Emotional runoff

Disclaimer: I am somewhat certain I've only felt like this since you've been sleeping a lot or since the sex last night, which ended as an emotional roller coaster for me (Orgasm denial does that to the brain).

I needed to write this shit down because I can't sleep. 

Some of this emotionally shitty stuff I can work on alone. And some of this is pre maintenance. 

Serious stuff

I have to be so fucking careful how I say everything! I've rewritten what I want to say four times and none of it works! 

I can't talk about my wants, because I'm a slave.

I can't talk about issues I have, because you could just say it doesn't matter, because I'm a slave.

I can't say you need to do X for me. 

You have been half-assing it. 

I actually told you what I needed during sex, and your response was to completely quit doing anything I liked, finish, and leave me crying. No, you didn't need to go to bed immediately. You went to your computer.  

This says to me that either you were try to humiliate me or "put me in my place" but without proper verbal reassurance of this I'm not certain. Or, the one that's screaming in the back of my head and has been since last night, that you don't care about me and you only do the minimum to get what you want, fuck my wants or needs. 

You said you were going to punish me. 

And forgot. 

Again. 

This is a recurring issue. A big fucking issue. 

If you own me, then act like it. All the time, not just with your big mouth. 

I want a shoulder massage. I haven't asked for one, that's on me. 

But I don't think you would do it if I did ask. This falls under the category of asking for a scene, or sex, which has a pretty low success rate. (Success not meaning that I get what I asked for, but that we don't get in a fight and I don't feel guilty after.)  speaking of, I have stopped asking for a scene, but I still want one.