Saturday, August 31, 2013
25 PU today. Morning blog
25 Push Ups. Set One, 20. Set Two, 5.
50 Sit Ups.
My alarm is set for 11AM, but I've been awake since 9AM when Master's alarm first started going off. I got out of bed at 10AM, and proceeded to get up get ready, get showered. Master got up about the time I got out of the shower.
Master wasn't in the room when I did them, but as I was catching my breath, came in and said it was time to walk the dogs. While on our walk, He suggested the flea market. While He was waking up Carly/Ryven, I did the other 5 push ups. Lace said that we should do half as many pushups as we do situps, so since it was only five more I went ahead and did it rather than argue. She was the one who woke up wanting to do them.
Cool pictures of random galaxies.
Cool list of pictures.
https://www.google.com/earth/explore/showcase/hubble20th.html#tab=ngc-1300
https://www.google.com/earth/explore/showcase/hubble20th.html#tab=ngc-1300
Picked up carly at the airport today
I had a horrible bad dream last night. It was a huge fight with Master and Major and ended with me running away from everyone and hiding so that I could cut myself. I woke up furious at my Master, and then just started bawling. Carly was in the dream, but was mostly just there, not an active part of the fight. Maybe it was just nerves.
We worked hard on the house today, just like last night. It only needs some minor cleanup besides the laundry. I was exhausted and nervous and clumsy before we left.
He warned me yesterday that this upcoming week is going to be all about Carly. I already knew that, and I really expected it, but I honestly feel a little cut-off. I think I expected to be more involved in the getting to know her phase -- Every time she actually talks, it's like they move away from me on purpose. Or it's just a horrible situation for me to hear her. Or I know He hears me ask a question, but cuts me off to ask one of His own. So I feel like He's getting to know her and keeping me in the dark on purpose. I know it isn't true, but I feel seriously left out in this, and we're going to be living together. it's really weird. She talks so quietly though.
And FUCK she's snarky and sarcastic as hell when she's not being super-quiet.
Jeremiah spent some serious time out today and yesterday. Well, not that he was out a lot, but that when he was out, it was serious. Talking about important things. We talked about my responsibilities with the money, and about my chores list. He burned the chore chart. He said that I should have 100% control over the money. It's my responsibility, and we're broke. Or, we were. That means I'm not doing it right. We should have money. Hell, we should be saving money. And on to the chores. I think it happened because he was asking the questions I've asked 100 times. why do we have this list anyway if 50% of the list gets done 1/3 of the time? But I didn't say what I was thinking underneath. It comforts me. I'm a list person. I measure myself by what I do and don't do. I use that list as my self-worth chart. But like he said. I know what I'm supposed to do. I want to do it. I don't need to nag about things. If it doesn't get done, eventually my Master will notice - there's no need for me to nag. Just don't pick up the slack on things I've been promised. If He's supposed to take the trash to the road, that basically means I am not allowed to take the trash to the road. If it doesn't get done, He'll notice eventually. Obviously I can't do that when it comes to feeding the rabbit. I'm not letting the rabbit die to prove a point. But Jeremiah saw that I measure by that list, even though Master and I have already talked about how it's more of a guideline than a requirement anyway. So he went and burned it. I heard what he was doing and ran to stop him but it was too late. And we really talked. And I do need to be a better slave, and a good example for Carly now that she is here. So I hope that I can keep it in mind. -We're going to put the list back up, but without the daily check marks beside it. well, depending on what Master says about it.
Does carly take morning or night showers?
He said he wanted to be alone and watch TV, but he was bummed out because carly wouldn't stay up to watch TV with him. --- I think she's in there with him now, because the TV is crazy loud. Fuck I'm jealous. I thought I would get to at least keep Him at night, but He even left the door open when we said our nighttime routine... and then he left. Claire wanted to see Jermiah, but He left before she could come out and call him.
I counted the cuts on my knees and there were 27 of them.
Have to wait until monday or tuesday to pay our bills. It's a holiday weekend I think.
Still gonna try and write em all down. I'm taking this money thing really seriously.
And I had to sit my bare ass on 7 random seats. UGH! it was gross. Because I was wearing a thong under my short dress.
I wanted to go to bed but I really resented being put to bed like this. Also I have to wake up Carly in the morning. Which is probably going to be pretty difficult. I wish I knew what she's supposed to do in the morning though. I think tomorrow she's just supposed to dress up and stuff. And then I assume tomorrow we'll talk about what is a submissive and stuff like that. And maybe what her needs are. items and otherwise. maybe talk about play, and just.. everything kinky.
I need to call my mom. I'll probably call tomorrow when I walk the dogs.
We worked hard on the house today, just like last night. It only needs some minor cleanup besides the laundry. I was exhausted and nervous and clumsy before we left.
He warned me yesterday that this upcoming week is going to be all about Carly. I already knew that, and I really expected it, but I honestly feel a little cut-off. I think I expected to be more involved in the getting to know her phase -- Every time she actually talks, it's like they move away from me on purpose. Or it's just a horrible situation for me to hear her. Or I know He hears me ask a question, but cuts me off to ask one of His own. So I feel like He's getting to know her and keeping me in the dark on purpose. I know it isn't true, but I feel seriously left out in this, and we're going to be living together. it's really weird. She talks so quietly though.
And FUCK she's snarky and sarcastic as hell when she's not being super-quiet.
