Days report

Exercised
Bought weights, arm and ankle weights, and an exercise mat.
Vacuumed upstairs
Went grocery shopping
Went to the game store. Bought dice and miniatures
 Went to firebirds and ate


Reading as ordered. On book 2 chapter 4.
Sela and penny aren’t fighting today. Sela is even out from under the table.

Exercise

I have been doing some exercises for a little over a week. I wanted to get back into better health, be stronger and have more endurance. So instead of resolving to start doing it in January 2018, I started doing it when I decided I wanted to do it.
I was a little embarrassed of what I was doing, because I felt silly, so I didn’t tell anyone. I just went downstairs when I took the dogs for playtime, and would do sit-ups, jumping jacks, and push ups.
Day one I did as many of each as I could, without pushing myself too much. That was my general baseline of ability for myself. (I was on the first day of my period when I started exercising so I wasn’t going to push myself too hard, since I was already hurting)
I continued doing the exercises every day, doing what I was comfortable with and not pushing too hard, just trying to do 1 or 5 more than I had before if I felt like I could.
I skipped Christmas Day and the day after.

Relly saw my notebook with my record of exercises, and we talked about it.
He came downstairs with me and kept me company while I exercised.
After the first day, he started helping out with pointers, is holding my feet for sit-ups, and helping me keep count of how many of each I’m doing.
Every time, he has pushed me to do better, and do more than I had expected of myself.

Today was the third (?) day with his help, and it’s the first time I’ve actually been pushed to my limits while exercising. Every time before, when I was younger, I was with a group, and the group always had to quit before I was tired. With it being just me, he is pushing ME, not a group of people who are less durable than I am. I’ve been sore before, but this is amazing.

Also, being yelled at and pushed to do more physical exercise until I don’t think I can take it is a huge non sexual fantasy of mine. So it really cements this feeling of being owned.

He says we can buy weights for me to work with on some of the stuff I want to accomplish. I’m very excited about that.
(Target has 20% off some of its exercise stuff including weights)

What I want to be able to do is pick up a box and hold it, and then lift it up and put it on a high shelf.
At the moment I can pick up and carry something, but shifting to the lift mode just doesn’t work. So I want to work on building the lift strength in case I need to be able to do that at some point.

2017

this year:

Good:
Sam turned 18
We bought new furniture
Matt moved out
We started a D&D game with friends, and love it!
I perfected my dragontail design.
New seizure meds work better than old ones
Paid off the car
Dice and miniatures!
Opened a bank account for PWL
Opened a savings account, $1000 saved this year
Getting better at painting.

Bad:
I had a hurt wrist for 4 months. Still having occasional issues with it
Haven’t done wood turning since oct 2016
Relly lost a tooth
Issues with depression

Could have been better:
No events in 2017 after October to sell toys
Nov-dec are slow toy selling months due to critters in need event
Had to switch to a more expensive dog food by dog allergies

Happiness

I’m having trouble with a strange change in my life lately.
I don’t know how to deal with it.
I’ve been having feelings... of happiness.

I will be doing something trite and meaningless, but necessary,
And it sneaks up on me.
Washing dishes, I’m smiling, thinking of old memories,
And all of the sudden, I realize I’m happy.

I don’t know what to do when it happens.
I wasn’t doing anything to cause it,
 I haven’t been doing anything different that I know of.
But now, when I think about my current life (and my past),
I’m not overwhelmed with fear that I won’t get it all done.
I feel contentment.
There is this whispering voice, telling me “I am enough”
Weirdly it’s my own voice
And it pushes away the awkward regret memories in favor of nature, family, holidays.
Silly memories.

But I don’t have to use so,e practiced self-mantra to make this emotion leave.
It’s pleasant, relaxing, and I’m allowed to enjoy it.

What do I do, when the happiness happens? When it sneaks into me like a thief.
It overwhelms me like a drug, or a long awaited sleep
When winter is warring against my window, but the blanket is warm on my bed.
How do I handle the happy I feel, this warm pillowy wall in my head?


It makes the other emotions ok. It’s  ok to be sad because the sad doesn’t stay forever.
It’s ok to watch a video to make me cry, because that crying leaves, and the happy, it feels like a shelter, while I watch the other emotions, the temporary, blowing winds of the other emotions, swirl around like a storm.
When the happy is here I know I can go out in the rain but when I need to I can come back to the house and I’m safe. (When I’m depressed I know the house is still there, but I can’t find it because the storm is a hurricane, or a flood, and I’m lost in it)
The happy keeps sneaking in to hug me when I’m in the kitchen. It likes it when I cook or wash dishes. I like it too.

Bills December

Monthly recurring bills
Water
Internet 90
Power
Gas
Furniture

Auto withdrawal bills
Rent
Car insurance
Car payment (paid off!)
Best Buy
Rent


Other bills
Car inspection
Car tax.

December 17 2016

Funny story time!

This is how I wake up this morning: My loving husband rolls over in my direction in bed, and once I am starting to wake, says the word, "Boner."
I've been asking for morning sex for a few weeks, it's something we don't get to do often since he leaves for school around 7:00 AM most days, and today is his first day of winter break.
So I do what any good wife would do. I reach down to confirm that he is indeed in possession of and ready to use said boner. The morning wood is strong with this one.
I say, "OK, just let me go pee and brush my teeth and I'll be right back."

--- Now, before I tell the rest of my side of the story, I have to go back to my husband's point of view.

He is dreaming about watching family guy, where the guy says "humina humina boner. Haha, boner."
Then, he wakes up to me touching him, and saying that I'm up for sex.
At which point, he realizes that he said "Boner" out loud.
----

So he tells me "I didn't mean to say that out loud and no, I wasn't asking for sex, go back to bed."

But now I have to pee.