blog - Bad dream.

I just had this horrible dream and woke up crying. I don't know why it has me so shaken but I can't stop and I feel like I can't catch my breath and it's the worst I've felt in a really long time. But I need to write it down before I come to you for comfort because I need this written down. it feels really important.

We're at MAsT, and a voice says from behind, "So can i call you a dwarf? You know, short and fat, and make stubby/midget/dwarf jokes?" I turn, thinking in my head that it must be Taiter because that's the only person it makes sense from, even if he isn't in MAsT. And then i turn and realize in one second that it's a girl, and for an instant i think it's RP, but it's not, it's someone else. It's not someone I actually know, but i recognize her in the dream (that happens). And she was talking to me. I try to kind of play it as casual, and i say, "No, that's not really my kind of thing." "Oh, so you're one of those fairy princess, wispy pretty delicate types?" I'm trying to figure out where she's coming from with this, but it isn't making sense to me. I guess she want's to put everyone into neat little categories, but she's looking at me like i'm a cliche and I don't like it. I close the door to the room we're in (The rooms are all glass so people can still see, but won't be able to hear us.) and say something along the lines of, "I don't think you take this seriously. You're always goofing off, and i don't think you really understand what we do here." I didn't intend to make it sound super serious, but I was trying to get her to step up and take leather seriously. Instead, I questioned her commitment to leather in a not-ok way. She didn't step up, she shut down. She told me to shut up, and I tried to explain and she cut me off by pointing out that there were two other people in the room. And she got pissed. The meeting starts, and we're not talking about anything really. And then she burst out with it in the middle of a meeting, saying that i had attacked her. And we stopped the meeting to "go outside and take care of it" but instead of it being private with just one or two people, it's basically a group on each side. I realize that the girl i offended is talking to her mother outside. I'm still inside getting dressed, and everyone else has walked out, but they're all waiting on me. I pull on my Emily Strange t-shirt, but when i try to put on my vest, I can't get my other arm through. I've started sweating, and i'm shaking hard, trying not to cry. Everyone is dead silent and staring at me. I take it off and try again a few times. I look around for Relly wondering why He isn't right there to help me, and He's across the hall in another room (did i mention all the walls are glass?) and someone is holding the door shut so that he can't come out, they're talking to him in private a second.I realize it's Master-at-arms. I go for the door, and they back off and let me in.
Someone else tries to help me my vest it but I shake them off. The only thing I can think of is to fall at his feet and cry and ask Him to put my vest on me, but I wake up before I can get to Him.