Jeremiah spent some serious time out today and yesterday. Well, not that he was out a lot, but that when he was out, it was serious. Talking about important things. We talked about my responsibilities with the money, and about my chores list. He burned the chore chart. He said that I should have 100% control over the money. It's my responsibility, and we're broke. Or, we were. That means I'm not doing it right. We should have money. Hell, we should be saving money. And on to the chores. I think it happened because he was asking the questions I've asked 100 times. why do we have this list anyway if 50% of the list gets done 1/3 of the time? But I didn't say what I was thinking underneath. It comforts me. I'm a list person. I measure myself by what I do and don't do. I use that list as my self-worth chart. But like he said. I know what I'm supposed to do. I want to do it. I don't need to nag about things. If it doesn't get done, eventually my Master will notice - there's no need for me to nag. Just don't pick up the slack on things I've been promised. If He's supposed to take the trash to the road, that basically means I am not allowed to take the trash to the road. If it doesn't get done, He'll notice eventually. Obviously I can't do that when it comes to feeding the rabbit. I'm not letting the rabbit die to prove a point. But Jeremiah saw that I measure by that list, even though Master and I have already talked about how it's more of a guideline than a requirement anyway. So he went and burned it. I heard what he was doing and ran to stop him but it was too late. And we really talked. And I do need to be a better slave, and a good example for Carly now that she is here. So I hope that I can keep it in mind. -We're going to put the list back up, but without the daily check marks beside it. well, depending on what Master says about it.
Does carly take morning or night showers?
He said he wanted to be alone and watch TV, but he was bummed out because carly wouldn't stay up to watch TV with him. --- I think she's in there with him now, because the TV is crazy loud. Fuck I'm jealous. I thought I would get to at least keep Him at night, but He even left the door open when we said our nighttime routine... and then he left. Claire wanted to see Jermiah, but He left before she could come out and call him.
I counted the cuts on my knees and there were 27 of them.
Have to wait until monday or tuesday to pay our bills. It's a holiday weekend I think.
Still gonna try and write em all down. I'm taking this money thing really seriously.
And I had to sit my bare ass on 7 random seats. UGH! it was gross. Because I was wearing a thong under my short dress.
I wanted to go to bed but I really resented being put to bed like this. Also I have to wake up Carly in the morning. Which is probably going to be pretty difficult. I wish I knew what she's supposed to do in the morning though. I think tomorrow she's just supposed to dress up and stuff. And then I assume tomorrow we'll talk about what is a submissive and stuff like that. And maybe what her needs are. items and otherwise. maybe talk about play, and just.. everything kinky.
I need to call my mom. I'll probably call tomorrow when I walk the dogs.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Friday, August 23, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
An Essay on Gor
The Gorean Lifestyle is based on a 25+ book series by John Norman. Gor is a planet inhabited by humans and controlled by bug-like aliens called the priest kings. These aliens took humans from various time periods and societies like vikings and ancient Romans, and moved them to the planet Gor, but limit certain areas of technological advancement to prevent widespread war and devastation. The series follows various characters from this setting through adventures with spies, war, and of course, sexual slavery. Many of the books dwell on women as slaves, but there are several cities that do have free-woman rulers.
It is customary in their world, that men go and capture women from enemy cities to bring back as slaves. It is a way for a man to prove himself to his own people. Most women are protected in their own city, but if they leave their city without men guarding them, they are vulnerable to capture.
On Gor a woman normally travels only with a suitable retinue of armed guards. Women, on this barbaric world, are often regarded, unfortunately, as little more than love prizes, the fruits of conquest and seizure. Too often they are seen less as persons, human beings with rights, individuals worthy of concern and regard than as potential pleasure slaves, silken, bangled prisoners, possible adornments to the pleasure gardens of their captors. There is a saying on Gor that the laws of a city extend no further than its walls. Outlaw of Gor, page 50
Capturing a slave is covered extensively by various laws, some of which get very complicated. It is very well explained by this passage:
Theft, or capture, if you prefer, conferred rights over me. I would belong to, and must fully serve, anyone into whose effective possession I came, even if it had been by theft. The original master, of course, has the right to try to recover his property, which remains technically his for a period of one week. If I were to flee the thief, however, after he has consolidated his hold on me, for example, kept me for even a night, I could, actually in Gorean law, be counted as a runaway slave, from him, even though he did not technically own me yet, and punished accordingly. Analogies are that is not permitted to animals to challenge the tethers on their necks, or flee the posts within which they find themselves penned, that money must retain its value, and buying power, regardless of who has it in hand, and so on. Strictures of this sort, of course, do not apply to free persons, such as free women. A free woman is entitled to try to escape a captor as best she can, and without penalty, even after her first night in his bonds, if she still chooses to do so. If she is enslaved, of course, then she is subject to, and covered by, the same customs, practices and laws as any other slave. The point of these statutes, it seems, it to keep the slave in perfect custody, at all times, and to encourage boldness on the part of males. After the slave had been in the possession of the thief, or captor, for one week she counts as being legally his. To be sure, the original maser may attempt to steal her back. A popular sport with young men is trying "chain luck." This refers to the capture of women, either free or bond, viewed as a sport. In war, of course, women of this world, slave and free, like silver and gold, rank high as booty. Dancer of Gor, page 95-96
""As a slave!" she cried. "You should have freed me!"
"As I recall," I said, "you begged to be freed."
"Yes!" she cried.
The men in the room looked at one another.
"I had not known, until that time," I said, "that you were, in the belly of you, a true slave girl."
She looked at me, angrily. She turned red.
On Gor it is said that only a true slave begs to be freed. That act, incontrovertibly, on Gor, more deeply than a brand and a collar, marks the individual as a true slave. Who but such a true slave would beg to be freed? Such individuals, of course, are never freed, but, commonly, their nature now being made undeniably clear, are put under heavier restraints and treated more harshly. When Talena, the daughter of Marlenus of Ar, Ubar of Ar, had, in a missive to him, begged her freedom, he had, on his sword and on the medallion of Ar, sworn against her the oath of disownment. As a consequence, she was no longer of high birth, no longer his daughter. I had had Samos free her and transmit her to Ar. There she lived, free but of no status; she was no longer recognized, in the sight of its Home Stone, as a citizen of Ar; she had not even the collar of a slave girl for her identity; she was kept sequestered by Marlenus in the central cylinder, that his shame not be publicly displayed upon the high bridges of the city. Tribesmen of Gor, page 351"
It is customary in their world, that men go and capture women from enemy cities to bring back as slaves. It is a way for a man to prove himself to his own people. Most women are protected in their own city, but if they leave their city without men guarding them, they are vulnerable to capture.
