Maintenance tomorrow.

Starting to worry that there is too. Much pressure on my Relly. 

He's been really unfocused the past week, and it seems like every time he sits down to do MAsT business he gets more worried and fidgety. 

I know he can do it, but I am afraid everything will slip, because of how much he has picked up at once. I feel like a good schedule, listing what day he works on what business would be very helpful for him, and allow him to focus on one business at a time, because I think doing them all at once is making things complicated for him. 

What with LHC, TLC, and MAsT, it's hard for him to have a personal life. 

I feel that having Lily around to help with other non business stuff could be used to our advantage rather than becoming another thing he has to do, work on, so to speak. If she can pull her own personal life together. I want his time with her to be relaxing, enjoyable for the both of them, and not burdened with random worries. I wish she could let go of her anxieties and enjoy his company a little more. 

I wish he could let go of his anxieties and enjoy my company a little more. I am desperate to be someone my husband wants to hang out with, a comfort, a good wife... Rather than a problem he has to fix or solve. I want to be a blessing, not a burden. And maybe I am not either at the moment. I'm not saying I exactly burden him, but I want my presence to relax him! I want to be there if he needs anything, and I want to walk into the room, and see him relax because I am there. I want to be the one he wants to talk to during smoke breaks. I want to strengthen his resolve and determination. I want to be the reason he goes to bat for all these causes. Ok well, sort of. I don't want him to feel he has to do all this stuff to prove himself to me... But if he has to prove himself to someone, I'd prefer it was me. Or himself. Or... Yoda. Fuck if I know. It's 5 AM, and I am fucking tired. But I know I want to be the sunshine in my husband's life. I want to be what makes him smile and realize he can carry on, he can do this, right before he would have given up. I want him to draw strength from me. 

With all my heart. 

I want to give my husband good memories. Fun times. Adventure. 

And maybe some really good sex. Definitely good sex. I hope he's 90 years old, thinking about that time he pumped my ass full of cum, and left me begging for more every time, because if I'm satisfied that means I stopped wanting it at some point.

Ok yeah I am way too tired cuz that got weird.

"Leadership."

(Ten points if you can tell me what show that's from.)