Potato wedges recipe.

http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/baked-potato-wedges

Made these potato wedges. The recipe was so bland! It smelled great while cooking but there was just no taste. 

Recommend adding a full spoon more salt and pepper. Also, maybe some Italian herbs and spices, something other than paprika.

Still awake

I think I just heard the garage door three times in five seconds. Hmm. Guess someone is awake but sleepy.

Can't sleep

I'm not happy. 

I know it's not true, but I feel like I have never been happy and will never be happy again.

I bicker and nag and bitch and I blame everyone else, but I don't think I would be happy even if everything was perfect. I don't think I even really know what I want.

I tried to think about what I want, and what things make me happy, and the only thing I could think of was pain. That's not even true. I'm not always happy when I'm hurting. I bitch about that too! 

I say that I want him to spend time with me, but in his famous words, "and do what?"

I feel lost and broken. 

I remember people saying they always think of how much of a happy person I am, they never see me without a smile. At least, that was what people said about me when I was growing up.  I was always happy because there was no reason not to be happy. It's the opposite now. I got older, I learned about death (15, my grandma bowman), war (9-11), rejection (people being mean to another person for no reason, high school), disease (I remember someone explaining AIDS to me at church, the first time I learned there were sicknesses that can kill you that can't be cured). All this suffering and emptiness. I don't think I ever recovered from it. I feel like I carry around all the pain I've ever seen and I ache that nothing I do will ever make a difference, and even if I make one person smile or save a life, we all die anyway, so what will it matter?  I know this is dark, and heavy, and no one ever wants to talk about it. I don't even want to talk about it, but I always hope someone will be able to say something that makes it just a little better, just a little easier to sleep. 

I feel like I should stop speaking, because everything I say comes out hateful. I should only answer questions and speak when I am required to. 

I'm not cleaning the bathroom. I know I'm supposed to. It's not meant as defiance. Rather, I need reassurance that my actions or lack thereof matter in some way in relation to my rules and life as a slave. I don't get rewarded normally for completing tasks, but I also don't get punished for failure other than verbally, and I'm starting to wonder if there is any point in obedience if it changes nothing. 

Emotional runoff

Disclaimer: I am somewhat certain I've only felt like this since you've been sleeping a lot or since the sex last night, which ended as an emotional roller coaster for me (Orgasm denial does that to the brain).

I needed to write this shit down because I can't sleep. 

Some of this emotionally shitty stuff I can work on alone. And some of this is pre maintenance. 

Serious stuff

I have to be so fucking careful how I say everything! I've rewritten what I want to say four times and none of it works! 

I can't talk about my wants, because I'm a slave.

I can't talk about issues I have, because you could just say it doesn't matter, because I'm a slave.

I can't say you need to do X for me. 

You have been half-assing it. 

I actually told you what I needed during sex, and your response was to completely quit doing anything I liked, finish, and leave me crying. No, you didn't need to go to bed immediately. You went to your computer.  

This says to me that either you were try to humiliate me or "put me in my place" but without proper verbal reassurance of this I'm not certain. Or, the one that's screaming in the back of my head and has been since last night, that you don't care about me and you only do the minimum to get what you want, fuck my wants or needs. 

You said you were going to punish me. 

And forgot. 

Again. 

This is a recurring issue. A big fucking issue. 

If you own me, then act like it. All the time, not just with your big mouth. 

I want a shoulder massage. I haven't asked for one, that's on me. 

But I don't think you would do it if I did ask. This falls under the category of asking for a scene, or sex, which has a pretty low success rate. (Success not meaning that I get what I asked for, but that we don't get in a fight and I don't feel guilty after.)  speaking of, I have stopped asking for a scene, but I still want one. 

Tired.

Finally finished masturbating. Sort of. Finished the horny masturbating, now to rub so I can sleep. 

Want to use my hood more, but my lips are really dried out and damaged. Need to drink lots of water and avoid getting hit in the face with footballs! 

Put up or Shut up.

There has been a lot of argument and drama online lately about the syrian refugees- Should we help them? Should we deny them access and focus on helping our own homeless veterans? It is a very public, very personal, debate.

But what does all the arguing across social media accomplish? Drama and nothing.

So I say put up or shut up.
That's right, I challenge those of you with loud mouths and even louder opinions to put your money where your mouth is. If you don't care about this issue, no problem. If this is deeply personal and you feel strongly about this debate, open your wallet and support your side and it's corresponding cause. Or, if you just want to be a good person, support both causes!

Here is the link to a charity that supports the Syrian Refugees.

Here is a link to a charity that helps out homeless veterans.