On Gor a woman normally travels only with a suitable retinue of armed guards. Women, on this barbaric world, are often regarded, unfortunately, as little more than love prizes, the fruits of conquest and seizure. Too often they are seen less as persons, human beings with rights, individuals worthy of concern and regard than as potential pleasure slaves, silken, bangled prisoners, possible adornments to the pleasure gardens of their captors. There is a saying on Gor that the laws of a city extend no further than its walls. Outlaw of Gor, page 50
Capturing a slave is covered extensively by various laws, some of which get very complicated. It is very well explained by this passage:
Theft, or capture, if you prefer, conferred rights over me. I would belong to, and must fully serve, anyone into whose effective possession I came, even if it had been by theft. The original master, of course, has the right to try to recover his property, which remains technically his for a period of one week. If I were to flee the thief, however, after he has consolidated his hold on me, for example, kept me for even a night, I could, actually in Gorean law, be counted as a runaway slave, from him, even though he did not technically own me yet, and punished accordingly. Analogies are that is not permitted to animals to challenge the tethers on their necks, or flee the posts within which they find themselves penned, that money must retain its value, and buying power, regardless of who has it in hand, and so on. Strictures of this sort, of course, do not apply to free persons, such as free women. A free woman is entitled to try to escape a captor as best she can, and without penalty, even after her first night in his bonds, if she still chooses to do so. If she is enslaved, of course, then she is subject to, and covered by, the same customs, practices and laws as any other slave. The point of these statutes, it seems, it to keep the slave in perfect custody, at all times, and to encourage boldness on the part of males. After the slave had been in the possession of the thief, or captor, for one week she counts as being legally his. To be sure, the original maser may attempt to steal her back. A popular sport with young men is trying "chain luck." This refers to the capture of women, either free or bond, viewed as a sport. In war, of course, women of this world, slave and free, like silver and gold, rank high as booty. Dancer of Gor, page 95-96
""As a slave!" she cried. "You should have freed me!"
"As I recall," I said, "you begged to be freed."
"Yes!" she cried.
The men in the room looked at one another.
"I had not known, until that time," I said, "that you were, in the belly of you, a true slave girl."
She looked at me, angrily. She turned red.
On Gor it is said that only a true slave begs to be freed. That act, incontrovertibly, on Gor, more deeply than a brand and a collar, marks the individual as a true slave. Who but such a true slave would beg to be freed? Such individuals, of course, are never freed, but, commonly, their nature now being made undeniably clear, are put under heavier restraints and treated more harshly. When Talena, the daughter of Marlenus of Ar, Ubar of Ar, had, in a missive to him, begged her freedom, he had, on his sword and on the medallion of Ar, sworn against her the oath of disownment. As a consequence, she was no longer of high birth, no longer his daughter. I had had Samos free her and transmit her to Ar. There she lived, free but of no status; she was no longer recognized, in the sight of its Home Stone, as a citizen of Ar; she had not even the collar of a slave girl for her identity; she was kept sequestered by Marlenus in the central cylinder, that his shame not be publicly displayed upon the high bridges of the city. Tribesmen of Gor, page 351"
It seems that there is a pride in slaves that shines through in the books, but a disdain for slaves by free people. This passage clarified that for me. Since it is so completely necessary that a slave be pleasing or be punished or killed, they have to take pride in what they are to remain pleasing.
"It is easy to tell among girls which are familiar with their condition and which are not. Once a girl truly understands that she is a slave, and there is no escape for her, once she understands it truly, emotionally, categorically, intellectually, physiologically, totally, deeply, profoundly, in every cell in her beautiful body, a fantastic transformation occurs in her. She then knows she is truly a slave. She then becomes wild and free, and sexual, and cares not that she might be scorned by the free either for her miserable condition or helpless appetites; she knows she will be what she must; she has no choice; she is slave.
Women, in their heart, long to submit; this is necessary for the slave girl; she must submit or die; submitted, she is thrilled to the core; she lives then for love and service, bound to the will of her master. The joy of the slave girl may seem incomprehensible to the free but it is a reality. Page 55 - Beasts of Gor
There are several types of people in relation to Gorean tradition. There are role-players, who are part-time in gorean lifestyle for fun. The literals, who claim 24/7 100% Gorean tradition, and then the less scary ones who follow the ideaology and philosophical values of the novels.
Slaves. A love slave is a slave who falls in love with, and is loved, by her masster.
A natural slave is a slave who was trained from birth to be pleasing to men as a slave, and has fully embraced that role with enthusiasm. .
A pleasure slave is a slave who has been trained specifically for sexual pleasure.
Favorite quotes found while researching:
Through training, you have the option of being lax, being insolent, back talking and thinking your actions will get you out of a collar. However, you will also find yourself whipped severely and possibly dead. Ultimately, the decision lies in your hands and heart. You are the one to decide your own fate as a slave.
The main thing to remember as a slave is:
You are an extension of your Owner. You represent your Owner and their abilities, as well as everything they possess. If you bring shame to yourself, you dishonor your Owner. If you dishonor your Owner, you will be killed. Rarely are slaves freed, if ever. Accept your position, cherish it, own it, live it, desire it, in time you will find, it might have been the best decision you have ever made.
"She laughed. It was true. Gorean men, on the whole, do not free slaves. The freeing of a girl is almost unheard of. This makes sense. They are not free women. They are belongings, valuables, slaves, treasures. Who discards precious possessions, who surrenders treasures? If the slave girl were worth less perhaps she would be freed more. She is too marvelous to free; and if she is not marvelous, she can be slain. Too, what man who has known the glory and joy of a girl at his feet is likely to wish to exchange that for the inconvenience and bother of a free woman? No, slave girls, for all practical purposes, are not freed. They will remain in one collar or another. Men will have it that way."
