21 push ups this morning before Master told me to recover. Not permission, but an order to stop pushing myself.  I should have done push-ups earlier than that today, and also yesterday when she was being a brat. But he doesn't like it. Even though it's the only thing I have when I am angry.


I tried to masturbate .. I spent 30 minutes or more trying to find a video that turned me on.

I found from 3:30 in this video http://www.xvideos.com/video3019809/bdsm_brunette_walked_down_the_streets_and_fucked_in_bus til the end. Two minutes. I tryied hard to hold on to that image until i got in the shower. In bursts my husband, singing a song from a musical made in the 1930s or so.

I spent my masturbation thinking about:

What still needs to be done today? Carly- Vacuum, make dinner, wash dishes.
I want to work on making those chaps.
Did i finish my to do list?
Master promised to have sex with me outside. I hope that happens before winter.
I must be impossible if I can't find my own clit. Ohh, that feels good-- damn, lost it.
FUCK! What movie was that song from? The sound of music. I can't believe he burst in on me singing THE SOUND OF FUCKING MUSIC.
Why is all my music on pandora suddenly complete and total shit?
this isn't going to happen, is it, self? No, I'm sorry self, this is not going to happen.


This is not a guilt trip. This is to help my Master understand the underlying thought process and possible grouchiness when i leave my room. I could not turn my head off, and that is not Master's fault. Or mine.