And here is a link that shows you how much money has been donated to these causes.

So go donate, and post a screenshot of your donation confirmation email. Let all your friends know what you think about this important issue, and don't just talk about it, Do Something.

It's the season of giving, and now you can feel good about donating AND argue with strangers on facebook. I call that a win-win.

Merry fucking Christmas everyone.

Christmas Wishlist

Red Lipstick. Bright Red, very red lipstick. So i have a classic red.
Brands:
http://besamecosmetics.com/ Besame Red looks pretty.
https://trestique.com/ Chile Red looks pretty

Manic panic lipstick
After Midnight, this is the one I want most. Do not want matte colors. Want a white or super pale pink also. And maybe some dark reds or other gothic colors. Bright colors are fine too.

Books
The Thief by  Megan Turner (Actually, I want the whole series (of four books). NOT the ebooks. real books.)
http://www.amazon.com/Thief-Queens-Book/dp/0060824972/ref=la_B001IGHIEG_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447903716&sr=1-1

Stuffed Animals

Skelanimals, bane: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=skelanimals+bane

Clothing

Thick knee high socks, gothy colors. Right below the knee is fine too. Black and red or white or pink or blue. Or just bright weird socks. No toe socks. 

Panties.

Really cute panties. 

STUFF and things. To do?

Maintenance Stuff
Finish my Marketplace blog.
One room a week thingy. Please continue this, punish for this if necessary, etc. This is important to me.
I need to work on the information for Medic, and need direction, or some prodding.

Relly Stuff
MAsT: 3 applicants and voting.
MAsT: change in location and date?
MAsT: check in on your assistant regional duties.


Me To Do. TODAY
find and refinish Sam's necklace.
Paint my fingernails.

To Do, Sometime. 
sweep the bathroom. (because eww.)
Finish sanding and etc the handles in the garage.
Look up pretty eye-hooks for handles.



Other
"trump teachings" youtube, hearthstone.

Relly have to do this :D

Today
Take back Redbox movie
Pick up Fallout stuff from Gamestop

Soon
Take Sela to the vet
TJMaxx leggings

This Week
Pick up something for Sam for his birthday. (Fallout 4?)

Ipsy bag

1. Cool stars galaxy bag. 

2. Smash box mascara. Black. It looks awesome on me.

3. Luxie brown eyeshadow. 

Will probably trade.

4. Highlighting trio. What is this? Is it eyeshadow? 

Looked it up, it is for cheeks and stuff, so face highlighting, not eyes. Colors seem ok. Not sure I would use.

5. Pore lessening cream.

Probably will trade this.

6. Some form of makeup brush. For eyes? 

Dunno. 

I absolutely love the mascara! 

The Marketplace -Part Three, Chapters 22, 23, and 24

Chapter 22

In The Marketplace, the slaves up for auction are placed in a kneeling position on a pedestal. They are not bound, but the non-voice-trained slaves are gagged. Voice-trained slaves must answer questions. They each have a collar around their neck, with a lock and ID tag on it, but the lock is open, with the key in it.  The bidding takes place in a separate room. Preferred bidders are allowed one last chance after bidding is closed to outbid the high bidder. 

In front of the slave is a table with three copies of the contract, as well as their file for bidders to look through. The winner signs all three and takes one copy, and then closes the lock on the collar and takes the key. "The slave does not need to sign, they signed when they were free."

Chapter 23

Claudia's owner arrives, and Alex has her show off her new skills. First caning Brian, and then Claudia accompanies her mistress upstairs to show off her "other" skills. Her owner is impressed.

Sharon, gagged and kneeling, is agitated, and wants to be the center of attention around the buyers. She is jealous of the attention paid to Robert.

Robert is anxious that he won't be pleasing. He answers questions, not really hearing any of them. He feels unready. 

Bidding ends. Twenty minutes before they confirm bids. 

The woman who purchased Robert is a woman in an elite circle of mistresses. She was introduced to him as "a friend of Madame" (Claudia maybe?) and when she signs the contract and closes the lock on his neck, a single tear rolls down his cheek. She thinks it is sweet that he views the process as romantic. 

Sharon is purchased by a man in his late 50s, who is in good shape, but not one who had used her sexually before., only read her file. He is a widower, lives in Texas, and travels east. She assumes he is rich. She is very happy and wants to smile at him, win him over, but she is still gagged. Then she hears a woman's voice. The mans daughter. 

Sharon finds out that the man bought her as a wedding present for his daughter, although the ownership still belongs to him since her contract required she be purchased by a single male. He plans on sleeping with her when he visits his daughter, maybe four times a year. Other than that she will probably use her as kitchen staff. 