Page 90 - Explorers of Gor
"...the slave girl is not simply someone with whom the man lives; she is very special to him; she is a treasured possession; he owns her; he wants to know her; profoundly and deeply; the background, history, the mind, the intelligence, the appetites, the nature and disposition of his lovely article of property; this knowledge, of course, puts her more at his mercy; by making it possible to manipulate her feelings, exploit weaknesses, drop asides...she is in the helpless condition of slavery, it gives him more power over her."
Page 42 - Tribesmen of Gor
"It is a beautiful moment when the woman realizes that the man who owns her is her love master, and the man realizes that the girl he bought, looking up at him, tears in her eyes, is his love slave. Then the only danger is that he will weaken. One must be strong with a love slave. If one truly loves her, he will be that strong. The slavery in which a love slave is kept is an unusually deep slavery."
Page 236 - Beasts of Gor
Many Gorean men, in their vanity, will not admit to caring for slaves. Even the thought of it, it seems, would embarrass them. Who could care for a meaningless slut in a collar? Yet too often, for just such women, luscious and helpless, and in bondage, men are prepared to kill. Indeed, more than one war on Gor has been fought to recover a single slave.
Dancer of Gor, page 421
Dancer of Gor, page 421
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Monday, August 19, 2013
Punished today
Punished today for not following orders again.
I put in the blue butt plug this morning, and had it in several hours. Something irritated both of us at each other, and I went to the bathroom to take it out, get dressed adn go walk the dogs. He followed me. We argued, i received permission to go somewhere else so I didn't have to put up with him being a dick (which he admitted to purposely hurting me emotionally and being a dick on purpose). I left the front bathroom and went to the bedroom bathroom to continue taking out the plug and putting on clothing. He followed me. I closed and locked the door. He bitched about it. I took out the plug and unlocked the door. he demanded that i put the plug back in. I tried to explain to him that he was being unfair and being cruel on purpose because he was angry and that i had to use the bathroom. He put me in hush and repeatedly demanded that I put the plug in. I notice that i'm trapped in a small room for the second time in 2 minutes. I stand there. I don't say a word. I don't try to leave, i don't say any of the things I'm thinking even though he has insulted me. He "challenges" me to obey him and says "we'll see if you can listen when you're angry, when you don't want to" and continues rambling as if that's going to somehow uplift me to shove a toy back in my ass when I'm angry. I want to point out calmly that I'm not unable to put the toy in my ass due to anger (I'm not even mad except that he won't leave me alone when I have repeatedly asked him to and he is badgering, cornering, and just overall trying to hurt me) but that i choose not to, but i can't, because guess what, I'm in hush so that he can freely rant at me without having to answer for anything he's done.
I'm still upset. I can't write this unbiased right now. Everything I wanted to say at the time is spilling out, and He's asleep on the couch.
He asks me something, but doesn't ask. then commands "speak". In the time it takes for me to try and find words he gives up and takes away my chance. He grabs my collar, which rips off of me instantly I don't know how because he put it back on after all this was over. Then he grabs me by my neck with both hands and hangs me backward over the tub so that my feet are on the ground but not supporting me. I don't remember anything he says here. Probably something about not obeying him. At some point he slapped me also. He puts me on the floor on front of the sink and shoves the toy into my mouth. I don't open my mouth but I don't fight him either until he's shoving it into my gums and hurting me and then holds his hands over my face so i can't breathe either. I end up on my back in front of the toilet. he takes the plug and keeps shoving it in and out of my mouth until he thinks it's wet enough and then lifts up my right leg and shoves it back in me. I was naked when he woke up, and only put on a sports bra, shirt, and my combat boots to cook his breakfast, so I wasn't wearing pants or panties. Then he yells/rants/lectures me again - I only know because He makes me look him in the eyes again and then tells me to get up and grabs my hair to force me to before i get a chance. He puts my collar back on, tight. He makes me go to the living room and kneel over the couch.
(That's what started the fight. Susy had been out all morning, prancing naked around the house waiting for her daddy to wake up. Well she bent over the couch because she was planning on taking the plug out so we could start our day, so he could have one last chance to play before she took it out - not in a vindictive way, she was just tired of the plug- and he yelled at her for bending over in front of him.)
He hits me. The first time I don't even feel it, it's just really loud. The second time I'm off the couch and back on the floor. He talks at me more. blank stare. Accept something punishment. stare. Do you understand me? nod. two more hits. bend over. He hits me. It hurts. He makes me kiss him. Twice. He talks more about that. He makes me brush my teeth. Follows me to make sure I don't take out the plug. I need to pee. I ask to get a drink of water. Yes. Come in here for maintenance when you're done. I want to sit in my closet and stare at nothing. It's all I've wanted since my collar came off. I didn't even want to brush my teeth. Now I don't have that either. I feel sick. I go to the living room, give him the maintenance papers and sit on the floor. I sit. I wait. He plays on the computer. He decides to poop. He makes me sit outside the bathroom. We go back to the living room. He sits in front of the computer. I wait. He doesn't say anything, but I know I can't go to my closet. He told me to sit here. Some how I end up asking to use the bathroom. He lets me take out the plug and get dressed. I come back. He keeps asking if I'm ok. I nod. He asks if I think it was fair. I say yes. I'm a slave. Fair is relative. Besides, I remember wondering halfway through if i should be turned on. We do maintenance. He gets sleepy. We talk about carly. I walk the dogs. He's asleep on the couch.
I'm still blank stare but there's nothing for it. He acts like nothing happened. I've paid for it. What else is there?
