Sela

She's sleeping on the pillow I just washed cuz it plumped up and holds her better that way. 

Day Seven. Accomplished lots

Very little bleeding today. Just a little at the beginning of the day, and nothing since. Guess I'm just spotting.

finished gold flogger. It's really soft and nice and lovely.

Gave sela a bath

Gave penny a bath

Trimmed dust.

Scooped dusty.

Packed the christmas tree.

ate tacos.

Made the bed.

Started a red Paddle flogger, From the plasticy red leather from Tandy. Finished. Pictures on fet. 

Going to bed late, 

Day six. Not bleeding

Period was due today. Didn't start bleeding yet. 

Didn't take a shower like I intended to. 

Cleaned my desk

Didn't play garden warfare2

Played hearthstone, still need one more rank before the first to get card back.

Emptied large box by the dresser, packed a lot of clothes into a smaller box. Will probably go through some of hubby so stuff and put his not necessary shirts and pants in there as well. 

Almost finished a toy today. All I had to do was corset it, but the leather I want to use for lacing keeps breaking. It's a soft goatskin. So I have the corset made but have to get it laced. 

I watched Primal Fear

I watched Spanglish

I listed two items on etsy. 

I was cramping a little today and took a couple ibuprofen- and feel like I didn't accomplish much. 

I matched Rellys socks. :) 

I made the bed. It's pretty. 

I chatted with the little online today. She seems nice. 

Threw away a bottle of nail polish today :) did my nails I think eight different colors. They look funny. 

Oh and I scrubbed the toilet. Maybe that was yesterday. 

Having trouble keeping my mind focused on tasks. I keep getting that "several days are attacking me at once" feeling, as if I will feel like I'm doing one thing and next thing I know it will have been a week. 

going through books

I miss Timmy.
I miss Jeremy.
I miss Mikkal.
Andrew, Kyle Luke.

I miss my boys!
Maybe in the new house we can do more fun things with each other, since we'll have a bigger space between us and matt.

Also, I miss me, too.

Day 5 - be productive, dang it!

Met my goal of being awake before 10 :) woke up at 8, lounged in bed a while, and then got up for chores, breakfast and junk. 

500,000 gw2 coins today

Tagged my new floggers and got them inventoried. 

Wearing my collar. Forgot it yesterday, but other than that, I've been wearing it every day. 

Now I have to take a few pictures of floggers, and upload them to etsy. Will publish one a day for the next few days. 

Update: Added wood handle pink thuddy flogger to etsy. Didn't write descriptions for other toys yet, maybe tomorrow. Can't concentrate on typing descriptions. I hate doing it! 

September 10 is my next vending event. Just realized I don't know if Relly planned to be home by then. I hope so cuz it's in sc and I don't want to pay Major's gas to get there, lol. 

T3WD  - what toys should I make more of for that event? I'll look up who else is vending too. I don't remember what all I sold there, seemed like a variety, but only the super pretty stuff. We will see. 

Sold there, whiplettes to Tori, wood handle flogger, wood handle wool flogger, 2 spoons to Shea... There was a cute chick Relly sold something to, don't remember what. 

Looked at my stock. Need a few more colorful floggers, maybe another bright colored toy like the purple pink metallic color, maybe a red, maybe a red and purple or gold and purple or just purple. Maybe a gold and blue... Maybe another cat of nine since I was selling them every event until I made them into a pair. 

Started a flogger. Just needs cap and corset and then it will be ready for pictures. 

Let the dogs run around in the pen until they were exhausted. It was great. I got eaten by mosquitoes and now I am a skeleton.

My husband sounds so much happier and healthier now than he did this weekend. I think he spent so much time taking care of everyone that he didn't think to drink enough water himself. 

Apparently there is a hurricane landing this weekend. He said if it wasn't for that he would be on his way home this weekend. I'm concerned he won't be home for the vending event thing. 

Had tacos today. The meat was awful! So chewy and grainy and ughness. I had one bite and ate the rest of my taco only the top part without meat. It made my stomach hurt. I told Matt it was good and that I liked it. But freezer meat is gross. I will never not think that. 

