That thing we did tonight. And lots of crying.

Tonight there was sex. It was good sex. It met my needs, it made the pain stop, and it was fun and it was my Master taking care of me, helping me let go of control. I felt I had to be in control of myself, that I had to be able to handle anything that happened. 

Once we got everything ready for vending tomorrow (today, I wake up in three hours) we went upstairs and he sat me in position two and we talk. Of course I cried, I cried today when I couldn't get the box of business cards to close, but this was an important, no holds barred, floodgates kind of crying. Which led to sex. It is the second time we've had really good sex after I've had weird unrestrained crying and I'm strangely ok with it, and it strangely makes everything better. 

So that thing, in movies where the girl is freaking out and the guy kisses her? In certain situations, it really works. Because he let me finish talking, and to comfort me, we kissed, and then, me still crying (just tears flowing, not sobbing at this point, that would be weird) we ended up snuggling, he rubbed my back, and then, followed up with really hot kinky damn sexy sex with things that were so beautiful they made me want to cry.  But enough about the crying. 

There was doggy style, and a leather hood, and pulling the leather hood into whatever position he wanted so my head was pulled back while we were banging, and I was changing my body to fit better, and there was a little mean hitty stick (what is it called? From Tattoo) and it even felt good, and I think I actually moaned "oh yes" this time it was so delicious. And there was lots of pain and pinches that made me giggle.

He took care of my needs and helped my head go away so I could stop worrying and hurting for a while. 

I didn't know it was what I needed but it was, and it helped me so much.