I had a horrible bad dream last night. It was a huge fight with Master and Major and ended with me running away from everyone and hiding so that I could cut myself. I woke up furious at my Master, and then just started bawling. Carly was in the dream, but was mostly just there, not an active part of the fight. Maybe it was just nerves.
We worked hard on the house today, just like last night. It only needs some minor cleanup besides the laundry. I was exhausted and nervous and clumsy before we left.
He warned me yesterday that this upcoming week is going to be all about Carly. I already knew that, and I really expected it, but I honestly feel a little cut-off. I think I expected to be more involved in the getting to know her phase -- Every time she actually talks, it's like they move away from me on purpose. Or it's just a horrible situation for me to hear her. Or I know He hears me ask a question, but cuts me off to ask one of His own. So I feel like He's getting to know her and keeping me in the dark on purpose. I know it isn't true, but I feel seriously left out in this, and we're going to be living together. it's really weird. She talks so quietly though.
And FUCK she's snarky and sarcastic as hell when she's not being super-quiet.
Jeremiah spent some serious time out today and yesterday. Well, not that he was out a lot, but that when he was out, it was serious. Talking about important things. We talked about my responsibilities with the money, and about my chores list. He burned the chore chart. He said that I should have 100% control over the money. It's my responsibility, and we're broke. Or, we were. That means I'm not doing it right. We should have money. Hell, we should be saving money. And on to the chores. I think it happened because he was asking the questions I've asked 100 times. why do we have this list anyway if 50% of the list gets done 1/3 of the time? But I didn't say what I was thinking underneath. It comforts me. I'm a list person. I measure myself by what I do and don't do. I use that list as my self-worth chart. But like he said. I know what I'm supposed to do. I want to do it. I don't need to nag about things. If it doesn't get done, eventually my Master will notice - there's no need for me to nag. Just don't pick up the slack on things I've been promised. If He's supposed to take the trash to the road, that basically means I am not allowed to take the trash to the road. If it doesn't get done, He'll notice eventually. Obviously I can't do that when it comes to feeding the rabbit. I'm not letting the rabbit die to prove a point. But Jeremiah saw that I measure by that list, even though Master and I have already talked about how it's more of a guideline than a requirement anyway. So he went and burned it. I heard what he was doing and ran to stop him but it was too late. And we really talked. And I do need to be a better slave, and a good example for Carly now that she is here. So I hope that I can keep it in mind. -We're going to put the list back up, but without the daily check marks beside it. well, depending on what Master says about it.
Does carly take morning or night showers?
He said he wanted to be alone and watch TV, but he was bummed out because carly wouldn't stay up to watch TV with him. --- I think she's in there with him now, because the TV is crazy loud. Fuck I'm jealous. I thought I would get to at least keep Him at night, but He even left the door open when we said our nighttime routine... and then he left. Claire wanted to see Jermiah, but He left before she could come out and call him.
I counted the cuts on my knees and there were 27 of them.
Have to wait until monday or tuesday to pay our bills. It's a holiday weekend I think.
Still gonna try and write em all down. I'm taking this money thing really seriously.
And I had to sit my bare ass on 7 random seats. UGH! it was gross. Because I was wearing a thong under my short dress.
I wanted to go to bed but I really resented being put to bed like this. Also I have to wake up Carly in the morning. Which is probably going to be pretty difficult. I wish I knew what she's supposed to do in the morning though. I think tomorrow she's just supposed to dress up and stuff. And then I assume tomorrow we'll talk about what is a submissive and stuff like that. And maybe what her needs are. items and otherwise. maybe talk about play, and just.. everything kinky.
I need to call my mom. I'll probably call tomorrow when I walk the dogs.
No comments:
Post a Comment