The hotel scene. 4-8-13

My in-progress hard limit list for major.

needles
feet
cutting,
eyeballs
frogs, slimeys, scalies, bugs, spiders, squishies
sex
oral sex
anal play or anal sex
death
animals smaller than a cat
rodents
amputation
puncturing
piercings
urine
excrement
anyone underage
strangers
dead things or people
blood choke til unconscious
food or water deprivation
family members
forced overeating
blood
chemicals or illegal drugs
explosions,
anything or anyone licking my face
actually being set on fire
barbed wire
bad music
jello

Yes, some of them are funny but I am totally serious.

And be aware that impact play on my breasts is currently (temporary) also a no-go


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I'm really nervous. We had a fight or discussion earlier about my needs and he left the house for 4 hours with an order to "pack every toy in the house."
He told me it would be just over 30 minutes and to hurry. I rushed around for about 2 hours.
He hooded me, and drove around enough to confuse me a lot. We pulled in and the door opened and i was physically lifted out of my seat. Past bushes
Over concrete and up a step. Lifted easily even though i went limp to size them up. I thought it was blue. I thought i was outside, or in a garage.
Tripped onto a mattress or futon. My hand tied patiently. I stayed still and tried to identify the breathing. It sounded like 3 people. Hand wrapped.

I listened to breathing and felt the hands and somehow everything added up to Blue.

I didn't actively resist until they tried to pull my legs from under me. Since I didn't know who it was, I wasn't sure if I was allowed to fight back so I tried to just defend as much as possible. Tried to keep my arms and legs in tight under me. Still hooded, and the wolf hood is on backwards. It's getting hot and harder to breathe, not impossible. I shake that loose and out of the pillowcase and regret it right away. The lighter hood pulls to my face when I breathe and I don't even fight the urge to panic even though I know it won't hurt me. They start hitting me around this time. I think canes. my hand pulls free, and I fight to keep it that way even though it's still wrapped. While my hand was still free, Master came up beside me (I don't know how, but i knew it was Him.) and sat by me. I think he used a choke hold at first, but I just held onto him for dear life, even though I was still being hit. Somehow, I'm tied again. face-down, arms and legs tied to corners. The pain is sharp, and immediate, and fast. No warm-up. I pull so tight, hoping to hurt myself so they have to let me go. Hoping that my hands will turn blue or something will give before i do. (Emily) Lace balls up and stays as flat and silent as possible, pissed off. Cant breathe. Hold my face to the bed so that when I breathe it feels like it's strained because I did it, not because of the fluttering cloth. Sometimes the pain is nothing because of the fear and sometimes it is so sharp it cuts through it. Canes. Lots and lots of canes. everything is amped up. I finally get that it's a hotel room. I see the white pristine blankets and the light to my left. I see a person through the light. I think it's Major. I avoid a few swats and make one of my own to get their attention. I paw at my face. (not having hands at the time, pawing is really all I could do.) It's Major. Major will understand why I am freaking out. he has to. I am furious that they didn't use my hood. MY HOOD. That I packed. That I asked Master to use. When they finally take the pillowcase hood off I keep my face down so i don't see. so I don't ruin anything. I am so angry and determined to make them pay. I try not to make a sound, like they don't make a sound. Eventually I cry. I feel like I am sitting up with my legs under me as much as possible. I want to scream I hate all of you and fucking stop it but i don't. I don't know who is here. I don't want to embarrass him. I don't want to be a pussy or ruin what I've been waiting so long for. After everything is just pain with sharp spikes of pain tossed in, I get the impression that i'm being hit with a spun up towel instead of a dragon tongue. At some point they wet the end. I hear the water run. I hate you. That's what i think.

The black lifts and the hood is off again (didn't i already do this?oh yeah there was tape put on it at some point too, and I think that's as hard as I had fought up to that point that night.) Master is in front of me. I don't look around. He tells me to give Him a color. Over and over again. I just stare at him thinking how angry I am and how much i want it to be over and how much of a failure I am. He goes away (does the world go black again? Everything blurs together) and he says go over and get...  and then "Hmm?"  (It is Major!) "what did you say?" "Go get a color out of her."  And i'm relieved and ashamed and angry.
"You look beautiful." Blank stare. That wasn't what he was supposed to ask. I think I said why or mumbled or maybe it was just obvious... "Crying."  I don't remember anything else he said. I mentioned the hood.