Watched double jeopardy today. It leaves Netflix on the first

I really need to pack some stuff into boxes. I haven't even thought of it because there is a lot of everyday stuff I'm trying to accomplish, and a lot of business stuff I'm hoping to get done. And I also can't seem to focus on anything lately. I keep logging on my tablet to check one thing, and end up on Facebook. 

Tomorrow.

Finish flogger

Finish black and gold flogger

Finish whip? 

Publish another etsy listing.

Write a short PatchworkLeather something for Facebook.

Finish washing all the blankets and sheets. 

Bathe dogs

Wash dog blankets. Again. 

Pack a box from the list of stuff to pack! Or pack large amounts of spare blankets? 

Rewrite inventory of PatchworkLeather items. 

Make a PLAN for what to do or make before the vendor fair. 

Get Relly hearthstone account rank to 20 before end of month to earn card back. At rank 22 right now. 

Still need to repaint my nails. 

Day 4 unsupervised

I wanted to get up "before ten" and ended up waking up at 10:09. But, I was having a great dream when my alarm went off and actually decided I would enjoy lying in bed. Not sure how I finished the dream, woke up thinking its probably late, and still was so close to my goal :) happy.

Have been lounging in bed for an hour on my tablet. Time to finally get up and get dressed. 

My back didn't hurt yesterday. At all. Didn't hurt today either! It seems like I do better when I -start- with the orange juice and then drink the protein shake later, rather than the shake and then oj. Guess cuz the OJ with what helps me absorb it. 

Went to the grocery store. Matt paid for the groceries but still hasn't given me the other part of the bills so I don't know how much of that I "paid" for, I offered him money, so. 

He has also paid for my food when we went to hickory, and when we went to the Thai place the day before that. 

Finally talked for a while to my hubby. I've missed him so so much. I showed him the snakewood I bought for $15 from the exotic wood store. He loves it. He says he already knows what he wants made out of one of the pieces. I'm guessing knife blanks. 

Fall wingnut slave hunt is coming up. I would like to vend but I think it's the weekend before we move. But I could get rid of a lot of my stock that way, it could be a great idea and ploy. :) to make sales. We will have to see, because my items are all tagged at pretty much the lowest I want to charge for them, so going lower would be tough. 

Matt said he will make tacos later tonight. The ground beef has been frozen so I am unsure how good it will be. But I'm definitely up for tacos lol.
Edit: It's late, and he will just move the beef to the fridge from the sink at some point. Actually. I think I'll go do that. I think he's wanking and he might forget.
(So I'm eating a cup of yogurt instead of tacos)

Relly will be arriving at his parents in Alabama today. I'm excited for him to see his parents again. 

I found out what upset my Master yesterday, and I am decently fairly pissed. I want to write a rant. Because I could have been in the exact same position, and I know the lengths he would have gone to defend me, and he didn't defend himself with the same force, and I want to jump on my horse and slay all the mean people ever and defend him via the public opinion stadium of Fetlife and Facebook. Grr. 

Haven't made garden warfare coins today, but I will hop on and play once I get out of the shower.
Edit: I am ready for bed, and I didn't hop onto GW2. Maybe tomorrow.

Someone posted a "mature items only" post on facebook in one of the etsy groups and I spent about an hour putting about 6 items on there. I had 28 views in the last 2 hours, so I'm pretty happy with that. Also, the person was asking for items so she could add them to be featured on her product blog later this week. So I should get more views from that, hopefully a few sales. Pretty excited.

Folded and put away 4 loads of laundry today, Also, matched my socks. Shaved my legs. And told tig and tori congrats about 4 different times each.

Please please please read this even though it's a health post

I would like you to read the entire article sometime soon, but I'll copy paste the IMPORTANT (MUST READ) sections for you.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2014/11/03/nutrient-deficiency-signs-symptoms.aspx

5 Signs Your Body May Be Nutrient Deficient

1. Cracks at the Corners of Your Mouth

This can be a sign of iron, zinc, and B-vitamin (niacin, riboflavin, and B12) deficiency, or that you’re not getting enough protein. Good dietary sources of these nutrients include organic free-range poultry and eggs, wild-caught Alaskan salmon, oysters, and clams (if you can be sure they are harvested from non-polluted waters), Swiss chard, and tahini.