Sharon sees Chris looking at her and expects him to be happy that she is in a shitty situation, but he looks sorry for her. 

Chapter 24

The house made money on the sale of the two slaves (Sharon's good looks drove up her price) and on Claudius retraining. Grendel feels Sharon got what she deserved.

Alex listed two weeks as resort vacation. 

They plan on training two more slaves (and Brian) before then. Brian is in the room, doing endurance training. 

They are both happy with each other at the moment because they just enjoyed a reunion after being apart, or at least unable to get together around the slaves in training. 

Chris comes in and sends Brian to bed. They have him replace Brian at the foot of the desk. Then they ask Brian if he would like to join them at the resort. He says the typical slave response, then inquires why he would be there to be able to better answer if he would like it. 

Chris would be able to be their slave at the resort. They want to reward him for his good work with the four slaves. He accepts the offer to join them, even though the collar comes off when they come back home, as painful as that will be. 

They go to bed, and Chris gets up, takes care of the house and returns to his own bed.

"Have I told you that the mark of the best slaves is patience? Infinite patience."

Inspired.

Last night we left for the bar to go get the key to the house we want to possibly fix up, and if everything goes well, buy.  

The hour before we left was a nightmare. Master and I were having arguments about everything. What I should wear, how long we would stay, everything. And then we got in the car together and I thought it was going to be awful, a long drive, a crowded bar, and a late night while we were at odds with one another. As a kind of leap of faith for me, I didn't bring anything to do while we were out. I wasn't going to sit in a corner (even though I was hurting and tired and, ugh, we were fighting so much), I was going to stay with him at the bar and socialize. And so we talked on the way out of the driveway. I had miscommunicated about wearing makeup, and he had responded angrily, and I had taken that badly as well, and we cleared that up quickly before leaving. 

The drive was fun! He played Pandora, with all kinds of old music I used to love in high school, and music he used to play all the time when we lived near Kmart. I was trying to guess music, a game we haven't played in forever, and we just enjoyed each other. It was lovely.

The bar wasn't that fun, I got an offer to sell my toys to someone who sells there, but without my name on it, and met the owners of the house we haven't seen yet. (And they forget to bring the key with them). It was crowded, the alcohol was gross, people were drunk and taking pictures, and there were way too many flashing lights.   But I stayed with master. 

We left and I had to pee. It took half an hour to find a bathroom because even McDonald's was closed! I barely made it into the bathroom and was still urinating when I heard master leave the bathroom across from me. 

We grabbed food from the gas station. I grabbed a cheese stick and he got pizza, a hot dog, and a cheese. I took a bite and it was really tangy, so i checked the date. It expired in July. My cheese expired four months ago and I took two bites of it! Gross. He took it back in and traded it for new cheese! He said the guy was checking the cheese when he went out. 

I said checking the cheese sounds like what you do to a prostitute before you fuck her, to make sure she doesn't have an std. 

So we went home and sang songs and guessed bands (audioslave!) and in general stayed awake til we got home.

And then he let me sleep in bed with him. And after a 30 minute massage, he fucked me. He used me. He let me almost come and then he got off. I was beating the bed with my fist and trying not to cry and he was still cumming in me. I think it turned him on more to cut me off. 

And then he beat me with the little paddle I made him. On my butt. It was awesome. And then I rolled over to sleep and he decided he would fuck me again. Oh yes! So I was all for that. And he hurt me and fucked me and I begged him to hurt me more, and to fuck me slowly. He teased me so much. I know I got off, and I think it was while he was teasing me, just slowly going in deep, and then pulling out quickly and my body just loved that and wanted to hold onto him.  By the time he was fucking the hell out of me I was warm and giggly all over. I was so happy and felt so nice that I didn't need to masturbate, I just fell asleep.

He beat me again this morning. All over my butt and legs. I actually have a few bruises now. I wanted him to fuck me again, but he just talked about it, and teased me more. Because I was so sore this morning from the sex, I said he would have to fuck me in the ass today, but I don't know if my ass could take twice a day fuckings for a whole week. (He said he fucked me twice because he was making up for fucking me every day and then not fucking me for a week, so he would be fucking me twice daily for a week to catch up.)  I was so ready for him to fuck me in the ass by the time he said that, but then he started beating me with the paddle and told me to get dressed and go make his coffee.

He's beat me with three different paddles all day randomly today. It has been awesome and kept me in very high spirits. 

After we went to tjmaxx and he found some cooking stuff he wanted, we took Matt home and then went for groceries so master could make dinner. 

