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When i was younger, I used to think that getting old was feeling more and more tired and bogged down by life, more tired/exhausted every night when you went to bed, sleeping longer and longer until , when a person died of old age, they "died in their sleep" because they were so tired they just didn't wake up, their soul was too tired for their body to hold.
Honestly, I sort of still believe that just a little.

As a slave, I get frustrated by the "slaves can't earn a cover" hive mind that I see a lot (because I know how much work I put in on a daily basis, and it just doesn't seem fair [What does fair have to do with it? LOL]). BUT looking at it from a traditional standpoint, and also some of my own opinion here and thoughts from a long time ago (not sure where I stand 100% on it at the moment, so I'm typing it to see where the idea goes) it would make sense that a slave not be able to earn their cover IF the expectation is that a slave work their way up from the bottom to a higher position, meaning that the reason a slave can't earn their cover is because "slave" translates to newcomer in (sigh) "old guard."
 
Again, one of those theories that probably aren't meant to see the light of day.

But at the beginning of my, ahem, "career" as a slave, I always thought that I would learn the job from the bottom up and one day be ready, willing, and able to be in control of at least some aspect of another person. That I would know enough about being a slave to teach another person to be a good slave, that I would be able to care for another person in that way. That I would "learn" how to be *dominant.* What I missed somewhere along the way was that what I was really in need of learning was how to be *assertive.* That I needed to learn not how to tell other people what to do, but how to tell other people what not to do, to stand up for myself, which is amusing, since as a slave, the goal is supposed to be to please.  It's so contradictory, except for every manufactured (it's supposed to be part of the programming!) slave's rule one; "protect the property" but it's so much harder than I ever expected.

I have stepped up and done things for my local community. My Master and I volunteer for a lot of things, and as such he's been put on a lot of boards for different groups, and I usually end up helping at those events if I'm not selling my toys there (usually even then I help when I can). Being out and around all those people has really started to help me. I wasn't just an introvert, I was timid, socially painfully shy, and I was terrified of people and what they might think or say about me.

In the past few months I have had two (reasonably) minor consent violations in regards to (nonsexual) touching without asking. Both times, I actually stood up for myself and made the person aware that it was unwelcome and not ok. Even more important, I did this AS it was happening instead of having that momentary panic where I can't function enough to say no. I actually interrupted the incidents, which has never happened before. Oh, and I wasn't with my Master at the time, so I stood up **for myself.** Neither person intentionally violated my consent, it was one of those things where signals were mixed, or they didn't realize it was a "not ok" gesture. One of the people came back to me after taking a moment and apologized. Sincerely. And now I have so much love and respect for that person, more than I did before it happened.

My point being, I am growing as a