Because iron absorption is enhanced by vitamin C, be sure your diet also includes plenty of vitamin C-rich veggies like broccoli, red bell peppers, kale, and cauliflower.

Magnesium deserves special mention because an estimated 80 percent of Americans are deficient in it. 
Early signs of magnesium deficiency include loss of appetite, headache, nausea, fatigue, and weakness. An ongoing magnesium deficiency can lead to more serious symptoms, including:

Numbness and tingling	Muscle contractions and cramps	Seizures
Personality changes	Abnormal heart rhythms	Coronary spasms

 it would be highly unusual for most people to have access to foods that are rich in magnesium, which is why I believe it is prudent to consider a magnesium supplement.

another way to improve your magnesium status is to take regular Epsom salt baths or foot baths. Epsom salt is a magnesium sulfate that can be absorbed into your body through your skin. 

Ideas for packing

1. Sort out the big box beside dresser in bedroom. 

2. Sort bedroom dvd and movies by tv

3. Organize leather room. Pack one pink tote with brown leather

4. Leather room pack one red tote with leather or unfinished toys

5. Leather room pretty leather

6. Kitchen - unused dishes (need small boxes though)

7. Living room - Christmas tree

8. Bedroom - his not favorite clothes

9. Bathroom - Legos 

10. All extra blankets, sheets, pillowcases

11. Notebooks, with writing.

12. Notebooks, blank

Day 3

Still waiting on pictures of Relly with his new whips. 

Texting him regularly to remind him to take pills. (I hope it makes him feel closer to home like it does for me)

Went to hickory today, spent $15 business money. At the woodworking store. Can't wait to take and post pictures. 

Tori and Tig are doing well in the competition at the event Relly is at. - edit, they both won! 

Had brisket for the first time today. It was good but gave me horrible gas the whole way home. 

Major kept saying mean things about women, but then later admitted he was grumpy and tired. So I felt a little better. But the "that old/ugly bitch" yelled at people was getting old, fast. 

365,000 GW2 coins total today. 

Painted my nails red today. With the wine scented nail polish. 

Making plans for what I want to accomplish while Relly is away from home, packing and otherwise. List of packing stuff to be posted soon. 

Since we didn't talk as much as I thought we would, I forgot to remind him to give out business cards. Guessing since it didn't go well that wouldn't have been a good idea anyway. 

Hope he gets to play tonight if he feels like it. 

Tomorrow:

Laundry- wash

Talk on the phone with Relly for his long car trip

Fold towels

Pack a box? 

Tag and update floggers, and upload one or two to etsy.

Get up before 10 am :) 

Make a flogger in purple or something? 

Day 2

Last night I thought about my master, wishing he was here to cover me up with my blankets before bed. 

And also last night he managed to come into my room in the middle of the night and start talking randomly, wake me up and confuse me until I was pretty well awake, and then walk away just as quickly, leaving me confused. How did he do this from Georgia, you ask? Well, at 5:30 this morning, he realized that the restaurant he wanted to eat at didn't open until6:00, so he called me to talk for 30 minutes.. At 5:30 in the morning. I asked what he was doing and he said walking around outside. I panicked and got up and started getting dressed before realizing he wasn't outside at home. We talked about Pokemon, the people there, how someone was angry with him. I told him that no one gets to treat him like a henpecked husband if I don't. We talked about how female dominators in general act superior to everyone else and how much of a pain it is when they should be just as respectful as anyone else, if not more so. 

I snuggled with major in his bed, and then my eyes started itching and my allergies really started kicking my ass. 

I'm going with him to his parents tomorrow. Since I didn't want to spend the day there, now he doesn't want to leave early, he wants to take his time, meaning that my entire point of not spending the whole freaking day out of the house is wasted. Because I wanted it over and done with, but now he's going to just sleep and whatever. So we will still get back just as late as if we had planned to go somewhere tomorrow. Somewhat irritated that he does this so often. I even told him, I would rather leave early and get back sooner. More than once. Guess it doesn't matter, but it is still irritating to have my best efforts thwarted when I am going to spend four hours in the truck with him. 

Spouse bought a matching pair of paranormal whips. That is now his birthday present.

