove it.
Maybe it's from my mother, but maybe it's just me.

I don't sit still well. I'm still learning that. And I am learning that. Against my will right now, but still, I feel like that is my lesson. To exist, calmly.

It's hard! I panic when I do nothing. I think too much about things that don't matter when I'm not busy. I panic that he will think I'm lazy if I relax, if I sit while he works. I feel lazy if someone else is working while I'm not.

And if I can't do things, how will he know that I love him? If I can't serve, how can I serve? I place value in the actions I do, and if I don't do them, how can I be valuable? And if I have no value, how am I a slave?

Obviously talking like this is going to get me yelled at, but these are the thoughts that bother me, that eat at me when I sit still. And it's important that I figure it out so that I can help others learn to cope.

Coping.
My first thought is find something else that I can do to replace the things I can't, and do that to the best of my ability. But that's just changing the actions for other actions, and I'm supposed to rest, to heal.