I put in the blue butt plug this morning, and had it in several hours. Something irritated both of us at each other, and I went to the bathroom to take it out, get dressed adn go walk the dogs. He followed me. We argued, i received permission to go somewhere else so I didn't have to put up with him being a dick (which he admitted to purposely hurting me emotionally and being a dick on purpose). I left the front bathroom and went to the bedroom bathroom to continue taking out the plug and putting on clothing. He followed me. I closed and locked the door. He bitched about it. I took out the plug and unlocked the door. he demanded that i put the plug back in. I tried to explain to him that he was being unfair and being cruel on purpose because he was angry and that i had to use the bathroom. He put me in hush and repeatedly demanded that I put the plug in. I notice that i'm trapped in a small room for the second time in 2 minutes. I stand there. I don't say a word. I don't try to leave, i don't say any of the things I'm thinking even though he has insulted me. He "challenges" me to obey him and says "we'll see if you can listen when you're angry, when you don't want to" and continues rambling as if that's going to somehow uplift me to shove a toy back in my ass when I'm angry. I want to point out calmly that I'm not unable to put the toy in my ass due to anger (I'm not even mad except that he won't leave me alone when I have repeatedly asked him to and he is badgering, cornering, and just overall trying to hurt me) but that i choose not to, but i can't, because guess what, I'm in hush so that he can freely rant at me without having to answer for anything he's done.
I'm still upset. I can't write this unbiased right now. Everything I wanted to say at the time is spilling out, and He's asleep on the couch.
He asks me something, but doesn't ask. then commands "speak". In the time it takes for me to try and find words he gives up and takes away my chance. He grabs my collar, which rips off of me instantly I don't know how because he put it back on after all this was over. Then he grabs me by my neck with both hands and hangs me backward over the tub so that my feet are on the ground but not supporting me. I don't remember anything he says here. Probably something about not obeying him. At some point he slapped me also. He puts me on the floor on front of the sink and shoves the toy into my mouth. I don't open my mouth but I don't fight him either until he's shoving it into my gums and hurting me and then holds his hands over my face so i can't breathe either. I end up on my back in front of the toilet. he takes the plug and keeps shoving it in and out of my mouth until he thinks it's wet enough and then lifts up my right leg and shoves it back in me. I was naked when he woke up, and only put on a sports bra, shirt, and my combat boots to cook his breakfast, so I wasn't wearing pants or panties. Then he yells/rants/lectures me again - I only know because He makes me look him in the eyes again and then tells me to get up and grabs my hair to force me to before i get a chance. He puts my collar back on, tight. He makes me go to the living room and kneel over the couch.
(That's what started the fight. Susy had been out all morning, prancing naked around the house waiting for her daddy to wake up. Well she bent over the couch because she was planning on taking the plug out so we could start our day, so he could have one last chance to play before she took it out - not in a vindictive way, she was just tired of the plug- and he yelled at her for bending over in front of him.)
He hits me. The first time I don't even feel it, it's just really loud. The second time I'm off the couch and back on the floor. He talks at me more. blank stare. Accept something punishment. stare. Do you understand me? nod. two more hits. bend over. He hits me. It hurts. He makes me kiss him. Twice. He talks more about that. He makes me brush my teeth. Follows me to make sure I don't take out the plug. I need to pee. I ask to get a drink of water. Yes. Come in here for maintenance when you're done. I want to sit in my closet and stare at nothing. It's all I've wanted since my collar came off. I didn't even want to brush my teeth. Now I don't have that either. I feel sick. I go to the living room, give him the maintenance papers and sit on the floor. I sit. I wait. He plays on the computer. He decides to poop. He makes me sit outside the bathroom. We go back to the living room. He sits in front of the computer. I wait. He doesn't say anything, but I know I can't go to my closet. He told me to sit here. Some how I end up asking to use the bathroom. He lets me take out the plug and get dressed. I come back. He keeps asking if I'm ok. I nod. He asks if I think it was fair. I say yes. I'm a slave. Fair is relative. Besides, I remember wondering halfway through if i should be turned on. We do maintenance. He gets sleepy. We talk about carly. I walk the dogs. He's asleep on the couch.
I'm still blank stare but there's nothing for it. He acts like nothing happened. I've paid for it. What else is there?
June 21 photo update - my new collar and daily project.
Tied to the foot of the bed like a good girl.
Last night was the second night in a row that Master has attached my ankle to the chest at the foot of the bed with an ankle cuff and a line. I love it! The night before MAsT, He told me that "good girls get tied to the foot of the bed if they get the house clean in time for MAsT" so I worked really hard, and we got it done!
AND after being tied down to the bed via the new leash-toy I made yesterday, I was given a new standing order.
Standing Order:
In addition to my nighttime routine, I will now go brush my teeth and then put in my small blue butt plug before coming to bed at night. Then, I will play with Master's cock. Then we will do our nighttime routine with the I love you's and stuff.
He's thinking about attaching my collar to the leash tonight instead of my ankle. My movement will be much more restricted and I will be more exposed. I will have to sleep with my head at the foot of the bed, and probably on my stomach. He didn't do it last night because He said He wasn't awake enough and He wanted to be able to enjoy it. He put a collar (not my chain one) on me anyway. Turns out that was to see if I could sleep in it.
Then, He fucked me senseless. I squirted everywhere. My ankle being tied to the foot of the bed was such a turn-on, it really added to it. He made me come over and over again. He kept fucking me until I stopped coming. Then He made me suck myself off of His cock (because I asked Him to during sex) and change the sheets. The bed was still wet after I changed the sheets (he unchained my ankle so I could change the sheets and use the bathroom). Then He made me lay (lie?) (men lay, women lie? lol) with my chained ankle over his leg, and my head on his chest. I tried to get up once, and he hurt me (yummy) and told me to go back to what he told me to do until he released me from it or he would break a limb. After lots of snoring he finally let me roll over and sleep.
At mast we made all kinds of fun toys! I made new finger-flogger holders out of duct tape. Master really likes them. We also made a judas stick, a clothesline swatty thing, a rubber wire flogger (red and black x2), a electric toy, and another instant-bullwhip, which I think we gave to tom?
Also, he wants me to do all his farming on wow from now on. the daily tillers farming that is. August celestials and um songbells.
We're gonna take Luke to see a train before carly gets here. I'm so excited. We've been reading him his train book every night since we told him we're going to go see a train.
And master wants me to make another leash thing for him today. only more leash-like. maybe soon I'll get my camera to like my computer again and I can post pictures.