He is going to scene tonight. He might kiss her. 

My back has been gradually starting to hurt and I am worried. Especially with the four hour car trip just so major won't be lonely while he gets his bank card from his parents. Sigh.

Guess tomorrow will just be a waste.

Today. I sent the package

Replied to dusty

Posted a new picture of the red circle set of toys

Finished the teal flogger and posted pictures on fet

Red silver flogger set on etsy

260,000 coins on garden warfare total. Not much. 

New and leaving netflix september 1.

I plan to maybe watch the italicized stuff. We'll see. Thought you might like to look through it. 

A new month means a new list of shows and movies coming to Netflix.

But of course that also means some have to go.

What’s Coming…

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 1

The Amityville Horror (2005)
Babel (2006)
Bayou Maharajah: The Tragic Genius of James Booker (2013)
Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991)
Bratz: The Movie (2007)
Burn, Burn, Burn (2015)
Cats & Dogs (2001)
Crashing: Season 1
Defiance (2008)
Easy Fortune Happy Life (2009)
Europe’s Last Great Wilderness (2015)
The Fierce Wife (2010)
Footloose (1984)
Full Out (2015)
Game Winning Hit: Season 1
Heartland: Season 7
Hellevator: Season 1
Hoot (2006)
Hope Floats (1998)
I Am the Ambassador: Season 1 ­NETFLIX EXCLUSIVE
Indochina’s Wild Heart (2015)
The IT Crowd: Series 5
Jaws (1975)
Jaws 2 (1978)
Jaws 3 (1983)
Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
Joyful Noise (2012)
Keepers of the Game (2016)
Last Holiday (2006)
Lucky Days: Season 1
Man on Wire (2008)
Milk Money (1994)
Practical Magic (1998)
Road Trip (2000)
Sam Kinison: Breaking the Rules (2000)
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Scary Movie 2 (2001)
Shameless (U.S.): Season 5­ – 6
Stomp the Yard (2007)
Sweeney Todd (2007)
Top Gun (1986)
True Grit (1969)
U­571 (2000)
The Wicker Man (2006)
Wild Madagascar (2015)
The Womanizer: Season 1
The Year of Happiness and Love: Season 1

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 2

Baby Daddy: Season 5
Chef’s Table: France NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Kazoops!: Season 1 ­NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Kulipari: An Army of Frogs ­NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Narcos: Season 2 ­NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Young & Hungry: Season 4

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 6

Crash (2004)
The Finest Hours (2015)
Hard Target 2 (2016)
Honey 3 (2016)
R.L. Stine’s Mostly Ghostly: One Night in Doom House (2016)

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 7

The Blacklist: Season 3
Galavant: Seasons 1­ – 2

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 10

Supergirl: Season 1

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 13

Extremis (2016) ­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Hawaii Five­0: Season 6
London Has Fallen (2015)

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 14

Goldie & Bear: Season 1

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 15

Sample This (2012)
The Walking Dead: Season 6

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 16

Cedric The Entertainer: Live from the Ville ­NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Raiders!: The Story of the Greatest Fan Film Ever Made (2015)
The White Helmets (2016) ­ NETFLIX ORIGINAL

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 17

3 Days to Kill (2014)
Luther: Season 4
Penny Dreadful: Season 3

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 19

Call the Midwife: Series 5
Gotham: Season 2

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 20

Colliding Dreams (2016)
New Girl: Season 5
Zootopia (2016)

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 22

Bones: Season 11
Easy: Season 1 NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Wallander: Series 4

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 23

Audrie & Daisy (2016) NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Iliza Shlesinger: Confirmed Kills ­NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Last Man Standing: Season 5
Longmire: Season 5 ­NETFLIX ORIGINAL
VeggieTales in the House: Season 4 NETFLIX ORIGINAL

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 24

Portlandia: Season 6
River (2016)

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 25

Family Guy: Season 14
Margaret Cho: PsyCHO (2015)

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 28

The Fosters: Season 4 (Part A)
The Imitation Game (2014)

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 30

Amanda Knox (2016) NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Marvel’s Luke Cage: Season 1 NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Scream: Season 2

