Punished today

Punished today for not following orders again.

I put in the blue butt plug this morning, and had it in several hours. Something irritated both of us at each other, and I went to the bathroom to take it out, get dressed adn go walk the dogs.  He followed me. We argued, i received permission to go somewhere else so I didn't have to put up with him being a dick (which he admitted to purposely hurting me emotionally and being a dick on purpose). I left the front bathroom and went to the bedroom bathroom to continue taking out the plug and putting on clothing. He followed me. I closed and locked the door. He bitched about it. I took out the plug and unlocked the door. he demanded that i put the plug back in. I tried to explain to him that he was being unfair and being cruel on purpose because he was angry and that i had to use the bathroom. He put me in hush and repeatedly demanded that I put the plug in. I notice that i'm trapped in a small room for the second time in 2 minutes. I stand there. I don't say a word. I don't try to leave, i don't say any of the things I'm thinking even though he has insulted me. He "challenges" me to obey him and says "we'll see if you can listen when you're angry, when you don't want to" and continues rambling as if that's going to somehow uplift me to shove a toy back in my ass when I'm angry.  I want to point out calmly that I'm not unable to put the toy in my ass due to anger (I'm not even mad except that he won't leave me alone when I have repeatedly asked him to and he is badgering, cornering, and just overall trying to hurt me) but that i choose not to, but i can't, because guess what, I'm in hush so that he can freely rant at me without having to answer for anything he's done.

I'm still upset. I can't write this unbiased right now. Everything I wanted to say at the time is spilling out, and He's asleep on the couch.

He asks me something, but doesn't ask. then commands "speak". In the time it takes for me to try and find words he gives up and takes away my chance. He grabs my collar, which rips off of me instantly I don't know how because he put it back on after all this was over. Then he grabs me by my neck with both hands and hangs me backward over the tub so that my feet are on the ground but not supporting me. I don't remember anything he says here. Probably something about not obeying him. At some point he slapped me also. He puts me on the floor on front of the sink and shoves the toy into my mouth. I don't open my mouth but I don't fight him either until he's shoving it into my gums and hurting me and then holds his hands over my face so i can't breathe either. I end up on my back in front of the toilet. he takes the plug and keeps shoving it in and out of my mouth until he thinks it's wet enough and then lifts up my right leg and shoves it back in me. I was naked when he woke up, and only put on a sports bra, shirt, and my combat boots to cook his breakfast, so I wasn't wearing pants or panties. Then he yells/rants/lectures me again - I only know because He makes me look him in the eyes again and then tells me to get up and grabs my hair to force me to before i get a chance. He puts my collar back on, tight. He makes me go to the living room and kneel over the couch.

(That's what started the fight. Susy had been out all morning, prancing naked around the house waiting for her daddy to wake up. Well she bent over the couch because she was planning on taking the plug out so we could start our day, so he could have one last chance to play before she took it out - not in a vindictive way, she was just tired of the plug- and he yelled at her for bending over in front of him.)

He hits me. The first time I don't even feel it, it's just really loud. The second time I'm off the couch and back on the floor. He talks at me more. blank stare. Accept something punishment. stare. Do you understand me? nod. two more hits. bend over.   He hits me.  It hurts. He makes me kiss him. Twice. He talks more about that. He makes me brush my teeth. Follows me to make sure I don't take out the plug. I need to pee. I ask to get a drink of water. Yes. Come in here for maintenance when you're done.  I want to sit in my closet and stare at nothing. It's all I've wanted since my collar came off. I didn't even want to brush my teeth. Now I don't have that either. I feel sick. I go to the living room, give him the maintenance papers and sit on the floor. I sit. I wait. He plays on the computer. He decides to poop. He makes me sit outside the bathroom. We go back to the living room. He sits in front of the computer. I wait. He doesn't say anything, but I know I can't go to my closet. He told me to sit here.  Some how I end up asking to use the bathroom. He lets me take out the plug and get dressed. I come back. He keeps asking if I'm ok. I nod. He asks if I think it was fair. I say yes. I'm a slave. Fair is relative. Besides, I remember wondering halfway through if i should be turned on. We do maintenance. He gets sleepy. We talk about carly. I walk the dogs. He's asleep on the couch.

I'm still blank stare but there's nothing for it. He acts like nothing happened. I've paid for it. What else is there?