Also, my essay seems to be lost to the ages. no work on it or anything for this week, just like no exercise. But Master says that if I do what He tells me to an obey and be respectful and loving it means more to him than if I follow his to-do list he's given me.
AND after being tied down to the bed via the new leash-toy I made yesterday, I was given a new standing order.
Standing Order:
In addition to my nighttime routine, I will now go brush my teeth and then put in my small blue butt plug before coming to bed at night. Then, I will play with Master's cock. Then we will do our nighttime routine with the I love you's and stuff.
He's thinking about attaching my collar to the leash tonight instead of my ankle. My movement will be much more restricted and I will be more exposed. I will have to sleep with my head at the foot of the bed, and probably on my stomach. He didn't do it last night because He said He wasn't awake enough and He wanted to be able to enjoy it. He put a collar (not my chain one) on me anyway. Turns out that was to see if I could sleep in it.
Then, He fucked me senseless. I squirted everywhere. My ankle being tied to the foot of the bed was such a turn-on, it really added to it. He made me come over and over again. He kept fucking me until I stopped coming. Then He made me suck myself off of His cock (because I asked Him to during sex) and change the sheets. The bed was still wet after I changed the sheets (he unchained my ankle so I could change the sheets and use the bathroom). Then He made me lay (lie?) (men lay, women lie? lol) with my chained ankle over his leg, and my head on his chest. I tried to get up once, and he hurt me (yummy) and told me to go back to what he told me to do until he released me from it or he would break a limb. After lots of snoring he finally let me roll over and sleep.
At mast we made all kinds of fun toys! I made new finger-flogger holders out of duct tape. Master really likes them. We also made a judas stick, a clothesline swatty thing, a rubber wire flogger (red and black x2), a electric toy, and another instant-bullwhip, which I think we gave to tom?
Also, he wants me to do all his farming on wow from now on. the daily tillers farming that is. August celestials and um songbells.
We're gonna take Luke to see a train before carly gets here. I'm so excited. We've been reading him his train book every night since we told him we're going to go see a train.
And master wants me to make another leash thing for him today. only more leash-like. maybe soon I'll get my camera to like my computer again and I can post pictures.
Also, my essay seems to be lost to the ages. no work on it or anything for this week, just like no exercise. But Master says that if I do what He tells me to an obey and be respectful and loving it means more to him than if I follow his to-do list he's given me.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Saturday, August 10, 2013
my personal goals:
Every Day
Walk dogs x3
Feed dogs
Complete a load of laundry
Make coffee
Unload DW
Load and start DW
Shower
Make at least one meal
Misc:
finish essay on gorean lifestyle intro
clean kitchen:
all dishes clean
all dishes put away
all food put away
refrigerator wiped down and cleaned out
counters wiped down
Start Dinner
Laundry:
wash one load of clothes
dry one load of clothes
wash all clothes
dry all clothes
fold all clothes
clean out a place for clothing cubicle/dresser
throw away/donate/use unwanted clothing
wash sheets and blankets weekly
Every Day
Walk dogs x3
Feed dogs
Complete a load of laundry
Make coffee
Unload DW
Load and start DW
Shower
Make at least one meal
Misc:
finish essay on gorean lifestyle intro
clean kitchen:
all dishes clean
all dishes put away
refrigerator wiped down and cleaned out
counters wiped down
Laundry:
wash all clothes
dry all clothes
fold all clothes
clean out a place for clothing cubicle/dresser
throw away/donate/use unwanted clothing
wash sheets and blankets weekly
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Comprehensive list of things to do before MAsT on the 17th
Make sure that everyone who is making something has posted their "to buy" list on the group post.
List things people ended up with extra of, so that people can swap, share, and save a little cash.
BUY the things we need to make the stuff at MAsT
Have sex 10 times. That's once a day plus one, in case you were wondering.
Make sure that the outside porch is clean, since people may need to go outside to make things.
Make sure that tools are available for making things (IE, everyone should bring a pair of scissors that can cut through rope so we don't have to wait to pass one pair around the whole room)
The bathroom should be clean. New trash bag, scrubbed toilet, clutter picked up, mirror wiped down.
The Living Room should be clean. Toys put away, clutter picked up, floor vacuumed and maybe scrubbed.
The laundry should be folded and put away, not stowed somewhere.
Carly should be here. SO, her room must be clean and presentable. And Vacuumed.
Tom needs to take his candles, lighter, tarp to his house for the demo.
The dishes should be washed, even the pots and pans.
Dusty should smell like roses, and have food and water in a fluff-filled, poo-free cage.
Carly should have basic preparation for what to expect for the MAsT meeting, even though it is informal.
Since Carly should be here, the bathroom items that belong to the slave should be moved into the other bathroom.
Both dogs should be given baths the day before Carly arrives.
The Gor essay should be finished.
List things people ended up with extra of, so that people can swap, share, and save a little cash.
BUY the things we need to make the stuff at MAsT
Have sex 10 times. That's once a day plus one, in case you were wondering.
Make sure that the outside porch is clean, since people may need to go outside to make things.
Make sure that tools are available for making things (IE, everyone should bring a pair of scissors that can cut through rope so we don't have to wait to pass one pair around the whole room)
The bathroom should be clean. New trash bag, scrubbed toilet, clutter picked up, mirror wiped down.
The Living Room should be clean. Toys put away, clutter picked up, floor vacuumed and maybe scrubbed.
The laundry should be folded and put away, not stowed somewhere.
Carly should be here. SO, her room must be clean and presentable. And Vacuumed.
Tom needs to take his candles, lighter, tarp to his house for the demo.
The dishes should be washed, even the pots and pans.
Dusty should smell like roses, and have food and water in a fluff-filled, poo-free cage.
Carly should have basic preparation for what to expect for the MAsT meeting, even though it is informal.
Since Carly should be here, the bathroom items that belong to the slave should be moved into the other bathroom.
Both dogs should be given baths the day before Carly arrives.