---

…What’s Going

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 1

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)
A Walk to Remember (2002)
Anywhere but Here (1999)
Avengers Confidential: Black Widow & Punisher (2014)
The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
Call Me Crazy: A Five Film (2013)
The Color Purple (1985)
Crocodile Dundee (1986)
Days of Thunder (1990)
Defending Your Life (1991)
Double Jeopardy (1999)
Everybody Loves Raymond: Seasons 1­ – 9
Exporting Raymond (2010)
Flight of the Intruder (1991)
Girl Rising (2013)
Hachi: A Dog’s Tale (2009)
Hardball (2001)
The Haunting (1999)
Nick Cannon: Mr. Showbiz (2011)
Our Man in Tehran (2013)
Primal Fear (1996)
Roboshark (2015)
Roman Holiday (1953)
S.W.A.T. (2003)
Sins of My Father (2009)
Spanglish (2004)
Traffic (2000)
The Weather Man (2005)
The Wood (1999)
Zoolander (2001)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 4

Melissa & Joey: Seasons 1­ – 4
Shanghai Knights (2003)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 5

Gabe the Cupid Dog (2012)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 6

Hollywood Homicide (2003)
My Babysitter’s a Vampire: The Movie (2010)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 9

The Emperor’s New Groove (2000)
Lilo & Stitch (2002)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 11

Fringe: Seasons 1­ – 5
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 15

Bob Saget: That’s What I’m Talkin’ About (2013)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 16

Gridiron Gang (2006)
The Kids Are All Right (2010)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 17

Gimme the Loot (2012)
Simon Killer (2012)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 20

Something, Anything (2014)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 23

The Lost Medallion (2013)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 24

The Forbidden Kingdom (2008)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 25

Alias: Seasons 1­ – 5
Jobs (2013)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 28

Open Water (2004)
Open Water 2: Adrift (2006)

LEAVING SEPTEMBER 30

666 Park Avenue: Season 1
Another Gay Movie (2006)
The Aviators (2008)
League of Super Evil: Season 1
We Were Soldiers (2002)
Wolf (2013)

http://www.10tv.com/article/whats-coming-and-going-netflix-september-2016

Business Post, August

Etsy:
CLR006 Black Lotus with Orange Handle $40 (plus ship) 8-8-16 CA
SET009 Stingy Green Croc Pattern Flogger Black Handle $60 (plus ship) 8-11-16 GA

Paid:
Set, red/silver stingy Flogger and Whiplette  $70? Maru 8-24-16

Unpaid:
Black and purple Leather bat $55 Pixie

Orders:
Black Leather Bat $80 + Shipping  Dusty (Sept 2)
Stingy Metallic Pink/Purple Flogger $?  Vixen (Sept 3)

SELF adventures, and some alone (?) time. LOL

Relly left for SELF today, and I will miss him very much until he returns.

He arrived safely.
He got to play electric guitar today :D
He wants to buy a paracord bullwhip, and yes it is in fact probably a good idea to buy that material and not spend a lot of money for a bullwhip, but it's still more money than we can afford to spend right now, (in my opinion, there are a lot of things we need to spend money on first.)
He is having fun and there are at least a few people he is enjoying spending time with.

I have permission to masturbate every night until he comes home, but he will try to remember to give me permission every night anyway.
I have permission to redo my nails as much as I like until I have finished going through all my nail polish and throwing away the ones that are old, gross, etc.


I received a reply from a customer, who really liked the item I made for him, and definitely wants to purchase, at the beginning of sept.  (Dusty)  I glued the cap and finished lacing the corset, so it is ready to go as soon as it is paid for.
I played GardenWarfare2 on Relly's account and am up to 220,000 coins. There is an event, and when the first chest is available, I've met the requirements to open it.
I mopped the spare bathroom.
I folded and put away a load of laundry. Washed and dried a load of towels.
I packed the two red/silver items and they are in the package and addressed, ready to ship tomorrow morning. (Maru)
I did a lil more nonspecific cleaning in the bedroom. I can't remember exactly what, but it looks a lot better.
Major made pasta, and we watched a weird but funny movie together. Also, he wants to make alcohol things after we move. they look yummy.
(Thought I would be spending more time by myself, I forgot Major was going to be here)


Plans for tomorrow:
Post Office to mail item
Tracking number to Maur
Finish Aqua stingy flogger
Respond to Dusty
Find a way to keep track of my sales/orders?

