Happiness

I’m having trouble with a strange change in my life lately.
I don’t know how to deal with it.
I’ve been having feelings... of happiness.

I will be doing something trite and meaningless, but necessary,
And it sneaks up on me.
Washing dishes, I’m smiling, thinking of old memories,
And all of the sudden, I realize I’m happy.

I don’t know what to do when it happens.
I wasn’t doing anything to cause it,
 I haven’t been doing anything different that I know of.
But now, when I think about my current life (and my past),
I’m not overwhelmed with fear that I won’t get it all done.
I feel contentment.
There is this whispering voice, telling me “I am enough”
Weirdly it’s my own voice
And it pushes away the awkward regret memories in favor of nature, family, holidays.
Silly memories.

But I don’t have to use so,e practiced self-mantra to make this emotion leave.
It’s pleasant, relaxing, and I’m allowed to enjoy it.

What do I do, when the happiness happens? When it sneaks into me like a thief.
It overwhelms me like a drug, or a long awaited sleep
When winter is warring against my window, but the blanket is warm on my bed.
How do I handle the happy I feel, this warm pillowy wall in my head?


It makes the other emotions ok. It’s  ok to be sad because the sad doesn’t stay forever.
It’s ok to watch a video to make me cry, because that crying leaves, and the happy, it feels like a shelter, while I watch the other emotions, the temporary, blowing winds of the other emotions, swirl around like a storm.
When the happy is here I know I can go out in the rain but when I need to I can come back to the house and I’m safe. (When I’m depressed I know the house is still there, but I can’t find it because the storm is a hurricane, or a flood, and I’m lost in it)
The happy keeps sneaking in to hug me when I’m in the kitchen. It likes it when I cook or wash dishes. I like it too.