I don't remember the order of what happened next. I think next was the anal hook and the hitachi and i was still tied because i don't remember them letting me out completely and then tying me again. I know susy started coming out after that. They had to make her leave a couple of times, and every time I came back I was like "oh fuck... ouch!" And canes. Did I mention the canes? And I'm almost certain by now I was barefoot too. Because I kept getting hit on the bottom of my feet. And finally I was more vocal and able to talk and say things. And I needed this to go well because at this point I was trying to climb back up after a downward spiral. Master used lube. On a toy. On my vagina. Oh yeah, after the plain ol' beating, my pants managed to come off too. And panties. That must have been when my socks disappeared.  The lube burned and I fussed at Him. But He helped me get over my Maybe-he-doesn't-know-what-he's-doing thing a little. He made sure I knew he did it because it hurt. Major couldn't find my asshole. He had to put the anal hook in upside down to get it to stay in my ass. And of course he had that rope pulled tight over my arm so I couldn't lift to support myself on the left side without pulling myself back down again. I think after getting fucked with the toy by Master, they switch to Major with hitachi and anal hook leash and Master with canes.  At some point, I get completely spread open and spit into. <-- a="" about="" actually="" all="" also="" and="" apparently="" at="" attempted="" away.="" bad="" be="" because="" bed.="" bed="" been="" but="" by="" cigarette="" couldn="" cumming="" cunt="" did="" don="" down="" dragged="" embarrassed="" even="" except="" faking="" felt="" for="" fun="" go="" got="" hand="" happened.="" has="" have="" him="" hottest="" humiliated="" hurt="" i="" if="" into="" it.="" it="" just="" let="" like.="" little="" loose.="" lot="" lso="" m="" major="" master="" me="" more="" my="" nbsp="" nd="" never="" night.="" not="" of="" off="" one="" open="" or="" out="" outside="" over="" p="" pain="" part.="" part="" place="" point="" really="" right="" s="" says="" should="" so="" some="" spit="" spread="" still="" stuck.="" t="" talk.="" tell="" than="" that="" the="" them="" they="" things="" think="" this="" thoroughly="" though="" tied="" to="" told="" too="" took="" tried="" untie="" was="" went="" were="" weren="" when="" which="" writing="" ya="">
But I feel like maybe the hand loose was before the hitachi part.

Anyway, after that, I was let go and I stretched and they helped me up and told me how good I was doing, and said come look, and so we walked toward the mirror. And I had this sudden foreboding oh hell no feeling and saw the water in the tub and then locked everything. I had a death grip on the doorframe, and then they made it all the way to the tub but I grabbed onto the old-people-fall-down handle and was NOT going to let 2 grown men drown me in a bathtub. I knew if they got me into the water I wouldn't have a chance. I was full out crying and panicking again. Finally Master says stop, and I'm standing there leaning over the tub, both hands on the bar, with one leg lifted up behind me held by Major, and I feel really awkward because I'm not letting go until Major does, and he doesn't seem to be eager to drop the leg. I let go first. Master told me to. He said "trust me". I was terrified. What followed was the post I made on my profile. I lot of crying, blubbering and hyperventilating. And shivering, splashing, wait I'm not ready yet's and I love yous.

There was another memorable moment where they came in while I was looking at bruises. I felt pretty. "See told you she liked it!"

We went to taco bell. I only ate one taco because stuff was worrying me. They got into a scuff because Master ate a soft taco. mathematically  Master had rights to 2 soft tacos, but when Major saw that Master ate one, he hurried up and ate the other 5 soft tacos. It was a douche move since we were supposed to share 12 tacos between 3 people, = 4 tacos each. Master and i both stopped at one after that happened. It made me sick that they were unable to work together and get along when i needed it so badly.

Susy asked for hitachi again. I don't remember if she got it. I was really stumbly and lightheaded by then. After the first part, i felt like i was just a doll being led around in a person's body to do all kinds of things.

Lace and Major wrestled. Emily first, then Lace. She started to have a chance and then got stuck in a choke hold and when that was over Master said no more. She got punched in the chest, which left a scab/rugburn mark the next day and a bruise.

Phiar came out and got herself fingered. She had a lot of fun, but later that night she really wished she hadn't. She had been promised that He would call her, and when He "fell asleep" she wanted some attention somehow. She left a white stain on the hotel furniture. He said she shouldn't feel ashamed, because He wouldn't be upset about it later, but it was a strong enough memory that she doesn't want to do it again if it isn't His idea.

I took a shower and after the shower I knelt in Position Two and cried. I had asked if He was angry and He wouldn't answer, and I knew He was mad at me, and I just wanted Him to hold me... And I felt dirty and undesirable and like He would jerk back if I tried to reach out to Him. he came and got me, and we talked and i think He held me.

We had sex in the middle of the night at some point. I was bruised everywhere. Even my vagina was all swollen up.

I couldn't sleep hardly at all. I tossed and turned and woke up crying once, and I had "nothing to do with love (halestorm)" stuck in my head. I would pull up the blankets and it would be so hot I felt sick, and I would pull them down and start shivering. Finally around 8, we both got up and went to breakfast. I felt like a slob, and I was covered in bruises and had a blanket over me because i was cold, and was still unsteady. I don't think we talked about anything, we just sat and ate breakfast. It was nice.


4-9-13 I'm not taking ibuprofin, i figured that defeats the point, but i'm starting to wonder with all the muscle/joint soreness i'm having. I'll ask Master.