To do

Sweep and mop kitchen

Fold clothes

Pack box of stuffed animals into red tote

Put away folded clothes

Pack not favorite clothes into box

Wash dog blankets

Give sela a bath

Give penny a bath

Double dose of master's meds. 

Post another listing of a toy on etsy.

Via humanitatis? 

Scoop dusty. 

Talk to Matt? Write down things that are an issue or that need to be out in the open.

Talk to Master about whether we can talk privately or if he needs to be there. 

Dreams: Major

I dreamed about Matt last night. I mean, not just Matt, I also dreamed that my Master's mother makes scrambled egg pie, with six eggs and two sticks of butter, but that's probably not the one I should be chatting about.

I dreamed about Matt.
I'm going to tell all of the dream even though it is weird and graphic, so don't freak out, m'kay?

I went to him to play, but not just any play, we were going to do a drowning scene. I kept stalling and not going in, he was waiting in the bathroom, and for some reason I wanted to make sure everything was right. I undressed to panties, a bra, and socks. And then I fretted because the bra and socks were black and I remembered in the dream that I was wearing dark green panties (almost black) and it didn't match. I kept picturing myself going in, looking pretty, his smile, and then I would be shy, with my head down, while he undressed me. I go in and he has only just started filling the tub. I get in, head near the faucet and showerhead side, and he gets in on the other side. I am nervous, jumpy, because I don't know when he will start drowning me, or the scene will begin. I keep relaxing from the water, closing my eyes, and then startling and taking a deep breath and moving my head, opening my eyes, thinking I'm about to be pushed under, but he only smiles at me. As the water fills the tub almost halfway, he goes down on me, putting his head underwater to do it. I remember thinking, "do we have to do this before we can play?" but I remain passive and don't say anything. Somewhere along the lines, dirt starts floating around in the tub, and I say I don't want to be drowned "in that." He gets out of the tub, and even though I don't touch anything, the water drains. I wash the sides of the tub with the showerhead, recheck the drain, and start filling the tub again.
He pushes me under the running water, and I can't hold my breath as long, because I'm surprised. I choke and cough, and he lets me back up again. I'm all smiles, it's something I've missed so much. He gets back into the tub. We talk as the tub fills back up, about random things, but not the talk we need to have. It's like we are feeling each other out, emotionally, to see where we stand. He looks me in the eyes and says, "Thank you for trusting me to do this, I didn't think you would." And then he pushes me underwater before I answer, as I'm thinking about how to explain that I don't know why I am perfectly fine with this, I have no doubts that I am safe, I have perfect trust, even as I'm underwater and running out of air. But we do need to talk, there are things I don't trust him with, and I tell myself that we will talk about it as soon as this is over.  I need to breathe. I start struggling, and he keeps me underwater. Soon I struggle harder, I reach out of the water and grab his arm, I start to slap at him, but I realize on the second "tap" and stop myself from doing our signaled 3-tap tapping-out. I trust. more time passes.  I have water in my mouth, there is no air that I'm holding onto to use. Finally, he lets me up, and I breathe, I lean onto him and breathe heavily for a while. And smile. I love the drowning. But then after a while, I realize he's done. I ask him if he doesn't mind, to just do it one more time. He doesn't really answer, just gets out and grabs a towel. Just like that, it's over.
We go somewhere else together, and I see a rainbow, and stupid random things happen, involving every store he looks at on his phone being pornographic, and I make a walmart/condom joke, and his mother shows up right before I say the word condom, so I shut up really quickly. And I never talk to him, about the trust issues.


When I woke up I wanted to go in there. I wanted to snuggle and tell him about the dream and... I wanted everything to be normal again. I even thought about texting him.

But I wanted non sexual snuggles, and wanted the bed to be clean, lol.

I don't know how this is going to work, at some point we have to talk. 

blah

When i was younger, I used to think that getting old was feeling more and more tired and bogged down by life, more tired/exhausted every night when you went to bed, sleeping longer and longer until , when a person died of old age, they "died in their sleep" because they were so tired they just didn't wake up, their soul was too tired for their body to hold.
Honestly, I sort of still believe that just a little.