It was amazing. Granted, I think we shopped for three hours, exploring Aldi's and Harris teeter, but he made an amazing twist on BLTs. Bacon, prciutto, kumato tomatoes, havarti cheese, lettuce, shallots, garlic, and a specialty bun. It was the best blt I have ever eaten. Ever. Oh it had mayo, too. It was inspiringly good. It tasted like the best burger I've ever eaten, only with no burger on it! The tomatoes almost tasted beefy because of the shallots. It was the edible version of perfection. 

It has been an amazing day, and I hope that master and I can find a way to keep it going! 

Oh, I also started my period right after dinner, so we are back to anal for another week. 

Maintenance

Issues

Still have not done budget. This is Urgent. Can not buy Christmas presents on wish (and save lots of money) if we don't make a budget. MUST be done before fallout 4 launch.

I feel that protocols are becoming lax and are not important / noticed lately. 

Having my collar put on me today was a huge morale boost, but it has been overlooked a few days. 

Kneeling for coffee.

No comments, observations, or direction about cleaning the rooms lately.

No direction lately, after I was told I would get lots of direction, specifically regarding leatherwork.

Maintenance is overdue, and while there are reasons, it isn't his priority to do it. 

I have one session left for my marketplace summary. I am frustrated that this has been basically dropped. 

The paddle I made was supposed to be used. I keep hinting at it. He won't keep it on him or even pick it up.

No sex yet this month. :(

I am sicky. And bitchy, and exhausted. 

Christmas thoughts.

Andrew : fallout stuff and other random things he likes

Nana: painting, and scratch off map of places youve been! something pretty. 

Grandma and grandpa: painting? Sharp pocket knife?

Mom: painting. And?

Dad: 

Myra:

Rafe: 

Maw maw. 

Any ideas for these guys?

Beckie - cookware ?

Usbaldo- pocket knife?

Baldo - books

Dylan - cash

Savanah- 

Jasmine- 

Samuel- video games? 

Matt - school, tactical, or cash

Mrs. June- a pamper basket? Bath stuff? 

Mr Charlie - something cool this year, that Matt will hate putting together and helping him with. :)

Amanda - 

Leela- a Leela doll or plinker plush? 

Life choices.

I can't sleep.

I can't stop thinking about the neighbor, who still has all these hopes and dreams of things he wanted to do 20'years ago, that he put on hold because he wasn't able to do it, but still has a plan for what he wants done with his house. He still has ideas that he can never build on his own now.

And I got stuck thinking about how badly I want to plant fruit trees and nut trees at every house we live in, because I had a pear tree, and persimmon trees, and a fig bush, and black walnut trees and a pecan tree around when I grew up. It was one of my favorite things as a kid. And I love the thought of planting trees and watching them grow! And having black walnuts. I miss that. 

But then I think about my family again. I miss how close we all were when I was younger. And look at us now! My sisters used to be inseparable. They had absolute best friends they never thought they would grow apart from. My grandparents were my favorite people to visit. And now I am scared to be around them because I don't even know what to talk about. They never want to teach me anything, and I want so badly to learn. To be able to remember something about them. 

And I look at how it's all playing out, and life breaks my heart. And I am scared to have kids. I am scared not to have kids. Hell, I'm scared just to have my tonsils taken out. (And scared not to.) I feel like we will outlive everyone we know, and then be alone, and I don't know what we will do then! 

I want to get closer to Sam, because he's the only one I've felt close to in a long time. I want to give him as much help as he needs to grow up and be a good person, with opportunities and a working knowledge of how to take care of himself. 

And all of these life goals are vague and don't really add up to anything, that I know of. 

I mean, what does it even matter if I plant trees? If no one will ever get to enjoy them. 

And I keep thinking about how nana got to travel, and how nice that would be. To see another country. And then I think that I would like to take her somewhere again, that she can get excited about. 

And we need to visit your parents too. And do what I don't know. That's always the hard part for me, I like having a plan, not just sitting and staring at people. Because I'm bad at talking. So I like to go... Do things .... with people.

I sort of have an idea to do with the cooking, but I don't know if we can make it work. But it would really have to be worth it to you, to get your degree. Maybe you could talk to Denise? Her husband is a chef, in Atlanta. And I think you could be honest with them about what you are looking for from it, about event planning for kink events. 

Short term goals

We need to have maintenance, talk, clear the air between us. 

Make lots of floggers. No, really. A lot. 

Get ready for fallout 4. 

Clean living room

But junk food

Buy wife food

Have pajamas ready for a week.

Clean the kitchen. Wash some dishes.

Budget for November, order Christmas presents from wish. Make a list!

Go get coupon for free haircut on 11th. 