The Gor essay should be finished.
I got my hair done today! It cost a lot, but I LOOOVE it and it's really pretty.
We went to visit my mom for a minute just to drop by and say hello. She didn't really notice my hair till we went outside.
Master is a bit grumpy today, but he got his hair cut. I REALLY like it. It makes me just want to make out with him a lot.
We made dinner tonight too. Beef tips and rice.
I have to make a to do list for the MAsT meeting. It's my writing assignment for tonight. I have to make a full list of what needs to be done before the MAsT meeting on the 17th.
Yesterday I was cramping really badly, and Master helped me through it, and through my attitude issues. Even the ones last night before bed. I was upset because I felt that I had been given too much work for LHC. (raffles?)
OK, lots of work to do around the house, gotta empty and reload the dishwasher to keep the ants at bay. And reload the laundry in a bit if the towels dry soon enough.
We went to visit my mom for a minute just to drop by and say hello. She didn't really notice my hair till we went outside.
Master is a bit grumpy today, but he got his hair cut. I REALLY like it. It makes me just want to make out with him a lot.
We made dinner tonight too. Beef tips and rice.
I have to make a to do list for the MAsT meeting. It's my writing assignment for tonight. I have to make a full list of what needs to be done before the MAsT meeting on the 17th.
Yesterday I was cramping really badly, and Master helped me through it, and through my attitude issues. Even the ones last night before bed. I was upset because I felt that I had been given too much work for LHC. (raffles?)
OK, lots of work to do around the house, gotta empty and reload the dishwasher to keep the ants at bay. And reload the laundry in a bit if the towels dry soon enough.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
8/6 from phone. never published
We were supposed to just go to lowes, and since then it's been stretched to dinner at Matt's house. I finally gave up waiting to change my tampon until we go home.
Monday, August 5, 2013
I found a bagworm! It's the caterpillar version of a hermit crab :)
http://www.whatsthatbug.com/2010/08/10/bagworm-13/
For cool pictures, try searching bagworm on google.com -- there are some neat ones.
http://www.whatsthatbug.com/2010/08/10/bagworm-13/
For cool pictures, try searching bagworm on google.com -- there are some neat ones.
The munch was great! We had 21 people, and about half of them were new! The food was good, the waiters were good, and the only person who actually bitched was major.
We played with whips, and major's new zapper toy, and talked a lot. It was pretty damn fun. I haven't actually enjoyed a munch in a while.
Afterward, Josh came over and we talked a lot about the lifestyle, and etiquette and such. He even tried out some toys. I really think he wants to learn about and enter the lifestyle! it's pretty cool.
Master really made me feel owned today, and He still took care of me and helped me a lot with all my worries and issues.
He has been getting into my head though lately. The above picture is something you find in a hardware store in the plumbing section. It's called a self-tapping water valve. It's basically a clamp, but with a scary pointy end inside it. Master said He would use it to slowly and drawn-out-painfully pierce my nipples. Not really, but as a fantasy, you know. It's the second thing He's said that has gotten really into my head and curled up in there lately. It's really awesome because He's been doing it to me, and not because I've been asking. It's a new thing, and I love it. I was thinking tongue originally though, not nipples. But I honestly like Master's idea better to rub to.
:)
Thank You Master again for today. It was amazing. Your new whip looks great! And i'm sorry I made you punish me but I am glad that we are learning and growing together.
We played with whips, and major's new zapper toy, and talked a lot. It was pretty damn fun. I haven't actually enjoyed a munch in a while.
Afterward, Josh came over and we talked a lot about the lifestyle, and etiquette and such. He even tried out some toys. I really think he wants to learn about and enter the lifestyle! it's pretty cool.
Master really made me feel owned today, and He still took care of me and helped me a lot with all my worries and issues.
:)
Thank You Master again for today. It was amazing. Your new whip looks great! And i'm sorry I made you punish me but I am glad that we are learning and growing together.
More References.
http://www.evilmonk.org/A/law00.cfm
This is a section of a website on "Law as it pertains to BDSM"
Thought it was pretty neat.
This is a section of a website on "Law as it pertains to BDSM"
Thought it was pretty neat.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
He's not sleeping in bed with me tonight. I made him really mad.
I don't know if this is my punishment or not, he said trust me as i went back to my room. But it hurts.
i feel really stupid. I'm so angry though. I wasn't even mad at him and he knew it. But then we started bickering and then I was mad at him instead of just myself.
I almost missed our nighttime routine because I didn't come out of my "safe zone" (closet) to him when he told me to.
Everything is such a mess.
I'm so disappointed I didn't finish my flogger today. I even used the skiver to try and make it work, but the leather kept slipping!! I tried 4 different times. and I almost finished twice before it slipped off. I am so mad.
And nothing I DO ever matters. I guess I'm having another bible moment here, but it feels like what I'm saying is so much better described by the bible verse. That all our deeds are a pile of old rags if it isn't what God told us to do. I do so many things but none of them matter if I don't have the right attitude, or follow the spoken orders when they come up. (because my list of things to do were orders too, but that never gets noticed)
But it makes me so angry when I try so hard and I still can't ever get it right. I don't want to mess up. I WANT to do it right. I wanted to give a bunch of floggers to the LHC and when i finished one that I didn't hate, I wanted to give it to Major. And if I can't get these knots done in a timely manner, or at least make sure that when I do one, I do it right the first time, I can't estimate how long they'll take or how many I can make before LHC, or even if I can finish one in two days. It's just not practical if it's not predictable.
I'm supposed to start my period tomorrow-ish.
FUCK everything is such a mess.
(I'm setting the posting date for tomorrow morning, but I'm writing this before I go to bed. I just don't want to start anything right now.)
I don't know if this is my punishment or not, he said trust me as i went back to my room. But it hurts.
i feel really stupid. I'm so angry though. I wasn't even mad at him and he knew it. But then we started bickering and then I was mad at him instead of just myself.
I almost missed our nighttime routine because I didn't come out of my "safe zone" (closet) to him when he told me to.