As a slave, I get frustrated by the "slaves can't earn a cover" hive mind that I see a lot (because I know how much work I put in on a daily basis, and it just doesn't seem fair [What does fair have to do with it? LOL]). BUT looking at it from a traditional standpoint, and also some of my own opinion here and thoughts from a long time ago (not sure where I stand 100% on it at the moment, so I'm typing it to see where the idea goes) it would make sense that a slave not be able to earn their cover IF the expectation is that a slave work their way up from the bottom to a higher position, meaning that the reason a slave can't earn their cover is because "slave" translates to newcomer in (sigh) "old guard."
 
Again, one of those theories that probably aren't meant to see the light of day.

But at the beginning of my, ahem, "career" as a slave, I always thought that I would learn the job from the bottom up and one day be ready, willing, and able to be in control of at least some aspect of another person. That I would know enough about being a slave to teach another person to be a good slave, that I would be able to care for another person in that way. That I would "learn" how to be *dominant.* What I missed somewhere along the way was that what I was really in need of learning was how to be *assertive.* That I needed to learn not how to tell other people what to do, but how to tell other people what not to do, to stand up for myself, which is amusing, since as a slave, the goal is supposed to be to please.  It's so contradictory, except for every manufactured (it's supposed to be part of the programming!) slave's rule one; "protect the property" but it's so much harder than I ever expected.

I have stepped up and done things for my local community. My Master and I volunteer for a lot of things, and as such he's been put on a lot of boards for different groups, and I usually end up helping at those events if I'm not selling my toys there (usually even then I help when I can). Being out and around all those people has really started to help me. I wasn't just an introvert, I was timid, socially painfully shy, and I was terrified of people and what they might think or say about me.

In the past few months I have had two (reasonably) minor consent violations in regards to (nonsexual) touching without asking. Both times, I actually stood up for myself and made the person aware that it was unwelcome and not ok. Even more important, I did this AS it was happening instead of having that momentary panic where I can't function enough to say no. I actually interrupted the incidents, which has never happened before. Oh, and I wasn't with my Master at the time, so I stood up **for myself.** Neither person intentionally violated my consent, it was one of those things where signals were mixed, or they didn't realize it was a "not ok" gesture. One of the people came back to me after taking a moment and apologized. Sincerely. And now I have so much love and respect for that person, more than I did before it happened.

My point being, I am growing as a

Anemia / iron deficiency

There are also other symptoms that occur with iron deficiency. Low back pain is one of the most common early signs. Iron is a catalyst to vitamin C in the formation of the connective tissue, collagen, that gives our tissues strength. The lumbar spine takes more mechanical stress than any other part of the body because so it is one of the first tissues to complain. 

http://www.olaloa.com/iron-deficiency-more-than-tired-blood.html

Also it says do not take iron supplements unless a doc says to because too much iron is really bad for the body and it's easy to get too much from a pill.

Player One - DING

Level 3 has been achieved! 

Rellyabard half dwarf male has reached level 3!

15/65 XP

Discover recipe, buttermilk pancakes.  +5 cooking

Send link to buttermilk pancake recipe used, please :) 

Character hates flour. Texture etc.

Today Quests

Wash Dishes
+5 XP
+1 cup of tea, from slave

Replace Fly Magnets of Doom
+5 XP
+10 minutes TV/PS4 time

Call Places that may need card updated for payment
+10 XP
+ 1 [3 hour breath mint] +1 minty  +2X bonus to XP for 3 hours

Hit slave with toy (may be repeated up to 4 times)
+ slave will wipe down surface of choice

Bake Cake 
+20 XP
+ you have a cake!
+5 cooking per cake until lvl 50
[Simple Cake]
+50 HP
+ 1 speed for 30 minutes

Catch a Pokemon
+10 XP
+ Vitamin D boost if Daytime (+ 10 armor for 30 minutes)
+ Cup of Tea from slave if Nighttime

http://emilytade.blogspot.com/2016/07/player-one-character-sheet.html?zx=d181058c9cba0a34

For more quests, see slave!