Find out what game Sam wants.

Buy Eragon books for baldo.

Make a list of things other than my tonsils that bother me.  It's hard to think of anything else, because they hurt so much!

When did my Relly learn to cook?

I dunno! 

But we were talking about his interest in going to culinary school and I told him I needed to see that he really meant it. He told me to give him a challenge, a dinner to make. 

So after lots of thought and conversation, I decided shepherd's pie, and baked mac and cheese. 

I knew he wanted a recipe for the main course, something that would take a lot of mixing things together, not just assembly. So I at first suggested beef tips but he didn't want to just throw everything together, he wanted more of a challenge. So, shepherds pie, because you have to make mashed potatoes, cook the vegetables, cook the meat, assemble it all, and then bake it too! 

And I just love baked mac and cheese, but every time I have wanted to do it, something happens and I don't get my homemade Macaroni and cheese. 

So I asked for that as a side, plus it also takes some work, not just mixing.

And he decided to also do baked apples with vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce. I requested pie crust, and he had the amazing idea to make a mini pie out of it. 

So we bought a lot of food. We bought some stuff for the kitchen. Muffin tins, pie tins, and a $20 40-piece cookware set. It was less than half price and I was super excited to catch that deal. 

And he cooked. 

And cooked.

And cooked some more. 

By the end of it, we were both exhausted and hungry!

It was fucking amazing. 

The pie had so much flavor, the veggies were cooked perfectly, and it was just perfect. 

The macaroni and cheese was perfect perfect. At first I wanted salt but then I had a bite with the toasted cheese on top of it and it was perfect together.

And the apple pie was awesome.  It was a great end to an awesome meal and made me sleepy and happy. I couldn't finish it because I ate all my food earlier, but it was really good!

I am so proud of my husband! He really fooled me with all this "I can't cook" business. Because, he can definitely cook.

My trick that got me a treat

So I told daddy tonight that October is national anal month and tonight is the last night he gets anal so he'd better take me up on it, and he totally did.

I got the anal! 

It wasn't really national anal month. 

I win :)

----------

So last night, master told me to masturbate for him, to anal or to something he's been turning me on with lately, forced alcohol via open mouth gag. 

So I fantasized about both, but mostly the forced alcohol. See, we were looking at kinky stuff on Wish, and I was showing all the gags I had found (I pinned them all because gags were the kinkiest thing I could find and it took a lot of work to find them.) from open mouth gags to ring gags to spider gags, and then there was the double ring o-ring gag, that opens wide at the front and then the metal goes back in a cylindrical shape to keep your mouth open about 3 inches back, too. I pointed it out, and said I like it, but I don't know if your dick would fit through the smaller ring (the deeper one). 

Master answered that he would use it to hold my mouth open while he poured shots down my throat. My train of thought stopped completely, and I could see it right away in my head, and I was instantly turned on. 

So he keeps mentioning it at weird times, and it turns me on every time, and I get wet and  ere is nothing I can do about it!

So back to the fantasy and the dildo and the masturbation. I had a bad cough so it took me a little bit to get into it, soI had to keep getting a little more extreme to distract myself.

I imagined myself with the o-ring gag strapped into my mouth, my arms tied behind my back at my wrists and above my elbows, as I curled up naked in the corner of the kitchen, knees to my chest, but unable to cover my tits, which were sticking out because of my arms being pulled behind my back. (Armbinder?)  and I'm leaning back into the corner, naked. And master walks in and fake looks around and then looks straight at me and says, "oh, there's my drunk bitch! Are you ready for another shot?" I shake my head no, but he walks up to me and drags me to the middle of the kitchen floor and holds me by the hair. "You want another shot, don't you? Say 'yes, Sir'" He makes me say Yes Sir with the gag in, and it sounds like "yeth thir" and I don't want any more alcohol. But he pours a shot and then pulls my hair back and holds my body down with his legs as he pours a shot into my mouth. I choke, but manage to swallow most of it, my eyes watering. "Good girl, did you like that? You liked that so much, I'm going to give you some more." I struggle and I end up on the floor on my back, with him sitting on my body and holding my hair, my knees now locked into my spreader bar so I can't kick. He is just pouring the alcohol into my face with the bottle now, not even pouring it into shot glasses to keep track, letting me swallow every half shot of so, and giving me time to get a few breaths in before forcing more in me. 

After he finishes, he decides to fuck me this time. Or kick my cunt. Everything gets super blurry in this fantasy, and I'm not sure of the order. But I know when he sticks his fingers in me I'm soaking wet I'm so turned on and ready to be hurt, fucked, and used. 

So that's my fantasy from last night.