Everything is such a mess.
I'm so disappointed I didn't finish my flogger today. I even used the skiver to try and make it work, but the leather kept slipping!! I tried 4 different times. and I almost finished twice before it slipped off. I am so mad.
And nothing I DO ever matters. I guess I'm having another bible moment here, but it feels like what I'm saying is so much better described by the bible verse. That all our deeds are a pile of old rags if it isn't what God told us to do. I do so many things but none of them matter if I don't have the right attitude, or follow the spoken orders when they come up. (because my list of things to do were orders too, but that never gets noticed)
But it makes me so angry when I try so hard and I still can't ever get it right. I don't want to mess up. I WANT to do it right. I wanted to give a bunch of floggers to the LHC and when i finished one that I didn't hate, I wanted to give it to Major. And if I can't get these knots done in a timely manner, or at least make sure that when I do one, I do it right the first time, I can't estimate how long they'll take or how many I can make before LHC, or even if I can finish one in two days. It's just not practical if it's not predictable.
I'm supposed to start my period tomorrow-ish.
FUCK everything is such a mess.
(I'm setting the posting date for tomorrow morning, but I'm writing this before I go to bed. I just don't want to start anything right now.)
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Today we have a meet and greet. master went to it alone. i'm at home so I can keep the laundry going.
He told me to work on laundry today! *happy dance* This makes me happy because I know He has expectations of me and wants me to do things, and notices when i don't do them. Also, he was almost out of socks.
I am almost (haha) done with my toy that is due today. I have to do the two turks heads on the top and bottom, as well as the base for the turksheads. They take about an hour each to braid, plus the other part where I have to cut the thick leather and staple it on and stuff. But then i'll have finished another flogger, and i'm pretty damn proud of that. I want to do a lot of floggers for leather history conference. Also, I think I'm supposed to get some of these done for people who asked for toys :).
We haven't been waking up on time this week, but I still feel like we're making vast improvements from before.
I am glad that my daddy makes me do things even when i don't want to, like get out of bed.
Also, thank you for putting my panties in my mouth and making me your cuminit again. It was glorious and made me feel yummy.
He told me to work on laundry today! *happy dance* This makes me happy because I know He has expectations of me and wants me to do things, and notices when i don't do them. Also, he was almost out of socks.
I am almost (haha) done with my toy that is due today. I have to do the two turks heads on the top and bottom, as well as the base for the turksheads. They take about an hour each to braid, plus the other part where I have to cut the thick leather and staple it on and stuff. But then i'll have finished another flogger, and i'm pretty damn proud of that. I want to do a lot of floggers for leather history conference. Also, I think I'm supposed to get some of these done for people who asked for toys :).
We haven't been waking up on time this week, but I still feel like we're making vast improvements from before.
I am glad that my daddy makes me do things even when i don't want to, like get out of bed.
Also, thank you for putting my panties in my mouth and making me your cuminit again. It was glorious and made me feel yummy.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Today, we went out to pay bills. We bought donuts. We ate donuts! Master and I are supposed to get our hair cut next thursday.
I have a cinderkitten!
I am hungry. I have done my situps and pushups today, but not jumping jacks yet.
I'm supposed to do wax play with tom today. I'm worried about it a little.
I keep being whiny and bratty today. I dunno what to do.
We had sex last night and it was really yummy.
I want to have a play thing with him putting a toy in my mouth and pinning me to the bed with it.
OKIE DOKE!! I"M HUNGRIES
I have a cinderkitten!
I am hungry. I have done my situps and pushups today, but not jumping jacks yet.
I'm supposed to do wax play with tom today. I'm worried about it a little.
I keep being whiny and bratty today. I dunno what to do.
We had sex last night and it was really yummy.
I want to have a play thing with him putting a toy in my mouth and pinning me to the bed with it.
OKIE DOKE!! I"M HUNGRIES
Late blog for yesterdays
I forgot to blog yesterday.
I finished a flogger though. ON TIME, BOOYAH!! It was my small pink and green one. It has a normal sized handle, but short falls. Since you can see the black electrical tape under the top turks-head, I'm keeping it, or at least not going to sell/donate it. I am actually thinking of using it as my item for ziggys corner at LHC this year. I say this because Master doesn't really like the toy as much as i do, so I hope someone else will like it more than he does. It wouldn't be fair to make a toy that isn't going to get used.
We didn't do exercise yesterday, but we did it on the day before, Wednesday - so we're doing pretty good to keep it up.
OH. I remember what we did yesterday.
We went to the flea market and thrift shopping too. We ate at KFC and McDonald's, and a really yummy Mexican restaurant.
Master picked up a demin vest for carly, and I was a little down because I couldn't help being jealous. I wanted him to think of me like that, and it was really dragging me the whole day. When we got home, Master told me to log on wow and He had bought me the cutest cinder kitten pet
EVER!!! I'm really excited, and I still have to name and level it. It's lvl 2 right now.
Also we got some random stuff and picked up a toolbox for me to put my tools in since my old one was running out of space, and the handle ripped.
I finished a flogger though. ON TIME, BOOYAH!! It was my small pink and green one. It has a normal sized handle, but short falls. Since you can see the black electrical tape under the top turks-head, I'm keeping it, or at least not going to sell/donate it. I am actually thinking of using it as my item for ziggys corner at LHC this year. I say this because Master doesn't really like the toy as much as i do, so I hope someone else will like it more than he does. It wouldn't be fair to make a toy that isn't going to get used.
We didn't do exercise yesterday, but we did it on the day before, Wednesday - so we're doing pretty good to keep it up.
OH. I remember what we did yesterday.
We went to the flea market and thrift shopping too. We ate at KFC and McDonald's, and a really yummy Mexican restaurant.
EVER!!! I'm really excited, and I still have to name and level it. It's lvl 2 right now.
Also we got some random stuff and picked up a toolbox for me to put my tools in since my old one was running out of space, and the handle ripped.
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